JOKE JOKE (new jokes added post #10)

[killafrog]

I ALWAYS LOVE JOKES AND I WANT TO GET NEW JOKES SO I THOUGHT I SHARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE JOKES

RULES

#1 KEEP IT APPROPRIATE.

#2 TRY KEEP THE JOKE SHORT AS POSSIBLE THANKS.

#3 NO RACE/COLOR JOKES PLZ ON HERE I LIKE SOME OF THEM BUT THERE ARE SOME THATS JUST PLAIN BAD JOKE.

#4 I MAY CHANGE RULES FOR THE BETTER.

PS IF THE JOKE IS SHORT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO ADD IT TO THE LIST OF JOKES SO GAIANS DON'T NEED TO LOOK ALL THROUGH THE PAGES FOR THEM.

PLEASE ADD JOKES I LOVE TO GET THEM  

[killafrog]

REDNECK

#1 IF YOU COUSIN TELLS YOU TO TURN ON THE ONLY DIRT ROAD IN HIS TOWN YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#2 IF YOUR FOUR YR OLD HAS MORE TEETH THEN YOU DO YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#3 IF YOUR RICHEST RELATIVE BUYS A NEW HOUSE AND YOU HAVE TO HELP TAKE THE WHEELS OFF OF IT YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#4 IF YOU REVERE TO THE 5TH GRADE AS MY SENIOR YR YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#5 IF YOU EVER TAKEN A BEER TO A JOB INTERVIEW YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#6 IF YOU CAN BURP AND SAY YOUR NAME AT THE SAME TIME YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK

#7 IF YOU THINK THE NUT CRACKER IS SOMETHING YOU DID OFF THE HIGH DIVE YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#8 IF GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT INVOLVES SHOES AND A FLASHLIGHT YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#9 IF PEOPLE ASK TO HUNT IN YOUR FRONT YARD YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#10 IF YOU BEEN ON MORE THEN 5 TIMES ON TELEVISION DESCRIBING WHAT THE TORNADO SOUNDED LIKE YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#11 IF YOU EVER CUT YOUR GRASS AND FOUND A CAR YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#12 IF YOUR DAD WALKS YOU TO SCHOOL BECAUSE YOUR IN THE SAME GRADE YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#13 IF YOU EVER BEEN TO DRUNK TO FISH YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#14 IF EVERYDAY SOMEBODY COMES BY YOUR DOOR MISTAKINGLY THINKING YOUR HAVING A YARD SALE YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.


#15 IF YOU EVER FINANCED A TATTOO YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#16 IF YOU EVER MADE CHANGE AT THE OFFERING PLATE YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#17 IF YOU GO TO THE FAMILY REUNION TO MEET WOMEN YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

#18 IF YOU SEE A SIGN THAT SAYS SAY NO TO CRACK AND IT REMINDS YOU TO PULL UP YOUR JEANS YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.  

[killafrog]

I BELIEVE

#1 I BELIEVE THAT ANYONE THAT WANTS TO WEAR A THONG SHOULD GO THROUGH AN APPLICATION PROCESS.

#2 I BELIEVE YOU SHOW ME A 3 YEAR OLD RUNNING AROUND A FLEA MARKET IN HIS UNDERPANTS DRINKING COCA-COLA OUT OF A BABY BOTTLE AND I'LL SHOW YOU A FUTURE NASCAR FAN.

#3 I BELIEVE THAT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA WRECK THE TRUCK TO GET THE INSURANCE MONEY TO PAY FOR THE TRUCK PAYMENT.

#4 I BELIEVE THE PHRASE TIME IN A BOTTLE REVERS TO THE AMOUNT OF BEER YOU CAN DRINK BEFORE LAST CALL.

#5 I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU LET SOMEBODY CUT IN FRONT OF YOU IN TRAFFIC AND THEY DON'T GIVE YOU THE LITTLE WAVE. IT SHOULD BE PERFECTLY LEGAL TO GET UP UNDER THEM GET THEM LOOSE AND PUT THEM IN THE WALL.

#6 I BELIEVE A BEST MIRROR IS AN OLD FRIEND


#7 I BELIEVE friendship is like that of a dog to a fire hydrant.  

[killafrog]

ONE LINER JOKE

#1 EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

#2 WHEN EVERYTHING'S COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

#3 IF YOU CHOKE A SMURF, WHAT COLOR DOES IT TURN?

#4 WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

#5 HOW DO YOU TELL IF YOU RUN OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

#6 I TRIED SNIFFING COKE ONCE, BUT THE ICE CUBES GOT STUCK IN MY NOSE.

#7 IF TEPHLAN KEEPS FOOD FROM STICKING TO THE PAN, HOW DOES TEPHLAN STICK TO THE PAN?

#8 DO FISH GET CRAMPS AFTER EATING?

#9 WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE AN "S" IN IT?

#10 SINCE LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, ISN'T THAT WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK?

