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 Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:03 pm
Who am I kidding? Nothing I do will ever, ever be good enough. Everyone else in the entire world is better than me in every conceivable way.
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 9:20 pm
LabTech Kestin Who am I kidding? Nothing I do will ever, ever be good enough. Everyone else in the entire world is better than me in every conceivable way. It's like my soul is see-through...
Not exactly the best thing to be thinking... Take a deep breath and help yourself to chocolate. Worlds best anti-depressant.
Right through my empty eyes...
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:25 am
This is one long, ******** up vein of ranting. Excuse my lack of coherent thought processing. I just wrote it out as it came out, which was in a jumbled mess.
There is no justice in this world. It's always more acute when bad things happen to you or those you care about; that is human nature.
... is that all we ever have? Love of others? I suppose that's what I look for, what I want so desperately; if I can't love myself, surely someone else must love me...
Those that cannot have kindness, empathy, love, must resort to baser things as money and power and cruelty to fill that need? Or is it that they never felt those to begin with?
Was there ever a time I didn't feel the pain of myself and those around me? Or is she right, and that I was pretty much cursed to a life of Hell from the moment I was conceived?
I hate that you're always right, Mom. Every ******** cursed thing that comes out of your mouth is always ********> RIGHT and I am so Arceus damned sick of it. Yes, you're right. I am horrifically ******** up, I will never be quite right in the head, my innocence and sweetness will eventually fade. But can you not let me have the last remnants of what little childhood I had, before I am so forced out into the world? I get it. I'm stupid, I can't remember anything important, but I'M TRYING! I am TRYING to be a decent person.
I will never amount to what you became in life. I don't want to. I hold no such illusions of grandeur. All I've ever wanted was peace and happiness...
Yet, I now find myself filled with such bitterness and something akin to hatred. None of this had to happen. I didn't do anything to receive punishment this harsh. What did I do, what crime did I commit, to deserve all this bullshit? Death after death AFTER DEATH AFTER DEATH
So many dead in such a short amount of time.
But, no, that's not enough, Rachael. We require more of your suffering and torment. Let us slowly take those you care about most, and even those you didn't realize you'd begun to care for. Let you watch and feel the despair of being able to do nothing. Wrench every tear possible out of those glazed eyes.
God help whoever ******** me over next. They will not survive.
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:05 am
Maris Pallitax This is one long, ******** up vein of ranting. Excuse my lack of coherent thought processing. I just wrote it out as it came out, which was in a jumbled mess. There is no justice in this world. It's always more acute when bad things happen to you or those you care about; that is human nature.
... is that all we ever have? Love of others? I suppose that's what I look for, what I want so desperately; if I can't love myself, surely someone else must love me...
Those that cannot have kindness, empathy, love, must resort to baser things as money and power and cruelty to fill that need? Or is it that they never felt those to begin with?
Was there ever a time I didn't feel the pain of myself and those around me? Or is she right, and that I was pretty much cursed to a life of Hell from the moment I was conceived?
I hate that you're always right, Mom. Every ******** cursed thing that comes out of your mouth is always ********> RIGHT and I am so Arceus damned sick of it. Yes, you're right. I am horrifically ******** up, I will never be quite right in the head, my innocence and sweetness will eventually fade. But can you not let me have the last remnants of what little childhood I had, before I am so forced out into the world? I get it. I'm stupid, I can't remember anything important, but I'M TRYING! I am TRYING to be a decent person.
I will never amount to what you became in life. I don't want to. I hold no such illusions of grandeur. All I've ever wanted was peace and happiness...
Yet, I now find myself filled with such bitterness and something akin to hatred. None of this had to happen. I didn't do anything to receive punishment this harsh. What did I do, what crime did I commit, to deserve all this bullshit? Death after death AFTER DEATH AFTER DEATH
So many dead in such a short amount of time.
But, no, that's not enough, Rachael. We require more of your suffering and torment. Let us slowly take those you care about most, and even those you didn't realize you'd begun to care for. Let you watch and feel the despair of being able to do nothing. Wrench every tear possible out of those glazed eyes.
God help whoever ******** me over next. They will not survive.
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:08 am
I feel like my standards are too high. Like, I expect all the people around me to be perfect and never say anything unkind of offensive and be like... perfect saints. I've gotten so used to having amazing people like Alex and Jedi around me that it's gotten to the point where I can't even handle being around people who aren't like that. I recently had to cut ties with a friend because he couldn't stop saying sexist s**t around me. But now he's beating himself up about it and trying to change just so that we can still be friends. What the ******** do I do? I can give him a chance, of course, but if he goes back to saying stuff like that, I'm just gonna have to go back to avoiding him, because I CANNOT be around that stuff. Not because I think I'm better than him, but because it makes me feel like s**t, and I don't want to feel like s**t.
