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 Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:19 pm
I've been thinking about what Foam and Nim have said and I did talk to hubby a bit more about it tonight, and he told me he never really thought of mentioning it because he assumed I knew and that he never thought it was a big deal. He's into a lot odder (no offense to any furries reading this) things and I guess he just figured that was a more normal one. smile
But I think now what this is all coming down to, and why I felt so bad about it....that I failed him as a wife somehow, is that I have a lot of insecurities and I hate not feeling involved in stuff. But those are my issues to work on and not his, but he's helping me as much as I will let him.
Thank you all for listening/reading and for the advice and insight. <3
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:20 pm
a couple of questions in white.
1.Is it bad that I care more for others than I do for myself?
2.Is it bad that I don't want to be physically lonely? as in I want to have someone to hold and just be happy together.
I feel like such a pig and a pervert when I hear that people are fine with themselves being a lone.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:26 pm
cow of the null a couple of questions in white. 1.Is it bad that I care more for others than I do for myself?
2.Is it bad that I don't want to be physically lonely? as in I want to have someone to hold and just be happy together.
I feel like such a pig and a pervert when I hear that people are fine with themselves being a lone.
2. No, not at all. No one wants to be lonely. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:28 pm
Kats Kokeshi Doll cow of the null a couple of questions in white. 1.Is it bad that I care more for others than I do for myself?
2.Is it bad that I don't want to be physically lonely? as in I want to have someone to hold and just be happy together.
I feel like such a pig and a pervert when I hear that people are fine with themselves being a lone.
2. No, not at all. No one wants to be lonely. 3nodding I plead to the sencond, and not watching Oprah in a hospital room.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:01 pm
cow of the null a couple of questions in white. 1.Is it bad that I care more for others than I do for myself?
2.Is it bad that I don't want to be physically lonely? as in I want to have someone to hold and just be happy together.
I feel like such a pig and a pervert when I hear that people are fine with themselves being a lone.And Karris, you're very welcome. o3o I'm glad that you and your husband were able to freely talk about it without any sort of conflict~
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:53 pm
Foam-Dome cow of the null a couple of questions in white. 1.Is it bad that I care more for others than I do for myself?
2.Is it bad that I don't want to be physically lonely? as in I want to have someone to hold and just be happy together.
I feel like such a pig and a pervert when I hear that people are fine with themselves being a lone.Also, what happened to the old one? I miss it.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:01 pm
Foam-Dome cow of the null a couple of questions in white. 1.Is it bad that I care more for others than I do for myself?
2.Is it bad that I don't want to be physically lonely? as in I want to have someone to hold and just be happy together.
I feel like such a pig and a pervert when I hear that people are fine with themselves being a lone.And Karris, you're very welcome. o3o I'm glad that you and your husband were able to freely talk about it without any sort of conflict~ It seems we have the same brain xD IT WAS MINE FIRST.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:12 pm
I guess my issue is that there's still a very strong social stigma associated with ADD, especially people who are medicated for it. Many people view it as a sign of laziness, because they feel that we "just didn't try hard enough" to get by without it, and there's probably nothing wrong with our brains, just an attitude problem. The fact that I struggled through high school and my first year of college with no success notwithstanding, of course, because that couldn't possibly count as trying.
Partly too because I was diagnosed very, very late. My constant school-switching due to moving meant that no teacher noticed it early on, and my later teachers all thought I was just lazy, if bright. (My brother currently has my old calculus teacher. He told him: "I hope you work harder than your sister." He couldn't have known that for me, it's extremely difficult to work on my math homework for even a half hour.)
The OCD I have fewer qualms about, but would still prefer to keep it quiet. Too many questions always come up, and I really don't like explaining to people about my compulsive behavior. It's not highly noticeable in day-to-day life unless you watch pretty closely.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:19 pm
Miss Amelia Pond I guess my issue is that there's still a very strong social stigma associated with ADD, especially people who are medicated for it. Many people view it as a sign of laziness, because they feel that we "just didn't try hard enough" to get by without it, and there's probably nothing wrong with our brains, just an attitude problem. The fact that I struggled through high school and my first year of college with no success notwithstanding, of course, because that couldn't possibly count as trying.
