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'ASTOUNDING STORIES OF THE OUTER SPACE ROBOT PEOPLE OF TELEVISION'S DR WHO': What you'd be able to read if you owned a copy of The Dalek Book, an annual-format publication from 1964. Although their covers lacked similar boasts, it's logical to assume that equally astounding stories could be found within the pages of the two follow-ups, The Dalek World and The Dalek Outer Space Book.
The Dalek World does however reveal some interesting, if a little hard to swallow, facts about the creatures from Skaro. They weigh only two pounds and can travel at 2000 miles-per-hour along the M1, enabling them to cover the distance between London and Birmingham in around two minutes (Oh yeah? What about the 70 miles-per-hour speed limit?). When they arrived in London they'd then be able to power the entire city from the electrical energy they generate - if they felt like it, that is.
One of their weaknesses is a failure to see the colour red, which, judging by the accompanying illustration, means that they are forever smashing into post boxes, probably at 2000 miles-per-hour. If they can't see that particular colour what were those red movie Daleks doing, though? We suppose they must have been a diaboloical attempt to create some invisible spies, which the Daleks mistakenly belived had worked perfectly.
The least beliveable claim in the feature is that the Abominable Snowmen of the Himalayas are actually Dalek survivors of a crashed spaceship who crawled out of their casings. Unbelievable not because it contradicts the series but because it's bloody daft: who'd mistake a little green tentacled blob for a huge great hairy thing?
I suspect it's this sort of pro-Skaro swaggering that inspired the feature 'Dalek Boasts!' in the fanzine Sarah Jane.
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The Daleks regularly broadcast propaganda messages to terrify the populations of planets neighboring their mighty empire. Here are a collection of their claims, as transcribed by anti-Dalek agent Gareth Roberts.
The electricity generated by one half-second blast from a Dalek gun-stick could power the Blackpool illuminations for seventy-three years.
Every Dalek is constructed of special Skaro metal that's so tough that if you ever dropped a Dalek from the moon it would land safely on Earth the right way up.
Inside a Dalek casing is a special unit for summoning aid from other Daleks. However, this has never been used because no Dalek has ever needed help.
Daleks don't drink halves and they never go home before midnight.
The Daleks are so b*****d hard that they're not afraid to take anyone outside.
One Dalek could pleasure every woman on Earth for a week.
The Daleks' Mum is bigger than your Mum.
Exciting Competition!
Who here amongst us can cook up the most implausibly intimidating Dalek Boast?