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 Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:53 pm
~<.+.>~
Hello and welcome to my crack chamber! I mean... Another Fanfic series by none other than this nut case! Anyways, if you've been reading my "Saranghaeyo Means 'I Love You'" Series, then you'll no doubt be very familiar with my angst muse, Chandre.
Too bad you guys haven't met the Woofbug, my muse of insanity. Thanks to her, this lovely contraption has spouted from my brain and has taken up my life just as my other fanfiction has.
Do not fear, I'll continue "Sarang". However, I just figured the audience would like to view a more ah... cheerful fanfiction. Thus, another reason for the birth of this.
To set the stage, one must know what a Mary-Sue is. I'm pretty sure many of you know what that is, however for those who may be confused, here is a bit of a short definition of the above said sin of writing. Quote: Mary Sue, sometimes shortened simply to Sue, is a pejorative term used to describe a fictional character, either male or female (male characters are often dubbed "Garry Stu" or some other rhyming male name), that exhibits some or most of the clichés common to much fan fiction. Such characters were originally labeled "Mary Sues" because they were portrayed in overly idealized ways, lacked noteworthy or realistic flaws, and primarily functioned as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors, often very young and unsophisticated.
Now that we have this over with. I would like to present to you a series of parodies to the above said characters. Each one of our precious boys will be confronted by one and fall madly in love with a subgroup. And well. I just like writing chaos.
Once again, I thank and enjoy any reviews that you wish to give to me.
Here is your complimentary brain numbing device and crack filled pocky stick. Enjoy the show.
-Sincerely
Serial No. 89757 (your local fanfiction writer)
~<.+.>~
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:56 pm
So Sue Me!
One day Jaejoong was lounging on the couch of DBSK's apartment. He was watching Princess Hours on the Asian Drama Channel. Suddenly, his TV flickered and static made the dramatic scene disappear into a flurry of black and white, even when they had cable TV provided by Super Special Awesome Satellites in the sky. He looked to the left, and he looked to the right, he looked towards the sky and cursed at it. He was miffed that he wouldn't be able to see what would happen to the characters.
His world was in chaos.
He had no TV.
All his friends were out.
And, he was alone.
“Why me oh world?! Why?!” He shouted in woe. “Why can't I have any true love in this world?!”
Then from through the static ridden TV, an amazingly beautiful girl who blew Jaejoong out of his mind appeared from the screen. She had very long magenta-green-purple-pink-yellow hair, large D-cup breasts and gorgeous sparkling green-blue-purple-red twinkling eyes that seemed to have all the life of the world in them.
“Jaejoong...” She whispered, her pink-blue-aqua-crimson hair swishing in invisible wind of the static ridden TV. “Jaejoong....” She whispered again. “My name is Mary-Ellen-Chantal-Tamora-Dark'ness-Ebony-Me'lona-Gabriella-Ana'costia-Richardson-Way-Sue, I am from the planet of Andromeda in the Nexus Galaxy.”
The pop-star was stricken by Mary-May-Jane-Jennifer-Alice-Nicole-Whackanese-Sue's beauty and marveled at her from where he sat at the couch, slowly he approached his TV and stared into Mary-March-Lolita-Maria-Whapanese-Sue's big, beautiful, navy-pink-aqua-sea foam green eyes. “Tell me!” He cried. “Tell me more! I have never seen such a wonderfully beautiful and gorgeous person as you!”
“Oh Jaejoong! I love you so much!” Mary-January-Mab-Goche-Sue shouted. “But I am stuck in this TV for the evil forces of my Super Saiyan Half-Brother Thrice Removed has sealed me here!”
“Oh! No worries!” Jaejoong exclaimed, grabbing the nearest baseball bat. “I shall free you by smashing our Cable TV hooked up to Super Special Awesome satellites in the sky!”
With a loud crash and much swinging, the beautiful pop star was able to break the TV into millions of pieces. The shards of glass, plastic and metal flew into air and landed on the floor seconds later, after catching multiple rays of light, giving the room a glittery feel, and assumed a heart shaped pattern on the floor.
