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 Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:08 pm
Damu'Jicho sat on the gently sloping bank, mocha eyes peering into the water. Every now and then he saw the glimmer of fish scales dart by, yet they only dragged his frown further and further down his face. They only reminded him that he had no idea how to hunt. No one to teach him how to hunt. His father was depressed. His mother was gone. His sister-in-law seemed wary of him for some reason. The only one there for him was his twin, and he hadn't even run into her today. He raised his paw, gently touching the delicate shell dangling from a reed cord around his neck. Haba's gift. He still hadn't found one for her. He didn't know where he was going to find one.
But what plagued his mind now, what had caused him to separate himself from the entire pride was a faint rumor drifting around. There were whispers of Princess Syeira returning, along with Taabu and Njozi. Damu had heard this as he had casually passed by a gaggle of young females, speaking to no one as usual. He had paused, looking at them with confusion. It...it couldn't be true. And odd mix of emotions had come over him at that moment, too much for his young mind to handle. He'd run to the river.
And so he sat there, contemplating. Maybe they were coming home. Maybe Mother would return and Father would be happy again. A faint growl formed in the back of his throat, however, and his brows furrowed. But of course not. How could she return, his mother? She'd forgotten them, hadn't she? Claws unsheathed, he pulled back his paw and slapped his reflection in the cool river waters, sending a handful of minnows scurrying away for their lives.
She was never coming back.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 9:14 am
As she drifted along like a ghost in her own pride, she left her mind to wander over her actions. Tossing her blond tuft in irritation, she fell deeper into the confusing cycle that had haunted her since they left for their homecoming: she had neglected her family. Still, she had neglected them in order to save them, in order to make sure that the pride was a safe place to exist in the future. That counted for something, did it not? They would, she figured, not see it quite that way - even if it was the love of them that drove her to it. What would they see when they looked at the mother that had left them? A concerned, loving mother - or a lioness that had abandoned her children? Oh, but she prayed for the first.
As her eyes searched lazily, almost unseeing, over the familiar scenery that surrounded her - she noticed a familiar little form. Those shining blue orbs that mimicked the Kusini sky so well suddenly filled with a form of angst. She would have to face one of the main reasons she had left - and hope that he would forgive her for it and know that it was with his best intentions in mind that she had done so. She picked up her pace, slinking along the river edge, until she was within sight of her angsty little son.
"Damu'Jicho," she said softly, settling her haunches to the hard packed earth beneath her bodice, still towering over her son regardless, "why are you out here all alone?"
Mother had come home, but did her family still need her? Did they still want her? Only time would tell.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:17 am
The cloud over his head, so large that everyone must be able to see it and think the storm of the century was coming, had not dissipated in the slightest, even though Damu's mind had gone blank. He simply stared down at the ground between his paws, earth-colored eyes emotionless.
The young lion could not speak for the rest of his family, but he knew that no amount of explanation could fix the wounds his mother had left. Even if it was for the pride's own safety, he would never understand. Perhaps because Damu didn't even realize he had a problem. He knew he was prone to violent mood swings, and he knew that they were getting worse and worse with each passing day. Sometimes, they were even accompanied by a pain in his head that made the world around him flash in and out of darkness. But to believe something was truly wrong with him? Damu thought himself different enough from all those around him, he didn't need that extra weight.
Drawing a tiny pattern in the dirt with his claw, Damu was oblivious to the approach of his mother until a slight wind blew beneath his nose. The scent on it was...so familiar...but no, it couldn't be. Raising his head, bemusement written all across his face, he looked this way and that until he landed on the blue-eyes lioness. For a split second, his face widened in a grin as he leaped to his paws and took a few stumbling bounds forward. Sunshine burst through his clouds, and he even resorted to calling out a very childish sounding, "Mama!"
And then it was all over. He came to a stop, wide eyes staring straight at the figure he'd wanted to see for so long. His brows lowered slowly, a mixture of confusion and anger. As she neared, he backed up slowly, his paws sinking into the river mud behind him. No. No. This wasn't right. She'd left. She shouldn't have come back. No. Ignoring her question, he posed his own, one filled with bristling anger. "Why are you here?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:01 pm
It was, honestly, of little surprise to Syeira that her son would react in this manner. She had seen many of her brother's traits in him as a child and knew first hand what that would entail for his future. The mood swings were a bad sign, and upon first encounter with her beloved son, they were already showing signs of being very difficult. This had happened with Tamu, though, she expected that he not only had mood swings but, because she often overheard him talking to himself oddly, also heard voices. If Damu began to show these signs, then things were worst than she had ever imagined, but nothing would change the love for her child.
