Welcome to Gaia! ::

~Chapter 1: The Commandments~
1. Thou shalt not take anyone or anything before thy band director.
2. Thou shalt not question thy director.
3. Thou shalt not move at attention
4. Thou shalt not breath on the end of a measure.
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's horn, solo, or feature.
6. Thou shalt not make fun of lesser bands until they are out of earshot.
7. Thou shalt do what the section leader does, not matter how wrong or perverted.
8. Thou shalt not play from point A to point B.
9. Thou shalt learn one's left from right, or face death.
10. Thou shalt always dress and cover a line, no matter how wrong the angle or arc depth may be.
11. Thou shalt love thy band boosters.
12. Thou shalt never be on time, for that is late. Thou shalt always be early, for that is on time.
13. Thou shalt eat or drink nothing but water before or during a practice or rehearsal.
14. Thou shalt keep a steady tempo or face the wrath of the entire band and guard.
15. Thou shalt not eat or drink in thy uniform.
16. Thou shalt laugh at all of the band director's bad jokes.
17. Thou shan't talk with thy non-band friends during football games.
18. Thou shalt trample anyone in thy path.
19. Thou shalt know how to count to eight.
20. Thou shalt wear the correct colored socks as ordered by thy band director.
21. Thou shalt not wear thongs or multicolored underwear under white marching pants.
22. Thou shalt remain at attention for as long as thy band director wishes. Once thee puts thy arms down before ordered to do so, thy entire band will start again, and once over, thy band shall murder thee a slow and painful death.
23. Thou shalt never look at the ground - it is not going anywhere!
24. Thou shalt love marching or die
25. Thou shalt learn to strip comfortably in front of thy entire band.
26. Thou shalt bring multiple water bottles, sunscreen, and insect repellant to band camp, or thou shalt die.
27. Thou shalt not wander through the trombone section barefoot, or suffer ye contamination.
28. Thou shalt always listen to thine band director and section leader for they will not repeat what they hath said. Any lack in doing so will result in the amputation of one of thine limbs (this does not exclude castration if the crime is bad enough).
29. Thou shalt hide thy hatred of thy comrade(s) until thy comrade(s) graduate(s).
30. Thou shalt always argue that marching band is a sport.
31. Thou shalt tune and make sure thine entire band tunes, or suffer the consequences of out of tune piccolos.
32. Though shalt not grumble when thy brethren screw up and thou hast to do the move "One more time".
33. Thou shalt replace reeds before they become either black or clear.
34. Thou shalt keep thine instrument above thee and protect it at all costs, even at the expense of thyself.
35. If a freshmen does not know where to go, thou shalt kick, shove, or throw them into the right position.
36. Thou shalt love the cheerleaders at football games.
37. Thou shalt not let others touch thine instrument.
38. Thou shalt not murder thine section leader, captain, director, or freshmen, even if they dost deserve it.
39. Thou shalt never complain or thou shalt suffer the wrath of thine elders.
40. Thou shalt not fry the nerves of a pic or a flute. They will make thine ears bleed.
41. Thou shalt never use the lead percussionistssticks for eating Chow Mein Special.
42. Thou shalt understand that "One more time" means repeatedly over again until perfection has been reached.
43. Thou shalt run to thy spot as fast as possible or the biggest guy in band shalt run thee over.
44. Thou shalt not underestimate the piccolo players.
45. Thou shalt never pick a lost item on the field or street during a performance.
46. If thou art a freshman or sophomore, and an upperclassman bestows the title "Minion" upon thee, thou shalt wear the title with pride and do thine upperclassman's bidding at all times.
47. Thou shalt trample the idiot cameramen when they get in thine way.
48. Thou shalt stay in thine section in the stands under pain of tarring and feathering.
49. Thou shalt not touch thyself in public whilst removing items from thine uniform pockets.
50. Thou shalt name thy plume.
51. Thou shalt flirt with thy comrades and have orgies only when no one is looking.
52. Thou shalt march the style thou arest taught, not the one thou madest up.
53. Thou shalt not insult the upperclassmen, as they know every part of their instument and can hurt you within an inch of your life with just a mouthpiece.
54. Thou shant dig thy toes in the ground when marching forward, nor plop on heels after backward marching when holding.
55. Loveth thy Band Cult.
56. Thou shalt sleep on a bus at thine own risk.
57. Thou will tell all the "this one time, at band camp" jokes thou knows.
58. Thou shalt not use any percussion instrumants as tables, lest the percussionists eat you.
59. Thou shalt not sit next to thy chaperone on thy bus unless thou wants to be quizzed on the Band Policy Book.
60. Thou shalt not question the sanity of thy band director.