Jaejoong was finally able to see her whole body and was stunned by her beauty. She was wearing a black collar with ornate symbols around it and lots of black clothing that showed off her exquisite figure. On her hands she wore fingerless gloves of lace and chains. She was also swathed in a dark gray cloak that seemed to be made of the clouds themselves. She had no jewelry on her but she still seemed to be extremely beautiful. Her eyes changed colors with her mood, and since she was happy right now from being free of her Half-Sister-Super-Special-Awesome-Evil-Angel's spell of entrapment in the TV, her eyes shimmered a bright yellow-cerulean-purple-green-gray color.
“This must be a sign!” Mary-Antoinnette-Gerard-Raven-Melody-Cockatrice-Sue exclaimed as she walked over glass gracefully, her silk slippered feet making soft crunching noises above the sharp shards of broken TV. “This must mean that we're to fall in love and marry each other!”
“Oh! Mary-Sarah-Juliet-Ophila-Cornelius-Martha-Sushi-Sue! I would do anything to marry you! We should never be separated for our love will be the strongest bond in the world! We shall be married on top of a tropical mountain and we shall have an ancient Shinto priestess bless us for our beautiful marriage and love!”
“Oh! It would be so great! So perfect! Let's get married now!” Mary-Laura-Joy-Joan-Susan-Nancy-Mercedes-Anita-Sue exclaimed happily, her purple-green-black-pink-orange-olive-puce-cerulean eyes sparkled gleefully at the aspect of her marrying her most beloved pop star in the world.
“Yes let's!” Jaejoong shouted grinning from ear to ear at Mary-Misty-Carol-Margarita-Sophia-Christy-Martha-Julie-Selphina-Sue's beauty and charm. He was insanely in love with her, even if he did just smash his band's television into tiny pieces.
Suddenly, there was a loud crack from above the two and Mary-Hero-Duos-Ceasar-Jane-Do-Hana-Sue's eyes widened. “Oh no!” She cried out. “It's my Quarter-Namaken-Spirit-Reaper-Part-Demon-Half-Uncle-Brother-Twice-Removed! He's come to take me back to my home planet of Nexus-Archepelago-Jamaica-World! In the Andromeda-Snickers-Milky-Galaxy!”
Mary-Angelus-Demonica-Perfectus-Sue let out a shriek and turned into a rat which scuttled under the couch. While Jaejoong stared at the mess he made. “Oh no!” He cried out in horror at the state of his living room. There were burn marks all over the place and also there were pieces of TV everywhere as well. “What will I ever tell my friends?!” He cried before he was interrupted by a loud god-like voice.
“MARY-GOD-LAUREN-JAY-JOHNSTAN-SUE!” The voice cried, it was deep and authoritative. “I AM THE LORD OF THE WORLD. YOU MUST SAVE THE MORTAL REALM FROM THE EVIL OF YOUR UNCLE-TWICE-REMOVED-THAT-IS-THE-LORD-OF-HELL-BECAUSE-HE-KICKED-SATEN-OUT WHO IS THREATENING THIS EARTH!”
“But! Then I must leave the love of my life!” She cried scuttling out from her hiding place beneath the couch, her beautiful blue-green-steel blue-cornflower eyes watered from the sorrow of leaving her beloved Jaejoong.
“THIS IS THE MANDATE OF HEAVEN! JAEJOONG HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS YOU MUST SAVE THE WORLD!” The voice cried. “YOU HAVE UNTIL MIDNIGHT TO SAY YOUR FAIRWELLS. ONCE THE WORLD IS SAVED YOU MAY RETURN TO YOUR LOVER.”
With a loud bang the bright light that was the voice disappeared into the night, leaving a cold chilly breeze blowing from the hole that the lightening had caused earlier that evening.
Jaejoong cried out in woe. “Oh Mary-Cecielia-Nephiline-Tanya-Lyndis-Sue!” he sobbed, holding the gorgeous rat in his hands. “Our plans of marriage are ruined! And... why are you in the shape of a rat?”
Mary-Cordelia-Rose-Chrysanthemum-Sue closed her perfect indigo-cadmium-hazel-sapphire-emerald-ruby eyes. “I am cursed by my family, to turn into this form when I am in love with anyone. Sadly, because I am deeply in love with you, Jaejoong, I must assume this form until I can save the world. I went to a school in Europe for seven years of my life, it was called Hogwarts. That place taught me how to overcome most of my curse and transform myself into any animal I want. But... because of this curse... I cannot change anymore. I love you too much.”
