Welcome to Gaia! ::

So, to add to the drama... >_<;

My Mom and I got into it. Physically. She basically came in my room screaming and yelling :get the ******** out of bed you blahblahblah this and that.:

Well, I ignored her, having worked alllll ******** night, that night before. So I turned over and went back to sleep, amazingly she didnt wake my kids.. So, another hour passes and Im ready to get up and Isabelle is awake and wanting food, so I get up and start looking around for my bra... ( I sleep nekkid.) and put it on, throw my t-shirt on and the babies start crying, so I have to turn around and take care of them. Well.... Im in mid-cleaning of baby poop and I get another screaming. I told her basically to leave me alone, I was busy, well....that turned out to be the wrong thing to say, she runs at me and begins trying to gouge my left eye out, I instantly begin to protect myself at this point. (Not to mention I was already angry..) And she starts just trying to tear away at me. Well... I grabbed her by the throat, unintentionally...started to see black (I black out when I get over-edge.) I noticed it, threw her away from me and backed off. I didnt want to hurt her, irregardless if she wanted to hurt me. So anyway, my brother Justin runs into the middle of us, yanking her away. Im trying to stay incontrol at this point, battling my emotions and want to beat the living s**t out of her. I spoke outloud at this point...saying that if she were anyone else, her a** would be over the railing and on the ground. She was lucky she was my mother...and then she decides to try to come at me again..however, Justin was there to stop her. I just shook my head and told her she was a pathetic piece of s**t. So, I calmly walk away and go into my room, we throw some words around back and forth for awhile before she tears into my room again, screaming at me to get the ******** out. I told her to go the ******** away, I wasnt leaving, I had no where to go and that just so happened to be her fault at this point. She was like.. oh, youre leaving, one way or another. Calls the cops. Cops listen to our stories, they give us both a citation for "Family violence". We have to appear in court.

Since then... My Uncle Johnny has shown up...and its just been..well.. okay since then. He keeps her calm and doesnt allow her to step out of line.

I wonder, should I protect myself from her?

Should I go to that level with her?

Im sincerely torn as to what I should and shouldnt do with her at this point. She's out of control sometimes and gets dangerously violent..and I just .. have no way out right now, no vehicle nothing. Its ********>