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...but I feel a stifling pressure on myself to abort if I ever get pregnant accidentally.

I'm normally a very "responsible" person.

I don't drink, smoke, I exercise regularly, I eat right, I pay rent early or on time, and I always pay my credit card bill in time.

I keep people happy around me, and I usually put a lot of pressure on myself to excel at whatever I'm doing, from my job, to my relationships with others, to anything, really.

So I know, logically, that if I accidentally got pregnant (as it would not logically or financially be smart to have a kid now), that the best option would be to abort. For me, for the "potential kid", for my husband, for everyone.

And yet....I wouldn't want to. It's like this screaming 4 year old kid version of me going "I don't wanna because I don't wanna!"

Logically, this makes no sense, and yet it strikes a visceral chord inside of me.

But really, would it be "right" to keep it if my life would only be suffering and I would burden everyone in my life?

Certainly, it would be horrible and irresponsible to say the least.

And yet....I firmly feel that "fight or flight" response in me when thinking about finding myself accidentally pregnant. Like I'd run off where no one could find me and tell me I should be responsible and abort. Or I could somehow hide it so that it would be too late to get an abortion by the time anyone found out.

Maybe I'm crazy, but why the hell should I, an adamantly pro-choice person, feel all this pressure? Is it my desire to succeed or simply the fact that I'm sure that if I got pregnant, I'd probably have to DO "the right thing" but it'd FEEL wrong for me?

I wonder if anyone else shares these sorts of feelings...and how does it conflict with your personal feelings about what to do in case of accidental pregnancy?

I'm in the same boat.

I am terrified of accidentally getting pregnant because I just don't think I could handle that decision. I feel like everyone expects me to abort. I feel like my fiance expects me to abort because I told him that I am pro-choice and that I am not ready to have a baby. Whenever we talk about having kids he reminds me that we can't afford it right now.
We just aren't financially ready for a child. Logically I know that. Logically I know it would be a mistake to have a child, but part of me just doesn't care.

The biggest problems is that I want a baby. I have wanted a baby since I was 12 years old. I want to be a mother with every fiber of my being. It is probably the most important life goal I have. I would prefer to have a baby when I am financially ready, but if I accidentally got pregnant I'm not sure I would be able to abort. I'm not sure I could give up something I want that badly, even if it's not something I should have right now.
I know this is a bit of irrational fear, but I am actually a little afraid that if I get pregnant and have an abortion that I will be missing out on my only chance to have a baby. I know that abortion rarely leads to fertility problems, but fertility problems like endomitriosis and PCOS run in my family and the older you get the harder it gets to conceive. One of my aunts was never able to have children. I've already somewhat come to terms with the possibility of infertility and decided to adopt if that is the case. However, I don't think I could ever get over it if I did get pregnant, had an abortion, and then found out that I had thrown away my one and only chance at having a biological child. No, I don't value biological children more than adopted children, it's just that pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and all that is part of what I want.

Now I feel like such a bad pro-choicer for admitting all this. I know being pro-choice is supposed to be about freedom of choice, and therefore my choice should be respected. It just seems like am being a bad pro-choicer because I'm not basing my choice on logic, I'm basing it on emotion. But is it really so wrong to make a personal choice about my own body based on emotion?

I feel the same way.

I desperately want a child. But, I don't graduate college for another almost two years (June '09), and for my chosen career path, I need at least a year of grad school after that.

I'd abort, because I know it's right... but I'd go there crying, and leave there crying, because it's not something I want, it's something I'd have to do, for both me, and the fetus.

But, it's okay to be unsure. Hell, to be pro-choice because of women's rights doesn't mean you have to have abortion when you get pregnant unexpectedly. You can even make a choice most would consider "bad" and be a pro-choicer. You aren't a bad pro-choicer... unless you'd take away anyone's choice.

It's your choice, it's my choice, Aiko's choice, caffinated_tulip's choice... each individual woman's choice.

And... you can be conflicted. It's a HUGE decision, especially if you're not childfree. You want children someday... that makes it harder. It also depends on how you view things... but, it's an abortion of something that's you'd keep under other circumstances. It's a HUGE thing.

Just because you're pro-choice doesn't mean you have to want abortion for yourself. The pressure is on yourself BECAUSE you're pro-choice. You have the choice, in your own head... and for you, and the others in this thread, including me... our emotions themselves are part of our decision making.

God... that seemed horribly logical for all the emotions I feel on this subject... the thought of getting an abortion myself.... it makes me upset, unhappy, and scared.

This was very interesting to me, and I think that so far I'm the only parent who's posted.... and I always thought that I'd know exactly what I'd do if I ever got pregnant. I'd never planned on having kids, never really liked kids, never grew up with other kids, and always thought that it'd be super easy for me to choose abortion, but it just didn't work out that way for me.

I surprised myself, and chose life (key word being that I chose it) and was immensely happy with that choice.

However, I'd never choose that way again. Being a parent, while not nearly as difficult as I'd imagined, is no where near a walk in the park. I had a rather difficult time in childbirth, and view a repeat as being threatening to my life. I don't regret my choice to become a parent, however, I also know now that I won't regret any future choice to abort... I honestly can't really imagine even feeling bad, should that happen, though of course I won't know unless it does (and I hope that I just never wind up pregnant again).

