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 Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2020 8:18 pm
It's weird reading back through some of the old posts in this forum.
It's been basically a decade now and it feels like not much has changed in my life since I first joined, other than I guess whatever hormones screwing with my head are less aggressive... so I'm still always depressed, but more passively, and I've mostly come to accept that I always will be and have adapted a little. Not super positive sounding, but I'm dealing. And I'm a little more self aware that I was in an abusive 'n stressful place when I was coming here regularly. Which is kind of a shitty excuse, but it at least makes me feel less guilty of how little I can remember. I was on meds and literally had to dramatically run away from home at some point after I left here, so I hope the people I was an a** to can forgive me or at least felt relieved I wasn't around being a d**k anymore. I'm trying to forgive myself for leaning so hard on this place for support and yet not remembering much beyond usernames and chilling.
...to be fair, I'm not sure I even remember my own old username (I had to try logging in like 20 times with different ones) since I changed it to avoid someone, so I guess it makes sense how little I do remember about everything. I had to check the Guild Members first page ordered by number of posts to find it. |||OTL
I miss this place and I miss the memories-- it's foggy, but I remember this forum as a generally kind escape with some silly drama and fun friends. I loved doing art for people here, and chilling in threads with other sleep-deprived friends, and skyping or scribbling with others. I remember being a cringey teenager here and it's weird being a cringey mid-20s adult looking back and feeling like I haven't grown at all, just gotten used to never feeling like an adult the way people always seem to. Seeing people post about their lives has been refreshing, though--even if it's not all good news, I'm glad people are still around and living their lives. I hope more people pop up and I remember to check. A couple people I used to chat with live somewhat near me, I think, but I never had the courage to message them or check how they were doing. I think I blog or instagram check on others--seeing others who ended up also coming out as trans or ended up pursuing careers in art/games or other big risky changes was really relatable and reassuring. I'm glad I came to this guild even if I had some weird stuff go down, lol.
...I kind of want to (re-)introduce some offline friends to zOMG!. I have no idea how Gaia's doing (seeing an alert for GCash being... 122% cheaper? is. really not reassuring) but I think it'd be nice and nostalgic.
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:11 am
its so weird to look at my old posts knowing what happened after i was on gaia and the insane amount of tumblr drama i got swept up in
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Posted: Sun May 02, 2021 10:59 am
God I feel that. My offline life has gotten much better, but online drama has really matured into, like, drama drama. I have, however, sort of -- sort of -- learned how not to be actually caught in it, so it's more like I watch these things happen and go "oh god I'm so glad I'm not involved in this".
I'm still a whiny little pissant though. That much hasn't changed.
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Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2021 12:19 am
Sheesh, it's been a while, huh
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Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2021 9:05 am
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