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 Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:49 am
Name: Hirvio R. {Raphael} Keytone
Nickname: Vi, Vivi,
Age: 16 almost 17
Birthday: November 17th
Sign: Gemini
Gemstone: Pearl
Blood Type: o-
Fav. Food: seafood
Hated Food: steak
School: Meadowview High School (Co-Ed)
Hobbies:
-Art: Hirvi has been taken by art since he was a babe. Drawing, painting, photography, dance, music, he's all about it. He's been able to draw at a rather excellent level, and enjoys taking pictures, and has found himself enamored with playing instruments; should he get the chance to get his paws on them.. even if he's not that great at most.
Music is a big part of his life. Listening and playing it.. though playing wise, he's no master. Piano was his first instrument picked up, followed singing, and he's finding great interest in cello, brass, and percussion instruments... but hasn't had the opportunity to dabble in them. He knows how to read music in a few keys, and only in treble clef, while bass clef is still something he struggles to transpose and read.
He adooooores fashion. Being an artistic individual, fashion has taken a strong influence. He loves seeing the creations others can make, and creating his own looks by mixing up various types of styles with pieces that might not go together. Fashion shows, window shopping, reading magazines, trying on clothes, he just loves everything about it, and even likes to sketch out idea's he comes up with.
-Nature: Hirvi loves nature. He has no problem getting dirty and sweaty taking a long hike in the forests or mountains, and loves even the creepiest or crawly of critters. He has a strong love for animals and plants, and see's them as equals to humans; thus detests those who disrespect them.
-Fencing: The sport enthralls Vivi. Since his first time watching a match it's always been something he knew he wanted to do. Practicing a great deal, he's gotten... alright at it, but not great. He's still aspiring to get better at it, and if he can, will watch a match when the opportunity presents itself. He mostly just practices with elongated branches or sticks, which don't do the sport complete justice, but does allow him to try and get down the basic's.
Virtues:
Friendly -- Hirvi is just an outgoing, approachable guy. It's rare that you'll ever see him angry or mad towards anyone unless they've done something that he finds very inappropriate; such as bullying someone, but even then he'll try and approach them with a sense of reason, in hopes that he may be able to negotiate with the bullies... of course this doesn't always work, so the need to get firm, and serious will arise. Even so, he'll keep a composed nature as best he can, not wanting emotions to get the best of him, and muddy his thought process.
Adaptive -- growing up, not having much, he's learned to be able to work with what he's got. Though he's a dreamer, he's not one to curse the cards he's been dealt. It doesn't help to sulk about it! If his favorite shirt gets a tear in it, he'll sew it back up, or cut it to make a new look, or maybe even place a patch there! What ever's thrown his way, he can bend with it more times than not. Rather than cry about something, or freak out, he's able to have a level head most of the time when unexpected situations are thrown his way. If plans fall through, hey he'll go to an arcade, or stay in and watch a show. These things happen. Got to make do with what you've got, after all!
Playful: -- Hirvio's a fun loving guy, who just well... loves having fun! It's not too difficult for him to be entertained, or to find enjoyment out of even the smallest things. He likes to playfully tease others, in of course a light sort of tone, but also might flirt with you if he thinks you're cute and wants to see if he can get a blush out of you. It's all in good nature, and never malicious or intending to hurt someone. He just likes to bring some fun to others, and help them to see that it can be found even in situations you might not expect; like... cleaning! he very well can make a game out of it, whether who ever can clean something the fastest, or dancing to some music while doing it... perhaps even putting a up a fake scenario where he has to get everything cleaned up in time or else the evil Big Mama will ground him!
Flaws:
Too self-reliant -- When things get tough, Hirvi has a really hard time going to others for their help. Even when he's down in a dark place, he will hardly ever approach someone for even a shoulder to cry on. He never wants to seem like a mooch, looked down on, or a burden to others. It's because he has difficulty seeking out help, and it often makes him uncomfortable because he's not used to relying on others. He's used to figuring out his problems on his own, and dealing with most matters by himself.
Guarded -- It won't be often he tells you that he's upset about something, or about something that happened to him in his past that still haunts him to this day. In fact, he won't let others know much about his personal life asides from the good things, more times than not. This is mostly because he doesn't want his weaknesses to be made fun of, or exploited, or to be viewed differently because of them. Another is that he doesn't always fully trust others, unless you're someone very, VERY close to him, that he feels he can whole-heartedly trust. He's never had this experience fully yet, though, and often writes his worries, concerns, or problems in a diary of some sort... or draws in an abstract way that depict's what's plaguing his mind.
Easily discouraged -- Hirvio's not one to really boast or brag, or even be cocky unless in jest. He also doesn't really hold himself to being someone in the high caliber zone when it comes to his skills/talents. But there are the occasions that he'll be really proud of something he's done, like a drawing he recently done, or if he's gotten better at fencing or playing an instrument. In these small times of self-pride, if someone else decides to rain on his parade, it can really bring him back down from that feeling of accomplishment, and even make it dull completely. Sometimes this can leave him in a sort of depleted state for a period of time, but he usually can get over it... though he may take some time away from the person{s} who discouraged him.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Silver, and very feminine/alluring.