#11 How come abbreviated is such a long word?

#12 If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

#13 Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

#14 Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

#15 Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

#16 If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

#17 When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!  

[killafrog]

CHUCK NORRIS

#1 chuck norris is the the reason waldo is hiding

#2 Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. It's not because he's afraid of the dark, it's because the dark is afraid of him.

#3 Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table of the elements cos the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise!

#4 when you ask chuck norris what time it is, he says "2 seconds till"
...
you say "2 seconds till what?"

chuck norris then delivers an all out roundhouse kick to ur face.

#5 chuck norris built the house he was born in!

#6 when Chuck Norris does push ups, he's not pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.

#7 Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

#8 If you are google searching Chuck Norris and you misspell his name it doesnt say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It says, "Run while you still have the chance."

#9 When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

#10 People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

#11 Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

#12 One day, Chuck Norris tried to recreate the "unstoppable force against an immovable object" by roundhouse kicking himself.

#13 chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

#14 the boogieman checks his closet every night for chuck norris

#15 Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger by yelling "bang!"

#16 Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out

#17 in fine print of the Guinness Book Of Records, it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris & those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

#18 Chuck Norrisis currently suing NBC claiming "Law & Order" are trademarked names of his left & right legs.

#19 what would a klondike bar do for chuck norris?

#20 The Earth isn't spinning; the rest of the universe is constantly on the move to keep a safe distance from Chuck Norris.

#21 Chuck norris invented the girafe u know... Yeah, he got mad and uppercut a horse. thx mekutataki

#22 Chuck Norris is the only person who can successfully slam a revolving door! thx mekutataki

#23 Chuck Norris blew up the Challenger space shuttle. When asked why he said, "I never left a challenger alive." THX Akira_punk72987

#24 Chuck Norris invented the internet so people can talk about how great Chuck Norris is. THX Akira_punk72987  

[killafrog]

JUST PLAIN DUMB

#1 your so dumb you sat on the t.v and watched the couch

#2 your so dumb you went to a clippers game to get a haircut.

#3 your so dumb on a can of orange juice it says concentrate you did

#4 your so dumb you went to a suns game and got a tan.

#5 Your so dumb that i told you Christmas was around the corner, and you went lookin'.

#6 Your so dumb you stole a free sample.

#7 Your so dumb that you got hit by a parked car.

#8 Your so dumb that you heard someone say it was chilli outside so you ran and grabbed a bowl

#9 Your so dumb you tried to kill herself by jumping out of the basement window

#10 Your so dumb you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

#11 Your mom is so dumb she passed out trying to blow up a firecracker, she thought the fuse was a straw.

#12 You so dumb, you went up to a cow and ask for 2%!

#13 your momma so dumb she tried to drown a fish

#14 Your momma's so dumb her shoes say TGIF - toes go in front

#15 Your momma's so dumb she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said Disney World Left so she went home

#16 Your momma's so dumb she snuck on the bus and paid to get off

#17 your mama is so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund. (thx lunaci)  

[killafrog]

what blondes

#1 A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop,

someone asked, "Where did you get that?"

The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

#2 Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

#3 A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat.

The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

#4 The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

#5 Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!

#6 What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.

#7 Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicapped spots.

#8 How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.

#9 What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
Is it mine?

#10 Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?? Thx Pink Fregia

#11 A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' Thx Pink Fregia

#12 A redhead goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I do this. OUCH! And it hurts when I do this. OUCH!".
The Doctor asked "Is red your natural hair color?" and she said "No, it's blond."
The doctor said "There's the problem. Your finger is broken." Thx Moon Rabbit Reisen

#13 A man's wife had been nagging him about painting their porch for months. One day his blonde neighbor came and she asked him "Is there anything I could do around here to make a few bucks?" The husband thought, here's a way I can get out of painting the porch. So he offered, "I'll pay you $20 to paint my porch." The blonde thought for a minute but then agreed.
He went over and opened his garage and showed her the paint and brushes and said "Let me know when your done".
An hour later she was back knocking on his door. When he opened it she said "I'm done! I even put on two coats! Oh and by the way it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus." THX Shallia R  

[killafrog]

poor jokes

#1 Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.  

[killafrog]

just a thought

#1 Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
George Carlin

#2 I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
Jay Leno

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris  

[killafrog]

big jokes

#1 Yo' mama is so fat....
that the horse on her polo shirt is real!! (thx Chris de Medich)

#2 Yo' mama is so fat, she sat on a rainbow and out came skittles thx lunaci

#3 Yo' mama is so fat That I ran out of gas before I got to her back side.

#4 Yo' mama is so fat that when she walked out to get the mail she measured on the rictor scale  

[killafrog]

Youtube gags/joke/ha ha

#1 A distant cousin did this. Thank goodness I don't get snow.

Just bad snowman

What type of snowmen do you build? THX Pink Fregia

#2 panks  

[killafrog]

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[killafrog]

RESERVE  

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