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 Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:02 am
........
I haven't heard that one. >>;;
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:03 am
How about this one?
Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch p***s, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown." Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch p***s, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:04 am
Homg. xD;;
Why are you showing teh Spazz these innapropriate things?
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:06 am
Cause their funny!
I love this one!
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:08 am
Oh man. xD;;
Um, I think I'm leaving any second.
But I'm bringing a laptop!
So I should be able to be on still.
Only, it's a three hour drive to get there. xP
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:09 am
Oof, where ya going?
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:13 am
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-b***h who ran over my FROG!"
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:13 am
xD
Horrible.
I think I've seen that one too.
And I'm going to my grandmothers. -___-;;
Coming back tomorrow though.
I think we're like.. heading out the door now.
So I'll see you in a few hours, hopefully.
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:15 am
Okay!
Have fun on the way Spazz!
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:55 am
Merry Christmas everyone!! blaugh
I won't be on the next few days, going to the city to my grandparents and then Aunt and Uncle's after not a whole lot of Boxing Day shopping.
3nodding
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 12:34 pm
Nyah!
Merry Christmas!! ^-^
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:03 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:08 pm
Meow Meow Squeakens!
I really wish Shiny would get on!
Riyoku just posted in our roleplay, and I want to post more!!!
I got an ipod for Christmas.
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:09 pm
I got two thousand dollars.
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:10 pm
Your pulling my leg.... right?
;-;
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