Hair: A long wavy {semi curly} limp mohawk. In strawberry blonde.
Style like this. {but more sleek and neat} Also seen in the ref here
Face: A feminine face. Closer to an oval shape, but with a defined jaw {a lot like in the photo for the first mohawk ref}
FRECKLES! Small ears.
Clothes:
Shoes: Knee-high converse with cute little white feather wings at the outside of each angle, like these.
Tops: A white hoodie with deer ears, blue antlers shaped like his {don't mind the branch accessory} and a tail on the back and bottom. There should be speckles down the back, like how a fallow deer has it, colours in a gradient of blues. The hoodie is up, and rests towards the center back of his head, so his long hair can peek out of it. The end of the hoodie should go just slightly past his hips. Resting along the center of his bum. Underneath he should have a low cut shirt {it'd be off the shoulder if he didn't have his hoodie on} with broad horizontal stripes of ivory and charcoal black. {Good hoodie style ref}
Bottoms: some cute work out short shorts like these. But without that thick of a waist band.. Colour should be like the orange here.
Accessories: random rings, and piercings. He needs to have at least an industrial piercing on his ears, some cuffs and small loops are ok, and he needs a bridge piercing. A key necklace would be awesomeeee. And a key earring. metal should be gold
Ref for skin, hair, and other refs!
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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:50 am
Senshi of Deer
Senshi: Sailor Adhil of Deer
Challenge: "Hope my antlers hit you on the way out!"
Fuku Colour:
Main Color: cream {the extra cream is just in case you think it'll look better in some area's, or if you wanna use another shade~ not a must, just an option. }
Secondary Color: white
Fuku:
Collar -- A collar like this? in white
Bow -- A ribbon around his waist in white {placed like where it is in the ref below}
Bodice -- This. But ignore the bow on front.
Sleeves -- Yes, like in the ref above.
Brooch -- Round.
Bottoms -- Shorts like these style wise, in the colour of cream. Black buttons.
Tiara -- A thin golden chain along his forehead with the gem in the center. Teal coloured gem, if that's possible~ I'd also love if a pair of gold little antlers like these {minus the tufts} were somehow attached and dawned on his head.
Choker -- yes
Shoes White boots up to mid-thigh. The toe of the boot will be black, and black buttons will go up the outside of the boots.
Gloves -- in black
Accessories -- random rings in gold, same for earrings. Should have his bridge piercing for sure though.
Attacks:
Sailor Scout Attack: Deer's Wrath.
The spirit of a single deer is expelled from Hirvi's summoning, the gem on his forehead glowing as he calls out the attack, creating a white ethereal form to appear. It charges the enemy to knock them off their feet. This lasts for a single moment, {5 seconds-ish} and will have to be called upon again for another summoning. can be used twice.
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Storming Herd
A herd of deer are summoned to attack his enemies instead of a single one. This lasts as long as his first attack, and does a greater amount of damage on one opponent, or a moderate amount of a group of enemies. can be used twice.
Eternal Sailor Attack: Gift of the Deer.
The spirit of a deer intertwines with him, spilling white light from his tiara gem that coats around him, causing a pair of antlers to sprout from his head, and give him the agility, speed, and power of a stag. He will usually charge or rush his enemy's in this manner, sending them flying, or knocking them to the ground. This lasts for 10 seconds, and leaves him a little exhausted afterwards.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 9:40 am
Hello! Just laying down some crits for you!
Hobbies: Wow he has an awful lot of them! Not that it’s necessary a bad thing and there is no limit to them but he seems to have taken on a wide selection of things which leaves me wondering how he can do everything to such an extent that it can be classed as a hobby! Especially since he would still be in education at this point (unless he bailed) - where does he find the time!?
There is no reason why he can’t have an interest in these things without it becoming a hobby, i.e. he likes fashion or enjoys watching fencing just as much as someone enjoys watching gymnastics but that doesn’t mean they have to do it to be interested in it. I think what I am trying to say is don’t be worried that your RP him watching fencing and someone goes “YOU CANT DO THAT! He has showed no previous interest or doesn’t fence himself!!!!”
Personally I would choose you favourite three and really hammer home details about these hobbies. Obviously you want him to be very gifted in creativity with how you portray his skills in art “draws at a rather excellent level” and how he can learn several instruments with ease (make sure he doesn’t become a mary-sue in these hobbies with all the mind-blowing skills!) It would be good to know how he got into them, how it affects his time and education, social life etc etc. If you want to go for all 5 then again much more information is required (especially about the nature hobby as it effects the way he see’s people if they mistreat nature)
Virtues/Flaws: His personality needs more depth and some things conflict and are not fully explained.
Although friendly is fine (although a very common trait) you stated that he could turn on people who disrespect nature, yet you say it is rare that he is ever snotty to people. In Destiny City there will be people on a daily basis who misuse nature and will destroy it in some way or another. Do you want him as a true echo warrior or just someone who gets miffed when a person picks flowers or throws litter? (or becomes a senshi of pollution ninja ) or is he someone who would chain himself to a tree in the name of Fungus rights?
