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 Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:04 pm
having a v****a is awesome.
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:18 pm
This week, I may have to disagree... ask me tomorrow, I should be through ragging then ^^;;
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:21 pm
Lady Sierra This week, I may have to disagree... ask me tomorrow, I should be through ragging then ^^;;
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Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 10:16 am
What? Survival through excrutiating pain? xd
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Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 10:16 am
I had a whole story written out about my ex... and how he is such a b*****d but my pc messed up and i can't be bothered to write it all out again. But i have some advice! Go on this site. reading only a few will make your problems seem so small... unless of course, they are bigger, in which case... vent and see if you can make other peoples problems seem smaller!
Vent
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:08 pm
Silver Moonblade I feel so pretty. Oh so pretty.
A pixelated sex-change DOESN'T make you a girl scream
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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:30 pm
Lmao... check the 1st post xd
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 5:17 am
*wanders in, sits down in a corner, and pulls her knees against her chest so that she can wrap her arms around them*
I think I've got serious problems.
With something as idiotic as food.
Okay, I've been down the slippery road of bulimia before. This ain't it.
I've never been happy about my body, or my weight. I've been a sweet tooth all my life, and when I'm not feeling too happy I comfort eat. Which makes me feel even worse, so it's a vicious cycle.
My brother has always been the popular one, the pretty one, the active one, the smart one. I was me - chubby, nothing special to look at, shy, quiet, considered stupid. I wanted to do exercise but because I'm clumsy I didn't dare because people would laugh at me. My parents have always said I ought to be more like my brother. They came with nasty remarks about how I dressed - "do you really want to wear that top? Your arms aren't exactly muscular...", or "hm, better get you another pair of trousers, sweety, those make you look like a stuffed sausage" - and how pale I was (I burn easily, so I prefer to stay out of the sun). New friends of the parents would marvel at my brother's beautiful eyes and lashes, while ignoring me.
I started went on my first diet when I was 11. I'm a early bloomer, so while the rest of the girls in my year at school were pancakes, I developed a B-cup pretty much overnight. Of course, my hips and what have you started to grown from girliness to womanhood too, right? Not good for an already insecure girl like moi.
So! The diet developed into bulimia. I beat it when I was around, say, sixteen, and my diet has been okay since then. I still wasn't happy with how I looked, but at least I didn't toss my cookies after every meal, right? Also, I moved in with my father and stepmother - my father has come with hurtful remarks before, but after marrying the woman I now call "Mum" he has become a lot better - which meant I was away from an nearly anorexic mother and a constantly teasing brother (his favourite pasttime was to call me ugly and fat until I either hit him, which of course led to me being grounded, or started crying, in which case he walked off spot-free). I got friends who liked me, and my self esteem went up. Still clumsy, but I wasn't the only one.
August last year I moved out, and moved up to Trondheim to study. In October I started working out - having worked up the courage and self esteem to change in front of others, and to go in there and actually work out.
Now...
...we're back to square one.
I'm unhappy with my body. I would like a waist and stomach like Erinn's (hence the self-esteem bashing each time I see a picture of you, sweetie), I'd like slimmer legs, I'd like better arms and shoulders...you get the picture. Thing is, I work out three to four times every week, and I'm careful with what I eat. But sadly, I don't see results. It doesn't help that my boyfriend has pictures of thin, muscular, sexy ladies on his desktop. It doesn't help that the girls I see in the locker room at the gym are gorgeous. It doesn't help that every time my mother in law talks about overweight people she glances at me.
I wear skirts a lot. Why? To hide my backside and my legs. My upper body is okay - down to the navel, that is, and provided I'm wearing a bra.
So basically...I don't eat enough. I can't bring myself to eating enough, because if I eat anything else than just enough to stop my stomach from grovelling, I feel guilty and need to force myself to stay away from the toilet. Some weeks, my diet consists of two low-fat Nutrilett bars (211 cal, and you can go on without eating for hours afterward). And I'm getting more and more unhappy the less I eat and the more I work out, because I don't see results.
*stretches out her legs* This is a vent, by the way. I think that more than a nice body, I want to feel good about how I look. I want to be able to believe compliments. I'd also like to accept that I'll never be thin - slender, maybe, but never thin. My body just isn't built for it.
Does anyone have some nice self esteem boosting exercises for me?
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 12:19 pm
Aki sweetie you'd get along SO well with some of the girls in my class. Being in the theatre arts program there's a ton of pressure on us to keep 'in shape' both physically and picture-esquely.
There's 12 of us girls... and less than half are 'slim' even fewer of us would be what you call 'petite'. Now we're all doing pilates and dance together in form fitting blacks... So few of the girls are actually comfortable with themselves. We have a few 'bigger' girls and some of them are really consciencious about how they look. But despite their size... the ones who have confidence in themselves, often look better than the girls 3 times less their size.
Confidence I think is one of the sexiest things any guy or girl can posses... especially girls <3 It's something I have to work on >_<;;
While some of us have lost weight or are fighting to keep weight on... others are frusterated and upset because they're working so hard to lose it and they're either not... or they're gaining more.