"Do not talk to me that way, young man," she said rather firmly, her blue eyes hardening slightly. She didn't think being soft with him would get her anywhere, but being too harsh certainly wouldn't either. "I'm here because this is my home, my land, and my pride." She quirked her brow at him, a move that really dared him to tell her otherwise, and then went on, "and I am here because I have done what I need to do and I've come home to be with my family. I've come home, Damu, to be with you and your brother and sisters." Her voice softened by the end of it, her eyes gentler than before.
It hurt, in a way, to be talked to thus by your own child. Was this what it felt like when she had hurt her mother at nearly the same age? Was this what it felt like when Ari dealt with Tamu? Was this what it felt like when.. She stopped thinking, and closed her eyes, pushing back the tears that she knew would have fallen had she finished that thought. That was what had driven her out; it was the reason why she knew she must sacrifice some things to make her children safer here.
If they could not forgive her for such a thing, she would have to get over that. If they had been harmed because she had done otherwise, it would have killed her. Some things must be done to ensure the safety of those you loved, even if it hurt them in the process. She prayed, some day, that Damu and his siblings would understand. It was all for them.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 6:20 pm
If he had been born a seer, Damu would have known his tragic fate. Yet, he would not understand a bit of it. He would not understand what was wrong with him; why he could never be happy; why he hurt things. He wouldn't even understand that there was something wrong within his mind. It would be only for brief moments, perhaps after something drastic happened, that he would be reminded that something was definitely wrong with him...and then he would be thrust back into the black world of unknowing.
As for voices, his disease had not progressed so far yet. True, there was a vague whisper every not and then. Words that didn't make sense. He had always shrugged it off as the wind. Wind was prone to making weird noises sometimes, right?
Damu's chocolate eyes narrowed, staring up into the pools of his mother's blue ones. He was so angry at that moment that his tiny frame practically trembled. He'd always adored his mother, as well as his father. When Syeira had left, Uumi had grown further and further away, leaving him with only Haba to pacify the empty void within him. While that was more than enough, the young male was often left very much alone when Haba went off.
He wanted to yell at her, to stamp his feet and throw a complete fit. But the arched, challenging brow made him stop, made him swallow his own words. He looked down at his paws, voice low and distant as he spoke. "Where did you go?" Something bubbled deep within his chest, making him feel like he was suffocating. His voice cracked as he raised his head sharply, dark eyes swimming with unshed tears and months-worth of hurt. "Why did you leave us? Why did you forget about us?!"
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:20 am
Syeira knew that her brother guessed at his problems at times, and at other times he was completely oblivious. That was what made this entire situation so hard. She couldn't flat out tell Damu that she had left because one day, perhaps not so far away, he was going to go crazy and he was going to hurt someone. No, that would only confuse him more than his brain was already trying to; that would, perhaps, only cause the day that she dreaded so fiercely to come sooner. How could she, then, tell him why she had left? How could she even begin to make this alright? She couldn't even tell the rest of her children, for fear they would tell him, at least until they were grown.
No one ever tells you how challenging motherhood is, she thought to herself, sighing softly.
"I left to make sure that this pride was going to be safe, Damu. All prides can be in danger of attacks, and I needed to make sure that if something ever happened, we knew how to take care of it," she said, voice never once giving away the white lie she knew to be stitched into her words. True, she had gone to make sure the pride was protected from attacks, but not the attacks she seemed to imply. "I left for you, and your brothers and sisters. I left to make sure this was a place you could grow up in and be safe." That was the truth, more or less.
"I never forgot about you, though, do you hear me?" her voice had a bit of an edge to it; her blue eyes mimicking the tears that were in her sons, and she was trying so hard to be strong and keep them from falling. "I thought about you and your brother and sisters ever day, Damu. Every single day that I was out doing what I needed to do for you, I was thinking about you. A mother can never forget her children, no matter what you've been thinking for so long. I was gone because I needed to protect you, to know that you would be protected as long as you live here." She frowned, reaching out to put a paw against his cheek. "I only did it for you, and one day, I hope you will come to understand that."
