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 Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 4:10 pm
A world of echoes and fallen gods... I'm on a roll...  Does pushing that button REALLY give you so much of a high that you have to push it OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER? Where all is shadowed, no rights or wrongs...
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 6:55 pm
Thursday night I slept on a park bench. My parents had kicked me out of the house. I had run away before but whenever that happened there was always a plan, but this time I had nothing. no cash, no friends to help out, just my duffel bag of clothes, a few bottles of water and around 8 bucks to sustain myself, not to mention I had school the next day. My world was crashing upon me, things kept getting heavier, but my body moved on its own. i walked, late at it was down to the park. the one I had always dreamed of having my perfect date at and I curled up on the bench there next to the jungle gym and tried to sleep. The cold gripping at me like death's embrace itself. I felt scared, I wanted somebody to talk to, somebody to tell me it would all be ok, but nobody was there.
I went to school friday morning with hardly any sleep at all and brushed my teeth in the bathroom sink. i stuffed my bag inside my locker and hoped nobody would say anything. All day people had been asking me what was wrong and why i was so quiet and had I finally been taught to keep my mouth shut, but to their luck i wasn't in too good of a mood for any kind of comeback. School let out and I made my way down the street carrying my things, unaware of what to do next. I tried calling a few people to see if they could help but nobody answered. I walked down to a different park and stayed there all day drinking from the water fountain that tasted of pure hatred from a spigot. soon night fell and all the children went away with their parents and the clouds started forming, a storm was coming, and i had nowhere to go but underneath a small little house-like structure used to help children build imagination and landscapes. I sat there, cold, wet, hungry from not eating since the lunch from the day before, crying. I had nothing anymore i felt myself slipping. I finally fell asleep in the rain and awoke very early the next morning and tried to find something.
It was almost noon when i finally managed to dry off and i reached into my bag to try and find my phone, thank gods it was still inside the plastic bag i put it in. I was shivering, my head bore a searing pain, and a cut from just above my right eye stretched around toward my temple. I did my best to cover it. I made my call and still no answer. I saw these guys i recognized smoking so i asked them to share, to get the pain off my mind they happily did after hearing my situation. they also gave me a couple bucks and a ride to a 7-11 where I got something to drink and a small bit to eat. I left that 7-11 feeling a little bit better but still had no idea what to do next. all my clothes were wet, and it looks like I had just gotten out of a pool party in the middle of fall. My phone rang, and I answered and my dad was on the phone. He apologized for the way he had been acting and wanted me home. I felt somewhat relieved that this nightmare had finally ended. I started on my way home and made one final call to a friend and she talked to me before I got home.
I got home and opened the door just to get hit in the face, and pushed back out. My dad threw a beer bottle at me, and then yelled at me to get up and fight if I thought that i was really a man then I would be allowed back in. I got up and spit the blood from my mouth and told him I didn't want to and just got smacked back down again. I got up and started to walk away when i heard him say "Maybe thats why you can't ever hold them! They either leave you or just kill themselves! Because you can't do anything!" This ignited a spark inside of me. He knew better than to say that to me, but I was on him faster than anyone could believe, even myself.
I remember holding him and then punching him in the face and then I blacked out. When i came to again he had a busted nose and a few chipped teeth, and my hand had been all but tore from my arm. The pain was getting be unbearable. I cringed back and then he shook his head at me. "Don't worry you big baby, we're getting ready to go to the hospital now."
I got home today with more stitches, and a newfound hatred for my father. I tried to drown my anger in video games but I couldn't, I tried to just go running and let them all just slip away, but they wouldn't. I'm not in a good mood at all.
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:18 pm
It's painful to remind yourself of what you wish you did the past 10 years, when you already feel incompetent with what you try to get done now.
I wonder what's more devastating:
Stay out of trouble, but creating a barrier between you and your friends. Where this cause you to lose your passion for your dreams and growing too stubborn/proud to seek help.
Or
Get into the trouble, not creating the barrier. Where you may risk losing the opportunity to fulfil your dream, while also risking not getting help.
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:27 pm
This is wrong. It's a crime and a travesty. For over a decade, I have sought to find love, and finally when I found it. I have it and the person willing to give it to me, taken away for reasons unknown. Is she alive or is she dead? Has she forgotten about me, or does she remember my heart I've given her. The more days that past, the more my hopes seem to wane. All the riches in the world can turn to dust for all that I find golden is her love and smile. What price must I pay to receive that? My soul? My arm? My creativity? My serenity? My sense of humor? Or is it my tact that which will suffice your greed, life?
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:51 pm
Your dad is kind of a despicable human being. When's the soonest that you'll be able to move out? Also, once you get out of the military, I might be able to hook you up with a job!
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:29 pm
Yesterday my coworker had to work the entire day, from 8 to 10. Fourteen hours. She was the only one working in the store for the entire day, except for the last four hours when I came in.
And since I haven't been trained to work the register, I couldn't even give her a break. Which means she worked fourteen hours without a break. That's not even close to legal.
I am pissed off at my manager now. This is ******** unacceptable. She deserves better.
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:33 am
Back home from a very lovely weekend away for Thanksgiving, and it was fantastic! >w<
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:00 am
Talk about extraordinarily s**t luck
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:43 am
K4M Talk about extraordinarily s**t luck What now? D=
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 2:22 pm
I feel so embarrassed... humiliated... unwanted...
I'm just going to go crawl into a hole and die now
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 4:40 pm
today was horrid. I just want to curl into a corner and die. They all just blatantly lie to my face knowing full well that i know the truth. Do they feed from my sorrow? Does my pain and anguish nourish them? I don't like things anymore, I'm losing my fun, carefree self and becoming replaced by a dismal heartless person who wants nothing to do with anyone. I seek no pity, I seek no sympathy, nor anything else. I seek nothing from anyone I will find whatever I need on my own.
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:58 pm
What do you do when your passion for the last 10 years of your life has suddenly been taken away from you? I feel so lost...
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 9:27 pm
- smacking lips while eating/chewing.
- hovering over my shoulder/looking at my computer screen
- pretending to talk in a different language/ "sounding out" what one believes a certain language sounds like to said person. (like when a Chinese person is speaking, saying they sound like "ching chong" )
Out of all things, the last one bothers me the most. I can't even put a name/word to it. =/ It's like "oh yeah, when you speak [insert non-English language here], it sounds like ______." Obviously person doesn't care to try and say a word correctly, just states that it sounds like a certain English word. Then they don't even try saying it correctly. When someone tells you that it's a soft "sh" sound, then at least give more than one attempt to say it right -____- There's nothing else that the person can do to correct you. You're just saying it with a hard "ch" sound instead of a "sh" sound. It's no that hard. You don't have to go "haha, it sounds like [insert English word]" I find that rather insulting. it shows you don't give a damn about the person to keep trying saying their name correctly. Sure, I can give you some wiggle room seeing that you came from a small town where there probably weren't that many Chinese/Arabic/Indian names, but wow, have a little more respect and say their damn name right. There should be no need for someone to go "Just call me Clarie because most people can't remember/pronounce my real name."
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 10:05 pm
I have a crush on That one night. Ssshhh don't tell redface
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