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 Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 3:38 pm
Little Miss Fortune Valheita Little Miss Fortune I'm definitely self-destructing here. I've never been in this much pain before. I hate everything and everyone. Everything hurts.
I can't believe he isn't here anymore. The man I love more than life itself... the man I thought I would spend my entire life with... He's gone. He's really ******** gone. What do I do now? How did I ever think I could just move on with my life?
Everything feels hopeless. I just want to curl up and die T_______T
A realm of infinite possibilities is there for the picking now.
That's how I've been looking at it for the last few days, but all of a sudden it hit me really hard today and I keep thinking all these thoughts like no one else could ever love me or what if I'm incapable of loving anyone else... I know what you're saying is true, but I'm having a hard time hammering it into my head at the moment... I just feel so emotional and upset and alone and... worthless. Like I wasn't good enough for him and I probably won't be good enough for anyone else either... I can't stop crying... I hate feeling like this... I miss him so much... I'd give anything to be in his arms right now... T_______T
You'll do fine *patpats*
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 3:50 pm
Valheita Little Miss Fortune Valheita Closest thing to advice I can give is, try seeing it as an opportunity rather than a set-back or a loss.
A realm of infinite possibilities is there for the picking now.
That's how I've been looking at it for the last few days, but all of a sudden it hit me really hard today and I keep thinking all these thoughts like no one else could ever love me or what if I'm incapable of loving anyone else... I know what you're saying is true, but I'm having a hard time hammering it into my head at the moment... I just feel so emotional and upset and alone and... worthless. Like I wasn't good enough for him and I probably won't be good enough for anyone else either... I can't stop crying... I hate feeling like this... I miss him so much... I'd give anything to be in his arms right now... T_______T
You'll do fine *patpats*
Well, I've stopped crying, so I guess that's an improvement, right? XP
And I kind of see what you mean... Because he told me he didn't like that I was so dependent on him back when he first talked about breaking up, so during our time apart, I was scrambling to learn how to be more independent. I was doing it for the wrong reason, but at least it's helped me get through the breakup. I've worked too hard at this to give up now. The worst of it should be over... Right? D=
kjgfkjgfklgj I guess I'll try to stay positive, even if it just means distracting myself with other things... Thank you, Val... I know I've been terrible and I don't deserve to be treated nicely right now, so thank you so much for being nice to me anyway T____T <33333333
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 3:55 pm
Little Miss Fortune Valheita Little Miss Fortune Valheita Closest thing to advice I can give is, try seeing it as an opportunity rather than a set-back or a loss.
A realm of infinite possibilities is there for the picking now.
That's how I've been looking at it for the last few days, but all of a sudden it hit me really hard today and I keep thinking all these thoughts like no one else could ever love me or what if I'm incapable of loving anyone else... I know what you're saying is true, but I'm having a hard time hammering it into my head at the moment... I just feel so emotional and upset and alone and... worthless. Like I wasn't good enough for him and I probably won't be good enough for anyone else either... I can't stop crying... I hate feeling like this... I miss him so much... I'd give anything to be in his arms right now... T_______T
You'll do fine *patpats*
Well, I've stopped crying, so I guess that's an improvement, right? XP
And I kind of see what you mean... Because he told me he didn't like that I was so dependent on him back when he first talked about breaking up, so during our time apart, I was scrambling to learn how to be more independent. I was doing it for the wrong reason, but at least it's helped me get through the breakup. I've worked too hard at this to give up now. The worst of it should be over... Right? D=
kjgfkjgfklgj I guess I'll try to stay positive, even if it just means distracting myself with other things... Thank you, Val... I know I've been terrible and I don't deserve to be treated nicely right now, so thank you so much for being nice to me anyway T____T <33333333
Oh psh, everyone in the guild has bad tempers once in awhile.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 11:04 am
She was lookin' kinda dumb, with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead...
I have no tolerance for these things, or I have no patience? Patience can be regained and trained, tolerance, not so much. I just want to sleep. Maybe these doctors can tell me why I've always had problems sleeping. Or maybe they'll repeat what the crackpot said.
This is relaxing. It's relaxing to be stupid and immature and childish for a while. To be that clingy little girl for a bit longer.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 2:24 pm
...Computer, no more black screen of death please?...Seriously what is the matter, do I have to get rid of everything?
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 2:32 pm
Kamok0 kittycross i feel bad about doing something although i feel i honestly don't have any other option that is likely to have an effect. i'm sure there will be consequences to pay tomorrow-today- a couple hours from now. *prepares for return of migrane*
will you be ok?=[/why consequences to pay?if you don't have any other option I'm sure its understandable =[
I'm having a lot of problems with him right now. The highlight of yesterday was an "I'm sorry your my mother" since i'm sick and disabled which had the lovely follow up this morning of something to the affect of why do I even have kids if I'm in so much pain and have to fight my physical limitations.