Ughhhhhhhhhh, I hate this D=
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:39 am
Little Miss Fortune I feel like my standards are too high. Like, I expect all the people around me to be perfect and never say anything unkind of offensive and be like... perfect saints. I've gotten so used to having amazing people like Alex and Jedi around me that it's gotten to the point where I can't even handle being around people who aren't like that. I recently had to cut ties with a friend because he couldn't stop saying sexist s**t around me. But now he's beating himself up about it and trying to change just so that we can still be friends. What the ******** do I do? I can give him a chance, of course, but if he goes back to saying stuff like that, I'm just gonna have to go back to avoiding him, because I CANNOT be around that stuff. Not because I think I'm better than him, but because it makes me feel like s**t, and I don't want to feel like s**t.
Ughhhhhhhhhh, I hate this D=
And erm...well, it's hard to deal with people who are great, but still hurt you. As the resident super-cynic, you might be surprised to learn that I'm guilty of giving way, way too many second chances, because I just can't bear to lose those people even if they upset me more than I feel they should. Uh...I suck at advice, sorry ^^;
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:54 am
I shouldn't have done that. >_<
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:00 pm
LabTech Kestin Little Miss Fortune I feel like my standards are too high. Like, I expect all the people around me to be perfect and never say anything unkind of offensive and be like... perfect saints. I've gotten so used to having amazing people like Alex and Jedi around me that it's gotten to the point where I can't even handle being around people who aren't like that. I recently had to cut ties with a friend because he couldn't stop saying sexist s**t around me. But now he's beating himself up about it and trying to change just so that we can still be friends. What the ******** do I do? I can give him a chance, of course, but if he goes back to saying stuff like that, I'm just gonna have to go back to avoiding him, because I CANNOT be around that stuff. Not because I think I'm better than him, but because it makes me feel like s**t, and I don't want to feel like s**t.
Ughhhhhhhhhh, I hate this D=
And erm...well, it's hard to deal with people who are great, but still hurt you. As the resident super-cynic, you might be surprised to learn that I'm guilty of giving way, way too many second chances, because I just can't bear to lose those people even if they upset me more than I feel they should. Uh...I suck at advice, sorry ^^;
It sucks having to "settle" (for lack of a better word) for friends who make you feel crappy all the time, though. And when it's really bad, I CAN'T settle, even if I want to. I want to be forgiving and be able to handle being around that stuff, but I just can't most of the time XP
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:14 pm
I was feeling so good about today and yet I'm starting to suck horribly. No one else is, thankfully, though their days seem to be sucking horribly too. But I'm ruining my own day with my own suckage. ouo'
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:29 pm
I find funny how well timed things happen around my comments.
I won 30 bucks on one scratch off after my mom wished me luck. She then tells me the rest I bought are probably losers, the next two were in fact losers...after I asked her why she had to say that, she goes "Well it's common sense." to which I responded with, "Common sense can get bent!" I scratched the final ticket and won three dollars.
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:37 pm
Hmm trying to hack my FB eh? How oh how should I punish you?
Ideas, people?
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:49 pm
That one night Hmm trying to hack my FB eh? How oh how should I punish you? Ideas, people? Eh? XD Who's trying to hack your Facebook, now?
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 4:06 pm
Foam-Dome That one night Hmm trying to hack my FB eh? How oh how should I punish you? Ideas, people? Eh? XD Who's trying to hack your Facebook, now? Someone who is Jelly of a situation. Ideas for punishment? D<
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 4:13 pm
That one night Foam-Dome That one night Hmm trying to hack my FB eh? How oh how should I punish you? Ideas, people? Eh? XD Who's trying to hack your Facebook, now? Someone who is Jelly of a situation. Ideas for punishment? D< Uh, give his computer that virus where it randomly selects one keyboard key whenever the computer boots up, and restarts his computer when that key is pressed. 8D
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 4:22 pm
Foam-Dome That one night Foam-Dome That one night Hmm trying to hack my FB eh? How oh how should I punish you? Ideas, people? Eh? XD Who's trying to hack your Facebook, now? Someone who is Jelly of a situation. Ideas for punishment? D< Uh, give his computer that virus where it randomly selects one keyboard key whenever the computer boots up, and restarts his computer when that key is pressed. 8D It's a she. I don't want to destroy her brain? XD
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