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 Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:25 am
Kamok0 kittycross Kamok0 kittycross i feel bad about doing something although i feel i honestly don't have any other option that is likely to have an effect. i'm sure there will be consequences to pay tomorrow-today- a couple hours from now. *prepares for return of migrane*
will you be ok?=[/why consequences to pay?if you don't have any other option I'm sure its understandable =[
I'm having a lot of problems with him right now. The highlight of yesterday was an "I'm sorry your my mother" since i'm sick and disabled which had the lovely follow up this morning of something to the affect of why do I even have kids if I'm in so much pain and have to fight my physical limitations.
This Monday I had a doc appt. that confirmed immune system malfunction. I'm being sent to a specialist for further diagnostics and to be put on immuno-suppressive therapy. It also pretty much confirmed that I'm not having any more kids. The treatments I need and childbearing are not remotely compatible, but then neither is living in this state. I had already decided against having any more since I had a really traumatic miscarriage the year before last but it still had kind of a echo of finality. I was planning of tubal ligation and was deciding between alternatives since I can't use the safer easier method of the titanium coil but now there's the problem of trying to plan a surgery as well as suppressing my immune system.
So..I'm not doing too well, but I'm okay. Things will get better. My husband and daughter have been really supportive and helpful and my cats and fuzzy and full of love-although Nintendo (the little one) has been extra trouble since she has learned how to throw things. I never had a cat that could throw things before. I found out she could do it when I saw her in the bathroom picking up and chucking everything that was on the counter at this spider that went behind the toilet where she couldn't reach. I didn't know cats could even do that
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:25 am
Shiori Miko I just need to brag a little. I'm in the top 3 of my Gateway class. I won the Gateway scholarship. Two years ago I had no clue what I was going to do about school and now I'm at the top of the class. Very awesome! Congratulations!
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:28 am
Kamok0 Year 1 of the KaMickey woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! *cheers*
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:33 am
kittycross Kamok0 kittycross Kamok0 kittycross i feel bad about doing something although i feel i honestly don't have any other option that is likely to have an effect. i'm sure there will be consequences to pay tomorrow-today- a couple hours from now. *prepares for return of migrane*
will you be ok?=[/why consequences to pay?if you don't have any other option I'm sure its understandable =[
I'm having a lot of problems with him right now. The highlight of yesterday was an "I'm sorry your my mother" since i'm sick and disabled which had the lovely follow up this morning of something to the affect of why do I even have kids if I'm in so much pain and have to fight my physical limitations.
This Monday I had a doc appt. that confirmed immune system malfunction. I'm being sent to a specialist for further diagnostics and to be put on immuno-suppressive therapy. It also pretty much confirmed that I'm not having any more kids. The treatments I need and childbearing are not remotely compatible, but then neither is living in this state. I had already decided against having any more since I had a really traumatic miscarriage the year before last but it still had kind of a echo of finality. I was planning of tubal ligation and was deciding between alternatives since I can't use the safer easier method of the titanium coil but now there's the problem of trying to plan a surgery as well as suppressing my immune system.
So..I'm not doing too well, but I'm okay. Things will get better. My husband and daughter have been really supportive and helpful and my cats and fuzzy and full of love-although Nintendo (the little one) has been extra trouble since she has learned how to throw things. I never had a cat that could throw things before. I found out she could do it when I saw her in the bathroom picking up and chucking everything that was on the counter at this spider that went behind the toilet where she couldn't reach. I didn't know cats could even do that
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 9:21 am
I had a weird dream. Simple, yet it bothers me. All I really remember is a guy I was flirting with had his arm around me and I got the fuzzy feelings. I seriously can't remember the last time I felt that and I really forgot about it, so I didn't miss it. Then when I woke up, it was pretty depressing.
It made me think about my "not boyfriend" and thinking how much it ******** sucks. Short term, it's fun. But it's not what I really want, just something to distract me so I don't rush into a bad relationship just because I want one.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 9:50 am
Kamok0 Year 1 of the KaMickey woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 10:01 am
Shiori Miko Short term, it's fun. But it's not what I really want, just something to distract me so I don't rush into a bad relationship just because I want one.
I know exactly how this feels >.<
*Hugs tight* But you'll definitely find someone worthy of you soon enough <3333
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 4:55 pm
I feel so much more alone now. I miss having people that I could talk to.
@Shiori: If you ever need to talk or anything you have my cell number and I always answer. I do miss talking to you, you're a good friend.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 6:23 pm
I haven't had a chance to talk to my family
I finally got to chat to my sis and bro in law earlier, finally?well ******** this
it doesn't feel like a family
I feel like saying ******** you to everyone and just ******** ******** ******** you
we're meant to be family
yet you don't give a s**t or know s**t about me
its funny yet just soo ******** annoying
I really wonder what the hell goes on in everyones heads
to me you're all abunch of useless pathetic pigeons repeating the same s**t over and over
no.
I don't give a damn.
I'm sorry but to me, I kind of was looking forward/hoping maybe we'll have some fun.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 6:27 pm
well I received an award from my school for exemplary academics for my entire 3 years there ^_^ /brag
but still I feel kinda bad since I didn't study at all for those classes and went on internet addiction + video games LOL crying
I feel kinda guilty though not being like the other classmates who took AP, but oh well. I went for Dual enrollment so I won't have to pay for books and the class itself...
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 6:41 pm
keito melfina well I received an award from my school for exemplary academics for my entire 3 years there ^_^ /brag
but still I feel kinda bad since I didn't study at all for those classes and went on internet addiction + video games LOL crying
I feel kinda guilty though not being like the other classmates who took AP, but oh well. I went for Dual enrollment so I won't have to pay for books and the class itself... You want to live a dream...
Hey, an award is an award is an award. If you displayed exemplary academics, then you displayed exemplary academics, no matter if they were normal classes or AP classes. No guilt. D<
Fall asleep and never wake up...
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:15 pm
keito melfina well I received an award from my school for exemplary academics for my entire 3 years there ^_^ /brag
but still I feel kinda bad since I didn't study at all for those classes and went on internet addiction + video games LOL crying
I feel kinda guilty though not being like the other classmates who took AP, but oh well. I went for Dual enrollment so I won't have to pay for books and the class itself...
What's dual enrollment?
I understand the guilt. My experimental psych teacher gave me an A- in my class that I feel I don't deserve. >.x
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:44 pm
Be happy that you won an award! Did you get it at an Awards night or something? (:
Yeah I know what you mean too. idk how I have my grades/GPA, I spend like 80% of my 'homework time' on the internet ; w;
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 9:58 pm
CleoSombra Can someone please remind me why I'm defending myself in a thread that's designed for secret sharing and getting things off one's chest?
If you have a problem with it, you're most welcome to delete my posts.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 11:46 pm
You want to live a dream...
I've never felt like this, before... I've felt bad, but I've never felt like a monster. Now I do... because I am a ******** monster.
Fall asleep and never wake up...
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