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 Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:53 pm
Wow, I just spent a good moment of time in the living room watching the 60's music collection cd informercial...I am seriously that bored...Or maybe part of me like music from the 60's.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:54 pm
Little Miss Fortune Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune Ahhhhhhhh, so many ******** emotions, I don't even know what to feel! I'm gonna try typing out all my feelings until I (hopefully) figure this s**t out... So I got to my lowest point a couple of days ago where all I could do was cry and think about killing myself. I tried IMing him in the hopes that he could reassure me that that wasn't what he would want me to do. He didn't answer, so I felt completely lost and alone and hopeless...
Then last night he IMs me back and says he wasn't at his computer. We talk for a little while, and he's super nice. The topic of our relationship comes up, and he mentions that I was always sweet and I made him feel happy and loved. I wondered what had been the problem then, and he said he just needed time alone and it wasn't anything I did wrong. I reminded him that he hadn't exactly blown his chance with me and that if he ever decided he wanted to try again, I'd be more than willing to. Then the biggest surprise of the night: he wants to be friends with benefits o.O
Basically, things would be pretty damn close to the way they were before, except he wouldn't feel as much pressure to be around all the time or deal with all my emotional s**t. This is a HELL of a lot better than nothing, so of course I wanted to jump at the chance... but I can't help wishing it could be an official, committed relationship like it was before. I'm hoping that maybe if I can show him that I've learned to deal with my problems on my own and that I can give him all the space he needs, maybe he'd give me another real chance. I was so surprised to find out that he still loved me and wanted me in his life. I thought for sure he was happier without me.
We video chatted, and we were going to do naughty things, but then I burst into tears at the sight of him because he was so beautiful and I had missed him so much... It kind of ruined the moment, but I couldn't help it XD
I feel a lot better, and I actually have HOPE now, which is amazing. But I feel like I might be compromising a little too much, like maybe I deserve more than this or I shouldn't be so eager to get back with someone who hurt me more than anyone else ever has (or could). What if he hurts me again? What if it hurts even worse the second time? What if he's just using me? What if he just likes the attention I give him? I hope everything will work out, and I do feel happier, but I'm still really confused.
I guess since I love him, the best thing to do is at least give this a chance. I don't want to go back to the way things were, where I was crying constantly. At least this is a CHANCE at happiness, right? There's a better chance I'll be happy in this situation than my old one... But I had already worked so hard on trying to get over him. Of course, I failed miserably at it, but if he leaves me now, I'd be starting that horrible process all over again, and that's absolutely terrifying.
I hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope he really does still love me. I hope he's still the good person he was when we were together. I hope I can make him happy. I hope some of this pain goes away. I hope it doesn't hurt too much to be around him without being able to express my feelings for him...
Why does he have to be so ******** perfect? I can't say no to him T_____T
The general idea with Fwb is "have a Fwb you can't stand, then you'll never fall for them." I've had one and it worked because though he's been my friend for years, he was such a pain in the a**. He ended up getting a girlfriend and it didn't bother me. Would you be able to handle that after he's given you this new hope?
No, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know it's stupid and self-destructive, but if this is all he can offer right now, I'm going to take it. My life sucks without him. At least it sucks less when he's around xp
Feel free to say "I told you so" when I come crying to this thread again. I know this will most likely end badly. But I just can't pass up a chance at being with him >.<
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:59 pm
Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune No, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know it's stupid and self-destructive, but if this is all he can offer right now, I'm going to take it. My life sucks without him. At least it sucks less when he's around xp
Feel free to say "I told you so" when I come crying to this thread again. I know this will most likely end badly. But I just can't pass up a chance at being with him >.<
No, I'm not. I'm really not. I'd agree to anything he said, no matter how strongly I disagreed or how sure I was that I'd end up hurt. I can't say no to him. I love him too much. I know it's horrible and dangerous, but I can't help it. I'm completely dependent on him =/
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:51 pm
Little Miss Fortune Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune No, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know it's stupid and self-destructive, but if this is all he can offer right now, I'm going to take it. My life sucks without him. At least it sucks less when he's around xp
Feel free to say "I told you so" when I come crying to this thread again. I know this will most likely end badly. But I just can't pass up a chance at being with him >.<
No, I'm not. I'm really not. I'd agree to anything he said, no matter how strongly I disagreed or how sure I was that I'd end up hurt. I can't say no to him. I love him too much. I know it's horrible and dangerous, but I can't help it. I'm completely dependent on him =/
Treat the break up like an amputation and learn to live without him. See a therapist, join a club, find a new hobby. Anything but what you're doing.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:56 pm
Shiori Miko I don't believe that. You're stronger than you think you are. Does he even know how you've been? Is he totally ignorant of how this would affect you or is he just that horrible? I'm resisting the urge to insult him for even suggesting this terrible idea.
Treat the break up like an amputation and learn to live without him. See a therapist, join a club, find a new hobby. Anything but what you're doing.
I'm pretty sure he at least has some idea of how bad it's gotten.
I already know I can't live without him... which is definitely one of the most pathetic things I've ever said xp
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:11 pm
Little Miss Fortune Shiori Miko I don't believe that. You're stronger than you think you are. Does he even know how you've been? Is he totally ignorant of how this would affect you or is he just that horrible? I'm resisting the urge to insult him for even suggesting this terrible idea.
Treat the break up like an amputation and learn to live without him. See a therapist, join a club, find a new hobby. Anything but what you're doing.
I'm pretty sure he at least has some idea of how bad it's gotten.
I already know I can't live without him... which is definitely one of the most pathetic things I've ever said xp
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:22 pm
Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune I'm pretty sure he at least has some idea of how bad it's gotten.
I already know I can't live without him... which is definitely one of the most pathetic things I've ever said xp
Because it would be hard and I'd be guaranteed not to end up with him. At least this way there's a small chance I might end up being happy >.<
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:27 pm
Little Miss Fortune Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune I'm pretty sure he at least has some idea of how bad it's gotten.
I already know I can't live without him... which is definitely one of the most pathetic things I've ever said xp
Because it would be hard and I'd be guaranteed not to end up with him. At least this way there's a small chance I might end up being happy >.<
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:41 pm
Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune Because it would be hard and I'd be guaranteed not to end up with him. At least this way there's a small chance I might end up being happy >.<
Everything about him makes it worth it. He's seriously the most incredible person I've ever met. He's absolutely perfect. I don't care how much it hurts if it means having him in my life D=
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:58 pm
Little Miss Fortune Shiori Miko Little Miss Fortune Because it would be hard and I'd be guaranteed not to end up with him. At least this way there's a small chance I might end up being happy >.<
Everything about him makes it worth it. He's seriously the most incredible person I've ever met. He's absolutely perfect. I don't care how much it hurts if it means having him in my life D=
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:57 pm
I'm with Shiori on this one.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:03 pm
Valheita I'm with Shiori on this one. Agreed. Sidenote: work has completely drained me of any energy I would've had for me day/evening x.x; bah.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:06 pm
-Mizu teh Artsi- Valheita I'm with Shiori on this one. Agreed. Sidenote: work has completely drained me of any energy I would've had for me day/evening x.x; bah. Work always does that D:
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:11 pm
Valheita -Mizu teh Artsi- Valheita I'm with Shiori on this one. Agreed. Sidenote: work has completely drained me of any energy I would've had for me day/evening x.x; bah. Work always does that D: x.x this week has just been the worst XD can't catch a break at work at all.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:16 pm
Just means you haven't met the right person yet, no?
The avi of the first person to post on page 619 reminds me of a golden unicorn. (omgnamedrop)
Headache. Why am I still up. Headache. Sleep. Job. Car. Driving. Freedom. ********. Bumped it up to 5 job apps a day. May one of them fall lucky. x---x
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