brenji
Kuruma
I'm the only one who visits this damn guild
crying
I'm being forced to 'make' friends now . . . or, not make friends and sit alone . . . by myself . . . in the cafeteria.
Why is being lonely such a bad thing?
I admire people who truly understand the peace of mind in solitude.
Why is it necessary to be emotionally attached to another person . . . ?
To validate one's existence? That's pathetic. xp I agree totally. Letting yourself be emotionally attached to people usually leads to frustration and anger through disappointment and betrayal.
3nodding But I guess one has to enjoy a bit of anger (or anything that stirs the chemicals) caused by other living organism, before feeling "alive", or something. I've enjoyed my solidarity to such measures that I'm starting to feel like seeing people just to get annoyed by them. to be able to say things like "damn, he pisses me off" or "he makes me feel like such an idiot" or other things that suggest that I'm a thinking, feeling creature instead of a lump of meat and bones playing PS2.
But I've been happy in my own company for so long that I no longer know how "real people" work, or why they talk the way they do. I seem to be unable to listen to what they're saying while being busy trying to read between the lines what they think of me. My unnatural presence in their tiny groups with shared humor. If you know what I mean. My energy is wasted in deciphering the codes I imagine they're sending to me by wiggling their eyebrows in an aggressive way, or something.
It's like there's a thick glass between me and them.
And if I broke it, I'd be inviting them to invade my personal space, which is mine, god damnit. gonk Of course, gaian people are much better. there's only a glass and a couple of hundred miles between us
xd No, really. Being able to be alone is a gift, but being able to be with people is a complicated art and takes a hell of a lot of work.
xp
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