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 Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 7:19 pm
So skype, you wish to stand in my way? Well you have just chosen your downfall.
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 7:52 pm
-Mizu teh Artsi- D: awww Cho /huggles
I'm sorry to hear ;; I know exactly how that feels hun, if you wanna talk about it dun hesitate to PM or skype ^^ ^ This. D= @Mizu: Congrats! :3
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 7:58 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:17 pm
I'm sorry, Cho. /hug My aunt has cancer, too. ><
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:38 pm
I am so <********> over this.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 6:24 pm
[Trigger warning for suicide]
I can't get these suicidal thoughts to go away. I'm reading an online book thing about suicide right now that's helping a little, and talking to people helps, but I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I feel better sometimes when I take my mind off it, but then something will remind me of him, and it hits me all over again. I cry every single day. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wake up and burst into tears the second I realize that I didn't die in my sleep.
I don't actually want to kill myself and I probably won't do it, but these ******** thoughts won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be to not have to feel any of this ever again. It's possible to make this all go away, but I don't have the courage to do it, and I know that it's a bad decision. I don't know what else to do, though. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. I somehow got it in my head that he'd be happier if I were dead... And since I'd do anything to make him happy, I was afraid I'd end up doing something stupid. So I was just hoping he could tell me that wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't even do that for me.
I can't get through this on my own, but I don't exactly have a whole lot of people to turn to. I have one close (online) friend, but I can't really talk to him about this stuff. I wish I had someone to hold me. I hate having to use all my energy just to SURVIVE each day. How could one person cause this much damage? Would it really even be suicide at this point? Because I feel like I already died the day he left me. I'm barely even existing right now. I feel empty and miserable. I wish there were a way I could see into the future and know for sure that I would be happy someday. I hate just sitting around hoping for things to get better on their own. But what can I do to make this go away?
What will happen when school starts back up? I can't just put my life on hold and lie in bed all day crying, but I don't exactly have the energy for anything else. I don't even have anything to live for at this point. I just keep telling myself that everything I do is for him somehow. That if he heard I had died, he would be sad or feel guilty, so I have to be strong for him. I know it's not true, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point. He's still my whole world... and it's terrifying.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 6:58 pm
Little Miss Fortune [Trigger warning for suicide]I can't get these suicidal thoughts to go away. I'm reading an online book thing about suicide right now that's helping a little, and talking to people helps, but I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I feel better sometimes when I take my mind off it, but then something will remind me of him, and it hits me all over again. I cry every single day. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wake up and burst into tears the second I realize that I didn't die in my sleep.
I don't actually want to kill myself and I probably won't do it, but these ******** thoughts won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be to not have to feel any of this ever again. It's possible to make this all go away, but I don't have the courage to do it, and I know that it's a bad decision. I don't know what else to do, though. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. I somehow got it in my head that he'd be happier if I were dead... And since I'd do anything to make him happy, I was afraid I'd end up doing something stupid. So I was just hoping he could tell me that wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't even do that for me.
I can't get through this on my own, but I don't exactly have a whole lot of people to turn to. I have one close (online) friend, but I can't really talk to him about this stuff. I wish I had someone to hold me. I hate having to use all my energy just to SURVIVE each day. How could one person cause this much damage? Would it really even be suicide at this point? Because I feel like I already died the day he left me. I'm barely even existing right now. I feel empty and miserable. I wish there were a way I could see into the future and know for sure that I would be happy someday. I hate just sitting around hoping for things to get better on their own. But what can I do to make this go away?
What will happen when school starts back up? I can't just put my life on hold and lie in bed all day crying, but I don't exactly have the energy for anything else. I don't even have anything to live for at this point. I just keep telling myself that everything I do is for him somehow. That if he heard I had died, he would be sad or feel guilty, so I have to be strong for him. I know it's not true, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point. He's still my whole world... and it's terrifying.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:08 pm
epic-writer42 Little Miss Fortune [Trigger warning for suicide]I can't get these suicidal thoughts to go away. I'm reading an online book thing about suicide right now that's helping a little, and talking to people helps, but I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I feel better sometimes when I take my mind off it, but then something will remind me of him, and it hits me all over again. I cry every single day. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wake up and burst into tears the second I realize that I didn't die in my sleep.
I don't actually want to kill myself and I probably won't do it, but these ******** thoughts won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be to not have to feel any of this ever again. It's possible to make this all go away, but I don't have the courage to do it, and I know that it's a bad decision. I don't know what else to do, though. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. I somehow got it in my head that he'd be happier if I were dead... And since I'd do anything to make him happy, I was afraid I'd end up doing something stupid. So I was just hoping he could tell me that wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't even do that for me.
