Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hey all, this is mostly a reprint of a message I put on the board of my women's group, but if you will bear with me and read it there is a point for those of you here as well, its long I know...sorry

. My brain just keeps going from place to place. I have some stuff to share, its all mixed up in there together and if this ends up being convoluted I am sorry. I can not tell you myself what thoughts came first. Please read, understand what you can and forgive the rest.



So even though I can paint for hours at a time (which is becoming increasingly more difficult with the arthritis) my work has a better chance of turning out well if I listen to one of two Joni Mitchell cd's . Blue and Ladies of the Canyon. I have never understood why, just one of those weird things I don't question whether others think it is superstition or not. I just do it this way, it works. I have been thinking a lot about art and my art and what it all means and what I should be trying to say or do with it. I walk a balance in my art trying to say what I NEED to say and what I want to say. Some things for sanity's sake have to be done, and some are in my heart and just want out. So I have this idea that I want to paint the pagan community that I live in. I say that I live in because at this point in my thinking I am not sure the one I live in is the one YOU live in. There is a lot of overlap, but I am not sure right now, how individual the word community is. Which is oxymoronic I know, but still I have pagan friends you don't know and you are friends with people I don't know. I belong to a coven that just celebrated a beautiful heart-felt Litha, but not all of the people who will be reading this, celebrated there, some celebrated the same time and same day, some celebrated another day, some probably never got to celebrate at all. I guess I am taking Liberties with the word Community, but my sense of Community is not yours. Thinking about this artistically I am wanting to paint the community I live in, so eventually there will be paintings of you. I am hoping for the most part that even if you don't know which particular painting is you, you will recognize the part of the community that you represent. Even though I have individualized a word that represents a much larger whole, I hope everyone can understand that as much as we can agree and as much as we overlap and empathize, with all that we see and believe about this community, I can really ONLY understand it from my particular vantage point. I can be empathetic, but it does not change who I am, the experiences I have had with out you. Community to me at this point is not a noun its a verb. We are part of this living thing, community, and it is made from what we do how we treat each other, how we interact with each other and with what paganism is. So basically, you can expect to see yourself in a painting sometime in the future. I may never tell anybody who they are, and by the time I am finished the last few may be amalgams, but it doesn't mean you are not there. I think all of the "you's" I am speaking to will be be an individual painting anyway. Please do not pick apart the technical inaccuracies.here. I know they exist, I pointed some of them out. My point in this is to give you all a sample of how my brain works artistically speaking, since you will all be a part of my next project.



So the other day I am in the shower thinking about you (yes I think about you in the shower) and I have some pictures already in my head for some of these paintings. Joni Mitchell is there in my head as well. I was thinking about how we are all an important part of a whole, a whole that I believe is bigger than the sum of what we add up to. Its because I believe in who we are and what we do. I was thinking about its not just the knowledge that we bring but the experiences as well. Then Joni's Ladies of the Canyon pops into my head. For those of you who are not familiar with it, its a song she wrote about the women who lived in Laurel Canyon in the 60s. A lot of important music was written there and then, a lot of important ideas were birthed. This song on first listening is about a slice of life from Laurel Canyon. It's about some of the individual women who make up community. It dawned on me that even though that I tend to wax rhapsodic about this group, and it may simply make some of you feel good and it goes no further than that, I honestly feel that we are more than that and in terms of Joni Mitchell's song, we are all ladies of something going on though we may not realize it. Shelley's garden grows bigger every year and she believes in feeding the world, she does so by sharing and feeding those she can. Connection, Joy and an open giving heart. Patti believes in Peace and works toward that in the ways that she can in her community, she also has this wild magick about her that works even though she doesn't always quite believe it. Powerful and committed. Heather asks these beautiful questions that keep us talking and comparing knowledge. She absorbs so much. Quiet intelligence. Andi is an example of the strength and success that we all have within us. she shows us how to tap in and celebrate it. Woman warrior, strong and soft. Sharon is unafraid to say what is what. She works with the knowledge she has but goes after more. Confident in the things that work for her, whether they work for others or not. Rigid and pliable, Oak and Willow. April in some respects the most childlike of us all, absorbing every experience with big eyes. Wondering about how these things work accepting they do, but still amazed. Reminding us how important to keep the innocent mind.



If I had the time, I would put this all into rhyme in the scheme of Joni's Ladies. If I had Shelley's wordage talent, I could do it in the time I have. But alas you will all have to settle for trying to understand the depth of what I am trying to say in the words at my command. I hope if you don't get it here, you will understand when I am done with, and you see the series of paintings.



If I could say all that was in my heart I would not need to paint.


K. back to my Gaia friends now

I thought about leaving out the part about what my friends are like and how I see them, after all you don't know them. But All of those thoughts were an important part of what I have been going through. This is an idea I feel I HAVE to do, as a matter of fact one painting is finished, two are close if they aren't done yet and I have a fourth started. The idea just felt incomplete. Then in one of those beautiful shining moments I realized what I was missing, and I bet I have bored you because my solution was easy for all of you to see and it shouldn't have been so hard for me to get it.