~Chapter 2: Marching Band Must-Knows~
1. If you play "Heart and Soul" on the bandroom piano, you WILL suffer bodily injury.
2. Clarinets and Flutes have one and only one field dynamic-RFL.
3. Rookies should pay attention when upperclassmen start huddling up after practices. This is a good way to perfect the art of eavesdropping.
4. Learn the words to the Alma Mater or you will be publicly humiliated.
5. Upperclassmen shouldn't be too mean to the rookies. Sooner or later, they'll figure out that they outnumber you.
6. The nicest people turn evil when they become field assistants/quarter masters.
7. Always bring a deck of cards on trips. Otherwise Truth or Dare suddenly seems like a good idea and you end up doing a striptease on darkened tennis courts.
8. There will always be someone who forgets to bring black socks or their marching shoes.
9. The Marching Instructor hates clarinets and flutes and therefore makes them march backwards the whole time in any show he writes.
10. The people with the shortest legs will always have the longest distance to go on the field.
11. Never march around horse crap. March through it. But do expect the rest of the band to stay away from you while in uniform
12. Naming the mud holes for later reference is good. "Yes, you're supposed to be standing by Bob" "Who's bob?" "That mud hole there"
13. If the chaperon think it's okay then the back of the bus should just shut up about what the front does. Disney songs *are* cool. *coughbullshitcough*
14. Fact: Duct tape does not fix a marimba that has already been hit by a car, dropped, decapitated, and attacked with a bass drum. But the silver sure looks cool on the black frame! (poor marimba....)
15. Playing "Wild Thing" after a game in the band parking lot often ends up with percussionists stripping in the back of the section leader's truck.
16. Fact: If you run over a flute with a xylophone and squish it with a marimba, you'll more then likely have another pit member come marching season.
17. Fact: Band trips are not one big orgy as is public belief.... There are a lot of smaller ones on the buses.
18. If you think percussionists are rushing, you are wrong.
19. If you think the percussionists aren't rushing, then the trumpets probably are.
20. If the trumpets aren't rushing, and the percussionists aren't rushing, then it must be the drum major, cause you sure as hell cant ever hear the woodwinds enough to tell if they rush or not
21. Fact: When dealing with a brand new gong, don't hurt it. You will suddenly have all of the upperclassmen from the pit on you case.
22. Fact: Pit carts do not stop until ran into walls or grass.
23. Fact: They may stop if you trip and get jammed under the cart, only because the wheels are no longer touching the ground.
24. Fact: When pulling pit carts, do not stop at intersections. If you do, the cart simply runs itself into your legs and forces you to get going to avoid being run over by pit equipment.
25. Do not dispute what the section leaders say at two in the morning... wait 'til later.
26. Fact: It is impossible to mark time, play Sleigh Ride on the bells, and listen to the bass drum an inch from your ear banging out the tempo.
27. At band camp, When you're director tells you its only 75 degrees out side, you know its really 95.
28. At band camp,. when the director says "Lets run through it one more time then take a water break" he really means "Lets go through this, one set at a time, 10 minutes per set, then take a 30 second water break"
29. Band members need to only know how to count to 8. [24= 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8.. 2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8.. 3 2 3 4 5 6 7 8]
30. Letters past G are not important.
31. Mommies are best at two things: averting uniform crises and hard manual labor.
32. The drill instructor/writer is being paid far too much.
33. Left, right, left, right, left, right, right, Dammit, NO! Back sixteen!
34. Shakos are sexy.
35. If you suspect that the woodwinds are lost, you are probably right.
36. When it comes to color guard uniforms, brace yourself for skin-tights, sequins, and ratty old leather. Don't get too confident about shoes either.
37. It's okay to yell at the other school's football team if they refuse to leave the field for half-time. You can even whack them with your instrument (works well with bass drums hehehe)
38. Dark purple plumes and rain DO NOT mix. The trail of dye on your back will only come off with large amounts of Windex.
39. Anything is possible with enough duct tape.
40. Pay no attention to the drum major. He/She knows not what he does.
41. Your real power within the band is not designated by your title, popularity, or dedication. It is measured by how close you sit to the back of the bus.
42. No mud hole is too big to roll heel-toe through. But don't be surprised if you end up in a Russian split.
43. Color guard: Never attempt a parallel outside during a windstorm. Band: Never stand near a color guard member while s/he is attempting a parallel outside during a windstorm. You will get hit. It will hurt.
44. When the drum major blows his/her/its whistle to call you to attention, do not tell him/her/it where to take that whistle and shove it. He/She/It will come after you.
45. Bring about 4 gallons of water to band camp. If you get dehydrated and pass out in the middle of drill, the rest of the band will march right over you.
46. Do not try to understand the director's reasoning for anything. You will only succeed in becoming more confused.
47. A tip to section leaders: Be nice to your section. Don't underestimate little people in large groups.
48. Do not sing any band songs near the color guard. They will only get violent and use their equipment to silence you.
49. Color guard and Drumline have the right of way. Always, anywhere, against anyone, for any reason.
50. Enjoy the cadence during the walk to the field during football games. You will never hear that many car alarms going off all at once again unless you are in the middle of East LA on a good day.
51. Don't answer to "Hey band geek!" in public. It only makes the group look worse.
52. Don't use a phone placed in the band room unless your hearing is about two hundred times better than a dog's.
53. The band reserves every right to completely destroy the football field before the football team arrives later.
54. The band also reserves the right to leave assorted items (chips, mouthpieces, rolls of electrical tape, etc.) strategically placed on the field before the football players arrive later.
55. People will do things at two o'clock in the morning that they will not do at any other time.
56. Do not wait until you are completely in uniform and set in the block to announce that you need a bathroom run.
57. Band: Do not laugh at the color guard's routines or warm-ups. The members of the team have rifles and they know how to use them (or not, but hey, they're learning!).
58. The track around the football field is MUCH longer than it appears. (very very true)
59. Dr. Pepper will keep you awake for longer than you ever thought possible when taken in large doses.
60. Do not take Dr. Pepper in large doses unless prepared to ask the director for a bathroom break every twenty minutes.
61. After drumline, the sousaphones have the right away, because we can also hit you with our rather large bells. xD (50 pounds of brass, baby!)
62. If someone drops their mouthpiece during a parade, don't try to be nice and pick it up, the band will run over you. A teacher will pick it up later.
63. Seven sousaphones doing ten spin calls in a row will lead to one of them falling down the hill that leads to the band room.
64. Fact: The band and the choir are two separate species and should never reproduce.