Jaejoong cried. “WHY?!” He shouted in agony. “WHY ME?! Why did I have to fall for such a perfect character such as you?! Why world! Oh why?!”
Mary-Janice-Janine-Claudia-Anne-Sue also cried in Jaejoong's pale trembling hands. “The... only way to break the curse... is to go and save the world from my evil relatives. I promise... I'll be back... I am the Keyblade bearer for a reason my love.” Mary-Daisy-Peach-Marluxia-Axel-Roxas-Sue scurried off of Jaejoong's hands and landed on the floor.
“I must leave you my love...” Mary-Curry-Japan-Macbeth-Montague-Sue whispered before pulling out a silver pocket watch from the depths of the clothes that she had come in. Climbing on top of her pile of clothes, Mary-Peruvian-Death-Pepper-Garfield-John-Sue summoned a circle of alchemy that would allow her to travel from one dimension to the next one. “Good bye my beloved Jaejoong...” Mary-Sumo-Kendo-Kung-Fu-Karate-Melton-Mico-Sue whispered one last time. “Good bye...”
With a deafening crack and a brilliant white light that blinded Jaejoong for a few moments, the gorgeous rat that he had fallen in love with was gone from his life for who knows when. Feeling the onslaught of despair slowly creep up onto him, he decided to retreat to a corner of the room with his journal and write love poems for the woman that he loved so.
“Dear.... Mary-Peter-Clark-Rhys-Zade-Vy-Yashi-Sue...” He began to write when a knock at his door broke him away from his beloved angst filled writing.
Yunho and the rest of the DBSK group were at the door, a look of shock plastered on their faces. “What... Happened?!” The leader asked, confused at the wreckage that was strewn across the floor of their rich apartment. “Jaejoong... Why are you in the corner there?!”
“I...I'm in love!” The singer sobbed. “With Mary-Magdeline-Hillary-Rosette-Azmaria-Joshua-Sue!” He cried, running to his friend's arm and crying on Yunho's shirt. “But... She had to leave me to save the world!” Jaejoong lamented. “And she's cursed with turning into a rat when she's in love!” Jaejoong was in hysterics at this point, sobbing and wiping his snot on Yunho's shirt. “She's only been gone three minutes and fifteen seconds... but I miss her so much!” He cried.
Yunho looked at the other band members with a slightly confused look on his face. “... There, there..” He comforted. “I'm sure Mary-Teriyaki-Shi-Shi-Kabob-Kakashi-Sakura-Sue will come back to you... She's just out to save the world... girls like her do that all the time...”
While he was trying to console his older friend, he motioned for Changmin to call the local psychiatrist and asylum. Just in case.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 10:48 pm
LOL
i love the story so far.
especially the Mary........Sue part. the name keeps changing.
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Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:47 pm
rofl
Contact the asylum!!! LOL
Poor Jaejoong, though... sad
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 2:22 am
LOLOL this is hilarious! i can't stop laughing at everytime her name or her hair- and eye-colour changes! her name seems to encompass foods such as sushi and teriyaki as well...lol, looks like jaejoong's going to have a hard time explaining everything! XDD
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 7:36 pm
this was amazing!!!!! it was funny continue plzzz
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Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2007 1:50 pm
Hi Ho!
Jung Yunho was peeved. It was his birthday and he had received (less) fan-mail and fan gifts than last year. He seemed to be losing all the love that he once was getting. This wasn't fair. He was the one with the perfect nose given by the gods. How was it that Jaejoong had (gotten) more fans and supporters than he! He was the leader of all things!
“Something's not right!” He muttered to himself, walking in circles around the fortress of gifts that he had been given by the fans and his friends. “Something is amiss here... Why is it... that I am only receiving three hundred and ninety six gifts instead of four hundred and twelve?! I'm losing my fame! Why?! I'm the leader! I'm the second eldest and no doubt I'm the most handsome! Why do I not get more fan mail than all of the other band mates combined?!”
“Yunho!! We're going out to the local club to drown away our sorrows, you want to come along?” Junsu asked, dressed in his best clubbing outfit which consisted of lots of fish net and hair spray.
“None of you could ever be as sorrow ridden as I...” Yunho sighed, but decided to not fight against his friends. He didn't want to be alone in the house on his birthday, that would only make too much sense and make him even more angst ridden.
