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 Posted: Fri May 24, 2013 2:04 am
Jennivieve Once again, I wonder if I was born in the wrong time. Or the wrong country. The internet is losing interest for me. My family, well, we're so stand-alone-ish it's infuriating at times. And bringing it doesn't help, since mum'll go "Get used to it. This is what it'll be like on your own." Except it won't. Silence when it's just one person is fine. Everyone ignoring each other while in one house is not. Today was one of those ignoring days, including a lack of consideration from my sister even though we share a room. I fled to the basement. Again. Bit cold, due to the weird weather flux (it's not supposed to frost in late May...), but nice. Take my knitting, turn on the only classical broadcast radio station, and get a few more pieces of my modular afghan done. Would have been nice to have a fire in the fireplace and an electric kettle for tea, but oh, well. The rocking chair was good enough. Which got me to thinking. Can't make mum's birthday present, because she basically considers the craft worthless, despite knowing it herself. My teachers tolerate it as long as I put the needles away during the lesson. My classmates are intrigued because, let's face it, it's not very often you meet a twenty-something who knows how to knit, much less does so openly. And yet, not so long ago, it was a valued skill. .......And I lost my train of thought. Looks like writing this down did help. 'Cause I've never been encouraged to show much emotion. Well, at least not the sad or serious ones, only the happy stuff. So I internalize it. And that's why the basement is a refuge: no one ever goes down there except for laundry. So I can let the emotions out, at least partially. Sometimes I think my family would prefer I had no emotions. Even though that would make me a Cyberman. But seriously. I've learned to be meek, to bend to their wills. Is it so bad to assert myself once in a while? And I'm silently weeping again. Had to learn that long ago, less they call me names. And learn to hide it. And meandering over, except for one ending line that's just been stuck in my head. But if you get in the way of my weekly Who fix.....
In short knitting is awesome. Can you crochet? That's really cool to!
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Posted: Fri May 24, 2013 10:09 am
Cannibal Horsey Jennivieve Once again, I wonder if I was born in the wrong time. Or the wrong country. The internet is losing interest for me. My family, well, we're so stand-alone-ish it's infuriating at times. And bringing it doesn't help, since mum'll go "Get used to it. This is what it'll be like on your own." Except it won't. Silence when it's just one person is fine. Everyone ignoring each other while in one house is not. Today was one of those ignoring days, including a lack of consideration from my sister even though we share a room. I fled to the basement. Again. Bit cold, due to the weird weather flux (it's not supposed to frost in late May...), but nice. Take my knitting, turn on the only classical broadcast radio station, and get a few more pieces of my modular afghan done. Would have been nice to have a fire in the fireplace and an electric kettle for tea, but oh, well. The rocking chair was good enough. Which got me to thinking. Can't make mum's birthday present, because she basically considers the craft worthless, despite knowing it herself. My teachers tolerate it as long as I put the needles away during the lesson. My classmates are intrigued because, let's face it, it's not very often you meet a twenty-something who knows how to knit, much less does so openly. And yet, not so long ago, it was a valued skill. .......And I lost my train of thought. Looks like writing this down did help. 'Cause I've never been encouraged to show much emotion. Well, at least not the sad or serious ones, only the happy stuff. So I internalize it. And that's why the basement is a refuge: no one ever goes down there except for laundry. So I can let the emotions out, at least partially. Sometimes I think my family would prefer I had no emotions. Even though that would make me a Cyberman. But seriously. I've learned to be meek, to bend to their wills. Is it so bad to assert myself once in a while? And I'm silently weeping again. Had to learn that long ago, less they call me names. And learn to hide it. And meandering over, except for one ending line that's just been stuck in my head. But if you get in the way of my weekly Who fix.....
In short knitting is awesome. Can you crochet? That's really cool to!
As for your question, yes? I'm proficient in knitting, latch hook, and cross stitch, and know basic hand sewing and crochet. (Oh, goodness, that sounds like a woman's resume in Regency England.) The most I've done with crochet is a single crochet afghan that remains unfinished due to losing a skein of yarn that was integral to my pattern. On occasion, I'll knit things for others, such as my friend's TARDIS scarf, but it's mostly just personal knitting. The other crafts are also personal in nature. (Though there's not much you can do with small, decorative rugs.)