~Chapter 3: You Know You're A Band Geek/Nerd When...~
1. You find yourself humming band songs in the halls during school
2. Your band friends join in with their respective parts with you in the humming
3. You've ever done roll-step while walking with a full plate or glass to keep things from spilling.
4. You walk in step with any music you hear.
5. "Hey Baby" really is the only pick-up line you know.
6. You would never go to a football game if not for band.
7. You've never been on a Friday night date, thanks to the football games.
8. You hear the phrase "tongue harder" on a regular basis.
9. You know that "one more time" actually means "four or five more times".
10. You can't watch Pirates of the Caribbean without wondering what formation you should be in.
11. It bothers you when the person walking next to you isn't in step.
12. You know that a 10 minute break actually means a 30 second break
13. Your band director's phone number is on speed dial.
14. When you retell some of your favorite memories of summer starting with the phrase, "This one time at band camp..." and mean it.
15. You know how to play 10 popular-stand tunes, but know the words to none of them.
16. You point out key changes and dynamics when you listen to the radio.
17. You've never had to pay to get into a football/basketball game.
18. You know that "push in" and "pull out" are regular tuning phrases and are in no way sexual.
19. You see no pervertedness in the words tonguing, blowing, and fingering.
20. You laugh at all of these because you know they're all true.
21. The entire floor of your trunk is littered with sheet music.
22. You're walking to class to the tempo of the ballad, the late bell rings, and you suddenly walk to tempo of the 3rd movement.
23. You feel the overwhelming compulsion to tap out a drum cadence on the nearest hard surface, even if that means tapping it out on the stranger standing next to you.
24. You know what it's like to have a reed frozen to your lips.
25. You only know how football is played because you are forced to sit through the games.
26. You get excited when you hear songs in movies that your jazz band or any other band played.
27. You get annoyed when you are listening to the radio and the car's blinker is not in sync with the beat of the music.
28. You subdivide into 8ths, 16ths, triplets, and quintuplets a turning signal, walk pace, song on the radio, or just about anything that keeps time.
29. You once drove back to your house going 60 mph because you forgot your music, or part of your uniform, or other essential item, before a practice or concert or competition.
30. You describe distance in 8-to-5 steps.
31. Someone threatening to kick your instrument is worse than someone threatening to kick you.
32. You have a favorite key and/or time signature.
33. You listen to a song and think about how cool it would be to arrange it for a field show.
34. 95% of your pictures in your scrapbook or photo album are pictures of things you did with the band.
35. Your friends call you a band geek, you don't deny it, and in fact, take it as a compliment.
36. You've ever tripped with your instrument and sacrificed your body to protect your horn.
37. You tap your foot to elevator music and the radio
38. You rarely see your family during the fall because you are always doing marching band things.
39. When you're walking along with a friend, you automatically get in step and in time with their footsteps.
40. You wonder what it would be like to play the music in basically every movie you watch.
41. You can listen to a song and figure out the time signature, and often consult with other bandies who are doing the same thing at the same time.
42. You trade instruments when there's a substitute teacher for band class.
43. You've learned the hard way not to walk through the brass section without shoes.
44. You know that getting to a band event early means you're on time, on time means you're late, and late means you're in trouble.
45. You start saying "You know you're a band geek when..."
46. During concert season you wish you where out on the field.
47. You can be found before school, at lunch, and after school down in front of the band room with all the other band members.
48. You spend more time in the band room then at your own house
49. You role your feet marching everywhere
50. You look forward to band camp every summer.
51. You go to parades that you are not in and make sure lines are straight, horn angles are parallel, and everyone is on step.