I can't get through this on my own, but I don't exactly have a whole lot of people to turn to. I have one close (online) friend, but I can't really talk to him about this stuff. I wish I had someone to hold me. I hate having to use all my energy just to SURVIVE each day. How could one person cause this much damage? Would it really even be suicide at this point? Because I feel like I already died the day he left me. I'm barely even existing right now. I feel empty and miserable. I wish there were a way I could see into the future and know for sure that I would be happy someday. I hate just sitting around hoping for things to get better on their own. But what can I do to make this go away?
What will happen when school starts back up? I can't just put my life on hold and lie in bed all day crying, but I don't exactly have the energy for anything else. I don't even have anything to live for at this point. I just keep telling myself that everything I do is for him somehow. That if he heard I had died, he would be sad or feel guilty, so I have to be strong for him. I know it's not true, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point. He's still my whole world... and it's terrifying.
*Hugs* Not much can help at this point... although something good might be happening, and it still doesn't feel real yet... ._____.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:14 pm
Little Miss Fortune [Trigger warning for suicide]I can't get these suicidal thoughts to go away. I'm reading an online book thing about suicide right now that's helping a little, and talking to people helps, but I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I feel better sometimes when I take my mind off it, but then something will remind me of him, and it hits me all over again. I cry every single day. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wake up and burst into tears the second I realize that I didn't die in my sleep.
I don't actually want to kill myself and I probably won't do it, but these ******** thoughts won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be to not have to feel any of this ever again. It's possible to make this all go away, but I don't have the courage to do it, and I know that it's a bad decision. I don't know what else to do, though. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. I somehow got it in my head that he'd be happier if I were dead... And since I'd do anything to make him happy, I was afraid I'd end up doing something stupid. So I was just hoping he could tell me that wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't even do that for me.
I can't get through this on my own, but I don't exactly have a whole lot of people to turn to. I have one close (online) friend, but I can't really talk to him about this stuff. I wish I had someone to hold me. I hate having to use all my energy just to SURVIVE each day. How could one person cause this much damage? Would it really even be suicide at this point? Because I feel like I already died the day he left me. I'm barely even existing right now. I feel empty and miserable. I wish there were a way I could see into the future and know for sure that I would be happy someday. I hate just sitting around hoping for things to get better on their own. But what can I do to make this go away?
What will happen when school starts back up? I can't just put my life on hold and lie in bed all day crying, but I don't exactly have the energy for anything else. I don't even have anything to live for at this point. I just keep telling myself that everything I do is for him somehow. That if he heard I had died, he would be sad or feel guilty, so I have to be strong for him. I know it's not true, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point. He's still my whole world... and it's terrifying.
Right now you’re coping with that loss and it’s not easy. Talking to people and doing things is always good. Make new memories and let time pass. I’m not saying you have to forget about everything related to him in a snap of your fingers, it’s important to have memories and after all he was and for you still is a big part of your life.
Talk to your parents, friends, family anyone who you trust on this matter. If you can then get into an activity, something to help get your mind out of the constant thoughts. Please let your parents know you’re contemplating suiscidal thoughts, even if you’re not thinking about going through with it let them know anyway. That way they will know what’s going on and can help and support you.
Don’t think about school right now, cross that bridge when you get there. If thinking about how he would feel if you died keeps you from killing yourself then that’s fine. Just TELL someone there who is close to you and can physically help you how you’re feeling please please please.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:26 pm
Little Miss Fortune [Trigger warning for suicide]I can't get these suicidal thoughts to go away. I'm reading an online book thing about suicide right now that's helping a little, and talking to people helps, but I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I feel better sometimes when I take my mind off it, but then something will remind me of him, and it hits me all over again. I cry every single day. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wake up and burst into tears the second I realize that I didn't die in my sleep.
I don't actually want to kill myself and I probably won't do it, but these ******** thoughts won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be to not have to feel any of this ever again. It's possible to make this all go away, but I don't have the courage to do it, and I know that it's a bad decision. I don't know what else to do, though. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. I somehow got it in my head that he'd be happier if I were dead... And since I'd do anything to make him happy, I was afraid I'd end up doing something stupid. So I was just hoping he could tell me that wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't even do that for me.
I can't get through this on my own, but I don't exactly have a whole lot of people to turn to. I have one close (online) friend, but I can't really talk to him about this stuff. I wish I had someone to hold me. I hate having to use all my energy just to SURVIVE each day. How could one person cause this much damage? Would it really even be suicide at this point? Because I feel like I already died the day he left me. I'm barely even existing right now. I feel empty and miserable. I wish there were a way I could see into the future and know for sure that I would be happy someday. I hate just sitting around hoping for things to get better on their own. But what can I do to make this go away?
What will happen when school starts back up? I can't just put my life on hold and lie in bed all day crying, but I don't exactly have the energy for anything else. I don't even have anything to live for at this point. I just keep telling myself that everything I do is for him somehow. That if he heard I had died, he would be sad or feel guilty, so I have to be strong for him. I know it's not true, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point. He's still my whole world... and it's terrifying.
