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Reply Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics
The Silent Voice (poem written by me) Please send opinion

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Shinigami-Rem_Death-Note

PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 7:30 am


I know that he's out there still.
Waiting for me.
He will not rest until he sees me once more.
He does not move.
He does not speak.
He just sits there waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
But I never come.
So he tries to reach me.
I recieve letters that are completely blank.
I see his face on the computer screen.
Staring at me.
The phone rings.
I answer.
But nobody's there.
I try to call back and it picks up.
But nobody speaks.
His voice remains silent.
But he's there.
I hang up.
Why can't he just leave me alone?
But He won't.
But I know he's out there still.
He does not move.
He does not speak.
He just sits there waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Then, my phone rings again.
It's my best friend.
She's frightened.
He's scaring her.
Suddenly she screams and the phone goes dead.
All is silent.
What had happened.
I fear the worst as the lights go on in her window.
A message appears in red.
"Come or you're next"
But i'm to scared.
I know he's out there still.
He does not move.
He does not speak.
He just site there waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting. eek
PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 5:22 pm


theres no emotion in it your just stating facts i mean how did you feel about the phone alls how did you feel about him waiting for you? Thats what makes it more gripping.

XxParalyzing_silencexX


Shinigami-Rem_Death-Note

PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 4:27 am


As_the_stars_all_fall15
theres no emotion in it your just stating facts i mean how did you feel about the phone alls how did you feel about him waiting for you? Thats what makes it more gripping.

ok ty for the advice. what wud u think if i added more emotion to it?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:23 am


Hosoi-Chan_Angel
As_the_stars_all_fall15
theres no emotion in it your just stating facts i mean how did you feel about the phone alls how did you feel about him waiting for you? Thats what makes it more gripping.

ok ty for the advice. what wud u think if i added more emotion to it?

Maybe try to say how scared you are or worried or something. I understand the poem, but what are excact feelings on the situation?

Angel Bruja

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Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics

 
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