This Monday I had a doc appt. that confirmed immune system malfunction. I'm being sent to a specialist for further diagnostics and to be put on immuno-suppressive therapy. It also pretty much confirmed that I'm not having any more kids. The treatments I need and childbearing are not remotely compatible, but then neither is living in this state. I had already decided against having any more since I had a really traumatic miscarriage the year before last but it still had kind of a echo of finality. I was planning of tubal ligation and was deciding between alternatives since I can't use the safer easier method of the titanium coil but now there's the problem of trying to plan a surgery as well as suppressing my immune system.
So..I'm not doing too well, but I'm okay. Things will get better. My husband and daughter have been really supportive and helpful and my cats and fuzzy and full of love-although Nintendo (the little one) has been extra trouble since she has learned how to throw things. I never had a cat that could throw things before. I found out she could do it when I saw her in the bathroom picking up and chucking everything that was on the counter at this spider that went behind the toilet where she couldn't reach. I didn't know cats could even do that
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 2:36 pm
Shiori Miko I know my sclero is active. My Rheuma knows it's active. But my Derma is being a ******** idiot "Oh there's no color so it's inactive." ******** THE COLOR! My skin is tightening, my hand is freezing in position and starting to ******** hurt whenever I use it, which is a ******** lot since I'm right handed, and that doesn't count cause there's no color? If I was still on the hell chemo meds you probably would put me back on but since I want the experimental drug you're digging in your heels while I know neither my Derma or Rheuma has used this meds on a Sclero patient and I'm still saying "I'm okay with being a guinea pig. I'm okay with using IV treatments. I'm okay with the side affect. Start the ******** experiment." *hug*
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 11:10 pm
Cannibal Horsey cave_dweller_candy Cannibal Horsey cave_dweller_candy why why why didn't i take kam and canni's advice? why did i go to school today? ; ____________________;.
/headpillows
I am a silly bean xC Though, I did get rest all of today =D
Kamok0 cave_dweller_candy why why why didn't i take kam and canni's advice? why did i go to school today? ; ____________________;.
/headpillows [=O *hugs* you should take it easy yus yus rest is more important =P[/quote] hugs back C=
you're right c:Thankyou Canni and Kammeh both <333
How was your birthday dinner?
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 11:21 pm
... Callan broke up with me. I'm not entirely certain why. Um.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 11:56 pm
Miss Amelia Pond ... Callan broke up with me. I'm not entirely certain why. Um. he didn't even say why? D: *hugshugshugs* <3
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 1:46 am
cave_dweller_candy Cannibal Horsey cave_dweller_candy Cannibal Horsey cave_dweller_candy why why why didn't i take kam and canni's advice? why did i go to school today? ; ____________________;.
/headpillows
I am a silly bean xC Though, I did get rest all of today =D
Kamok0 cave_dweller_candy why why why didn't i take kam and canni's advice? why did i go to school today? ; ____________________;.
/headpillows [=O *hugs* you should take it easy yus yus rest is more important =P[/quote] hugs back C=
you're right c:Thankyou Canni and Kammeh both <333
How was your birthday dinner?
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 4:53 am
kittycross Kamok0 kittycross i feel bad about doing something although i feel i honestly don't have any other option that is likely to have an effect. i'm sure there will be consequences to pay tomorrow-today- a couple hours from now. *prepares for return of migrane*
will you be ok?=[/why consequences to pay?if you don't have any other option I'm sure its understandable =[
I'm having a lot of problems with him right now. The highlight of yesterday was an "I'm sorry your my mother" since i'm sick and disabled which had the lovely follow up this morning of something to the affect of why do I even have kids if I'm in so much pain and have to fight my physical limitations.
This Monday I had a doc appt. that confirmed immune system malfunction. I'm being sent to a specialist for further diagnostics and to be put on immuno-suppressive therapy. It also pretty much confirmed that I'm not having any more kids. The treatments I need and childbearing are not remotely compatible, but then neither is living in this state. I had already decided against having any more since I had a really traumatic miscarriage the year before last but it still had kind of a echo of finality. I was planning of tubal ligation and was deciding between alternatives since I can't use the safer easier method of the titanium coil but now there's the problem of trying to plan a surgery as well as suppressing my immune system.
So..I'm not doing too well, but I'm okay. Things will get better. My husband and daughter have been really supportive and helpful and my cats and fuzzy and full of love-although Nintendo (the little one) has been extra trouble since she has learned how to throw things. I never had a cat that could throw things before. I found out she could do it when I saw her in the bathroom picking up and chucking everything that was on the counter at this spider that went behind the toilet where she couldn't reach. I didn't know cats could even do that
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 7:46 am
LifeSuxEatCake Miss Amelia Pond ... Callan broke up with me. I'm not entirely certain why. Um. he didn't even say why? D: *hugshugshugs* <3
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 11:12 am
I got less than an hour of sleep last night, but it was soooo worth it ;D heart
Work wore me out, though. Time to sleep the day awayyyyy!
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 12:01 pm
I'm just really tired of my parents constantly getting mad at the other and giving them the cold shoulder, they can't seem to realize, I can feel that tension between them and that it makes me feel ill.
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