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 Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:18 pm
These last few days, I've been lurking around in the Life Issues board. I'm still slightly emotional from my own personal problems, and I found reading about other people's own calmed me a bit. But in doing so, I've come across alot of... information... alot of which really disturbs me.
Like the sheer number of 14 and 15 year olds that are engaged. What the hell? When I was 14, I didn't even give myself the option of considering sex before I was 16, and some girls feel they're ready for commitment? Even more, a large number of these -children- were engaged to people 20 and older!
I'm sorry if I'm offending any of these young bride-to-be's and all that... but what the hell? I am 15. My friends are 15. My friend's friends are 15. I do not see any of these girls being ready for marriage. we are still all mentally growing and physically growing and I know highschool dramas of she hates me so I hate her back are still issues.
I mean, I can understand -some- girls being mature enough at 15 to marry... but not many. And the thought that it's to someone at least 5 years their senior just makes it all the more... unnerving in my opinion.
I've never really believed in true love either; as far as I'm concerned, it's an illusion brought on by own's mind that comes from extreme attraction and like. I just wanted to say that, ya know, since I'm sure lots of people will post saying 'love is love heart ' and I thought my views should be known. I don't have so much a problem with age differences as with getting engaged at 15! You still have so much of your life ahead of you then and so many experiences to go through that make you the adult you'll one day be! Doing all that while chained to a marriage...
So... discuss... how do you feel about these pre-teen engagements? Am I the only one disturbed? am I being a total Grinch with a heart too-too small?
Eee... this doesn't fall under any stickes, does it? gonk
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 4:21 pm
I think this is a lot like the "getting married in the back of the field" phenomenon that happened a lot in elementary school when I was a kid. Or better yet, the whole "preteen dating" that involved people going to MCDonalds with each other, or saying "we're dating" but not doing much more than that.
It's all about a fantasy...the fantasy of stability, of being loved and cared about.
A lot of families are just not as loving and close as mine is, so teens look to feel important in other relationships, whether or not they're even in real life.
It's just part of growing an independant identity, I believe.
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 5:57 pm
Oni-Angel I think this is a lot like the "getting married in the back of the field" phenomenon that happened a lot in elementary school when I was a kid. Or better yet, the whole "preteen dating" that involved people going to MCDonalds with each other, or saying "we're dating" but not doing much more than that. It's all about a fantasy...the fantasy of stability, of being loved and cared about. A lot of families are just not as loving and close as mine is, so teens look to feel important in other relationships, whether or not they're even in real life. It's just part of growing an independant identity, I believe. Agreed, but it disturbs me as well. The fact that there are parents out there in the US (those are the only cases I've seen in LI) who actually GIVE CONSENT for their 15 or 16 year old child to be engaged and/or married. And if the parents don't do it, I've seen 14, 15 and 16 year olds tell people in LI that they and their partner are unofficially "engaged". gonk Kaeru: You're fine, this doesn't fall under any of the stickies, so you're fine. heart
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 7:16 pm
im 13 and i date -over the web- i take it seriously but im not geting maried till im at least like 30 and haveing kidt till im 32 ish... i mean comeon we are still kids at this age my sister 23 and shes still a kid.. -she never pased the mental age of 18.. and sometimes i even wonder about that- but i dont agree i mean there are soo many people out there so you cant have "the one for you" at 15
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:22 pm
Oni-Angel I think this is a lot like the "getting married in the back of the field" phenomenon that happened a lot in elementary school when I was a kid. Or better yet, the whole "preteen dating" that involved people going to MCDonalds with each other, or saying "we're dating" but not doing much more than that. It's all about a fantasy...the fantasy of stability, of being loved and cared about. A lot of families are just not as loving and close as mine is, so teens look to feel important in other relationships, whether or not they're even in real life. It's just part of growing an independant identity, I believe.
And lordy, I remember giggling about how Jackie Stein went to Mickey D's with Alex Biello and -held his hand- in the ordering line. rofl
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:27 pm
Nikolita Agreed, but it disturbs me as well. The fact that there are parents out there in the US (those are the only cases I've seen in LI) who actually GIVE CONSENT for their 15 or 16 year old child to be engaged and/or married. And if the parents don't do it, I've seen 14, 15 and 16 year olds tell people in LI that they and their partner are unofficially "engaged". gonk Kaeru: You're fine, this doesn't fall under any of the stickies, so you're fine. heart
and seriously... what kinda parents... it just completely blows my mind. I think I passed through a few threads where the parents were thrilled at the announced wedding. Ah! They're 15! It's not time for them to be living this part of their life yet! It's wrong D: I mean I mean... I read an article about forced weddings in africa... girls as young as 12 being married off to older men... the circumstances may not be the same, but it still freaked me out with the similar time frames... I still can't help but think it's a step back that it's a slowly growing norm to marry so young...
