Girlfriends

[Devils_Advocate_110]

Poor [Jewl.] had to deal with ym complaints on this one before. wink

Ive gotten a new problem. The girlfriend I thought was gone forever is back again, doing her best to talk to me. While I love her dearly, I found myself incredibly attracted to a girl in my class. I dont want to hurt my current girlfriend by ending this, ubt Im horrified of being unfaithful, since Ive had it happen once before, and do not want it to happen ever again. The first time was in a situation the same as this, actually, and I ended up really hurting my ex. I dont want to do that again. Which way do I choose?

UPADATE****


Guess what guys, its happening again. God Im bad at relationships.

This time around, Ive figured somethign new out. My long distance girlfriend has become massivley jealous, confrontational, posessive, and whiny, to the point where Im not really even allowed to talk.

So, Im breaking up with her, theres no doubt in my mind about that.

This time, ite mroe about a split decision. There are now two girls that I find myself attracted to. The original girl, and a new girl. This time, its more about, how do I choose which one I should ask out? they know eachother, and I know that if I ask one out, the other will find out, so if I try to ask the other out, shell feel like a second choice, and automatically say no.

What the hell do I do?  

[[.Jewl.]]

Aw..! Again?! lol J/K.

Hm... difficult indeed! But, thinking of your age and the qoute, "It is better to love and lost then to never have loved," I think that you have to decide how much in love you are with current girlfriend. If you KNOW that it isn't long term... then explain it. If you don't know.. which I highly am thinking you don't.. then figure if the other girl, the one in class, is worth all that pain. Not pain for you, but the current girl. I doubt you'd want to have a rep. to be the player... lol which I doubt you aren't.

How long have you and current girlfriend been dating btw?  

[shall she sail seas]

Is complete honesty a feasible option here? Would you be able to openly explain your situation to your current girlfriend without her throwing plates at you?

Also, why did you girlfriend "leave"? Was this a physical leave, an emotional one or both? It's kind of hard to give you advice without knowing the situation.

About the honesty bit, I'm assuming your current girlfriend is relatively level-headed. Find a time when you're both calm and in a good mood to talk. If you can openly tell her what's going on and request honest and sincere feedback from her, you'll be able to figure out what's better for the both of you.

I say this because it's clearly worked for me. My boyfriend is fully aware that my ex is now one of my best friends. That, and the three of us know very clearly that my ex and I broke up on good terms.  

[Devils_Advocate_110]

Physical leave. And I sincerely douvt that she would listen to me talkign about another girl without throwing plates.

And as for the reason that I dont want to leave her is because I really do love her, its nto just some teenage infatuation, at least if it is, it isnt like any of the ones Ive witnessed.

Also, I know very well that leaving her, or being unfaithful, will hurt her quite a lot. I havent been able to talk to her much, since I only met her over the summer, and her jobs a b***h. (Shes doesnt live near me, no.)  

[[.Jewl.]]

aaah, I see. A long-distance-ish relationship.. my gawd, a real life friend of mine have a relationship like that now.. and its very hard for them.. these relationship take a lot of hard work. Even if the other person just lives 2 hours away or something like that. So, do you think your crush with the girl in class gonna be temporary?

Perhaps, you have to really set down a date and time to hang out with your current girlfriend. Really find a day, like when she is able to really get one day off, even if its just one and hang out. So that prepping up for that day will also keep you from being so distracted with the girl in class?  

[Devils_Advocate_110]

I doubt that would work. Mostly because she moved to washington. Really hard to get her here for that.

And I dont know about the girl in ym class. I really dont know. Im at a complete loss, whic hurts mroe than knowing one way or another.  

[shall she sail seas]

Dude, seems like you pretty much answered you question there. Stick with your current girlfriend. That said, how old are you again? And how much of a future together do you have in mind? I mean the second question in very concrete terms and your age might affect how realistic your answer is. For example, university/college locations, chance of transferring universities, career locations, etc. How much of the future do you already know?

I know this is going to sound lame, but would you be able to continue the relationship through phone calls, webcam and instant messaging?

I won't go into details, but let's just say majority of my relationships including friendships (IRL) and family communication are long distance... for too many reasons. Somehow, it's worked very well for me simply because there is no alternative.  

[Devils_Advocate_110]

I am sisxteen, but this is more than just a teenage infatuation, I think. I realy do love her, more than I have any of my other girlfriends or crushes.

As for long distance, were working on that. Shes got a crappy job that keeps her from getting online all that aften, so we do our best. I couldnt call her since the phone bill would be outrageous.

As for a future, I dont know about her, but I really want this to last. I myself am hoping to find a decent college for sciences that isnt too incredibly expensive, and if Im lucky, I will be able to find one at least closer to her. Of course, I do intend to attend Cornell, but thats going to take some work.  

[shall she sail seas]

Two words: phone cards.

Besides that, your future plans are extremely vague. Here are some questions you'll have to be able to answer very soon:

What are the top three colleges/universities you want to get into?

What are her top three?

What combination of distances would both of your choices lead to?

With those distances, what transportation is most feasible and will your budgets allow for it? If so, what portion of your budget will be allocated for this?

Are either of you planning to start working after your degree or will you continue as a grad student?

If studying, where will you/her most likely transfer? (Again, top three choices, distances, transportation, etc.)

If one or both of you are working, how high is the likelihood that you can relocate to live together?

What will happen if one of you finishes your degree earlier/later than the other?

Concrete straightforward answers. No writing "maybe"s even if there really are "maybe"s. And I don't mind if you prefer to keep the answers private but I think it's crucial that you at least write them down on a piece of paper somewhere just so it looks concrete. Take into account any scholarships, grants, family financial support, part-time work, etc. during your schooling period.

My boyfriend is off to do fieldwork in another country for two years, come June 2009. However, we're almost crystal clear when it comes to career/academic locations, finances, any back-up plans if something doesn't work out, etc. I know there's the huge age gap between you and me (I'm 25, my boyfriend's 32) so it might be difficult for you to answer those questions.

Long distance relationships make you grow up pretty fast.... if it's not acting as an informal landlord-by-association to an uncle in your home country, it's bringing legal documents to your grandmother the next time you return home or some other wacky overseas errand. All this started for me when I was 16 too. And sure, I'm talking about my family, but this is about your potential future family.  

[Devils_Advocate_110]

Updated  

[shall she sail seas]

Ehh... it's kind of hard to give advice on that one unless we actually know those two girls. It's more a judgment of personality that you're looking at right now.  

[[.Jewl.]]

Ditto. Wow, you keep getting yourself in trouble don't ya? I think its difficult to tell too. I'd say original girl might have more of a good chance to last, since you still talk to her and all. But, you never know. New girl might be it too... lol, you haven't given too much away so it is hard to tell.  

[Smartteaser192]

I knew it would be that complicated. Complicated to the point we see dilemmas.

If I were you I would look at it in a way of worthy to sacrifice one of the girls. Look at their significance in your life.

Usually, whenever there is a 3rd party, it always gets pretty ugly. The problem with men is that they are focused on the looks, not the personality and that is why there is a 3rd party. It all about being attracted by girls.  

[Devils_Advocate_110]

Christ, looking back two years, I feel like a complete puss. Jesus, I was sad. >.<