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Teatime Brutality

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 4:18 am


The Completely Useless Encyclopedia (easily in my top five Who reference books) offers this entry on the the 60's Dalek annual-things...
Quote:

'ASTOUNDING STORIES OF THE OUTER SPACE ROBOT PEOPLE OF TELEVISION'S DR WHO': What you'd be able to read if you owned a copy of The Dalek Book, an annual-format publication from 1964. Although their covers lacked similar boasts, it's logical to assume that equally astounding stories could be found within the pages of the two follow-ups, The Dalek World and The Dalek Outer Space Book.

The Dalek World does however reveal some interesting, if a little hard to swallow, facts about the creatures from Skaro. They weigh only two pounds and can travel at 2000 miles-per-hour along the M1, enabling them to cover the distance between London and Birmingham in around two minutes (Oh yeah? What about the 70 miles-per-hour speed limit?). When they arrived in London they'd then be able to power the entire city from the electrical energy they generate - if they felt like it, that is.

One of their weaknesses is a failure to see the colour red, which, judging by the accompanying illustration, means that they are forever smashing into post boxes, probably at 2000 miles-per-hour. If they can't see that particular colour what were those red movie Daleks doing, though? We suppose they must have been a diaboloical attempt to create some invisible spies, which the Daleks mistakenly belived had worked perfectly.

The least beliveable claim in the feature is that the Abominable Snowmen of the Himalayas are actually Dalek survivors of a crashed spaceship who crawled out of their casings. Unbelievable not because it contradicts the series but because it's bloody daft: who'd mistake a little green tentacled blob for a huge great hairy thing?


I suspect it's this sort of pro-Skaro swaggering that inspired the feature 'Dalek Boasts!' in the fanzine Sarah Jane.

Quote:

The Daleks regularly broadcast propaganda messages to terrify the populations of planets neighboring their mighty empire. Here are a collection of their claims, as transcribed by anti-Dalek agent Gareth Roberts.

The electricity generated by one half-second blast from a Dalek gun-stick could power the Blackpool illuminations for seventy-three years.

Every Dalek is constructed of special Skaro metal that's so tough that if you ever dropped a Dalek from the moon it would land safely on Earth the right way up.

Inside a Dalek casing is a special unit for summoning aid from other Daleks. However, this has never been used because no Dalek has ever needed help.

Daleks don't drink halves and they never go home before midnight.

The Daleks are so b*****d hard that they're not afraid to take anyone outside.

One Dalek could pleasure every woman on Earth for a week.

The Daleks' Mum is bigger than your Mum.


Exciting Competition!

Who here amongst us can cook up the most implausibly intimidating Dalek Boast?
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 6:16 am


Quote:
Inside a Dalek casing is a special unit for summoning aid from other Daleks. However, this has never been used because no Dalek has ever needed help.

rofl rofl rofl *gasps for breath*

Ceribri
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MisaAiNoNai

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 8:04 am


The whole entire universe sits inside a giant dalek and that is why we have noise police because if we're too loud it'll wake up and sneeze us out.

mrgreen
and you know it. cool
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 8:30 am


Love it. smile

Each Dalek's Battle Computer has sufficient memory for 10,000 centuries of your music and video.

The creature inside a Dalek travel machine is actually much more powerful. We just wear those things to make it more fair.

Teatime Brutality


MisaAiNoNai

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:32 am


It only takes one dalek to change any lightbulb.

Each dalek casing has a fully stocked mini-fridge.
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 3:35 pm


Oh, yes? So you think YOU have breasts! The Dalek has firm, pert bumps, perfectly rounded, and have such great support, they don't need a bra.
Dalek Sec says, "Beat THAT, Biatch!"

Pseudowho


Eirwyn

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 6:25 pm


rofl rofl rofl
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 6:36 pm


Eirwyn
rofl rofl rofl

Seconded! xd

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fourtysecondscarf

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:34 pm


....




...





*gigglesnort*
PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 9:41 pm


Daleks invented stairs just to give the lesser species hope.

Daleks know it's not butter.

Skadefro


bakka chii nii

PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 12:08 am


Daleks need not change lightbulbs as dalek bulbs never go out.

Daleks originally used Chuck Norris's DNA, but chose not to use it because it wasn't strong enough.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 5:43 am


blaugh rofl blaugh rofl

Daleks don't panic- they just pretend to panic.

1 Dalek could destroy a Death Star in 1.2 seconds.

Daleks don't sleep.. They ponder.

Daleks don't really get destroyed by the Doctor. They just hide and pretend to be dead.

:'D

-[.Moo.]-


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 7:02 am


Blondegoth
Daleks need not change lightbulbs as dalek bulbs never go out.

Daleks originally used Chuck Norris's DNA, but chose not to use it because it wasn't strong enough.

Hah, I knew something would come up like this!
More Chuck Norris-y type Dalek jokes.

><;;

Hah.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 8:26 pm


The Dalek's could easily destroy the Docter as well as the rest of the universe any time they felt like it, but then there would be no one to worship their greatness.

pikalex88


Pseudowho

PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:31 am


Look at the Dalek/Human Hybrid. The Doctor's not the only one who can have sexy assistants xd
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