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 Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:17 pm
Miss Amelia Pond Yoru Kurosawa Miss Amelia Pond My appointment at the student counseling center is on Monday. I think I'm supposed to feel relieved, like I'm finally going to get things figured out and maybe eventually I'll learn to quit being so scared of letting people physically close to me. But... I'm absolutely terrified. And I'm not sure if I'm more terrified of the appointment or of the things that happened years ago. I wanted to tell my mom, so I could say "Hey, look, I'm getting help. I'm... well, I'm not normal, and maybe never will be, but... I can function in society, you know." Only she doesn't know what happened, and I was too scared to tell her, and.... I chickened out.
Ugh. I don't even know what I feel any more. It's all mixing together, fear and hope and relief maybe, and I don't know.
But after I didn't talk to my mom, I talked to Tim on the phone. And it helped calm me down some. I think he tried to distract me by asking if there were any guys yet, and I told him about the sophomore from his unit who liked me, and how I was kinda nervous but I'd agreed to go hang out with him when he gets back from Nebraska. About an hour later, I got a text from Callan asking why his juniors were threatening him. >.< Tim's my best friend, but I know most of the other guys in his class, and he can be kinda... overprotective sometimes, and every once in a while his buddies join him. Apparently, I've somehow become his class's adoptive little sister. And oddly, I feel a little safer knowing that.
And I think I'm rambling. But I'm still not completely calmed down, and I can't focus, and... Sometimes I wish I weren't me. Cause your soul is on fire--a shot in the dark...
Deep breaths, Tabi. Deep breaths.
What did they aim for when they missed your heart? Cause your soul is on fire--a shot in the dark...
Water, food, calm music. Talking to someone for an extended period of time also helps sometimes. But avoid sugar.
What did they aim for when they missed your heart?
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:28 am
I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 4:35 am
cow of the null I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
My last boyfriend before soosh did that to me. It's a nasty feeling.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:35 am
-Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
My last boyfriend before soosh did that to me. It's a nasty feeling.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:58 am
cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
My last boyfriend before soosh did that to me. It's a nasty feeling.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:00 am
OUTPATIENTS APPOINTMENT AT PMH. ABOUT ******** TIME.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:04 am
-Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
My last boyfriend before soosh did that to me. It's a nasty feeling.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:10 am
cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
My last boyfriend before soosh did that to me. It's a nasty feeling.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:17 am
-Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null I found out earlier today from my close friend that the girl who I've liked for such along time, who at first I thought liked me back, who I went to Sadie Hawkins with, who I've been trying for the longest time to impress, was just using me for her personal gain. Supposedly she was just using me so she could feel good about herself because someone liked her. I really don't want to believe this but deep down I pretty much know it's true. Feels bad man.
My last boyfriend before soosh did that to me. It's a nasty feeling.xD fail. Well the thing is she isn't like this uber popular person she's just a regular person so it's not like she has any rep to be ruined. I just hope she gets denied hardcore like she pretty much did to me that's all I want.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:28 am
cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null -Mizu teh Artsi- cow of the null It's the most awful feeling in this world. I really don't understand why people would do such a thing especially when they know they're doing it. xD fail. Well the thing is she isn't like this uber popular person she's just a regular person so it's not like she has any rep to be ruined. I just hope she gets denied hardcore like she pretty much did to me that's all I want. XDD lull Well, regardless, that's always an awesome feeling to see or hear that it happens to someone who deserves it, and I hope for your sake that it happens so you get to feel what I felt XDD or to even hear about her next victim and warn them about it, lol /is a horrible person like that
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:56 am
@ Kestin, well I guess if that's your ideal then who am I to argue. I've always been a little out there and I'd never give it up. Because then I wouldn't be me. And even with all the horrible and horrific things I think of myself sometimes, I'm still me.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:28 pm
I got a weird question on Formspring, and now I'm not sure if the person just isn't sure what's going on or if they know something I don't know. It makes me a little bit nervous.
I had to train someone at work today, and I felt like such a failure because we kept running out of things to do. Hopefully she'll do a good job, because if she doesn't, the managers might think it's my fault for training her badly D=
I'm still really enjoying this alone time without Alex. I don't want to break up, but I really really like having time to myself XD
My parents are going to be gone from Saturday until like... Thursday, and my brother has school, so whenever I'm not in school or at work, I'm going to be really lonely in the house all by myself. That can be fun sometimes, but I actually do like hanging out with my parents a lot of the time (Shhh, don't tell them!). Like my dad saw me flying my kite yesterday when he got home from work, and he came out and flew it with me XD
I think I ran out of things to say, so I'm going to stop typing now. God, this thread is like my blog
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:35 pm
Great so in order to get wifi, and thus victini and use my game to the fullest, I need to go spend more money since I don't have a working wireless router and every other point of wifi in this town has a horrible signal or is secured.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 2:07 pm
My feelings right now can be summed up thusly.
Mod 1: Do this.
Mod 2: Don't do this.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 2:49 pm
She's gone now. She left after a final good bye and kiss. Tears fell from me and I told her I loved her. She told me she loved me too, and she'll call as much as she can. I'm going to miss her so much. She and I had a very short time together, but I know that she was one of the very few good ones that I'll have.
i love you Sam.....
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