52. You can play every cadence the drum corps plays despite the fact you play clarinet.
53. You always start off on the left foot.
54. You can't walk and listen to music at the same time without marching to the beat.
55. Your fondest memories of high school are from being in the band.
56. Your best achievements have included becoming first chair and section leader of more than one section.
57. You hear your favorite songs from band you can't help but do the fingering for the notes with the song.
58. You don't know the melody of a song because you only remember the part you played in band.
59. You can pick out all the different parts in any song...and name the instruments that play them.
60. You have a favorite cadence.
61. You walk in step with your friends in the hall, in the street, across campus...
62. You conduct every time you hear a song play on the radio.
63. You've managed to build a beach-side hut using your old reeds.
64. You go back to your old high school to help with summer band practices.
65. You constantly sing old band tunes three or four years after graduating.
66. The phrase "Do me in the back" means to do up the back of said person's uniform and is not sexually related whatsoever.
67. You know to keep your instrument well away from the color guard flags.
68. You always argue that you're instruments better.
69. You know the dangers of sleeping on th band floor. I.E.-A drumline wakeup call,
70. If you are reduced to sleeping on the band room floor, you know to call the spot in the woodwind section.
71. If cheerleaders are in your way when marching off the field, you are not allowed to laugh at the look on their faces as you run them over.
72. Once in attention, you are not allowed to laugh when a person in the crowd yells that the DM is sexy.
73. Once in attention you are not allowed to laugh when the announcer announces the color guard captains name as the drum majors. I.E Madeline instead of Austin.
74. You date only the band.
75. You don't want the quarter back.
76. You conduct every song you hear outside of band.
77. Band is your favorite sport.
78. You point out key changes and dynamics when you listen to the radio.
79. You listen to band demo CDs in your car.
80. You realize you are out of step with the song in your head and you adjust your step.
81. You agree that if marching band were easy, they'd call it football.
82. You use the excuse, “I can’t, I have rehearsal” more than five times a week.
83. You only know how football is played because you are forced to sit through the games.
84. When you hear a school with the same fight song, you want to join in and play.
85. You get excited when you hear songs in movies that your jazz band or any other band played.
86. You get annoyed when you are listening to the radio and the car’s blinker is not in sync with the beat of the music.
87. You subdivide into 8ths, 16ths, triplets, and quintuplets a turning signal, walk pace, song on the radio, or just about anything that keeps time.
88. You once drove back to your house going 60 mph because you forgot your music, or part of your uniform, or other essential item, before a practice or concert or competition.
89. You describe distance in 8-to-5 steps.
90. Someone threatening to kick your instrument is worse than someone threatening to kick you.
91. You have most, if not all, of the songs your band(s) has ever played on your MP3 player.
92. You’ve ever tripped with your instrument and sacrificed your body to protect your horn.
93. You don’t go home on the day of a football game.
94. Your band locker is your personal space for anything and everything.
95. You rarely see your family during the fall because you are always doing marching band things.
96. You hear a slight beat and rhythm to everything around you… i.e., the air conditioner, the fan, the pencil scribble sound, and the squeaky desk.
97. You wonder what it would be like to play the music in basically every movie you watch.
98. You can listen to a song and figure out the time signature, and often consult with other bandies who are doing the same thing at the same time.
99. You know you're a band geek when you actually take the time to sit down and read all of these, pausing every two or three to laugh because you know you're guilty of all of them.
100. You know every short-cut, long way, and detour to the band room from any point in your school.
101. You have a pet name for your instrument.
102. You've developed the ability to sleep through anything and everything.


