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 Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:23 pm
Recently, I've gotten into Tarot cards. Like doing readings for myself and stuff. Most would say that telling the future is bumpkus...which in most cases, I would agree. However, there is something about it that I like. Like talking to a stuffed animal that can talk back, even though it only gives responses in the form of vague symbolism. I also gave my deck the name, Hermes, which I think fits.
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 3:20 pm
Its difficult when you care so much yet you're there yet not there.
t
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 5:01 am
I feel like I only visit this place when I'm especially emotionally stressed or lonely. I need to visit when I actually feel better.
But, yeah... I feel like using this thread for its actual purpose. Excuse me while I vent.
[redacted]
Sorry for the load of overdramatic BS. Just posting here since I'm pretty anonymous (or I think I am, at least. I don't know, that was a lot of ******** text and I might've ranted something similar on here before... I might delete later). I don't know a personal space where I can post things that people I know wouldn't see, so.... And it kind of feels better putting it into words. Not entirely. Just tires me out enough to not feel as helplessly s**t.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 10:38 am
I'm just gonna slip back into the guild and lurk... ninja
But yeah, these days I've been feeling a little lost.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 11:14 pm
This is going to be a long winter, isn't it?
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 1:31 am
That sad moment in the morning where you're trying to do something easy like put your makeup on and instead stab yourself in the eye with a mascara wand.
Today has started badly, may it progress on to happiness.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 1:04 pm
This lady was going around with free samples of this 5 hour energy drink today, and it was pink and I had gotten up earlier than usual today, so I figured what the heck, I'll try it. Bad idea. It made me all shaky and I felt terrible and still have a headache. Probably because I don't drink coffee and rarely drink pop (soda), so my tolerance for caffeine is really low. Ugh. I hated it! That'll teach me to take things that have drugs in them just because they're free and pink XD
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 2:33 pm
Little Miss Fortune This lady was going around with free samples of this 5 hour energy drink today, and it was pink and I had gotten up earlier than usual today, so I figured what the heck, I'll try it. Bad idea. It made me all shaky and I felt terrible and still have a headache. Probably because I don't drink coffee and rarely drink pop (soda), so my tolerance for caffeine is really low. Ugh. I hated it! That'll teach me to take things that have drugs in them just because they're free and pink XD So i guess you don't want any of my pink heroine weed cocaine pops then.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 3:58 pm
clockwerksentinel Little Miss Fortune This lady was going around with free samples of this 5 hour energy drink today, and it was pink and I had gotten up earlier than usual today, so I figured what the heck, I'll try it. Bad idea. It made me all shaky and I felt terrible and still have a headache. Probably because I don't drink coffee and rarely drink pop (soda), so my tolerance for caffeine is really low. Ugh. I hated it! That'll teach me to take things that have drugs in them just because they're free and pink XD So i guess you don't want any of my pink heroine weed cocaine pops then.
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 5:23 pm
What i would give to be able to teleport and heal wounds...
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:35 pm
Seeing myself with make-up for the first time since my HS prom (Back in 07) was somewhat terrifying... A part of me understood that even while wearing it, I felt like I was putting on a mask. Something to hide the ugly. I wanted to take it all off and toss out all the cosmetics that were given to me. But I had to grin and bear it for the night. I fear that at this rate, there is no hope for myself esteem. In my head I have all these hopes and dreams, but I know they'll never come to fruition.
People always tell me I can't be this miserable. I laugh and smile too much. I laugh at anything, most of the time to deflect any other emotion that may pop up. If I get nervous, I laugh. I laugh to keep everything else at bay. It brings a small measure of relief to all the hate and rage I feel towards myself. And to keep people from asking questions.
Why? Because even if you open up to them, do they really care? They have their own problems to deal with.
I've seen them come and go enough to just stop caring. You care, you get hurt.
There are times when I want to care, where I soften up just a bit to test the waters but I know it'll never end well. Times when I want to believe someone is being genuine and nice and caring, but past experience tells me otherwise. It tells me to be distant, cold, unaffectionate, despite all outward appearances. It's unfair and I understand this, but most of the times, they don't. I get called frigid, difficult, a b***h..the list goes on. There's no hope for me. I've pretty much given up. I won't try any more. There's no point. I'm sorry, really truly sorry.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 5:05 am
Silent Sympathy Seeing myself with make-up for the first time since my HS prom (Back in 07) was somewhat terrifying... A part of me understood that even while wearing it, I felt like I was putting on a mask. Something to hide the ugly. I wanted to take it all off and toss out all the cosmetics that were given to me. But I had to grin and bear it for the night. I fear that at this rate, there is no hope for myself esteem. In my head I have all these hopes and dreams, but I know they'll never come to fruition.
People always tell me I can't be this miserable. I laugh and smile too much. I laugh at anything, most of the time to deflect any other emotion that may pop up. If I get nervous, I laugh. I laugh to keep everything else at bay. It brings a small measure of relief to all the hate and rage I feel towards myself. And to keep people from asking questions.
Why? Because even if you open up to them, do they really care? They have their own problems to deal with.
I've seen them come and go enough to just stop caring. You care, you get hurt.
There are times when I want to care, where I soften up just a bit to test the waters but I know it'll never end well. Times when I want to believe someone is being genuine and nice and caring, but past experience tells me otherwise. It tells me to be distant, cold, unaffectionate, despite all outward appearances. It's unfair and I understand this, but most of the times, they don't. I get called frigid, difficult, a b***h..the list goes on. There's no hope for me. I've pretty much given up. I won't try any more. There's no point. I'm sorry, really truly sorry.
It's said when people laugh or joke 'bout difficult situations, they strive to maintain their own sanity.
You should expect any particular individual to solve every or most of the problems you face. Most of your problems is something you should find a solution for yourself. However; having moral support from your friends on the side line should make a big difference. Self esteem may come in time.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 9:00 am
Gakre Personally; I'd say make-up is better used to enhance feats you like 'bout your face, not to cover up every potential imperfection. I doubt I'd like to hang 'round with people who practically look like a clown.
It's said when people laugh or joke 'bout difficult situations, they strive to maintain their own sanity.
You should expect any particular individual to solve every or most of the problems you face. Most of your problems is something you should find a solution for yourself. However; having moral support from your friends on the side line should make a big difference. Self esteem may come in time.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 1:42 am
Silent Sympathy You can only get shoved, tripped or fall down enough times for you to either break or realize that it's better to stay down than get up. I'm tired. Both physically and emotionally. I don't have it in me to try anymore.
Also: Sometimes it's better to move back a bit before you can move forward.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 2:10 pm
Silent Sympathy You can only get shoved, tripped or fall down enough times for you to either break or realize that it's better to stay down than get up. I'm tired. Both physically and emotionally. I don't have it in me to try anymore.
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