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 Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 7:25 pm
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well people,
i'm a very sad man, and i really don't know the reason. i've been called genius when young. but all my life i suffered cause i was too small. and my parents had the great idea to put me one year earlier at school. i studied with older and bigger kids all my life, i was always the small and weak nerd.
still, i survived, got stronger, bigger, and now i'm 18, ate college, healtly and still smart.
but my whole life i had a problem, i had no dreams. when someone asks me "what do u want to be when u grow up?" i never knew, and still don't know. i don't know what to do... don't fell like doing anything, everything i do feels boring. i'm really sad, all the time...
i got a girlfriend a few years ago, just to see if that could make me happier. but suddenly my parents got to move, and now i live thousands miles away from her, and she suffers a lot. i tried to brake up, but she refused, she wanted to do this, to be strong enought for this, so i accept...
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now... two years later alone, sad and bored... i really feel like jumping, if u know what i mean...
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and to make things worse, i can't even jump, cause it would be too painfull to my girlfriend, and my family... i'm my lil brother's hero, poor child...
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i don't know what to do... really don't
and please, forgive all my grammar mistakes (if possible, show what i miss, i'm still having english classes) (i'm from Brazil)
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Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:07 pm
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When I was 19, I was in pretty much the same place--different circumstances, of course--but still same basic feelings.
I'm not gonna give you the details on how bad I was and what was going on, 'cause that's really personal. I was scaring myself, to say the least. But fighting my way out of that hole was the absolute hardest thing I've done in my entire life. Funny thing is, I'm still fighting my way out. But I'm doing a lot better now, because some things happened recently to snap me out of it even more than that fear I had then.
It's a tough thing to beat, that feeling, and it's not easy. Takes a really long time, and some real effort.
As far as not knowing what you want to do with your life: hell, I'm 23, and I just figured out what I really want to do with my life last March. You've got time. Believe me.
As far as this girlfriend: if you don't want to be with her, if there's nothing there, well there's just nothing there. If you want to break up and she refuses--that's just not how it works. It only takes one person to want to end a relationship to end it. That's the way most break-ups go. Yeah, they suck. They suck bad. But that's just part of the Search and everybody goes through it. Sometimes you just gotta deal with the sadness to find happiness. You can't worry about everyone else if it makes you miserable. You gotta do what's right for you.
Then again, if you want to be with her, that's another story.
One thing I've learned in the past couple of years is that happiness, a real thirst for life, doesn't automatically come to people. You can't just sit around and wait for it to hit you, because it isn't going to happen. You've got to fight for it--especially in today's world.
But you've got to be WILLING to fight.
sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:42 pm
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