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bittersweet and evocative
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 Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 5:48 pm
I'm not in a great state, so I'm not hanging around long. I needed to talk to someone, hence why I'm here. I just got home from the hospital, and really wish I didn't go. I was assessed by around 5 neurologists, 2 registrars, and a couple of interns. They then decided that I was such an abnormal case, they wanted to video me and use me for some documentary they're making. I mean, come on, I was already feeling quite low and then they had to drive home the point that they have NO idea what's wrong with me. A shout out to all my doctors: thanks a bunch guys - you really made my day...
I don't recommend shock therapy to anyone. I had a similar treatment of it today, but it was focused on electrocuting my legs and the nerves. I cried. I bit right through my lip and tongue. I had to hold onto the rails of the bed, so as not to get up and leave. To top it off, they then dug massive needles into my muscles. Yay!!
Sorry. This hasn't been a very cheerful post. Or positive. Or very interesting. So yeah, I'm sorry. Oh and Wolf, end of summer party would be cool. Although for me it's the end of winter...haha
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:14 pm
The needles, hole in teh tongue and lip. I understand. It does hurt. Though with a post like that, I don't really know how to reply, or offer my assistance..Though doctors are there to "make your day" better, though they make your life healthy.. Sometimes pain is worth health, happiness, and more to be unexplained. Not to offend or make it seem like I don't understand.
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:39 pm
bittersweet and evocative I'm not in a great state, so I'm not hanging around long. I needed to talk to someone, hence why I'm here. I just got home from the hospital, and really wish I didn't go. I was assessed by around 5 neurologists, 2 registrars, and a couple of interns. They then decided that I was such an abnormal case, they wanted to video me and use me for some documentary they're making. I mean, come on, I was already feeling quite low and then they had to drive home the point that they have NO idea what's wrong with me. A shout out to all my doctors: thanks a bunch guys - you really made my day...
I don't recommend shock therapy to anyone. I had a similar treatment of it today, but it was focused on electrocuting my legs and the nerves. I cried. I bit right through my lip and tongue. I had to hold onto the rails of the bed, so as not to get up and leave. To top it off, they then dug massive needles into my muscles. Yay!!
Sorry. This hasn't been a very cheerful post. Or positive. Or very interesting. So yeah, I'm sorry. Oh and Wolf, end of summer party would be cool. Although for me it's the end of winter...haha and the doctors did not even ask you? what? electro shock thereapy does not sound fun at all. I'm sorry alisa that you are being treated like that. hey that means you're on the other side of the equator! =D that's cool!
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:14 pm
AuntieSocial 8B Bittersweet & Boldie: 
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:16 pm
XKightX The needles, hole in teh tongue and lip. I understand. It does hurt. Though with a post like that, I don't really know how to reply, or offer my assistance..Though doctors are there to "make your day" better, though they make your life healthy.. Sometimes pain is worth health, happiness, and more to be unexplained. Not to offend or make it seem like I don't understand.
Quote: Sometimes pain is worth health, happiness, and more to be unexplained.
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:24 pm
bittersweet and evocative I'm not in a great state, so I'm not hanging around long. I needed to talk to someone, hence why I'm here. I just got home from the hospital, and really wish I didn't go. I was assessed by around 5 neurologists, 2 registrars, and a couple of interns. They then decided that I was such an abnormal case, they wanted to video me and use me for some documentary they're making. I mean, come on, I was already feeling quite low and then they had to drive home the point that they have NO idea what's wrong with me. A shout out to all my doctors: thanks a bunch guys - you really made my day... Sweetie, I'm real sorry for this that you had to go through it. Didn't they give you an option whether or not you wanted it?
I don't recommend shock therapy to anyone. I had a similar treatment of it today, but it was focused on electrocuting my legs and the nerves. I cried. I bit right through my lip and tongue. I had to hold onto the rails of the bed, so as not to get up and leave. To top it off, they then dug massive needles into my muscles. Yay!! What is this? Why did they dig needles into you?
Sorry. This hasn't been a very cheerful post. Or positive. Or very interesting. So yeah, I'm sorry. Oh and Wolf, end of summer party would be cool. Although for me it's the end of winter...haha
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:27 pm
 And it seems to me that your heart is breaking because of all the pain you've endured. I'm so sorry, Ailsa
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:29 pm
 Hang in there, Ailsa. PLEASE!!
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:30 pm
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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:33 pm
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bittersweet and evocative
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:00 am
Wow, so many posts in such a short space of time!! Where do I begin?
Ok, firstly I'll get this out of the way. XKightX, I'm with Boldie on this one. What were you trying to say with that last post of yours? I'm a little lost.
