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 Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 7:11 pm
Why are my insides being ripped apart in about twenty different ways right now? 
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Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 1:17 pm
Am I just not allowed to role play the way I want? Even if it's not against the rules or harming anyone elses story? Everytime, I'm wrong and someone else is right. [/discussion] I even try to enjoy myself just a little in my slightly convoluted plot towards my characters, not dragging in someone else, doesn't effect anyone else...just my characters and their land...nope, someone has to mess with it cause it doesn't fit their aesthetic. I'm just not allowed to be happy am I life? It doesn't fit your aesthetic. I try to go give blood and nope, somehow they can't get a ******** vein and now I feel guilty cause despite what I do, nothing is ever good enough. No I'm not going to go end myself...cause I'm a sucker for punishment...but I'm still going to vent. Oh and now you're trying to reconcile it, well too bad. There is nothing that's going to work. I quit RPing with you guys cause you don't like my style. So I left...no it won't change. We try to reconcile it and then things fall apart again. They always do.
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Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 1:34 pm
One of my coworkers made a racist comment about our customers over the headset (which I'm forced to wear so they can page me when they want me to run food outside). All I did was take the headset off and leave it on the counter. If my manager had asked me why I wasn't wearing it, I would have told her what that girl said, but no one ended up noticing that I didn't have the headset on like all day. Now I feel guilty for not just speaking up in the first place. I'll probably keep it off tomorrow, too, so that if they notice, I can finally b***h about my racist coworkers. Because my managers deserve to know what kind of little shitheads they have working for them.
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 1:00 pm
And she thinks the solution is...
Wow. Seriously, just wow. First, you guys get pumpkins and don't bother telling me that you're getting pumpkins. So when I come home, I see these pumpkins, and it upsets me, because we ALWAYS got pumpkins TOGETHER, at least when I was living at home. Maybe in the last two years, you guys changed it up, but then why not just tell me so? No, you have to say, "Well, you were off at your game?" Yeah, and you have a phone, and I have a phone. Call me. Text me. I would have happily come to get pumpkins. "Well, it was a spur of the moment thing while we were grocery shopping." Oh, now you're back-peddling. You know you did something, you know I have a reason to be upset, but you won't ******** admit it.
Then, my last pair of pants goes missing, and I tell you I know where it was, and why I left it where I did, and you still insist that I have something to do with it going missing. Guess what--I ******** didn't. I found it in my ******** brother's room, the person you INSISTED earlier couldn't have taken it, because everyone in this goddamned house has a great track record of recognizing which clothes ACTUALLY belong to me.
You're finding more and more reasons to leave yourselves blameless and make it out like I'm overreacting to or actually to blame for things YOU did. So seriously: ******** you.
To become just like the air...
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:57 pm
Baahhhhh humbug!
people are crazy .
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:37 pm
Miss Perfection Alternate Marshall I miss this place.
At the same time it just depresses me when I try to visit.
I don't know.
I've got the old skype you gave me but the address isn't linked up any more.
I know you were going through some crazy stuff last time we spoke and I hope you're doing better since then. Don't be concerned about staying away, I mean it would be nice to see you around again (never doubt that babe <3 ) but it's perfectly understandable to avoid the risk of the situation starting up again.
I don't know if you will get to read this or even reply but I wish you all the best. You really are a lovely amazing person, may your muse always be inspiring.I'm sorry about that. I had to take Skype off my computer, that may be why. And I guess I'm doing better. Been having some health complications, and mood swings are pretty bad. But talking to people's been keeping me saner. Thanks for the reply and well wishes Perfy, and same to you. <3
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:52 pm
I'm going mad with thoughts and emotions... I feel like I'm forcing a lonely void to be filled, in a very unhealthy way.
Few things:
My beloved f** hag (a female who is close friends of a homosexual) unfriended me on Facebook and disconnected contact with me and other friends she made last year (they told me this as well)... so I don't know what to do with the Sherlock Holme's poster I got for $30 at Otakon. She's the only one who I could talk to about our boy problems AND ''people watch'' with (rate guys 1-10 and then b***h 99.99% with disagreements because of our different preferences). This just hurts...
Also I feel like I screwed up big time, unintentionally. I've been reminiscing about wanting to watch Avenue Q perform live and wished for it to be in Richmond... also have it as a first date lol. Now, the VCU Players (Richmond theater majors) are hosting a live show!!! So I asked my friend Lee if he wanted to come with. I felt I needed someone to join with me on the merriment and he agreed, but I don't know if he got the message ''it's a date!''. I hope not, since I consider him as a bro/close friend since he's the only other guy I talk to in Queer Action (the rest are females/transmen). I'm not attracted to him... so I feel guilty right now Dx
I have attractions for caucasian phenotypes likehair color (blonde/brunette), style (be it upward like Lloyd Irving from Tales of Symphonia, or Leon Kennedy from Resident Evil etc) and blue/green/almond color eyes and I need to stop since finding a guy like that who also is homo and/or likes malay-phenotype is impossible here xP Me and my racist preferences crying
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 5:23 pm
I was so sure I would never get to feel like this again. I thought he broke me forever and that I would never be able to love anyone else. But I get to be in love again, and this time it's with someone who loves me as much as I love him. I seriously can't stop smiling. This is sooo worth all the shittiness I went through last year.
