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 Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:42 pm
Nudge four hundred and ninety-four
94. I will remember that any robot/device/mental power that can be remotely controlled from ten feet can, with sufficient preparation, effort, and/or energy, be remotely controlled from 100 miles or more.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:45 pm
Nudge four hundred and ninety-five
95. Feeding of Ravenous Caged Beasts will be taken care of my redundant, automatic Beast Feeders or, if the compound is well sealed by me, extraneous underlings. No underling (especially one with a girlfriend to impress) will ever be given the keys to the cages.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:47 pm
Nudge four hundred and ninety-six
96. My Android Armies will be capable of independent action, and will not rely on a central brain for coordination. Further, they will have logic-loop rejection procedures to prevent paralysis by "Everything I say is a lie" type statements.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:50 pm
Nudge four hundred and ninety-seven
Tips for Evil Cult Members:
97. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of an amateur.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:54 pm
Nudge four hundred and ninety-eight
98. Familiarize yourself with the specs for sacrificial victims, and make sure that unacceptable substitutes aren't introduced into the ceremony. If the penalty for not-to-spec work is death and/or mutilation, consider working for a more fault-tolerant deity. heart
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:57 pm
Nudge four hundred and ninety-nine
99. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your deity's name in private before chanting it in public. Flash cards are helpful. Be very careful to pronounce only one syllable at a time; some deities pop up at every mention of their name, and expect to have an acceptable sacrifice waiting for them.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:01 pm
Nudge five hundred heart
100. Before agreeing to impregnation by a supernatural being, investigate the survival rate of the other women who have undergone the procedure. heart
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:08 pm
Nudge five hundred and one
101. Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:10 pm
Nudge five hundred and two
102. Eschew deities whose followers are all young; such faith groups usually employ an unpleasant retirement procedure.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:14 pm
Nudge five hundred and three
103. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight--it attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, and supernatural creatures, and it can be downright dangerous during thunderstorms. Its jingling also tends to warn the hero of your approach. heart
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:16 pm
Nudge five hundred and four
104. Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. And pastel-colored candles in the shape of cute animals are like direct sunlight to the Powers of Darkness. heart
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:18 pm
Nudge five hundred and five
105. If the spirit contacted during a seance begins offering financial advice, you're dealing with a con artist, and not a genuine medium.
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:46 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:47 am
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:48 am
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Reply