~Chapter 4: Calamity~
(Reserved for any interesting stories of marching band and guard. biggrin )
1. After a performance at a competition my freshman year, we were all on our buses changing. One of the seniors took off his uniform and the shorts he had underneath so that he only had his underwear and a black t-shirt on. He ran down the aisle of the bus while everyone was changing screaming "I HAVE NO PANTS!!!"
2. One of our drummers made a spring out of a broken hanger from his uniform bag. He almost took someone's eye out, so our snare had to confiscate it (aka throw it onto the pile of bags in the bus). Then I got it, and laughed at his puppy-eyes.
3. It hailed at one of out competitions this year when we only had one bus instead of 3 to save money...it was stuffy, sweaty...and oh the lovely scent of hundred sweaty marching band bodies packed together...

~Chapter 5: Hilarity~
1. How do you get two piccolos in tune?
Shoot one.
2. How many band directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn't matter. They'd make the student council do it for them.
3. What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an oboe into little pieces.
4. What's the difference between a trumpet player and a government bond?
A government bond eventually matures and earns money.
5. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know when to come in
6. What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A drummer.
7. What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
8. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

~Chapter 6: This One Time, At Band Camp...~
1. The biggest guy in band (three times my size!) almost ran me over when I fell as a freshman and just BARELY got out of the way.

~Chapter 7: Your Best Friend~
(The glossary)
1. Accidentals - the most annoying thing you'll ever see on a piece of music.
2. Cadence - the never-ending rhythm played by drummers in parades. Usually gets on the nerves of the band, but serves only to give them a break.
3. Cut time - when you go twice as fast as everyone else in the ensemble, who all fail to realize the piece is even in cut time.
4. Embouchre - the way your face looks when playing your instrument
5. Interval - how long it takes for one to find the right note (also known as the distance between notes)
6. Intonation - Sounding the same as everyone else. Out of tune = WRONG
7. Metronome - a non-stop, mesmerizing clicking meant to keep everyone together. Usually fails.
8. Transposition - the process of changing mentally from one key to another. Highly disliked by most every section, especially the flutes who have no practice in transposing and whine when they have to transpose to determine another section's part.
9. Tutti - Not related to fruit. Altogether.

Yay for being a band geek! blaugh X104398570293485739485

Hehe! *Adds to the post* Yay! Awesome heart blaugh 3nodding

Yay band geeks!!! We rock!

-For those who live in snow friendly areas - you roll your feet on ice to keep from slipping and laugh at all the non band people who fall down.

So true it's terrifying.
Calamity: One of our drummers made a spring out of a broken hanger from his uniform bag. He almost took someone's eye out, so our snare had to confiscate it (aka throw it onto the pile of bags in the bus). Then I got it, and laughed at his puppy-eyes.
If this counts, during the summer, said drummer earlier and his friend dared someone to call Pizza Hut and tell them their pizzas were go good, they ave their girlfriend an orgasm.
Yeah.

C'mon! Let's get this thing going again!

o.o Wow. No one - NO ONE - in my band likes the uniforms...and they also hate pre-season...a lot... XD You're a bigger band geek than my entire band combined! 8D That's an accomplishment =O