That is right, there will be a painting called "The Gaian Craft of the Wise Support Group" The title may actually be longer, sometimes and this is one, I feel my paintings need long titles.

Anyway, you are a very important part of my community. I feel bad for the other women in my group because they lack this. I feel bad for me because when I quit Gaia (yes I am still planning on it, more than ever now that I have this huge project started) I will not have this. We do not talk a lot of paganism anymore, but you are all an important part of my pagan community. In some ways I can be more open an honest here than I can with my proximal friends. (I thought I just made up that word, but I got no wavy red line telling me it didn't exist and now I am wondering id I used it right, but decided to let it stand) I know I let my insecurities show more here than I do IRL. and they have no idea of the mess I had let my love life get in to. Not that I am a leader here in Ohio, but the group is mine and I try to be their rock and let them know they can depend on me. So even though you are not part of my physically close community, you are all a very important part of my community and the idea of my new series was not complete without you.


Again, really sorry for the length but thank you for reading.


Bump

Aw... Thanx. It is just one of those things, The whole concept just felt incomplete til I realized it was the friends here that need to be included. Its fun having you here and I can tell you things that I don't tell my friends here. LIKE They don't even know I have started the paintings yet. But here I can say that I have one done, two mostly another started and the ideas for several others. Some of the people here I have talked to are very curious and are going to bug me about who is this painting about, or that one. But I feel that even though the paintings are sparked bu certain individuals, or groups of them, The important thing is they concept they represent and so I will not be telling anybody who is who. There are Witches and Pagans online everywhere and even though I belong to several groups and forums online, this is the place that means the most to me. it does play an important part in my community. I have an idea already for the Gaia painting, but it may get tweaked before it gets to canvas.

Are you on Deviantart by any chance? I will try to post one or two here before I am gone. It is not at all our typical Pagan art work. I love the works of the German expressionists and my art sometimes resembles that in style, but I use brighter colors and happier themes. I don't have much on deviant art but am hoping I can do something with it. I honestly don't even know how to put something on it, the few things I have there were put up by somebody else. Really it is not your typical representational pagan art. It is much more abstract.

Once I moved out on my own and started making more friends, it's actually become easier to be creative. Most of my family, aside from my parents, sister and gramma, didn't bother to try to understand, just try to fit me into their pre-determined mold of me and get mad when I either fit it or didn't. *shrugs* For whatever reason I was never good enough, and I grew up knowing I wasn't the "Golden Child" who happened to be my cousin. So for a long time my motivation was spite, to show them I could do it when all they said was I couldn't, and you know what? It's bloody exhausting. But now, on my own, able to dictate who I keep in my life and why, and with kickass friends like you guys who are always so supportive of my endeavors, I have a REAL reason to keep on going, because now I have more than one or two people rooting for me to succeed. Friends are awesome things to have, and I'm glad to count you among them. It makes writing, and finding ways past blockages so I can continue to write, a worthwhile endeavor. smile

This post brought to you by entervixen's current writing block and her efforts to get past it so she can get pages done. And a need to tell you what awesometastic friends you are. smile

I am AvalonLil there. Like I said I am not there often. The upkeep is done mostly by somebody else. I know several people from Gaia who are on deviant art, but I think they all spend more time on Gaia. It will be nice though to keep in touch somewhere else. Are you there much?

Bump... Lolz to White Crow. I'm sure you're not the only person who has done something like that... sweatdrop

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wrote a big long thing and lost it before I could post it!!!!!!!!!!


First I said that I Love all of you guys too and that I love a love fest.

Then I griped a bit about other forums, I recommended this group to a girl who was just asking a few questions and instead of getting answers people were telling her she is not a proper wiccan and has no need for a book of shadows. Then I wanted back in on the love fest.


I wanted to say again that I am AvalonLil on deviantart and invite anybody there to invite me. I think I'll be leaving here when my last three fish die. Caustic, I have already friended you or whatever its called there.

I had some good advice for White Crow it went something like.. You could just send out a message "To all followers I wanted to let you know..." and then you could explain that the nature of your work has taken a turn and maybe explain why or that the series of work you had been doing is over so they can look forward to new subject matter. And I am curious to see it before its gone. I have had some comments about some of my work too, but I tend to let people think whatever they want, they can ask if they have questions when it changes.

You guys have really meant a lot to me too. I am so going to miss this place when I am gone

entervixen.. the worst thing I can do when I am blocked is try too hard to get over it. I think its easier for me, because the white canvas can be very intimidating so I paint it another color before I even start. Its a weird trick, but it often works for me., Also I can keep painting on the same canvas until i get it right. I don't think I would have the same luck with words. It takes a lot of bravery to live your life the way you have. I for one am very proud of you. Its hard outgrowing the mind set of family and realizing you have a different worth than the one they have imposed. WRITE WRITE WRITE and show them all!!!!! BWHAAA HAA HAA HAA!!!! Ok well you get what I mean.


All of this was said before I lost it all, but it was more clever, more intelligent more coherent and much more eloquent.

Bump bump