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Sadly it's not odd to hear of Twice-A-Year Jews. They're the ones who show up at synagogue for Yom Kippur and maybe one other holiday (often Chanukah), and for the rest of the year they're just invisible. No commitment to volunteering through Jewish social justice/charity organizations; no synagogue attendance; no shopping in the kosher section of the supermarkets; no real Jewish identity, other than the occasional mention.

I say it's sad because I remember being this type of Jew, and I felt so isolated, so much of the time. You belong to a minority ethnic group and a minority religious group, but rather than getting to know other members of that minority, you spend your life feeling like there's no one you can talk with who'll understand the part of you that belongs within that minority group. Being surrounded by like-minded people isn't always the best thing, of course. We need diversity if we're ever going to learn anything. But being completely cut off from one's fellow Jews is a very cold way to live, or at least that's the way I felt.

Can anyone come up with a name for those Jews where the full extent of their observance is skipping school/work on the High Holidays and not even going to synagogue (in other words, less observant than "twice-a-year" Jews)?

Huh. I coulda sworn that attending synagogue wasn't a requirement to be Jewish.

I've never attended synagogue, generally because there were none within traveling distance. Does that make me a non-Jew? I'm fairly sure G-d understands when Jews find themselves unable to attend synagogue for one reason or another, and doesn't look down on them as you seem to.

Judaism is less a religion than a nation. You can be born a Canadian, a Laotian, a Peruvian, an Italian, an Australian. You can choose to be happy and proud of your nation and obey its laws, or you can choose to hate or resent your nation and disobey its laws. Just being born on the soil of a given country is enough to qualify as a citizen of that country.

Your parents are French, let's say; you're born on French soil; therefore, you're French. You can love France or hate France; obey its laws or not, and deal with the consequences. Your choice.

What if you're born in a certain country, but your parents weren't? Let's say you were born in Germany, but your parents are from the United States. Well, you're a German citizen AND an American citizen. You can claim dual citizenship. However, you only have to obey the laws of the country you're in at the time. In Germany, you don't have to obey American speed limits on the highways, for example. However, you still have the option of obeying or disobeying the laws of the country where you reside or visit. You can be a good citizen or a poor citizen. Your choice.

What if you and your parents are born in Nigeria, but you emigrate to Canada? You're still a citizen of Nigeria, but not yet a citizen of Canada. You still have to obey Canadian laws, however, because that's where you are. OR, you can choose not to observe those laws. You can also choose to become a naturalized citizen of Canada by studying, taking a test, and taking an oath of citizenship. Natural-born Canadians never had to take that oath. They're Canadians JUST because they were born in Canada. And, just like you, they have the option of obeying their country's laws or disobeying them and being prepared to face the consequences. Your choice, what laws you choose to obey. Their choice, what laws they choose to obey.

Now suppose you're a member of another kind of nation. They do have their own land and borders, but a majority of their members live elsewhere. Even without setting foot on that soil, all the members of that nation claim one another as family. The laws are binding upon them, no matter where they live. People can become naturalized members of that nation without ever setting foot on that soil, and they'll be claimed as family. Of course, every individual member of that nation has the option of obeying or disobeying that nation's laws. Naturalized citizens weren't born to it; they have to study and then be questioned and judged as to their readiness to accept the laws. You can obey the laws without faith (though they might seem pointless without that faith). You can have faith without obeying the laws (seriously, it's like family -- have you ALWAYS obeyed what your parents told you to do?).

You can even, in some branches of the family, say you don't know what you believe and you don't know if you'll observe the laws, and those branches of the family will be happy to welcome you in just because they love you and you love them and want to be family with them. After all, we only make up about 1% of the world's population, at last estimate; we're happy when people choose to come into the family, and we mourn when one of us chooses to leave the family and consider themselves no longer a part of us (though we'd be thrilled if they came back home).

You can convert and become a Jew, and we're glad to have you, and we hope that you'll respect the family and its Parent enough to obey the Parent's instructions, because she/he only gives them to us to help us. But yes, being born into a family is enough to make a person family. If you disobey your parents, do they kick you out? Not if they're good parents. They'll always be the ones who gave you life. That leaves a mark upon the soul, just as does being born a Jew.

My husband is a total bagel Jew. He doesn't even go to synagogue on Yom Kippur. But -- that isn't to say that he doesn't consider himself spiritually Jewish. And he's also one of those really superstitious Jews who believes in magic and stuff like that.

In the words of Barbara Streisand.

I'm so Jewish, I recorded a Christmas album.

I'm so Jewish, when I have a bad day, I start breaking glasses.

I'm so Jewish, when I hear people say we control the government, I can only sigh wistfully.

I'm so Jewish, I have a set of false teeth for each set of dishes.

I'm so Jewish, when I think about the High Holidays I debate between purple or northern lights. (Really inside one, but I'm sure a few will get it.)