I know what it's like to hit that point where even if you don't want to die, it feels like it's the best or only option left even when you know that's not true. when each day just feels like you're drowning in lead.
I'm really glad you haven't given up. I know how hard it can be to hold on.
Feel free to message me any time if you want to talk.
Some things that can help to breakout of depression:
Sunlight, physical activity- like exercise (especially anything cardio)
Finding an outlet for your feelings once you have the energy:
Drawing, music, dancing, writing a journal -
I hope this helps some
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:32 pm
Jer0nim0 I am so [********] over this. *hugs*
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:43 pm
kittycross Little Miss Fortune [Trigger warning for suicide]I can't get these suicidal thoughts to go away. I'm reading an online book thing about suicide right now that's helping a little, and talking to people helps, but I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I feel better sometimes when I take my mind off it, but then something will remind me of him, and it hits me all over again. I cry every single day. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wake up and burst into tears the second I realize that I didn't die in my sleep.
I don't actually want to kill myself and I probably won't do it, but these ******** thoughts won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how amazing it would be to not have to feel any of this ever again. It's possible to make this all go away, but I don't have the courage to do it, and I know that it's a bad decision. I don't know what else to do, though. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. I somehow got it in my head that he'd be happier if I were dead... And since I'd do anything to make him happy, I was afraid I'd end up doing something stupid. So I was just hoping he could tell me that wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't even do that for me.
I can't get through this on my own, but I don't exactly have a whole lot of people to turn to. I have one close (online) friend, but I can't really talk to him about this stuff. I wish I had someone to hold me. I hate having to use all my energy just to SURVIVE each day. How could one person cause this much damage? Would it really even be suicide at this point? Because I feel like I already died the day he left me. I'm barely even existing right now. I feel empty and miserable. I wish there were a way I could see into the future and know for sure that I would be happy someday. I hate just sitting around hoping for things to get better on their own. But what can I do to make this go away?
What will happen when school starts back up? I can't just put my life on hold and lie in bed all day crying, but I don't exactly have the energy for anything else. I don't even have anything to live for at this point. I just keep telling myself that everything I do is for him somehow. That if he heard I had died, he would be sad or feel guilty, so I have to be strong for him. I know it's not true, but it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point. He's still my whole world... and it's terrifying.
I know what it's like to hit that point where even if you don't want to die, it feels like it's the best or only option left even when you know that's not true. when each day just feels like you're drowning in lead.
I'm really glad you haven't given up. I know how hard it can be to hold on.
Feel free to message me any time if you want to talk.
Some things that can help to breakout of depression:
Sunlight, physical activity- like exercise (especially anything cardio)
Finding an outlet for your feelings once you have the energy:
Drawing, music, dancing, writing a journal -
I hope this helps some
I don't know... I'm too scared to talk to my parents or anyone like that about it. And... he just contacted me tonight... and things are weird but good-ish and... I don't even know anymore. I'm still feeling a million different things right now. I broke down and cried when I saw him on his webcam because he looked so beautiful D=
Whenever I manage to get out of the house and do something, I definitely do notice myself feeling better. Like I go Geocaching with my family and I got to go swimming last weekend and stuff. That's when I feel okay. But then when I'm left home alone on a day when I don't work and no one is online... that's when the bad thoughts come back. It's hard to remind myself that I'm worthy of love when he isn't there to tell me he loves me, you know? >.<
But thank you, and thank you to Miss P and Epic, too. I'm kind of too emotional to really think straight at the moment, so I'm probably going to go to sleep and then think about this stuff all day at work tomorrow. Ahhhh, I can't believe we might still get to be friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:03 pm
@Fortune: *uber mega huggles* I know exactly what you're going through. A piece of you has been ripped away but it's still there... just ever so slightly out of reach. It's gonna be tough. But you have to learn to live in tandem with that piece. The first thing to do is to give in to the grief. After that... optimism. Endless optimism. Being depressed and unhappy isn't gonna get you anywhere but down.
Also, posting here about all the things going through your head will really help. (Or writing it down elsewhere.)
We're here for you.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:05 pm
Maris Pallitax @Fortune: *uber mega huggles* I know exactly what you're going through. A piece of you has been ripped away but it's still there... just ever so slightly out of reach. It's gonna be tough. But you have to learn to live in tandem with that piece. The first thing to do is to give in to the grief. After that... optimism. Endless optimism. Being depressed and unhappy isn't gonna get you anywhere but down.
Also, posting here about all the things going through your head will really help. (Or writing it down elsewhere.)
We're here for you.
*Hugs back* Thank you... I'm still overwhelmed with a billion different feelings right now, so maybe I'll type out everything I'm feeling tomorrow after work so I can figure it all out XD
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:46 pm
Kamok0 Jer0nim0 I am so [********] over this. *hugs* /huffles the timekitty.
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