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 Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 2:20 pm
Yoru Kurosawa Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
If I don't change anything, maybe it won't be true. Maybe he'll decide to stay.
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear *MUST... GIVE... COMFORTS!!!* For Lent, I just uninstalled every single MMORPG =D *RESIST* Idk if zOMG would count because it's Flash xD
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:27 pm
keito melfina Yoru Kurosawa Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
If I don't change anything, maybe it won't be true. Maybe he'll decide to stay.
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear *MUST... GIVE... COMFORTS!!!* For Lent, I just uninstalled every single MMORPG =D *RESIST* Idk if zOMG would count because it's Flash xD Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Thanks, Keito.
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:18 am
I am warning you in advance that what follows contains a completely unnecessary volume of swear words, it just helps me feel better... a bit
Life really ******** sucks somedays. My day started off well and is slowly ending with me feeling like absolute crap and wanting to cry. Should maybe have gone for weekly counselling appointments rather than fortnightly, but I was pretty ok at my last meeting. I wasn't exactly happy, but I didn't feel like crap either *sigh*
I ******** hate living on a knife edge! I live on a constant ******** emotional knife edge, and when I'm not I'm either ridiculously ******** happy over bloody nothing or depressed as hell for either nothing, a combination of loads of little things or something ever so slightly first worldy problem has occured and I'm feeling poop. Oh and millions of miles of unending stress. I ******** hate my life right now. I just want a ******** direction. I wanna know where the hell I'm going, what the hell I'm gonna do, not constantly WAITING AND WAITING for someone to get back to me and let me know. I can't MOVE ON UNTIL I KNOW DAMN IT. I can't PLAN ANYTHING until I know what's gonna happen after I graduate and that's the s**t thing. It just ******** sucks.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:36 am
Cannibal Horsey I am warning you in advance that what follows contains a completely unnecessary volume of swear words, it just helps me feel better... a bit Life really ******** sucks somedays. My day started off well and is slowly ending with me feeling like absolute crap and wanting to cry. Should maybe have gone for weekly counselling appointments rather than fortnightly, but I was pretty ok at my last meeting. I wasn't exactly happy, but I didn't feel like crap either *sigh*
I ******** hate living on a knife edge! I live on a constant ******** emotional knife edge, and when I'm not I'm either ridiculously ******** happy over bloody nothing or depressed as hell for either nothing, a combination of loads of little things or something ever so slightly first worldy problem has occured and I'm feeling poop. Oh and millions of miles of unending stress. I ******** hate my life right now. I just want a ******** direction. I wanna know where the hell I'm going, what the hell I'm gonna do, not constantly WAITING AND WAITING for someone to get back to me and let me know. I can't MOVE ON UNTIL I KNOW DAMN IT. I can't PLAN ANYTHING until I know what's gonna happen after I graduate and that's the s**t thing. It just ******** sucks.[insert massive internet hug here] Don't worry, this is a common problem of any college kid out there, myself included. So unfortunate that Western Civilization has so many lost souls that don't know where to go or what to do (i.e. "Know their purpose". The gaming and little hobbies like origami help out with creating new connections, but it would be nice to be part of something that is lasting (I know zCB will be here) ~keito
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:39 am
null_silence Cannibal Horsey I am warning you in advance that what follows contains a completely unnecessary volume of swear words, it just helps me feel better... a bit Life really ******** sucks somedays. My day started off well and is slowly ending with me feeling like absolute crap and wanting to cry. Should maybe have gone for weekly counselling appointments rather than fortnightly, but I was pretty ok at my last meeting. I wasn't exactly happy, but I didn't feel like crap either *sigh*
I ******** hate living on a knife edge! I live on a constant ******** emotional knife edge, and when I'm not I'm either ridiculously ******** happy over bloody nothing or depressed as hell for either nothing, a combination of loads of little things or something ever so slightly first worldy problem has occured and I'm feeling poop. Oh and millions of miles of unending stress. I ******** hate my life right now. I just want a ******** direction. I wanna know where the hell I'm going, what the hell I'm gonna do, not constantly WAITING AND WAITING for someone to get back to me and let me know. I can't MOVE ON UNTIL I KNOW DAMN IT. I can't PLAN ANYTHING until I know what's gonna happen after I graduate and that's the s**t thing. It just ******** sucks.[insert massive internet hug here] Don't worry, this is a common problem of any college kid out there, myself included. So unfortunate that Western Civilization has so many lost souls that don't know where to go or what to do (i.e. "Know their purpose". The gaming and little hobbies like origami help out with creating new connections, but it would be nice to be part of something that is lasting (I know zCB will be here) ~keitoThank you sweetie. I'm just having a rougher time than usual at the minute
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Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:24 am
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Gods, I'm trying. I'm trying really hard, but some days, it just feels like I'm caught in the tide. I don't know whether to fight it, or to give up and let it take me wherever it leads.
