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My father left me at the age of seven,
he persecuted me,
said i would never ever go to heaven,
I lost myself within the horrible binding rage,
just a child,
all I had was every empty page,
my momma always told me I would be okay,
she said the angels watched me every single day,
but the anger within quickly turned into demons,
they tried to take my life,
and every thing within,
those heathens!,

the remnants of my father quickly dissipated,
My tiny mind,
crushed and tortured,even infiltrated,
all i knew now was i was alone, steadily suffocated,
the torture was the thing i really couldnt understand,
if he loved like he said,
why couldn't he be a man,
all i could ask him is how he could,
and why he would,
hed always slap me in the face,
with his reply,
he was the true disgrace,
now i know why.


I never blamed him for every empty thing he did,
i never stopped him,
because i knew he never would,
they dragged me down,
the demons of my mind within,
it broke my heart,
but soon death was my true hate sin,

i never stopped loving the man i hated,
he showed the signs,
I never could really let it out,
it broke me down ,
always truly wanted to shout,
never could let it win,
he blocked me out,
and pushed me away,
i fought back so hard i couldnt breath,
not that day,(gasp)
but soon it seemed too late,
there was nothing more,
there was only me,
just a shut door,
far as the eye could see
i was on the opposing team,
but i let him win,
couldn't even manage my sanity,
soon I gave in,
there was nothing left,
an empty shell,
sunk in quicksand,
he stole my heart,
he commited the sin of theft,
the dirty liar,
He never gave me his best!
(he never, he never gave me his best)

You see when I was just a baby my father was a druggie,
a horrible manifestation is what he had created,
it was already far too late,
to save his soul,
it was already far too late,
but how could i know?.
the truth is,
i would never let go,
he abused me mentally,
scaring my soul,
I could never forget,
although the stories growing old,
many days passed,
but in my heart he was the freezing cold,
when i heard of him,
nothing good was ever told,
when i thought of him,
he was the freezing cold,(freezing cold)
By the age of twelve I was suicidal,
no matter how happy I became ,
life was still my rival,
and every time I came back to my life,
i tried to take it back,
but the demons loved my pain and strife,
I couldn't make it back,
i thought the only settelment would be with a knife,
but i made a mistake and left it back,
i hurt myself,
but chose to leave it back,
chose to decieve myself,
and left myself opened to attack.

As I continue to grow up it's a fight,
not knowing what you want Is a truly cruel life,
with God it's hard but I still grow much stronger,
every step i take towards him,
my father grows steadily farther,
the lights get dim,
when I am all alone,
and the hate i had,
of being in a broken home,
because of the years of days of suicidal,
I hate the pain,
but it was my only way of survival.

God is my life,
he's the truth of what kept me going in those days,
i wish i had him more,
but it's just an empty space,
i wish i could have seen the light,
made a better choice,
improved myself and made it right,
but i never heard the voice,
i kicked all away though,
along with the greed
I'll live with him forever,
and that's my holy plead.



~Queen Sandra~

my dear child...the past is unchanging we may never fix what mistakes we have made...i know how you feel...its my gift i guess.......we cant greive over bad desisions because then they will haught you and pull you away from God.

its hard to understand...but when he forgives you...its... its as though you have never sinned a day in your life

you are destined to share your walk with God to the world. thats why it happend to you i think. so you can show the world how mighty he is, and how forgiving he is to all of us

i pray for us both, for our walk with God...our life story has only begun