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 Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:36 am
Impresarioz Ah, ok, I knew you had troubles in the past but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. My scars (self inflicted) are burn scars. I don't mind them but I know what you mean when you say people can be a little judgemental. Emphasis on the mental part xd
3nodding Aye, I get stuck with the stupid fad group, because I look young, ya know?
"oh youreonw of those stupid ******** goth kids arn't ******** emo whore"
it's like, come on, some of us didn't do that for the fad, it was a legitimate addiction just like cigarettes, it's been scientifically studied.
I didn't do it for attention, I didn't do it because it was cool.
I did it because it helped me out, and kept me AWAY from trying to kill myself.
I hate people like that.. but I also hate all those twats that do it for the fad, or cause it's "soooo cool" >_<+
Yeah...the cutting almost landed me a year long gig in an mental instatution, but I moved to another town instead lol
I had a big relapse when Jon deployed to Louisiana, right before he left, but I promised him I'd never do it again, and havn't. and mean to keep my promise, I saw the pain and worry and hurt in his eyes and was like "******** this s**t, I never wanna be the reason for that emotion in his eyes/heart again"
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:47 am
Teh Paige MY NEW ABSOLUTE s**t HAIR.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:50 am
Interestingly enough, in another guild, I was having something of a discussion on that issue, Joker. I understand what you're saying completely. Here is my slightly longish reply sweatdrop I personally stayed away from the whole issue of self mutilation just for the fact that it can be indeed, such a heated discussion. The human mind can be so frail and yet stubourn at the same time. I have known many, many people who are cutters or done eaqually, to me, stupid things. Now, please don't misread that. I am not calling any one stupid. I just find the act itself stupid because all it does is perpetuate a cycle that can be near impossible to break. I am sure that was mentioned somewhere in one of these long posts I am reading back on. My g/f, for example, used to do drugs, in spite of the fact I am dead set against them. Why did she do this? To try to get the people at her new job to like her, to "fit in" She knew I would be very disappointed in her for doing it but couldn't help herself just because she wanted to be liked so much. Before she met me, she was a cutter. Most cutters I have known, have done it more as a cry for help because they knew something was seriously wrong in thier lives but coud not find a way to express it so that they could either change it or get help. One of my friends, a bulemic, ended up not only hospitalised but sent to a pshyc ward for 3 weeks because of it. Again, a need to fit in and a need to control something in her life lead her to some nasty decissions. Oh, and for the record, we all have scars, just not all are easy to see. Most are hidden safely in our heads, where only we can look at them.
Like Zen said, a fear of rejection can be a pretty harsh thing. I have issues with that even to this day. I did this, amongst other things about 6 months before my relationship with my exwife (yes, even a family man with kids can suffer serious depression) ended. I saw things were so out of control, pain was the only thing I could find a way to master at the time.
It says DREAM. Its kinda heard to read because its faded. I used a tiny piece of metal, slowly burning each letter into my flesh. I chose the word dream as a reminder to not give up. I needed a small reminder that not all of the things I held dear in my life had been taken from me. I also have an inverted cross on my wrist where typically suicide victums cut themselves.
These days, though things still get tough (like paying off 100k in your ex's debts cause the courts hate men and always side with the mom) I never want to end things, just control them. Funny how men can be that way confused
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:10 am
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:15 am
I DIDN'T FLATTEN IT OUT IN THE BACK ON PURPOSE. THE STUPID CHICKEN s**t LADY CUT IT LIKE THAT. IT TURNED OUT NOTHING LIKE I WANTED. SHE CAN'T FOLLOW A PIC FOR HER LIFE.