She knew that the darkest days were yet to come, the days where she would pitch son against brother, grandson against son; the days where the pride was secretly fighting within itself for no other reason but to keep the peace as far as everyone else could see. Right now, however, her only concern was quelling the sorrows of the son she was fighting so hard to save - a son that could never know that she was doing that. She thought she could take his resenting her, as long as she knew he was alive long enough to do it.
((Writing that so almost made me cry D: ))
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 3:09 pm
If Damu had known the truth, knew that at some point in his life, he was going to hurt multiple people in various ways, the young male probably would have taken himself out of the pride and simply find a hole to crawl into and die. He didn't know the devastation he would reek upon others both physically and mentally; that his sad fate would drag him away from everything he knew, and drag his twin right along with him; that his destiny was to cause everyone around him pain. No. He was oblivious to it all. These things would happen, and they would only leave him more confused afterwards that he already was.
To protect the pride? He shook his head slowly, his black tuft swishing back and forth across his eyes. "Then why did you have to leave? Why didn't just the males leave?" His poor mind, so consumed with overwhelming feelings, couldn't detect the small lies his mother covered up for his own good. But perhaps that was a good thing. "And why didn't they all just train here, so that more of them could learn to protect the pride?"
In fact, Damu was a little bit jealous of his brother and nephew. He was every bit as big as they were - just as muscular, with a future of being extremely powerful in his adult life. Why hadn't Syeira taken him with her? Of course, it was obvious why to an outsider, but to a hurt child it only felt like a deep betrayal.
Yet, at the first touch from his mother in countless days, something happened. Damu cracked. The tears swimming in his earthy eyes spilled over, and he coughed and hiccuped with the force of the sobs from his tiny body. Not caring that his paws were covered in river mud, Damu threw himself against his mother's chest, burying his face deep within her soft fur. His voice ragged with shaky breath and sorrow, he half-yelled against her chest, "You didn't even say g-goodbye!" He squeezed his eyes shut, letting his weight fall against her. "Please don't ever leave again, Mama. Please don't leave me again!"
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 3:32 pm
How was she going to even begin to cover up her story now? What Damu said was the truth; she could have just stayed here and let the boys go, she could have just trained them here. What he couldn't be told was that Syeira had needed to teach the boys how to deal with Damu and Tamu. That, and she needed the proof that their hearts were strong; they needed to be pulled away from their family to prove that they would not crack under pressure and stress, that they were indeed entirely sane. All Usare'Wasii, she was sure, would have to journey out into the world for a period of time to prove themselves.
"Because I had to teach them the ways of the world, Damu, and they needed to prove that they were strong," she said slowly, picking her words carefully. The way they came out, however, merely made them seem emphasized, as if she were trying to make a point. "They had to leave their family behind and prove that they could be strong under stress," she said with a weak smile, "attacks will need a lot of quick thinking and bravery on Taabu and Njozi's part, and I needed them to be able to do that."
As she watched him, listened to the tone of his words, it wasn't hard for Syeira to figure out one of the reasons that he was trying to pry so many answers out of her; she knew what it felt like to be excluded. "You didn't really want to be taken away from Hababuu, did you? She couldn't have come, and I needed a big strong lion here to take care of your brothers and sisters - you know your daddy couldn't do it by himself, he's always so sick." It was said with an amused smile, because it really was the truth. Uumi was always sick.
As he launched himself onto her, she felt those tears that had been welling up behind her gentle eyes automatically fall and snake little tracks over her blond mask and down into the richer, chocolate toned fur. "I know, Damu, I'm so sorry," she whispered, using her paw to burry his half-muddied self against her chest, nuzzling her head against his own. "I know, precious, but I won't ever be leaving again. I won't - I will always be right here for you, remember that." She shut her eyes, burrying her face into him as if she'd never let go of him again.
But gods, she hoped that she could protect him from everything that would darken his future. She hoped that she always could be there for him when he needed her the most.
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 3:55 pm
Damu sniffled pathetically against his mother's fur. He felt like a child for his outburst, but it didn't matter. There was no one else around them to see. Though her explanation of why they had to lead sufficed for the moment, Damu was still unsure about it. He didn't understand the mental stability it would take from what would eventually become his own guards, to be able to handle the burden of restraining their own close relatives.