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Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:11 pm
Alternate Marshall I'm sorry about that. I had to take Skype off my computer, that may be why. And I guess I'm doing better. Been having some health complications, and mood swings are pretty bad. But talking to people's been keeping me saner. Thanks for the reply and well wishes Perfy, and same to you. <3
I'm not sure, skype is weird. Anyway don't worry about it sweets <3 I'm so glad to hear you're doing better ^^ Health complications and mood swings, oh dear ) : Those type of things really can take the wind out of your sails. However, great to hear you are able to talk to people about these things and it helps retain the sanity. You're very welcome sweetie, I wish you all the best for this crazy ride we call life : ) If you ever need me you know where to find me *huggles*
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 8:00 am
Little Miss Fortune I was so sure I would never get to feel like this again. I thought he broke me forever and that I would never be able to love anyone else. But I get to be in love again, and this time it's with someone who loves me as much as I love him. I seriously can't stop smiling. This is sooo worth all the shittiness I went through last year. *claps* He surely must be wonderful!!!~ Secret: Still have not finish 10 page research/argument draft x_X;
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:49 pm
Kinda gross secret: Yesterday we watched videos of trauma victims. I saw a guy's arm completely cut off. A hole in someone chest, in which you could watch his lungs move as he breathed. And a very deep gash in which you could see someone's intestines. I still want to puke.
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 3:57 pm
Little Miss Fortune I was so sure I would never get to feel like this again. I thought he broke me forever and that I would never be able to love anyone else. But I get to be in love again, and this time it's with someone who loves me as much as I love him. I seriously can't stop smiling. This is sooo worth all the shittiness I went through last year. Congrats! I'm insanely jealous Want to know why? Canni has been having a hell of a time lately. Her and her boyfriend have been arguing a lot because they are both stressed to high hell by a variety of things and have been taking it out on each other. So things came to a head on saturday night at about 3pm when Canni went home from a chariety event they were both at where she hadn't been very well and her boyfriend had shown very little regard, nor had he said goodnight when he was going to sleep. So she sends him and text and he calls her as she drives home, seeing as how she's driving she misses the call, stops, pulls over and calls back. He breaks up with her over the phone.
A day of vomiting, nausea, sobbing, hatred, and shock later, she gets hold of him and they meet up to chat about things. They decide its best to take a break (they both care for each other a lot still they've just both been very silly, though Canni more so than her boyfriend). But then they didn't really discuss what that meant. So they see each other on the Wednesday and just ignore each other, and Canni feels like he's glaring at her so gets upset and speaks to one of the girls about it, who clearly brings it up with her boyfriend. So later when Canni is home she calls him, he misses the call, he calls back, they chat (just like they used to all that time ago when they first started dating), its lovely, boundaries are drawn, the time to meet up and arrange the future set and so Canni feels a little less hopeless and depressed and with renewed determination attempts to get university work done, to no great avail but she'll keep trying
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Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:31 pm
Little Miss Fortune I was so sure I would never get to feel like this again. I thought he broke me forever and that I would never be able to love anyone else. But I get to be in love again, and this time it's with someone who loves me as much as I love him. I seriously can't stop smiling. This is sooo worth all the shittiness I went through last year. I know you think I hate you or whatever, but I am so happy to hear things are going well for you again. heart
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Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:31 pm
I have a story to tell, and I hope it doesn't come across as showing off. It's just, whoa.
Okay, so I'm still doing that video game blog thing I've talked about before. Shamus Young, aka the guy who made my blog as popular as it is, has a show called Spoiler Warning where he and some of his friends record video Let's Plays and commentate on them.
They also do these things they call Hangouts, where they all get on a Ventrilo server, one of them gets on livestream and plays a game, and they all just sort of talk and hang out. And they interact with the people in the chat room (there's usually roughly 150 people).
Well, earlier this week they had one and since I'm sort-of-friends with them I got to join in the vent server and so I was talking with them. They were playing XCOM: Enemy Unknown, a game I really wanted but it's $50 and I'm jobless so sadface.
So I said "Oh hey, it's one of those games I haven't played yet!" And they were like "Oh my god you haven't played XCOM yet, you're a terrible person etc.!" and I was like "I don't have money! And you haven't played Mark of the Ninja yet so WE'RE EVEN." And we all laughed and whatever.
Then, less than a minute after I said that, somebody from the chat room (someone I've never interacted with in any way before) gifted me XCOM on Steam.
And the message he sent along with the gift:
"Dear JPH,
You are an inspiration."
And my face turned totally red holy crap how did that happen.
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Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:30 pm
I feel so ******** lonely right now its unreal
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