;_____________________________;
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:27 am
Impresarioz Interestingly enough, in another guild, I was having something of a discussion on that issue, Joker. I understand what you're saying completely. Here is my slightly longish reply sweatdrop I personally stayed away from the whole issue of self mutilation just for the fact that it can be indeed, such a heated discussion. The human mind can be so frail and yet stubourn at the same time. I have known many, many people who are cutters or done eaqually, to me, stupid things. Now, please don't misread that. I am not calling any one stupid. I just find the act itself stupid because all it does is perpetuate a cycle that can be near impossible to break. I am sure that was mentioned somewhere in one of these long posts I am reading back on. My g/f, for example, used to do drugs, in spite of the fact I am dead set against them. Why did she do this? To try to get the people at her new job to like her, to "fit in" She knew I would be very disappointed in her for doing it but couldn't help herself just because she wanted to be liked so much. Before she met me, she was a cutter. Most cutters I have known, have done it more as a cry for help because they knew something was seriously wrong in thier lives but coud not find a way to express it so that they could either change it or get help. One of my friends, a bulemic, ended up not only hospitalised but sent to a pshyc ward for 3 weeks because of it. Again, a need to fit in and a need to control something in her life lead her to some nasty decissions. Oh, and for the record, we all have scars, just not all are easy to see. Most are hidden safely in our heads, where only we can look at them.
Like Zen said, a fear of rejection can be a pretty harsh thing. I have issues with that even to this day. I did this, amongst other things about 6 months before my relationship with my exwife (yes, even a family man with kids can suffer serious depression) ended. I saw things were so out of control, pain was the only thing I could find a way to master at the time.
It says DREAM. Its kinda heard to read because its faded. I used a tiny piece of metal, slowly burning each letter into my flesh. I chose the word dream as a reminder to not give up. I needed a small reminder that not all of the things I held dear in my life had been taken from me. I also have an inverted cross on my wrist where typically suicide victums cut themselves.
These days, though things still get tough (like paying off 100k in your ex's debts cause the courts hate men and always side with the mom) I never want to end things, just control them. Funny how men can be that way confused
I've written tons of length repsonsed on why I did what I did and whatnot, but because you've shown me yours, I'm gonna show everyone mine. *goes get cam*
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:35 am
  
 
In 4 weeks I should see results, and in 8weeks more.
This is just the beginig of the scar sheet process X_x;
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:03 pm
*looks around at dead thread, slowly sneaks out back door*
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:15 pm
Teh Paige I DIDN'T FLATTEN IT OUT IN THE BACK ON PURPOSE. THE STUPID CHICKEN s**t LADY CUT IT LIKE THAT. IT TURNED OUT NOTHING LIKE I WANTED. SHE CAN'T FOLLOW A PIC FOR HER LIFE.
;_____________________________; *hugs* You are more tehn pretty enough to make up for it hun 3nodding Joker, wow, you didn't exactly go easy on yourself hun. *hugs* Glad you are doin so much better these days <3
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:19 pm
Impresarioz Teh Paige I DIDN'T FLATTEN IT OUT IN THE BACK ON PURPOSE. THE STUPID CHICKEN s**t LADY CUT IT LIKE THAT. IT TURNED OUT NOTHING LIKE I WANTED. SHE CAN'T FOLLOW A PIC FOR HER LIFE.
;_____________________________; *hugs* You are more tehn pretty enough to make up for it hun 3nodding Joker, wow, you didn't exactly go easy on yourself hun. *hugs* Glad you are doin so much better these days <3
3nodding much better, happiest I've ever been. ^^
I'm actually glad to wake up alive now ^^
vast difference between who I was, and who I Am. *Dances about*
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:25 pm
lol, well, I for one am very glad to hear that. I have noticed a big diference and I am sure Jon has too 3nodding Even though I waste much of my life being unproductive, I am thankful for it none the less, as I hope everyone else does smile
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:34 pm
Teh Paige I DIDN'T FLATTEN IT OUT IN THE BACK ON PURPOSE. THE STUPID CHICKEN s**t LADY CUT IT LIKE THAT. IT TURNED OUT NOTHING LIKE I WANTED. SHE CAN'T FOLLOW A PIC FOR HER LIFE.
;_____________________________;
Oh, and I have some new pics of me all dolled up for the dinner theatre I'm going to tonight. <3 (Yes, I get ready early.)
No Lipstick. Omg.
My Eyes Look HUGE.
WTF, Mate.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:38 pm
Wow, looking very attractive Gothy <33
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:42 pm
Impresarioz Wow, looking very attractive Gothy <33
Although I still wonder why I dont' have any boys chasing after me. Ho-hum. ):
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:45 pm
lol, *sigh* darlin, you sooo aren't deserved by the annoying boys in alberta anyways wink
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