Moving on. Boldie, thank you for your lovely notes, and the images. They made me smile, even through all the pain. Your observation on my heart is unfortunately rather accurate. I'm trying really hard to glue it back together, though. And you're helping, a lot. All of you are. Thank you so much.
Question and Answer time:
Didn't they give you an option whether or not you wanted it?
I did get the choice if I wanted to participate or not in the research. At the time, I was a bit flustered and thought it would be ok. Now, I feel a little low about it, but I'm not going to pull out. I've decided that if I can help doctors understand weird cases, that in turn could help another patient get better. That would make this all worth it. I have the doctors number, so if I want to withdraw my consent at any time I can, which is good to know.
What is this? Why did they dig needles into you?
They wanted to listen to muscles, which I didn't even know was possible!! They had to insert needles, similar to acupuncture ones, just larger, into my calf muscles. It hurt. A lot. My nurse was really lovely about it, but that doesn't really help the pain, does it? Hopefully, I won't have to do it again ><
And!! Thank you for the hugs. I really needed that today heart I'm at a lost as to why someone has to go through this much, but oh well. It's happening. That much I know. But knowing you're out there makes me feel a lot better. Thank you, Boldie.
Ooo and Kira. Don't think I've left you out!!! I am indeed on the other side of the equator. So I'm heading into Spring right now, after a long and cold winter! I'm hoping that it gets a little warmer now, but not toooo warm, as I am a rain sort of person. The electro therapy was incredibly painful, but I'm just glad it's over. I think it felt worse than it was because of the sensitivity I have in my right ankle, where the tests were focused for the most part. *shivers* I am looking forward for today to be over. Only 3 hours and 1 minute to go.
Sending my love to everyone out there and you're in my prayers, in thanks of the support you have shown me and in hopes that you are having good days. Love you all and thank you so so much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
xx Ailsa xx
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:08 am
 So cute, that I couldn't resist it!! This goes out to everyone who's helped me and offered me much needed support heart
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bittersweet and evocative
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A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
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Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:12 am
Ailsa, I would agree with you. I too, would take part in research to help other patients. I failed to realize that you had winter now... oops! ><
I'm thinking that the "party" should be next week... hm... well, tonight I have a party to go to, like I said.
This morning my knee hurt so bad I fell down the mean stairs D: . At least my bf was there... He simply threw me on the couch and made me breakfast. Lol.
Sometimes if my body itself can't take the pain in my joints, my joints will "collapse" and I have no control 'till the outcome is over. Ex: At the stairs-- Joints freak out -- fall down stairs, lose control -- spralled at bottom of stairs-- regain control.
Knight, please do explain!!!
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Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 8:07 pm
Baww, Ailsa, I do hope you don't have to go through that kind kind of treatment again. If.. the doctors find a treatment that doesn't really do anything besides hurt you more, they don't do it again, right??
Man, you all make me fret over you..
Boldie, I hope you're starting to feel slightly better at least..?
And Wolf, hi! We have.. yet to talk but I've been reading your posts too. It's fabulous to hear that you have such a kind and sweet bf who is there and helps to take care of you. It really sucks that your joints collapse, especially around stairs. That must be scary!
I do hope everyone is getting some well deserved rest.
Tomorrow is a brand new day, guys. heart
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Kira-fightingdreamer Crew
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bittersweet and evocative
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 2:12 am
Kira, thank you so much for those words of comfort. That was a very nice post of yours. Your last sentence made me think of what my friend text me the other night when I wasn't doing so well:
"As hard as it may seem, today will soon be yesterday, and hope dwells in tomorrow"
At the time, I let that sentence go over my head. I was too far gone to be comforted by mere words over text. But reading it again the next morning, I realised that what she says is quite true. For instance, right now it's 9:03pm. In 2 hours and 57 minutes it will be tomorrow. 3 hours is not so much in relation to an entire life. It's a manageable amount of time - although that's definately not to say that it will be 3 hours of peace. But it's manageable all the same. So please, if you're having a rough day, re-read those words of my friend. I hope she can help you like she has helped me.
Wolf, I'm sorry to hear that you're health isn't great at the moment. I know what it's like to have your body give up, and not respond to movement correctly or anything of the sorts. I'll be praying that things sort themselves out for you!!
Now, about my treatment. Usually, if a treatment is unsuccessful they move on. However, because my condition is so unseen in my country (due to the small population) we're running out of options. This unfortunately means there's the possibility they will do this all again. If they do, I'm not sure how I will live through it. It was that painful.
I best go, as I have my first exam in the morning, and I should try and get some sleep. Although I will probably just lying in the dark, unable to sleep because of my pain. Tonight has not been a good night, pain wise.
Love coming to each and every one of you. xox
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