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 Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 7:17 am
I'm not rude.. But right now, I guess the only way to forget is to accept reality. that no matter what you do and what you think, it's never gonna change so the only option left for you is to move on. I'm not sleepy yet. I don't have anyone to talk to so I guess I can count on you.. You've been here since 2009 and I think you're the only thread alive in this clan's forum. I suck at being captain I know. But people are not really up to sharing their emotions with others. though I know that no one is ever gonna read this except for me. xDD
Well, I saw my crush earlier and damn, I messed it up again, I couldn't even look at him. Whenever I see him, the only thing I do is stick out my tongue whenever he say something stupid when I pass by. But I guess something has change, because I remember one time he was on my left side talking to his friends then I stick out my tongue on the right side. So I'm thinking that maybe he thought I got pissed. Aside from that, he is younger than me. God! I have to find a man like alex meraz or alex meraz.. I don't like anyone else as of now. xDD
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Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:59 am
Earlier today, my ex from Naga texted me. We talked and stuffs. Then he opened up to me, he said that if I'm afraid because I'm thinking that he's gonna leave me for basketball again, then I was wrong, because he told me that he doesn't play basketball that much anymore and he'll make it up to me. He even told me that he didn't go out with anyone else for the past 3 years. He needed my decision if I wanna go back to him or not. I asked him to give me a month to think. I don't think I'm gonna need a month to think though, I just needed the time to be brave enough and tell him for the second time that I'm not coming back. I got this thing in me that when someone decided to leave me for something or someone else, there's no turning back.. Everything is over. That's first part.
At lunch time I told Kuya Jande that Ram wants us to be together again. And he told me that Ram is ok.. Like he told me that ok, go back to him and s**t. I didn't like it. I mean no matter how I try to forget what I feel for him, I can't do it. I've loved other guys, yes, but I've always loved him even now that he's married and he's got a kid. He is my one great love so it hurt so much when he said that, like ok just go and be happy with him. I wonder if it was my mistake when I told him that I love him, but I know he's not for me so I gotta stop, because since that day he was different. He always wanted us to be more than friends, but I don't wanna be the other woman. I'm not crazy. Yet.
I love you Kuya Jande.. I always will.. But right now, I'm sure that I'm in love with someone else. It's to late though.. I hope he knows even if there's no chance for us anymore. I miss him so bad.. Most of the time I wanna cry, but I don't wanna be weak. I gotta be strong.. And he's happy now anyway.. He gets everything he wants, she is closer to him and maybe he is happier with her. Makes me feel bad and insecure, but who cares now? I can't give him everything he wanted, even anything he likes from gaia, I'm not nice and I'm always rude. We always fight and lastly I'm from halfway around the world. Isn't it ironic? that when I finally got the stupid computer, he was gone.. Life is full of surprises..
So I decided that in order for me to be happy again. I have to let go of the people from the past and move on. But I'm not sure how am I gonna pull it off, but I guess I should try. Because when your life lingers in the past, you're never gonna be happy. You gotta keep moving forward even if you are literally stuck at one place for the rest of your life.
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Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2010 6:11 am
Ok.. I'm confused.. And I think I should stop caring too much about other people because they take it the wrong way and it always ends up badly which is not good. I need my friends and I don't wanna lose them, but if that is for the better.. then I think I can handle it. God I should have known!
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:22 am
So Kennie is getting married on April 2011.. Crow.. It sucks to be you...
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Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:11 am
I was hoping that I was drooling to the guy who drools over me too. Guess I was wrong. Two to tangle. crying I was drooling over him and his super hot cousin with a kid and a wife to be was drooling over me too, telling me that he wished he met me first. Nice huh. But the point is, I still think Edsun was hotter when he walked on our store half-naked! (No shirt on) He's not that much of a cutie like his cousin, but I like his long shiny hair tied up.. biggrin OMG I'm almost drooling again..
Anyway, his cousin asked me to be IN the forbidden relationship with him. Keep it as our secret! Shhh Like I'm gonna do that. I would never ever be the other woman! Not even in my dreams!!!! He's hot though.. crying -sigh-
Seriously, this is the thing that's bothering me. He's got a kid, but not married yet and... the other one is married with a kid too. Now tell me, what's with people and affairs??? I guess if you need guys, take my advice, gain some weight. crying Hopefully, you get single guys who wants to be with you. What's with me anyway? I'm fat and I'm ugly with a pimpled face! What's wrong with them? They are like totally hot with beautiful wives! And I thought sexy and beautiful girls are always the ones getting involved with such things. Now I believe that even if you are fat and a loser, you'll still qualify to be one of those other women contest! God!!! Powerful and intimidating personality eh? I hope I can see myself the way they see me.