Some of it is diet... but it not necissarily eating less... just eating the right things. Not eating enough is the WORST thing you can do... because if your body is hungry, it's going to store everything in fat reserves so that it has something to live off of. If the body thinks it's being starved, it holds on to everything. It's one of the biggest mistakes people who're dieting make. My mum made it for a while... She's never been happy with her figure. Even before she had kids and she looked like me, she felt inadaquate, now she wishes she could look like that again... grass is greener ne? She's gotten better about ways to diet healthily... And she's lost a lot of weight. I can see if she can e-mail me the ones she'd used and have worked well if you like?
Another thing is... it doesn't matter how tiny you are, if you're not physically well and fit it means nothing -_-;
Along the same lines as you were saying about the feeling bad and comfort eating being a vicious cycle, not feeling good about yourself is much the same. Our mental state is directly reflected in our physical appearance, because it manifests itself physically. My professor explained it at the start of the year... but it's been proven that water can be manipulated by mental thought. And our bodies contain an insanely high percentage of water. Have you ever noticed... that when you're really stressed or depressed you tend to get breakouts? I sure as hell do >_<;; Skin condition and retained weight are heavily influenced by how you feel... which can be a discouragment in itself... but it's something to work with ne?
And power drinks/bars. My professor... who's an insane health nut and a Pilates Grand Master... she's huge into everything new-age and natural... awesome woman, insane about dietary -ness.... She warned us against those. Most of them don't work very well and have negative effects. Most of the fats and sugars are removed and replaced with chemicals that do just as much harm... It's the same with anything that says 'sugar or fat free'. Don't buy into it. Some of those fats are healthy and needed.
What she does warn about though... is eating past a certain time at night and of things that don't break down well in the dietary sytsem very well like red meats (although I still eat them like whoa... farm girl heh. )
I'll try and get some links and stuff from her for you <333
The other thing is... does anyone near you teach pilates? It's sooooo intense... and you'll hardcore hurt for a while... 'kinda feels like legalized torture LoL But it's one of the best things you could ever do for your body. Joseph pilates has this thing that says I think '10 sessions and you'll feel the difference, 20 sessions and you'll see the difference... 30 sessions and OTHERS will see the difference' And it's really true (It's also been toning everything back up for me, so this would be good for what you want ne?) 3nodding
Confidence though... Mine gets dashed every time I go to school ^^; There are some really gorgeous girls in our program... S'part of the reason I was swayed into wearing make-up more often. That and I'm so pale... days that I'm unwell it really shows, so I use a lil' bit to keep my fleshtone even. Still pale as porcelain LoL but not sickly so xd ... I still try to keep a natural look 'cause I really hate obvious make-up. Eww. But they're like... plastic barbie-type perfect... It's hard. Especially coming through highschool and having an insanely akward stage... I didn't really start 'blossoming' 'til I was a senior and I got picked on a lot ^^;; These girls are the stuff of secondary school nightmares -_-; And I really can't help but feel like I'm being constantly judged and appraised in their eyes. It makes me really uncomfortable... wondering just what it is they see when they look at me...I'm getting better though... The whole fact that I don't like the 'fake' look helps a lot lol.
Even those girls though... I hear them complain about their bodies too ^^; This one girl... who's like the appointed beauty queen of class, she's got a gorgeous figure but she doesn't like it because it's however many pounds too many -_-; There's another girl in our class who was actually just in the Miss Canada (Universe) pagaent -_-;;;; Ish nuts. Nobody's ever 100% happy with themselves... We always find some flaw ^^;
I'm trying to accept that more... and just deal with them or work on them, finding what I do like and enhancing it or playing off it to keep people distracted from what I don't want them to notice or see about me LoL
My bf and I broke up... and part of it was... I was so unconfident at times that I was just completely unsexy ^^; The days that I feel good about myself I find... are the days I get noticed the most. It's in my walk and the air about me more than the look... 'cause that never really changes ne? Ish about Attitude <33
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Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:57 am
Okay hunny.
I agree with Sierra. Confidence. I'm not what you'd call slim, far from it, and for so many years during my childhood, i let it make me suffer. My sister is so skinny and pretty with it and I became anorexic for a while, luckily it didn't last too long.
Then I got into my Third year at highschool, and i don't know why, my friend's didn't change or anything, but something made me just kind of, pretend, as such, to be confident with my body...
Ok, you may think... Pretend?! but it was just something i was trying out, and to tell the truth, it worked. Eventually, my self-confidence rocketed. Well in front of other people.... At home, and inside, i still have my insecurities, and i sometimes even feel like going back into anorexia, but I promised myself and my family I wouldn't let myself do that again, so I don't.
Now, I eat healthily, no diets, but i try to get in 5 fruits a day and eating 3 square meals a day helps, but I also go to the gym. I go with my friend, and although she is like, majorly pretty, I just try and forget about it...
It's not too good advice, but it's all i can give!
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Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 7:24 pm
Lady Sierra What? Survival through excrutiating pain? xd
why can't guys rag.
oh wait.
they won't be able to take the pain.
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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 6:05 pm
*nods* Women have a higher pain tolerance... go figure ^^;
Mosey ~ Good for you sweetie! 4laugh heart
.... Okay. Tenma's post had me wondering, I wanted to say something useful but y'know I really can't. S'pecially since I'm guilty of being one of those girls who's always calling up and what have you... S'kinda' gotten me into trouble lately.
Who else has had trouble finding the balance of individuality and unison in a relationship? How'd you guys get through it? ^^;
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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 11:02 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 6:42 am
OMG Kat!~ That was awsome XDDDD
And Yessssssss damnish gonk
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