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The internet in general. I feel like all I do is fight an uphill battle and I'm burning from both ends. I'm a godless liberal on one end and on the other I'm providing cover for the extremist. All discussions are going to drivel into mindless literalism from either end. Then it goes into why "my culture is superior to yours" arguments. Theology discussions turns into God Math rather than focusing on personal and community growth. And in the end, I feel like I'm just a*****e loser wasting my time on the internet when I could actually be doing something productive like cleaning my house, or working on my book. I feel so unmotivated to do anything.

if you want to look at it by ratio... Then you pretty much are just spinning your wheels when it comes to making a difference in people's lives in general... No matter where you try to make the difference... It's the hard honest truth.

You can do good 100 times a day, and out of those 100 times, Maybe 10 will be noticed... and POSSIBLY, on a good day, 2 of those 10 will be remembered... and out of those 2, only 1 of those times will be considered by the person who was the recipient of the good deed, as something that made a real difference...

But then really, That one time is why we are doing what we do... And you know what, it is so totally worth it in the end... Because we are proving to ourselves that we can be who we are supposed to be despite the rest of the world being uncaring...

You know Rob? I find that most people feel like you and me, but because of the anger and hate spouted from the two most extreme ends of the spectrum, they would rather not place themselves in the middle of the fray by saying anything... Yet they DO pay attention to the people who speak up, and they realize they are not the only ones who feel the way they do...

I grew up on the doctrine that things are either Black or White, there is no grey... But I never felt that way... But everyone around here listened to it, and didn't say otherwise... And when I got older, and started asking questions, I got singled out by church leaders, and everyone got to see how I was treated for allowing myself to 'go astray'... Yet later, when I established that I was not backing down from what I felt was revealed to me, and standing up for it, other people of the area started confiding that they felt more like what I did, than what is the common doctrine around here... Yet they were afraid to reveal that to anyone else...

Even my mother recently started asking me questions... AND more surprisingly, one of the area's Pastor's wife even admitted that she didn't agree with all of her husband's doctrine that he has preached for the last 60 years. Yet, even now, no one wants to admit that they question the black-and-white doctrine that is prevalent around here...

So if it's in your heart to keep trying, go for it. I am sure that at least one person has seen your struggle and felt a bit better for their questions, and maybe one day, they will feel confident enough in their convictions to add their voice to yours... And it will be because you were confident enough to speak up against the extreme ends of the Christian spectrum...

And for what it's worth, I feel extremely blessed for having met you online... emotion_kirakira

Few things are worth doing, and the ones that are, are never easy. If they was, would Christ had to have hung on the cross? You are both Wise and intelligent, don't lose heart. You will make a difference.

I haven't seen Venus either... Not since the beginning of December... I have been kinda concerned as well...

Okay sorry for giving everyone a scare there. I'm better now. I'm not sure what came over me. Thank you all for your understanding.

So, who can spell city because I can't when it comes to filing a report against someone. emo

Well that's what this thread is for. And it sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

I don't know what to say but is sounds like your husband is a really great guy and very supportive. emotion_hug I wish I was there to lend you a hand.

Well, there is a difference between going on dates, and having committed relationships... I dated several people before I met my husband. Never quite made it to the committed part... Dates are for getting to know people, a kinda testing grounds to see if you might enjoy each others company for a possible 'next level'... and then once you formally commit they are used as a means to continuing in the enjoyment of each others company... Dates themselves are pretty loose in terms of rules, and are normally very innocent.

Either way, the issue of people leaving you is still something you have to work on... You live in the material/physical world... Nothing is permanent... but even so, maybe because it is so... Things in this world are beautiful... Yet to embrace the fear that things are impermanent, instead of acknowledging their temporary nature and embracing it as a fact, you are limiting your life to less than what God has for you...

Whether you are meant to be with someone or not, as long as you focus on the fear that you will be left alone, instead of going out and touching others with your light and your life, you won't be living your life to the fullest potential God has meant for you.

You see... You push others in your real life away because you are afraid of the knowledge you have within yourself... They won't be around forever, so why open yourself to someone?... Yet if you turned that thought around... Open yourself to someone, because they won't be around forever... Well, babe, that's the stuff legacies are made of. You are here on this Earth to make a difference while you can, whether it's in the life of a woman, the life of your family, or the life of someone who needs a friend when they need it.

As long as you understand they won't be around forever, you can prepare yourself for the day when you will have to move on, to the next place that needs your light. You never know though... One day God may introduce you to the person who will be there until you are gone... And you know what? That person won't curse the day they met you, even when you aren't around anymore...

But first you have to embrace God's plan for you... Quit living in the spirit of fear... If this world was permanent, we wouldn't be able to move on to greater things... Once you have learned to accept life as it is, you will be better prepared to accept what is to come.

I love you SCN, and because of that, I feel the need to point out your major lack of, "Not my will, God, but Yours."... Your statement of never letting anyone close ever again is very selfish. Especially if there is someone that needs you, that God has, or will in the future, placed in your path. You can't minister to someone properly if you don't love them, and you can't love them properly if you completely close yourself from them.

You are very blessed to have 3 people outside of your family that are continually there for you. I have one friend I have known many years who I am still in touch with, but that is about the extent of it.... and then if you are only counting blood relatives as family, I have my husband with which will be celebrating 11 years next week. There are other people who I have crossed paths with in my life, who have been instrumental in teaching me the things I need to know about life... Many of those partings were not pretty, or pleasant (in fact some were downright ugly), but they were necessary.

... and if I had been so hung up on potential relationships that didn't work out, and I had thrown in the towel because I couldn't get into a decent committed relationship (or I had tried to make a relationship work that wasn't meant to), then I would never have met my husband.