Without much more to say he disappeared to his room to change into more club-esque clothes than what he wore now. He wanted to look sexy, (amazingly so), but since he was feeling so dark (and depressed) he felt that he had to go gothic sexy. Thus, he put on a very tight tank top that showed off his sexy chest and six pack that he worked very hard to get, along with that he wore a belted pair of pants and topped his outfit off with lots of fishnet and a bunch of silver jewelry.
“I look (damned) sexy.” He commented posing in front his mirror, staring happily at his reflection. “I'll be every girl will be falling for this lovely body at the club.” He told himself smirking and winking at the mirror before climbing into the limo with all his other friends.
The ride from the rich apartment complex to the club was excruciating long for Yunho. He wanted to get out from it all, he was sick and tired of being so happy, he wanted to find someone who would understand him. Someone who could understand what it felt like to be run away from home, to understand what hard work was, he wanted someone who would sympathize with him and his super glue drinking incident.
It was too bad that his band mates (only) cared about themselves.
Yunho sighed and looking out the left window, and then looked out the right window. There was nothing interesting happening other than the occasional girl flying on a broomstick or a boy running around shooting laser beams from his fingertips. It was a normal day in his world and because it was normal, this only made Yunho feel (more) gloomy. He wanted excitement, he wanted adventure, he wanted LOVE of all things.
“Why world...” He muttered gloomily, his face sticking to the glass of the limo. “Why do I have to be so condemned and hated?”
He brooded and angsted throughout the rest of the car ride until he got to the club.
“Fir Night Club...” He muttered to himself quizzically, confused that his friends would choose some new establishment created by Americans to go to. But he was too angst filled to really care about it, instead, he walked in, his face smug and a confident stride, sure that the girls would be flocking him.
How wrong he was. No one seemed to care when he walked in, instead, they all mobbed the youngest of the band, Changmin.
CHANGMIN! Of all the members, him! Why... he wasn't even old enough to drink! Why would HE be the most popular?!
Yunho huffed and walked past the crowd, going to the dance floor to relieve his stress. However, the crowd and noise in the center distracted him from being a chick magnet with his amazing dance skills. Curious as to who would be stealing the spotlight from him, he moved towards the center of the stage and was shocked at what he saw.
There was an amazingly gorgeous girl who was breakdancing to the pounding music. His heart stopped for a moment when he saw her. She was amazing! More amazing than him! The king of dance in DBSK! There wasn't supposed to be a person more amazing than him! There just couldn't be.
However, instead of feeling great (hate and) jealously towards the girl, Yunho instantly fell in love with her and her amazing dance skills. “Oh... Dear god... I'm in love...” He whispered approaching the dancing stage. “I CHALLENGE YOU (TO A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME)!” He shouted, pointing at the girl. “ AND TO A DANCE BATTLE!”
The music beat, and the music drummed in his heart. He danced his soul away, but in the end, lost to her. After it was over, he pulled her over. “Who are you?!” He asked, dazzled by her beauty and her grace on the dance floor.
“Yunho... Don't you remember me?” She asked smiling. “I'm your best friend before you left to become famous!” She exclaimed happily. “Ma-Ri Sou?”
“I... Don't remember you... But... you do look very familiar...”
“Yunho...” Ma-Ri Sou whined. “How could you forget me?! I became a great dancer just like you so I could find you! You ran away without telling any of your friends! We thought you died!”
“Ma-Ri Sou...” Yunho whispered. “I... I didn't want to hurt you...”
Ma-Ri Sou pouted. “Well you know what? Because of you, I ran out of money and I ran out of places to go to. But at least I found you!”
Yunho grinned from ear to ear. No wonder he didn't get as many presents as he did last year, his best fan was out on the run looking for him! What a gift it was THIS year to actually see her. Even if he didn't remember her at all.
“Don't worry Ma-Ri Sou! We can let you live with us in our rich apartment complex! I'm sure we've got a spare room somewhere!”
“But... Yunho... I wanna cuddle up with you at night... you know how afraid of the dark I am...” Ma-Ri Sou pouted, putting a delicately manicured nail on her blood red lips that were naturally that color. “Don't you remember the promise that you made us before leaving? You promised that you wouldn't change...”