Partly too because I was diagnosed very, very late. My constant school-switching due to moving meant that no teacher noticed it early on, and my later teachers all thought I was just lazy, if bright. (My brother currently has my old calculus teacher. He told him: "I hope you work harder than your sister." He couldn't have known that for me, it's extremely difficult to work on my math homework for even a half hour.)
The OCD I have fewer qualms about, but would still prefer to keep it quiet. Too many questions always come up, and I really don't like explaining to people about my compulsive behavior. It's not highly noticeable in day-to-day life unless you watch pretty closely.
ADD has nothing to do with laziness. It's just an attention deficit disorder. I can read a few power point slides and absorb absolutely none of it. I won't be distracted or watching TV or something, I'll be looking right at them and they won't go into my brain.
Or sometimes I'll be paying attention in class and then my mind just starts to wander and I can't get back.
I don't mean to be nosy or pry, but I am a psychology major and disorders are my main interest. Can you share anything about your OCD habits, like what are your obsessions and compulsive behaviors? How old were you when you were diagnosed?
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:21 pm
I still think I have insanity in me. One of my journal entries prove that.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:53 pm
I feel like my life is going down the tubes, and quickly. I have always been a people pleaser because of fear of rejection. At home life is hell, from my parents fighting with me constantly, to the point that I get kicked out of the house, to my brother (mentally handicapped) abusing me. Of course I never tried to fight back with him because well I could really hurt him. (doing Taekwondo for 11 years so that isn’t an empty comment) Plus I don't blame him, his life must suck. Anyways, I have no clue what to do. Thankfully my brother is now in a different home, but dad still blames it on me, and mom seems to blame me for our relationship being ruined, by being a bad child.
On top of it all, I was bullied kindergarten though 9th grade, for stupid reasons. I won't get into that, because that is just a mess within itself. I have no clue how to really socialize with people, so being around people sucks, but I'm being expected to. I would love to just hide in my room all day but I'm not allowed.
My mom tries to fix everything wrong with me, without even really knowing me. I have been on so many depression meds, and ADD meds, I'm on birth control, for irregularity, a prescription vitamin for mood, a new med for daytime sleepiness, and a pain killer for my arthritis, in my knees, ankles, hips, and back. She wants to blame everything on me being depressed. I have always felt the same, if it is sadness or depression the meds have never helped, but for all i know i could just be a lazy useless bum. She even blames my mood on the fail relationship between me and her.
I almost failed a few classes last year, when a lot of the stuff in the family went down, so that caused even more problems, so this year my classes are all hard and I have to lift my GPA, so that I can have a slim chance of getting into a decent college. I am so afraid that something will happen and I will somehow still mess up, and just fail even more at life. I have no clue what I want to do for a living, heck I don't even know what college to go to.
If that wasn't enough, I have done Taekwondo for 11 years, which is fine, but it has taken over so much of my life. I work at the school during the summer then teach classes during the school year. I wasn't even asked if I was going to be able to teach during this year, or if I wanted to. That kind of hurt me a bit. I don't mind teaching, but not even being asked, eek!
Then I'm working out everyday for at least 2 hours, because I'm competing in Team Trials, to try to get on the national team. It would be great to do, but at the same time I didn't know if I would be ready to commit to that this year, but all the pressure made me cave in without a second thought. The whole team expected me to go for it.
Talk about pressure, have you ever been asked to help a family friend, well its hard to say no right. That not being able to say no, got me stuck in a babysitting job. The kids are good but its even more time taken away from studying or working out, or just being able to relax.
I realize I'm a total mess, yet I have no way to try to take care of myself. I wish I had a stronger will, and the ability to put myself first, but I just can't seem to do it. I've made so many mistakes already, and I’m not even 18 yet. I know this rant/ whatever it is, was long and most likely boring and whiny, but I feel a bit better to finally write almost everything I feel down. I know this was really personal, but oh well.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:15 pm
I find myself wondering how I could care so much about someone I don't know. I'm decently sure the nature I know not of wouldn't affect me negatively in any way...... In fact, every new fact brings sympathy. The only thing that annoys me is why would it be kept secret?
A hero with no guide cannot slay the minotaur, or even guide the innocent from it's labyrinth.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:18 pm
I wish karama really existed in the way people always think it exists sad
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:20 pm
...This new thread feels like someone took my old diary and gave me a new one.
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Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:24 pm
Shiori Miko ...This new thread feels like someone took my old diary and gave me a new one. I still don't know what happened to the old one. Can haz explanation?
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