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:30 pm
yamyams im 13 and i date -over the web- i take it seriously but im not geting maried till im at least like 30 and haveing kidt till im 32 ish... i mean comeon we are still kids at this age my sister 23 and shes still a kid.. -she never pased the mental age of 18.. and sometimes i even wonder about that- but i dont agree i mean there are soo many people out there so you cant have "the one for you" at 15
I wonder if all these young engagees will wake up one day in their married beds and see how messed up their lives are? I'm probly being harsh on them... but I'd be interested to see what number actually make it... I know my mother and father, tho not engaged, were dating back when my mother was 15- my father was ten years older and let me say, their relationship was nothing but hell... my father taught my mother how to drive! That scares the s**t outta me! D:
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:39 pm
Kaeru Mercury yamyams im 13 and i date -over the web- i take it seriously but im not geting maried till im at least like 30 and haveing kidt till im 32 ish... i mean comeon we are still kids at this age my sister 23 and shes still a kid.. -she never pased the mental age of 18.. and sometimes i even wonder about that- but i dont agree i mean there are soo many people out there so you cant have "the one for you" at 15
I wonder if all these young engagees will wake up one day in their married beds and see how messed up their lives are? I'm probly being harsh on them... but I'd be interested to see what number actually make it... I know my mother and father, tho not engaged, were dating back when my mother was 15- my father was ten years older and let me say, their relationship was nothing but hell... my father taught my mother how to drive! That scares the s**t outta me! D:waw spooke.. well ive already traveled a lot @_@ and am planing on doing so.. anyway thanks ive learnd off my mum she had my eldish sister at 21 and said that she had no good times with her friends coz she was always stuack in and it made her alittle down so i learn off her and my dad
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:49 pm
Kaeru Mercury Nikolita Agreed, but it disturbs me as well. The fact that there are parents out there in the US (those are the only cases I''ve seen in LI) who actually GIVE CONSENT for their 15 or 16 year old child to be engaged and/or married. And if the parents don''t do it, I''ve seen 14, 15 and 16 year olds tell people in LI that they and their partner are unofficially "engaged". gonk Kaeru: You''re fine, this doesn''t fall under any of the stickies, so you''re fine. heart
and seriously... what kinda parents... it just completely blows my mind. I think I passed through a few threads where the parents were thrilled at the announced wedding. Ah! They''re 15! It''s not time for them to be living this part of their life yet! It''s wrong D: I mean I mean... I read an article about forced weddings in africa... girls as young as 12 being married off to older men... the circumstances may not be the same, but it still freaked me out with the similar time frames... I still can''t help but think it''s a step back that it''s a slowly growing norm to marry so young...Kids (they''re teens, but they''re still kids... well until 17 or 18 ) are growing up at a younger and younger age, in many aspects of life, and it both scares me and disturbs me.
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:48 am
One of my friends was really upset at new year because one of her friends was engaged. Now then, the boy she was engaged to was fifteen, had a child already, and also pressures her into sex. She's fourteen. Hence why my friend was so upset. Over here (England) you have to be sixteen to get married with your parents' consent and eighteen without it, so I told her that the chances are they'll have broken up in the time before her sixteenth and would her mum even let her marry anyway?
I know someone who's seventeen and engaged. I don't think you should really think of engagement until eighteen at least, and not marriage until you're twenty at least.
Also, the time for puberty is getting younger. For girls it used to be sixteen a hundred years ago, and now it's as young as ten. It's just weird.
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:57 am
Alot of it has to do with the first love thing. I was one of those young engaged with my first real boyfriend but we were ill suited and broke up. I dont regret that at all. Alot of it just has to do with a girl not wanting to lose a guy or with the first love thing.
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 10:02 am
Rinaqa One of my friends was really upset at new year because one of her friends was engaged. Now then, the boy she was engaged to was fifteen, had a child already, and also pressures her into sex. She's fourteen. Hence why my friend was so upset. Over here (England) you have to be sixteen to get married with your parents' consent and eighteen without it, so I told her that the chances are they'll have broken up in the time before her sixteenth and would her mum even let her marry anyway? I know someone who's seventeen and engaged. I don't think you should really think of engagement until eighteen at least, and not marriage until you're twenty at least. Also, the time for puberty is getting younger. For girls it used to be sixteen a hundred years ago, and now it's as young as ten. It's just weird. Does a week before your 18th birthday count blaugh ?
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Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 1:30 pm
omg....get over yourselves...sorry to be mean but...just cause u don't plan on getting married till like 20 or 30 doesn't mean everyone has to, besides most parents won't consent anyway, so they won't be able to marry till they're 18, & if it realy wasn't meant to be they'll break up & go they're seperate ways...my fiance's parents were highschool sweet hearts untill his mom left because she couldn't live with her mom anymore. they spent 20yrs apart, had 7 kids between them (none together though), they finally found eachother again & are happily married...they're the perfect match, & i believe it doesn't matter what age u are when u find that special person, just because ppl like u don't agree, doesn't make it wrong...most of u will pass that special person by anyway & not even know it...
Mod edit: The last part of this post has been deleted. My apologies if anyone read it and was offended.
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 4:31 pm
i think it is all for show.,... I doubt any parent is going to get their kid to marry at 14...
here in oz. it parent permission 16, own 18
but i supose it for religions and stuff.....
I was brought up to believe that marrage is for life... i sort of want to get married young... depends on what justin thinks.... (LOL...)...
my mum got married when she was 20... they were married for 23 years, and would still, be if my father hadn't died.... they loved each other....
i went to my cousins wedding this past weekend.... she was with this guy for 7 years.... they both own their own house, THREE cars, and their own bussniess, (he works for her.. lol)
its weird how a wedding can bring love to people.... all my older cousins gf and bf were invited.... and it was so nice.... all my aunts and uncles dancing together.....
I was sad becuase justin wasn't ther (it was like a town away) but we were under the same moon, 102kms away....
sigh im sorry i9m off topic now.....
what was this abvout???
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:46 am
im engaged....hopefully i'll be married by september 18th the latest...
im also 18
i was planning on getting married at age 20-25 or so
but some things change in a short period of time
big mistakes ((nothing to do with babies xp ))
just plain problems...
anyways i do love my bf we've been best friends for 2 years before we started dating
and now we've been dating for 2 years as well
we haven't had too many arguments
anyways for those 15 year olds they are probably all just confused about what real love is...
((not saying that all 15 year olds arent mature enough)) still i think at one point all of us had loved a guy so much at that age that we thought we were ready for marraige
still i think these girls should look around themselves and notice that not all families are like the ones on tv...
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