He shook his head slightly. No, he'd never have left Haba behind. His soul felt strained enough just being on opposite sides of the Kusini lands - he wouldn't have been able to survive. "Father's been a lot sicker since you left. He doesn't really do much anymore," he said, shrugging slightly. A vaguely miffed tone came over his voice at his next statement. "Besides, Azima's always with him, and he never seems to like anyone else near Father but him. He won't even let Keaira come close." That was one thing that always baffled him about his brother. He had a twin, just like Damu did. Yet where he and Haba were closer than two lions could ever get, Azima seemed to always shy away from his twin. He'd even gone so far as to call Haba a 'soul-stealer' one time, which of course had set Damu off. The only thing that had saved his red sibling had been Uumi coming between them at the last minute.
He pulled away from her just slightly, breathing in deeply. He still hiccuped every few seconds, but at least he wasn't suffocating from the tears. Scuffling his paws in the dirt, he glance up at his mother, his voice quiet. "If...if you leave again...Can...can I go next time?" Of course, he'd only go if Haba could come with him.
If only Syeira could protect him for the rest of his life. Unavoidable things were destined for Damu, consequences of simply being born with the one bad trait amongst the Kusini royal line. They were things that could very well end up driving him away from the pride, and his family, for the rest of his life.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 8:05 am
She knew what it would take for her son and grandson to restrain and fend off Damu when he needed it; she knew what it would take, likewise, for them with Tamu. They would need every once of mental and emotional stability to be pitted against their relatives as they were, and that was what the journey had proven. When taken away from their loved ones, they could handle the pressure; they would, in a sense, be apart from Damu and Tamu when the time called for their training to be put to use. She had gone through it with them, as much to teach them as to prove to herself that she was the right one to be doing this; if she couldn't do such a thing, how could she ask them to?
At his mention of Uumi, her heart sank a little. He was sicker than usual? He had improved slightly, being here and being happy - or at least what you could call happy for him. He must have missed her more than she imagined while she was gone; she'd find a way to make it up to him. He was always tempermental, but he was a big softy underneath. She was, perhaps, the only one that had really ever seen that side of him - and he only let her see reluctantly, then.
As she shifted to lean her weight somewhat and drag her little boy against the warmth of her chest, she simply shook her head at what he said. She knew at least a little of the ridiculous thoughts between Azima and Keaira; Azima didn't try to hide his own suspicions. However, she simply played it off as a childhood superstition and suspected he would grow out of it as an adult. How was she supposed to know that he would take it farther the older he got? She was preoccupied making sure Damu was safe and kept as sane as possible, not trying to calm childhood bickering.
"Well, he's probably around your dad so much because they're both grumpy," she said as the corners of her mouth glimmered with an amused smile, her nose crinkling somewhat with it in an expression mothers used only for their children. "Misery loves company, and if Azima plans to take so much after Uumi, then he's going to have a lot of it until he finds himself a nice girl to make him feel better," she said with a chuckle. Prodding at his belly in a sort of tickling gesture, she gave him a wink, "I'm home now, and I'd just like to see him keep me or someone else away."
As she let him pull away, her eyes drifted down to his, knowing he was going to ask something before it even left his mouth. Mothers saw those eye-down, paw-shuffle signs and read into them quite easily. However, she simply smiled in reaction to his comment. Shifting her own paws to lay down against the cool earth, she coiled her tail around him in a comforting gesture. "Of course you can, darling. I won't be leaving for anymore training sessions, but if I plan to go anywhere, you can come; you and Haba." She added the last part in with a small nod, then shifted her body to give his ear a comforting lick, like mothers were accustomed to.
She never planned to leave the Kusini lands again, not with so much riding on her watching her brother. However, she would take him if she ever went again; not planning to go wasn't lying, really.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:55 am
Damu had always adored his father, but it wasn't even close to the way he pined over his mother. The young male hadn't really had the opportunity for any close father-son bonding with his brother around. And Azima always...made him so angry. He didn't quite understand it, as the two had never really done anything to each other. It just seemed that, from birth, they had grown an automatic disliking of each other. Even Azima's views on having a twin made Damu writhe in frustration. Why couldn't his brother ever see how lucky he was to have a twin, to have that deep, unspoken connection? To Damu, it was the most beautiful thing ever. Something that would never be replaced in his heart, even if some female took his fancy.
