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 Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:23 am
Nudge two hundred and one
201. All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries. heart
(can you imagine? Sports goggles on a huge snake? LOL)
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:24 am
Nudge two hundred and two
202. All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:26 am
Nudge two hundred and three
203. I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:27 am
Nudge two hundred and four
204. I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:29 am
Nudge two hundred and five
205. All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:30 am
Nudge two hundred and six
206. When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:32 am
Nudge two hundred and seven
207. Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Anyone caught making out in a closet and leaving their station unmanned will be shot.
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:33 am
Nudge two hundred and eight
208. Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good PR for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:34 am
Nudge two hundred and nine
209. I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch, simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:35 am
Nudge two hundred and ten
210. All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:36 am
Nudge two hundred and eleven
211. If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:37 am
Nudge two hundred and twelve
212. I will not send out battalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:39 am
Nudge two hundred and thirteen
213. I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape. heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:40 am
Nudge two hundred and fourteen
214. If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.) heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:42 am
Nudge two hundred and fifteen
215. If I MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.
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