I'm trying to avoid things that make me think of how much I've lost by losing him. Things that remind me of him are fine, because they can remind me of all the good memories. But, dammit, there's so many things that scream, "Look, here's what you've lost," and bring all the bad emotions to the front. And I try to fight it, I try to keep myself busy, I try to focus on other things, but every single time I get even the smallest quiet moment, my thoughts go back to the thing that reminded me.
Maybe a better metaphor would be I feel like a man trying to repair a cracked dam, and as soon as I seal one, a bigger one appears. It would be so easy to just blow up the dam and try to start from scratch, but that would mean letting everything go.
I'm just so lost right now...
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:24 am
Yoru Kurosawa Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Gods, I'm trying. I'm trying really hard, but some days, it just feels like I'm caught in the tide. I don't know whether to fight it, or to give up and let it take me wherever it leads.
I'm trying to avoid things that make me think of how much I've lost by losing him. Things that remind me of him are fine, because they can remind me of all the good memories. But, dammit, there's so many things that scream, "Look, here's what you've lost," and bring all the bad emotions to the front. And I try to fight it, I try to keep myself busy, I try to focus on other things, but every single time I get even the smallest quiet moment, my thoughts go back to the thing that reminded me.
Maybe a better metaphor would be I feel like a man trying to repair a cracked dam, and as soon as I seal one, a bigger one appears. It would be so easy to just blow up the dam and try to start from scratch, but that would mean letting everything go.
I'm just so lost right now...
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 11:36 am
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
It occurs to me: maybe I ought to let him go, let him "evolve" (his words, not mine) then formally ask him out. Last time was not so much asking out as getting shoved together. Maybe it can actually be "hey, you want to get coffee sometime" instead of a "hey, you're Asian, you're gay, we like some of the same things... wanna go out?" I mean, worst he can do is turn me down.
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:24 pm
Yoru Kurosawa Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
It occurs to me: maybe I ought to let him go, let him "evolve" (his words, not mine) then formally ask him out. Last time was not so much asking out as getting shoved together. Maybe it can actually be "hey, you want to get coffee sometime" instead of a "hey, you're Asian, you're gay, we like some of the same things... wanna go out?" I mean, worst he can do is turn me down.
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear Secret: If it were me, I'd like that latter sentence for the lack of subtlety LOL! ~keito
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Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 9:34 pm
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Wow... I never knew I could feel so bitter. And I've been trying to avoid that. I've been trying to keep from being angry at him, from being bitter at him, from hating him. I'm trying to keep myself open to him, in case he does come back. But I'm still finding myself trying to throw that shell up, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to have to tear that down again. I don't want that to be what actually dooms the possibility of us being together again.
I feel pathetic...
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 2:24 am
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
He's not doing it on purpose. I know he's not doing it on purpose, but the signals I'm getting... If he knew he wanted me back, he would tell me, wouldn't he? He wouldn't test me by putting things on his tumblr and hoping that I interpret them right. But still... I want so badly to just check, and make sure, but if I'm wrong, it will piss him off, and ruin any chance there was... but if I don't...
I'm so confused. Lost, confused, scared, and goddamnit, lonely...
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 2:47 am
Yoru Kurosawa Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
He's not doing it on purpose. I know he's not doing it on purpose, but the signals I'm getting... If he knew he wanted me back, he would tell me, wouldn't he? He wouldn't test me by putting things on his tumblr and hoping that I interpret them right. But still... I want so badly to just check, and make sure, but if I'm wrong, it will piss him off, and ruin any chance there was... but if I don't...
I'm so confused. Lost, confused, scared, and goddamnit, lonely...
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:00 pm
It's been exactly one year since my mother died today...
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 7:57 am
Queen Cherry Fluff It's been exactly one year since my mother died today... Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
*hugs*
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:42 am
Queen Cherry Fluff It's been exactly one year since my mother died today...
I miss you.
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