Opening of my book. Want an opinion.

[KiraxBingBing-Chan]

The colors in the air went from silver to gray to a dazzling blue. They swirled around each other and entwined with one another forming a cross in the sky. The lines swirled and radiated far across the land. The source of these lines was a man. He was tall; fair skinned and had dark hair. His eyes were closed and thick glasses sat on top of his head. His black hair was pulled into a short pony tail and hung on the back of his neck. The colors in the air swirled around him and swelled to great proportions.
When he opened his dark brown eyes the colors suddenly stopped. They withdrew from the surrounding area and all trace of these colors was gone. The man looked left and right slowly as he slid his glasses down, onto his face. He stared straight ahead and smirked at the prospect of a fight.
“Justin Breanin, put your hands up and don’t move.” Six men surrounded him and held up swords and knives. All were sharp and each man trained to kill. “Lay face down on the ground and put your hands on your head!” The orders were quick and sharp.
Justin brushed a stray hair from his face and the men traced the light blue tattoo on his cheek. It was an upside triangle but it looked like it belonged. He had a long, mature face and the smile made it look wicked and dark. The smile told the men all they needed to know about his answer.
“Justin, get down on the ground!”
The man shook his head slowly, “I cannot. Sorry but I have to do this.” He held his hands up slowly as asked and everyone relaxed. No one seemed to have heard his words.
As he clenched his fists the winds around him picked up and circulated in front of him. A mini tornado was forming right there in front of everyone. The men let out shrieks of surprise as the winds tore through their clothes.
“Stop him!”
The trees and plants in the surrounding area were torn from the dry land and hurled at the men. A few were thrown to the side by the gales and a few others were torn apart by the force. Justin stood in the middle of the storm smiling the whole time. Blood splattered his clothes and face, but he merely wiped it away as if it was water.
Seconds later the winds stopped and everything was silent. All the men were either dead or blown away. Justin picked up a sword and analyzed it carefully. It was light to handle but it was slick. The hilt was encrusted with blue and white jewels. It was really a piece of work, but Justin didn’t have time to worry about any of that; he was more concerned about who made the weapon. He dropped the sword as he stood and headed off to the north. He was headed for a large tower in the middle of town.
The surrounding houses had either been burnt or stomped to dust. There was hardly any plant life and the roads were cracked and dry. Everything was destroyed and left for nothing. It was like a ghost town and the few people that were seen were dirty and slow. Everyone looked half dead and walked around with little purpose. This is what their land was like now.
Justin rolled his white sleeves up and shook his head. He was not going to lose another town. He had already lost so much. His eyes flashed defiantly as he got closer and closer to the giant tower. He passed the closed shop, the destroyed school, and the shut down hospital. All were places he had once enjoyed being in. Now they were reduced to ash or a pile of bricks.
When he got close enough to touch the tower a horde of twenty centaurs charged out at him. All were male and all were decorated soldiers. Each had a pearly white helmet and ice spears. Their bodies were protected by leather and metal. Their horse bodies and legs went unprotected, so Justin knew where to aim.
He pulled a silver bow off his back and shot off three arrows made of pure energy. He downed four centaurs and watched the others trip and fall. The few that made it past his obstacle were forced back by a large gust of wind. He shot three more arrows and downed the three in front of him. Once that was done he spun his fingers in the air and tossed the others into nearby buildings and houses. People ran for their lives as he made a mess of things.
“I will not be stopped this time.” The man hissed darkly. “I will get what I want.”
He strode into the white building and slung his bow across his back once more. He was starting to feel the exhaustion of his spent energy. His body was beginning to ache and his movements were getting slower. He was determined to not give this up.
As he approached a large, circular room he met a familiar female voice. “Justin, I was wondering when I would be seeing you. How are you? As strong as ever I see.” The voice was sickly sweet and high pitched. It was a voice Justin had come to despise.
“I am a lot stronger then I was four years ago. I have come for the girl you stole from me.”
A woman with long, blond hair sat in a chair of gold. She was smack dab in the center of the room. Pictures and weapons hung on the walls and the floor was decorated with flower petals. The woman had curly hair, ice blue eyes, and pink cheeks. She was beautiful and curvy. She wore long robes of white and her head was decorated with a small tiara.