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Posted: Sat May 25, 2013 1:28 pm
Jennivieve Cannibal Horsey Jennivieve Once again, I wonder if I was born in the wrong time. Or the wrong country. The internet is losing interest for me. My family, well, we're so stand-alone-ish it's infuriating at times. And bringing it doesn't help, since mum'll go "Get used to it. This is what it'll be like on your own." Except it won't. Silence when it's just one person is fine. Everyone ignoring each other while in one house is not. Today was one of those ignoring days, including a lack of consideration from my sister even though we share a room. I fled to the basement. Again. Bit cold, due to the weird weather flux (it's not supposed to frost in late May...), but nice. Take my knitting, turn on the only classical broadcast radio station, and get a few more pieces of my modular afghan done. Would have been nice to have a fire in the fireplace and an electric kettle for tea, but oh, well. The rocking chair was good enough. Which got me to thinking. Can't make mum's birthday present, because she basically considers the craft worthless, despite knowing it herself. My teachers tolerate it as long as I put the needles away during the lesson. My classmates are intrigued because, let's face it, it's not very often you meet a twenty-something who knows how to knit, much less does so openly. And yet, not so long ago, it was a valued skill. .......And I lost my train of thought. Looks like writing this down did help. 'Cause I've never been encouraged to show much emotion. Well, at least not the sad or serious ones, only the happy stuff. So I internalize it. And that's why the basement is a refuge: no one ever goes down there except for laundry. So I can let the emotions out, at least partially. Sometimes I think my family would prefer I had no emotions. Even though that would make me a Cyberman. But seriously. I've learned to be meek, to bend to their wills. Is it so bad to assert myself once in a while? And I'm silently weeping again. Had to learn that long ago, less they call me names. And learn to hide it. And meandering over, except for one ending line that's just been stuck in my head. But if you get in the way of my weekly Who fix.....
In short knitting is awesome. Can you crochet? That's really cool to!
As for your question, yes? I'm proficient in knitting, latch hook, and cross stitch, and know basic hand sewing and crochet. (Oh, goodness, that sounds like a woman's resume in Regency England.) The most I've done with crochet is a single crochet afghan that remains unfinished due to losing a skein of yarn that was integral to my pattern. On occasion, I'll knit things for others, such as my friend's TARDIS scarf, but it's mostly just personal knitting. The other crafts are also personal in nature. (Though there's not much you can do with small, decorative rugs.)
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Posted: Sun May 26, 2013 9:44 pm
Cannibal Horsey Jennivieve Cannibal Horsey Jennivieve Once again, I wonder if I was born in the wrong time. Or the wrong country. The internet is losing interest for me. My family, well, we're so stand-alone-ish it's infuriating at times. And bringing it doesn't help, since mum'll go "Get used to it. This is what it'll be like on your own." Except it won't. Silence when it's just one person is fine. Everyone ignoring each other while in one house is not. Today was one of those ignoring days, including a lack of consideration from my sister even though we share a room. I fled to the basement. Again. Bit cold, due to the weird weather flux (it's not supposed to frost in late May...), but nice. Take my knitting, turn on the only classical broadcast radio station, and get a few more pieces of my modular afghan done. Would have been nice to have a fire in the fireplace and an electric kettle for tea, but oh, well. The rocking chair was good enough. Which got me to thinking. Can't make mum's birthday present, because she basically considers the craft worthless, despite knowing it herself. My teachers tolerate it as long as I put the needles away during the lesson. My classmates are intrigued because, let's face it, it's not very often you meet a twenty-something who knows how to knit, much less does so openly. And yet, not so long ago, it was a valued skill. .......And I lost my train of thought. Looks like writing this down did help. 'Cause I've never been encouraged to show much emotion. Well, at least not the sad or serious ones, only the happy stuff. So I internalize it. And that's why the basement is a refuge: no one ever goes down there except for laundry. So I can let the emotions out, at least partially. Sometimes I think my family would prefer I had no emotions. Even though that would make me a Cyberman. But seriously. I've learned to be meek, to bend to their wills. Is it so bad to assert myself once in a while? And I'm silently weeping again. Had to learn that long ago, less they call me names. And learn to hide it. And meandering over, except for one ending line that's just been stuck in my head. But if you get in the way of my weekly Who fix.....
In short knitting is awesome. Can you crochet? That's really cool to!
As for your question, yes? I'm proficient in knitting, latch hook, and cross stitch, and know basic hand sewing and crochet. (Oh, goodness, that sounds like a woman's resume in Regency England.) The most I've done with crochet is a single crochet afghan that remains unfinished due to losing a skein of yarn that was integral to my pattern. On occasion, I'll knit things for others, such as my friend's TARDIS scarf, but it's mostly just personal knitting. The other crafts are also personal in nature. (Though there's not much you can do with small, decorative rugs.)
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Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 4:01 pm
I gotta stop saying I'm back when I don't end up being back ;;
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Posted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:17 am
I can't believe I'm turning 20 tomorrow... I'm so stuck on work, and my doctor is very concerned about my well being (internet addiction) since I got 2 C's in my math courses (Differential Equations/Multivariate Calculus) and how I'm so non-chalant about it. Then again, it is loan money I'm wasting sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 4:59 pm
keito melfina I can't believe I'm turning 20 tomorrow... I'm so stuck on work, and my doctor is very concerned about my well being (internet addiction) since I got 2 C's in my math courses (Differential Equations/Multivariate Calculus) and how I'm so non-chalant about it. Then again, it is loan money I'm wasting sweatdrop High, this violet scent...
Just remember... you gotta pay back that money...
I'm floating on air...
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Posted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:47 pm
keito melfina I can't believe I'm turning 20 tomorrow... I'm so stuck on work, and my doctor is very concerned about my well being (internet addiction) since I got 2 C's in my math courses (Differential Equations/Multivariate Calculus) and how I'm so non-chalant about it. Then again, it is loan money I'm wasting sweatdrop I'd be more depressed about the loans than the grades. College is mostly pointless. Debt and credit aren't.