Damu wrinkled his nose. "Azima is even grumpier than Father." The last bit of his sentence came out as a chuckle when Sye tickled his belly. It was such a relief to finally be able to laugh again, almost as if everything was normal again. Yet his eyes lit up at the response to his question. If he had been a canine, his tail would've been wagging a million times a minute. Both he and Haba would be able to go! To Damu, his sister and his mother were the only ones he could easily get along with. A low purr in his throat, the cub (though by no means was he still cub-sized), rose to his feet and pushed his wet nose against his mother's cheek, planting a rough, wet lick on it. He turned then, flopping down beside the larger lioness, his head on her spine and his paws dangling off the other side of her.
A curious tone leaked slowly into his voice. Even if he did resent her absence, that didn't mean he didn't want to know about it. "So...where did you go?"
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:50 am
Syeira imagined that many of her children were more fond of their mother than their father. With Uumi's attitude, and the way he really had never wanted more children, she knew that it had taken him a long time to grow used to them. It had, perhaps, taken even longer for him to become fond of them. He loved them, she knew, in his own Uumi-way. However, his reluctance made them much more fond of their mother. Azima was probably the oddball; he only liked his dad because they could be grumpy together. She smiled softly, amused at the thought. She was glad Uumi's attitude was rare among her beloved cubs.
Syeira wiggled her mocha body slightly, teasing the beautiful boy that had flopped down on her. In a few months, he would probably be her size or bigger than her, like his brother and nephew before him. "I'm sure he is, he was that way when I left." She simply shook her head, then lay it elegantly across her forepaws - watching him the best she could out of the corner of those sky-toned orbs.
"Where?" she said, a gentle purr laced into the depths of her lilting voice. "We went a lot of places," she said with a small nod of her head, glancing backwards to him momentarily. "First we were in the southlands for a while, just on the other side of the forest. I was born there before my mom and dad brought me and my two brothers here," she smiled. Only one was here now, and her mother was gone. She'd have to go see her dad and visit Tamu too. She went on, though, because right now, this was about making Damu feel better. "Then we went to the pridelands, where my brother Denahi is now. He's kind of grumpy like your dad and Azima, but he'd be angry if you told him so." She smiled, her tail rubbing against his cheek.
She wouldn't mention what had happened between the two lands, where Denahi had been, where he had become a miracle. She had nearly lost her grandson, there. She frowned at the thought for a moment, then erased it from her mind.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:24 am
It was true - Damu got along much better with his mother. In fact, he seemed to get along better with females in general. While he had the size of an intimidating male, it was obvious that Damu didn't quite act like the typical male lion. That led to him not being able to form tight bonds with other males, not to mention he feared them for the future. He and Haba would grow one day, and that meant a male coming along and trying to steal his other half from him.
At the mention of the forest, Damu shivered. He knew the stories about it were all just fairy tales, meant to keep cubs from getting lost in it. But there was something...eerie about that place. Something he didn't like. It pushed him away from the dark woods, but it also called him forward at the same time.
But that was food for thought another time. He perked up, slightly, a small smile on his muzzle. "Can I go there one day too?" he said, in reference to the Pridelands. He'd always heard mention of having family from there, as that was where his father came from. He sneezed lightly as her tail grazed his cheek, tickling his nose, and chuckled, thinking of what fun he and Haba could have on an adventure to go meet their extended family.
But thinking of Haba made him realize something - his twin had no idea their mother had returned! He jumped to his feet, mocha eyes wide. He needed to tell her, he needed to bring her to see their mother! His grin stretching from ear to ear, he turned to Syeira. "Haba doesn't know you're back yet. I think you should go see Dad while I try to find her. Maybe she'll know where everybody else is, too." He turned, and bounded a few steps in the opposite direction of the river. Yet...he paused. Turning back slowly, he trotted to his mother's side and butted his head against hers. "I'm glad you're home now, Mama," he whispered softly in her ear before turning and leaping off into the golden Kusini grasses.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 12:56 pm
She smiled at him at his question, nodding slowly. Of course she would take him, if she left. The more he talked about it, however, the more she wanted to spend time with him. If she didn't know that she was needed here, she would take him and Haba to the pridelands to meet their family as soon as she had rested. That, and if she hadn't been gone so long that she ached for her family.
As her ran off, she merely stood, smiling sadly after the little cub. She knew what he was going to become, but it couldn't stop his mother from loving. Nothing he would ever do could truly stop her from loving him. After all, it was her genes that had infected him. Still, try as she might, she hoped in vain that he wouldn't succumb to this. With a sigh, she shook her head; she knew he would.
How long did she have left with him?
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