“I can see that. You managed to get past my best men. I was hoping I would see you, but I didn’t realize you gave up your non-violent ways.”
Justin crossed the room slowly keeping his hands in front of him. If she was going to try something he wanted to be ready. “I had to give up those ways when you slaughtered my family.”
Angel crossed her legs and sat back in the chair laughing, “Oh come now, that was years ago. Why must you refuse all of my offers? We could be a strong couple you and I.”
“I will never join you, witch. You stole my life so I wish to steal yours.”
Angel’s eyes flashed irritation before the smile returned to her lips. “You think that child is mine? Well she is not mine. She is my dear sister’s child. Too bad my sister was lost years ago. That child of hers has powers you wouldn’t believe. Did you know she has the power of three elements? I never thought it was possible.”
Justin scoffed and shook his head, “You control all the elements. Why is her magic a surprise to you?”
“I absorb magic she does not. To tell you the truth I find her highly interesting. I plan on keeping her for a while longer.”
Justin smirked and readjusted his glasses, “I don’t think so, Angel. I am taking her with me. Once I get a hold of her, things will go back to normal.”
“And why do you think that? She cannot replace your daughter so why torture yourself like that? What do you gain from it?”
“You’re pain.”
When the words ended he threw his hands in the air and the wind rushed at Angel. The woman faked a yawn and flicked her wrist. The wave of wind was disbanded and she looked up viciously. “If you insist.”
She held her left hand out to the side and snapped her fingers. Almost instantly a spear of ice formed. Justin pulled his bow from his back and strung an arrow. He let it fly seconds later. Angel side stepped and a weight fell on his chest. As he collapsed Angel rushed forward and stabbed out with her weapon.
Justin fought off the weighing presence and rolled to the side. Angel’s spear stuck in the ground and spark flew. The man strung another arrow and watched as it ran through Angel’s leg. It disappeared as it hit the wall. The woman let out a cry of pain and doubled over as blood ran down her leg staining the robes.
Justin stood quickly and clapped his hands together allowing a violent pillar of wind to shoot from his palms. Angel looked up as the attack got closer and closer. Justin blinked and the woman was gone.
‘I won’t let you get away with this. I will kill you all.’ The voice resounded in his head and he yelled out dropping to his knees. ‘I am stronger, I will always be stronger.’
As the voice faded the intense pain in his head also faded. When his vision cleared Justin stood and looked around. The circle room had been trashed but there was no sign of Angel. He quickly recovered from the fight and took off down a hall. He had to find the girl before he left.
As he approached one room there was a tingling sensation in the back of his mind. The colors that radiated from this room were brilliant. He opened the door quickly and smiled in relief. He had found her.
A raven haired female slept on a white table. Her clothes were burnt and dirty, but she was very much alive. She had pale skin and she was very thin, but from the beeping of the monitors she was healthy.
Justin undid the chains holding her down and sighed in relief. “I found you, Kara. Do not worry I have come to take you home.” He lifted her off the table and smiled. They were going home.  

[Mizu Rose]

KiraxBingBing-Chan

I was passing through when I noticed your post. Now, it is definitely good, but there is something that I noticed about your writing, just to give you a bit of constructive criticism.

You have a lot of small sentences.

Example:

Seconds later the winds stopped and everything was silent. All the men were either dead or blown away. Justin picked up a sword and analyzed it carefully. It was light to handle but it was slick. The hilt was encrusted with blue and white jewels.

Try blending them a bit more, instead of just saying little sentences. It makes it feel longer, and more descriptive.

Like, take the first two sentences of the example above:

'Seconds later the winds stopped and everything was silent. All the men were either dead or blown away.'

Take that, and change it. Like this:

"Seconds later, as the wind slowly came to a stop, everything was silent and all of the previous men had either been killed or blown away."

It isn't that changed from the original sentences, and it flows a bit more easier than the shorter sentences.

I hope this helps you out a bit more, and I'm sorry no one else has responded in a very long time. This used to be a very active Guild, but then Vincent hasn't been able to come back online for about as long. Shortly after he left, others began to leave as well.... I was so busy with school at the time, I had no choice... Once again, I hope this helps you, and that you continue to grow in your writing. ^^ Have a nice day!