Also his adaptive virtue is again fine on its own but you talk of him growing up with nothing yet he has been able to afford to learn piano and cello, purchase fashion and art supplies and learn fencing which altogether equals a big pay check. Its ok for him to be adaptive but maybe not have it stem from him having nothing where actually he has had a lot of opportunities most people wouldn’t get a chance to see!
His self reliant flaw works with his adaptive nature but needs more work. If it rarely happens that he would depend on someone else then it's almost never going to have an impact on other characters and should either be left out or rewritten. You must remember that a personality trait should have the potential to be applied in any rp they find themselves in. You also shouldn’t have people guessing at his personality i.e. “stubbornness could have something to do with it.” Add stubbornness as a flaw if it affects his behaviour in a way that can be negative and apparent to other characters.
Senshi: Since you have his art there is no reason to post on that so on to his attacks!
If you are going to have a spectral attack it mustn’t have any AI properties so it would be good to add that the deer can’t chase after the opponent once released and that it just goes into a straight line. So if an enemy is quick enough they can jump out of the way. If not they get hit!
Add how many times your attacks can be summoned, usually once or twice in a battle max.
Hope this helps x
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:02 am
thank you kindly.
hobbies; Well I basically saw music, art, and fashion all being lumped together, since they're all creative aspects, and technically in the same base category of 'art' itself. I could simply eliminate the music, and fashion bullet and lump it into the art bit, if that would make it better. I just thought it'd be easier for people to see the various branches than have them all into one clump.
in regards to the learning of instruments, it's more so like when you're offered the chance to play instruments at school, when you're younger. Or if you have one of those instruments lying around, so you pick it up and teach yourself how to work it. the piano in that respect was the one he was lucky enough to have had growing up { an old family heirloom of sorts}. I'll get rid of the others. and no he's no mary-sue, he's not even that great at instruments yet, he just knows how to read music in a few keys, and only treble clef.
I guess I'm not sure how much to put? since I'm really bad at journals, I don't tend to splurge on them, and just place the basic's down for stuff. straight and to the point.
personality; It's a bit difficult for me to write out the personality of a character I've yet to use, so I know this is pretty bare bones unfortunately.
yes he's friendly, but he is protective of those who can't protect themselves from those who are inconsiderate; such as nature. especially nature. I could add that bit in, but it's sort of a case by case thing. I mean if someone doesn't know they're acting inappropriately, he's not going to jump their bones, but he will say something about it, or if someone does it to spite him, then he's probably going to get irked. I'm not.. sure what to say about that? it just depends on the person, what they're actually doing, and to what degree, you know? and since it's not happened yet, I don't really feel like I can fully delve into it, just because he hasn't been in that situation IC yet.
adaptive:
I'll elaborate on the fencing bit, up there. a family member had an old foil lying around that he'd toyed with, but it was in really bad shape { the blade hardly holding onto the hilt, and bent in a few area's... very worse for the wear. } though before its discovery he mostly just stuck to branches, and sticks, like kids tend to do. and still does, really, since you can't very well walk around with a foil. so he's not a professional, but more so just aspiring to be better at it. in a way it connects back to his creative nature, in which the sport of fencing is similar to an art to him; a fusion of sort of dance, and choreography, but with the brutal intent of defeating your opponent. I'll lessen his ability on it then.
for that second point, well... I guess uncommon is a better word. and I tend to like to leave mystery to my characters, so I don't bear all of their reasons into their journals. not trying to make them guess, per say, but just leave some room for curiosity. I find that sometimes people, if the answer/reason is out there as to why a character is how they are, their own character tends to know as well, sometimes. or it's overlooked as if it is common knowledge. At least in my experience, so I leave some room there for the character to find out. but his adaptivity is more so that he's not used to relying on others thus feels uncomfortable doing it, especially multiple times. like borrowing something, or... asking for a simple request. I guess he's very mildly stubborn, but not to a point that I thought it should count as a bullet point for his personality.
senshi; yeah someone told me it can only go one direction. I'll add in that summoning tid-bit then.
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:54 am
This character looks pretty neat all around. I can see why you tossed everything under the art heading and I think it's fine as long as he's not super amazing at all of it. And though his personality traits are slim (two is fine, we just usually prefer three or four) his virtues work pretty well.
His flaws though as they are written don't really come off as flaws to me. They are definately detrimental to him, don't get me wrong, but one of our big tests for flaws in this shop is to ask "Is this something that someone could dislike this character for?"
As they're written right now.. not so much. Unless you're his very best friend/teammate why would you care or dislike him for not asking for help and shouldering all his problems and work himself? The same stands for his second flaw, while if someone KNOWS that he isn't being genuine about how he feels you made it sounds as if he's good at masking so again, why would someone dislike him for that when they don't even realize he's doing it?
With some tweaking those flaws might still be able to work but you'll need to expand upon them a little bit.
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Posted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:45 pm
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Posted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 5:06 pm
The changes look good to me, you're ACCEPTED
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