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Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:05 am
So yeah, yesterday I cried because I think yesterday was the first time that I've ever talked to someone about my problem with mom. Ate Jen was totally shocked, she told me that she didn't expected that. And I was like.. Yeah.. She always thought that I'm the happy go lucky person and a strong one. I told her I'm not. She believed in me and she told me that she'll pray for me and my mother.
Anyway, my hot topics. Last night Mr. Love was not really drunk, but I think he found a way to tell me what he truly feel. Too bad he's married. I would've loved to be with him like for the rest of my life. But it's not gonna happen. He wanted to come here and I kept saying no because I don't have much time, I'm not gonna be able to entertain him while I'm at the store and blah blah so he got pissed again. crying talk about love.. I never thought that he could be dramatic in any sense at all. It's been a year since he got married and it's been two years since the last we saw each other. College ended up really bad for me and I get to patch it up with him when I found out that he was getting married.
Mr. Mahang, they guy with a kid and almost wife asked me to go out on a date with him. (Bagasbas Beach) Well, I'd be damned! I always dreamed of dating in a beach and the guy offered me that. Technically, dating him is not wrong because he's not married and he'll never want it (that's what he said). We talked for like 20 minutes earlier and we planned on talking on the phone tomorrow. xDD It's a good thing that we both have PLDT.
Long haired dude, he is hot really.. crying But the way he looks at me. I think I know that he knows something. He asked for my number and gave it to Mr. Mahang so he's probably thinking that his cousin likes me and as far as I know, I can see it in his eyes that he liked the idea.. I hate him for that!
CONCLUSION:
I can't break the rules if Mr. Mahang is involve, but I'm willing to break all the rules that I've set in my entire life for Mr. Love. I don't know why, but I can. Another BUT, if only the long-haired guy likes me. Things would get better. xDD Ohhh or maybe Darwin dude which is impossible. God I'm such a sinful person for thinking about four guys at the same time. (GROSSED OUT)
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Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 8:22 pm
So I was terrified because my previous internet provider called me at home to inform me that I have not paid 2996.09 which means 3 months unpaid bills which are after my contract. Now, I'm furious! They didn't sent me billing statements for the last 2 months and now they sent me one for october! I didn't ******** use that damn internet after my contract was over because even before my contract was over it wasn't working already! Now they are asking me to pay for the bills which is not on my contract and I didn't use?? Well smart! ******** you! You are the most amazing thing in the planet which I'd probably wish to go to hell!!!
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Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 10:27 pm
The worst feeling in the world is when people forget you.. 3nodding
Even when you're already right in front of them, but does that mean that they are not your real friends?
I wish I have the same fate as Naruto, that one person would stay with me at my worst.
Just one would be nice. One Iruka would be nice.
Maybe I'll be a better person if I have an Iruka to guide me and protect me no matter what.
I feel stupid all the time. Here I am always trying to act tough and all.
But you know what? Being alone is painful that I'd rather die than live with it longer.
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 11:28 pm
Di ko na alam gagawin ko. Pagod na pagod na ako. Gusto ko na mamatay.Ayoko na talaga. Pagkagraduate ko noon gusto ko na magtrabaho sabi daw wag muna tapos pinaparamdam naman sakin kung gaano ako walang silbi dito sa bahay. Useless ang buhay ko. PUTANG INA!!! Gusto ko na lang palaging magwala. Lagi na lang akong umiiyak, putang buhay ito. Lahat nga sinusunod mo na, tapos kung tratuhin ka pa rin para kang walang silbi. Demonyo!! Alam mo po Lord,kung ganito lang din magiging buhay ko, sa sarili ko pang pamily aya di sana hindi nyo na lang ako hinayaan mabuhay kasi nakakapagod din naman po!!! Mentally at emotionally nyo po ako tinutorture sana alam nyo yan...Tao lang po ako.. Hindi ko pa kayang iabsorb lahat. Dadating at dadating ang oras sasabog din ako. Alam ko po hindi ako mabait, marami akong kasalanan sa inyo pero sana naman kahit konti, bigyan nyo naman po ako ng pahinga. Sinusubukan ko na nga po tanggapin na hindi na ako makakaalis dito eh tapos ganyan pa rin kau. ano po gusto nyo sakin? Wala na ako kaibigan ah, lahat ng mahal ko kinuha nyo na rin sakin di ba? ano pa pong kulang?ANO PANG KULANG?????!!!!
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