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Posted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:37 pm
Gaia has lost what little appeal it had left.
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Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2013 7:29 pm
Foam-Dome Gaia has lost what little appeal it had left.  Wait, what did it lose? Or do you mean for you specifically?
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Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 2:54 am
More than three years ago, there was a user in this guild who had a family straight from hell. Probably the most insanely horrific ongoing abuse I had ever heard about. He would talk about it in the previous iteration of this thread, and...and then one day he left. He said he felt like nobody wanted him around, and that he had changed his password to gibberish and set his email address to one that was going to expire the following day. I can't find the exact post where he outlined that, but I did find this, from me...Quote: It's all my fault...
I accidentally put him on ignore and didn't realize it until a while later, when he was talking about how people were getting fed up with him...and I was going to ask if he thought that because of me and tell him it was an accident, but...I figured that'd be too presumptuous...and now he's gone and I can't shake the notion that I was some sort of final straw...and...if I had just spoken up...
And every so often, I get to wondering. Is he dead or alive? Did he escape or is he still trapped in his own personal hell? Did he have anywhere else to go for support, or was Gaia his last bastion? The one question I'm certain of is this: was I really the final straw for his leaving, or did it have nothing to do with me? I know how egotistical it is to think it was my fault, but something very fundamental inside me is telling me that it is, that it will always be my fault, that I did this to him -- and that, more than likely, he's still stuck in the same exact situation, and nothing's gotten any better, and nothing ever will.
The only other option I see as plausible is that they've killed him -- which would be better, in my opinion -- death would be miles better than what he had to go through -- but it also means that I killed him. Again, I know I'm being presumptuous...but it could be my fault...and as long as it could be, then in my mind...it is. Because I'll never know. I'll never know otherwise.
And I don't even know how I feel about it anymore. I don't think I feel guilty, I don't think I feel anything, and that's wrong. I don't want to get over it. I don't deserve to get over it. And it just wouldn't be fair to him. Does anybody else even think about him? Am I the only one left who remembers? The only one who still cares?
I should have asked, I should have said something. I didn't want to look solipsistic, but compared to what happened...I'd give anything to go back and be seen as the most self-absorbed person ever, if only this wouldn't have happened. If I could only have, maybe, prevented it.
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Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 4:04 pm
LabTech Kestin More than three years ago, there was a user in this guild who had a family straight from hell. Probably the most insanely horrific ongoing abuse I had ever heard about. He would talk about it in the previous iteration of this thread, and...and then one day he left. He said he felt like nobody wanted him around, and that he had changed his password to gibberish and set his email address to one that was going to expire the following day. I can't find the exact post where he outlined that, but I did find this, from me...Quote: It's all my fault...
I accidentally put him on ignore and didn't realize it until a while later, when he was talking about how people were getting fed up with him...and I was going to ask if he thought that because of me and tell him it was an accident, but...I figured that'd be too presumptuous...and now he's gone and I can't shake the notion that I was some sort of final straw...and...if I had just spoken up...
And every so often, I get to wondering. Is he dead or alive? Did he escape or is he still trapped in his own personal hell? Did he have anywhere else to go for support, or was Gaia his last bastion? The one question I'm certain of is this: was I really the final straw for his leaving, or did it have nothing to do with me? I know how egotistical it is to think it was my fault, but something very fundamental inside me is telling me that it is, that it will always be my fault, that I did this to him -- and that, more than likely, he's still stuck in the same exact situation, and nothing's gotten any better, and nothing ever will.
The only other option I see as plausible is that they've killed him -- which would be better, in my opinion -- death would be miles better than what he had to go through -- but it also means that I killed him. Again, I know I'm being presumptuous...but it could be my fault...and as long as it could be, then in my mind...it is. Because I'll never know. I'll never know otherwise.
And I don't even know how I feel about it anymore. I don't think I feel guilty, I don't think I feel anything, and that's wrong. I don't want to get over it. I don't deserve to get over it. And it just wouldn't be fair to him. Does anybody else even think about him? Am I the only one left who remembers? The only one who still cares?
I should have asked, I should have said something. I didn't want to look solipsistic, but compared to what happened...I'd give anything to go back and be seen as the most self-absorbed person ever, if only this wouldn't have happened. If I could only have, maybe, prevented it. *Hugs* I don't even know who you're talking about, but I know 100% I'm more to blame than you could e'er be.
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Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 1:28 pm
I sadly and honestly just don't have time for this place anymore
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Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:52 pm
Jedi Sasquatch Foam-Dome Gaia has lost what little appeal it had left. Wait, what did it lose? Or do you mean for you specifically? In a nutshell, zOMG.
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Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 4:55 am
Saying bye to Lee was the hardest thing I've been through since losing Alex. I actually cried, which I never do. Why does my best friend have to live so far away? I'm seriously considering doing my masters in London. I can't stand the idea that I probably won't see him again for another year. I miss him like crazy. He's the only one I can really be myself around =(
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