=+August 21st
+... There really is a lot involved with moving. Not only do you have to make sure that you have everything packed, and have arrangements for everything to be brought to your new place... and to get the place READY to have your stuff in it- but you have to completely shift your life somewhere new. I thought it would be as simple as, put everything I own in a box, get the box to the apartment, and take everything out of the box.
...But I find that some things just wouldn't make sense to take with me- essentially, wouldn't make sense to be part of my new life. Like my bed, for instance. The sailboat bed would be a little silly in the home of me and my girlfriend- but even if that were aside, it still wouldn't hold me, once I reach fifth. It's only just big enough now.
I thought about telling Mom that- just, how it felt like some things needed to stay behind- but then I figured, she's thinking that already. It can't be easy for her, that I'm moving out. Not that she's said anything, except to hug me and tell me that she'll always be there for me, and that she loves me- but that alone tells me a lot. It's the same sort of conversation we've always had when something was about to change- when I was about to change into a new stage, or when one of the girls arrived. ...This time, though, it's not just a change- it's like, a loss, almost. Not that she'd ever lose me. But I don't know- I love her more than anyone, and I think I can tell that she's going to... miss me. Really miss me.
And I feel strange, even saying this in only a diary- but... I'm going to miss her too. It's not something an adult who's ready to move in with his girlfriend, in a matter of DAYS, would say. It's not easy to say you'll miss your mother. But I will. And not just her- I'll miss not being here anymore, not waking up to the red-star border on my walls every morning, and being the first one awake every morning.
...I'll miss the girls, too. I've been a 'big brother' for a long time- and now, it seems more like an... 'honorary' post, rather than an active one. ...I know I won't be far away- and that I'll probably see one of them every day- someone has to be working the shop, after all- but it won't be hard to miss familiarity. I'll even miss Sk. Before either of the girls, even- he was always there. Going around a corner will never be the same again.
It's something I have to do, though. And, more than that- it's something I really want to do. At this point, the 'change' could be just days away- and sometimes I just... shake, with excitement, and wonder what I'll be like.. what I'll feel like... and, also... what Sarabi will look like. I know she'll be beautiful. There's no way that she couldn't be. So I just hope that I'm... good enough for her, I guess. Not just in looks. Because she's changed my life, and it's going to keep changing- for her... for us.
