I have been really depressed lately about my work situation about how I still live at home with a verbally absusive mother.

I feel like my emotions are constantly in question, and be invalidated.

I have gone though a DBT program but I have found it harder to do the skills I learned from DBT now that I am not in that group.

I miss being able to sit down with people like me that have the same issues as me that are just emtional more vonerable and more sensative....life on daily basis is hard for us we are expected to just hold in our emotions to not show them around others hardly at all.

and to a degree i feel like people want me to lie to them.

I feel like they want me to say hey everything is great and fine....when its not. I was given an expecation of that my boyfriend wanted to say I am ok I am happy...when I am not happy.

granted I want to be happy I do not want to feel depressed and as badly depressed as I am right now in this point in my life but sometimes I just don't know what to do or to say to make myself be happy frankly it scares me to end that I don't even feel like I know how to be a happy at all...

that I end up wanting to start cutting myself or even my mind floats to sucidical thoughts.

whats even more frustrating is my emotions make me come of to myself and to others as being rude and selfish which just ends up making me continue to feel bad and depressed and does not help me when I am trying to climb out of the pit of being depressed.

I had to basically just tell him. I hear what you are saying I know you want me to move on to get over the fact we argued last night and that you want me to be happy. So do I, but you have to understand that this is not something i know how to do very easily and I will try as best I can to do this but if I can not...please try to be understanding. After all I am learning something new that I don't know how to do.


and I have found if I am polite kind and respectful about it when I talk to him...he is still frustrated but he is more understanding.

in effort to try to work on my not being depressed I am going to try to make a list of things I have not been doing a lot of lately, things I feel would make me happy and try to have them be incorporated into my day. So that my mood and mind set can be better.

that and make sure I take all of my meds like I am supposed to.
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