“I haven't!” Yunho defended. “I have not changed one bit!”
“Then why are you shoving me out?!” Ma-Ri Sou whined. “Why do you hate me so much all of a sudden!? Have you turned gay?! Do you love the men that you work with more than ME?! The person who loves you the most?!”
“Ma-Ri Sou! ...I could never forget you... it's just.. that you've changed and become so beautiful that I couldn't help but try to put you aside!”
“Why?!” Ma-Ri Sou cried. “WHY?!”
“Because... if they found out... then the fans... they would be scared of us... they'd be scared that I'd be falling in love... and then our whole world will fall apart...”
Ma-Ri Sou's (naturally) red eyes started to tear up, her (naturally) red lips trembled slightly. “... But... I love you so much...” She whined.
“I love you too Ma-Ri Sou... (Even though I really don't remember you..)” Yunho whispered before pulling her into a (deep) kiss. “But...we can't let our love get in the way of my career...” He murmured lovingly to her. “There's too much at stake...”
“But... as long as I'm with you... It's alright...” Ma-Ri Sou whispered, her hands wrapping around Yunho's (perfect) waist and gently massaging his (perfect) back.
“yes... Let's tell the world that we're going to get married then!” Yunho exclaimed suddenly. “That way... no one will get in the way of our love!”
“Yes! It's a perfect idea!” Ma-Ri Sou agreed smiling broadly. “Oh Yunho! Before you came, I was so depressed, I wanted to slash my wrists and read depressing books while I waited for the blood to stop flowing!”
“Don't worry Ma-Ri Sou!” Yunho murmured running his hands through her (perfectly) straight and (naturally) black and red tipped hair. “I'll protect you until the sun falls from the sky.”
“Oh Yunho... You're such a man!” Ma-Ri Sou exclaimed happily, her (large) breasts bouncing up and down happily as her (Naturally changing) blue eyes gleamed happily. “Let's go tell all your band mates!” Ma-Ri Sou Suggested.
“What a great idea! You're so smart! And you can dance... what else should I ask for in a girl!” Yunho sighed wrapping his arm around Ma-Ri Sou's (tiny) waist.
“Take me away Yunho! I no longer have to angst!” Ma-Ri Sou happily exclaimed as she was walked back to the table that the rest of the DBSK boys were sitting at.
Yunho grinned as he approached his table. “Guys... I've fallen in love!” He announced, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.
Jaejoong, Changmin, Yoochun and Junsu all looked at Yunho and at the (beautiful) girl he had scored. “You're... In love that fast?!” Yoochun asked. “You're gonna go through more girlfriends than me!”
“Oh no!” Yunho cried out laughing at Yoochun's (Outlandish) statement. “We've known each other for ages and well, we're going to get married as soon as possible!” He explained.
“That's great! Let's all go home and get ready for the wedding then!” Junsu exclaimed jumping up and down happily.
Dragging the (drunken) boys out of the bar and dance club, the group happily rode home in their limo while jabbering away on what color dress and what color hair Yunho should have to match his future wife's.
The moment the band returned home however, everything changed. Pheromones and hormones (magically and suddenly) flew around everywhere and everyone stared at Ma-Ri Sou. She was just (too perfectly) beautiful.
Much sex ensued after that, except for Changmin who quickly ran to the bathroom, he had too much to drink and spent the next few hours puking his guts out.
The next morning however, (Changmin had passed out in the bathroom from puking) Changmin was shocked at the pile of naked bodies on the floor in the living room. “... I really need to call a psychoatrist...” he mumbled, picking up the nearest phone.
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Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 1:01 pm
lol! Great play on words; Ma-ri Sou -> Mary Sue.
Hahaha!! Gothic smexy Yunho!! *drool*
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Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 2:21 am
LOL, it was a bit M-rated towards the end...but Yunho seems a generous guy, sharing Ma-Ri Sou with everyone else (except poor Changmin) xp
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 1:56 pm
Hero - Haru ni saku hana ya
Max - Natsu no sanahama
Uknow - Aki no tasogare ya
Micky - Fuyu no nukumori THAT WAS HILARIOUS. You're so much better of a writer than I am... *pout*
Keep it up!  Hero - When the rain is pouring,
Max - I'll be your umbrella,
Uknow - when the wind is blowing,
Micky - I'll be your wall.
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