I'm a little bewildered by the Pro-Life view that anyone who is Pro-Choice doesn't give a second thought about abortion. Like it's easy for anyone... like it's ever even easy when you're trying to get pregnant and succeed. So... so ignorant of them. The choice to become, or to not become a parent isn't one that anyone just tosses around. The outcome of either choice is bound to never be forgotten. I don't think I could ever forget having an abortion, regardless of not feeling bad about it, if that makes any sense at all. I don't know where people got the idea that someone who is Pro-Choice longs to abort. I don't want to have an abortion, but my want to not be pregnant, to not give birth, supercedes that immensely.

I really like this topic. If I thought that it would open the eyes of anyone on the other side, I'd hope that they would read it, but I don't think that many of the Pro-Life Gaians that I've met could ever overcome their egos to see us as anything but baby killers.

I also DO believe that you can be pro-choice while choosing not to abort if you did get pregnant. I dont see that as hypocritical at all. Thats what being pro-CHOICE is about. Having that decision open to you should you want it.

To everyone who posted: thanks for the stories and the comments. Being an Abortion Thread regular, I sometimes felt like I was the only one who had fears and felt physically sick or against the idea of actually GETTING an abortion if an accidental pregnancy occurred, and yet, I know LOGICALLY, that it would probably be the "right" choice for all concerned.

I think that's one of the things that being a thoughtful Choicer really illuminates; that you HAVE a choice and that freedom is somewhat scary, but it's also necessary for you to have the freedom over your body.

With pro-lifers, they think that they know what they'll do, each time (even though you have a lot of "the only moral abortion is my abortion" people), but with choice, you really *do* have to think about what you want to do, and the choices you're going to make afterwards.

Yikes. So much to think about. Being responsible is more complicated than the Lifers give us credit for.

I am so glad you made this thread. Seriously.

I, like you, am an adamant choicer. I'm only eighteen, and my boyfriend is nineteen. We've been together for a year now, and honestly the overwhelming desire to NOT ever get pregnant was a little surprising to me at first. I've always wanted kids. And because of that, I've always wondered if I'd emotionally be able to handle an abortion. The way I feel about abortion in general is strange - I don't judge other people for getting them, or see it as killing babies, but if it were me I do kinda think I'd feel like I was killing my child.

My boyfriend and I kinda have disagreements about this, because he would want me to get an abortion if I got pregnant. Thankfully, the chances of that are going to go way downhill, since he's going to uni in a couple of weeks, plus I'm changing my birth control from the Pill to the Implant, so I'll be a little better protected (from myself as well). He always feels like he judges teen mothers and fathers, but he puts more blame on the fathers. So he'd blame himself. Basically, we're just going to do all we can to ensure I don't get pregnant, and I really hope unplanned pregnancy is not something I ever have to make a choice about.

I just can't imagine having an abortion. I have an easier time imagining a pregnancy than a termination. I really don't know if I could have an abortion. But that's my choice to make, for me. I'll know if I ever have to make the choice.

I think Aiko_Kaida maybe summed up what the issue we're all having is. Our pro-choice stance is based on logic and yet when it comes to ourselves, we make the choice based on emotion. It doesn't seem to make sense. But don't we make other decisions based on what we feel all the time? We date people because we feel strongly about them - you could have the person who looks best on paper financially and interest-based and what you find attractive - AKA your 'perfect guy' - and feel nothing for him, but instead for his friend who is nothing like anything you ever imagined you'd want. That's an emotions-based decision for most people. It's okay to not make sense all the time, especially about something like a pregnancy. Knocked Up (the film) addresses this issue - careerwoman, just promoted, young, financially unstable father-to-be who smokes pot, living with her sister - the 'sensible, rational, logical and responsible' thing to do would be to get an abortion, wait for another time. She doesn't, and I think being able to say yes to pregnancy at completely illogical times is all part of being pro-choice, and supporting the position.

I have to agree that many people would take these feelings of ours as proof that we knew on some level that fetuses were babies, but I think such logic is flawed. When we sit down and say we would have trouble having abortions because of our emotions, we're talking about irrational responses. They are no more based in fact than a woman knowing she pregnant with a girl when she is in fact carrying a boy. Yes, this is an intense feeling that we have. That doesn't mean our feeling corresponds to reality. When I imagine having an abortion, I imagine a red haired infant that I might give birth to. Does this mean that I would actually give birth to an infant with red hair? Of course not. My emotions are not operating off of reality, and I know it. I don't have some kind of deeply held knowledge that I will give birth to a red haired infant that I am choosing to repress because it isn't what I want. I just am not operating on a rational level.

I strongly feel that being unable to personally have an abortion because of personal feelings is at all inconsistent with the Pro-Choice stance. It isn't wrong to make personal decisions based on emotions. We do it all the time. For example, I have chosen not to become a doctor. Why? Because I took a CPR class, and one look at severely injured people convinced me that I couldn't handle the gore. This was entirely an emotional decision. There was no logic behind it at all. I don't think being a doctor is wrong, I just know I couldn't do it. Anyone else chooses to do it? I'm all behind such a decision. But it is not a decision I could make. The only problem with this would be if I started insisted that other people couldn't become doctors because of my personal feelings.

To use another example, a person in love may feel that their love interest is the best person in the world, but that doesn't mean it is objectively true. ninja