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My teacher entered this in a contest....

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Midori Hayashi

PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:22 pm


So here's the story. I HATE POETRY. We had to write a poem in class. It was suppsoed to be aimed at children, and explain something "unexplainable". I jotted this down, and she winds up LOVING it. eek So I had to sign some papers to enter it in a state contest. Weird huh? Here's the poem, feel free to critique:


I
Whoosh!! You hear the sound of the Wind rustling leaves in the trees.
The sound is as familiar as your mother’s voice.
Yet, what is the Wind really?
What is this force that makes the leaves dance as high as the stars?
Some people think the Wind is as welcome as a serial killer.
Some other people think the Wind is as welcome as fresh baked cookies.
The Wind has been around for ever and ever.
The Wind is a force of beauty that never ends.
The voices of the World are carried in the Wind.
The voices of Japan, St. Lucia, Jamaica, America, Italy, Brazil, and all the other countries of the World combined into the Wind.
The voices became so great, that they kept swirling around the World, traveling over vast oceans and mountains.
Eventually, the voices slipped silently into silver threads that escaped into each country and ocean.
These voices were then called “Wind” by the great rulers of the land.
Children around the World hear the Wind whisper to them every day.
How do you know the Wind is there?
You can feel it.
You can hear it.
If you don’t believe me, go outside for about 10 minutes.
Why do the leaves rustle that high up?
Why does your hair blow in the air?
The Wind is the answer.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:41 pm


It's Good!
Mrs.Jacob twisted had us write an opposites poem. I thought it was pretty good. But she has to count off for the smallest mistakes! mad

Kayia Hayashi


Midori Hayashi

PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:34 pm


Thanks.

Yeah, when I had her a few years back she did that stuff. Just let it pass.
PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 4:39 pm


Very good! I think this is a wonderful piece of poetry.

The only line I'm was not fond of was "go outside for about 10 minutes." Just seems a bit, perhaps, out of place and could be done slightly more poetic.

Still very good, this is worth posting on DA 3nodding

Goddess Ace
Captain


Midori Hayashi

PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 7:54 pm


Goddess Ace
Very good! I think this is a wonderful piece of poetry.

The only line I'm was not fond of was "go outside for about 10 minutes." Just seems a bit, perhaps, out of place and could be done slightly more poetic.

Still very good, this is worth posting on DA 3nodding


Thanks. I will go over it and see if anything can be added before I upload it.
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The Soap Box - We want to see YOUR stuff

 
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