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 Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:22 am
God give me energy and hope my body can hold out for a few more hours<3
Its clear to me I need to face my juju and deal with it as of today, I know people said I shouldnt go alone but I have no choice, I cant, if anything were to happen to my mum or anyone for that matter I d probably go a wall
baaaah I feel dizzy
anywho
secret for today
is
I used caramel scented moisturiser
I m wanna wear long skii socks
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 11:23 am
Yoru Kurosawa So kiss me softly...
I'm worried about LMF... I wonder how her talk with her boyfriend went last night? She seemed more reassured when I left, but I haven't seen any sign of her...
It could be deadly...
Long explanation for anyone who cares:Basically, I was right about the reason he was upset. He feels pressured to not only juggle everything that's going on in his life, but to also take care of me and make sure I'm always happy and everything. It's too much responsibility for him, and he wanted to take a break for a while and see how he felt later on down the road. But I pretty much begged him to give me a chance to prove to him that we could stay together without me being such a burden on him. He (reluctantly) agreed to my idea of only talking on the weekends (while also giving him complete freedom to cancel on a weekend if he ever needs to, rather than feeling pressured to ALWAYS get online when the weekend comes). He doesn't think it's fair to me, but I told him that if he was worried about what was going to make ME happy, he should know breaking up is the absolute last thing I could ever want. I told him I needed the stability of knowing that he was still my boyfriend and that he still loved me, and as long as I had that, I could endure any amount of time away from him... But that if we broke up, I would be a mess, and if he ever did come back to me, I'd be even more dependent on him than I already am. Because I really do think that cooling things down for a while and giving him space will not only result in less pressure on him, but it could (hopefully) help me become a little more independent, since I'll have to take care of myself during the week, without relying on him to get online every night and help me with whatever stupid s**t was bugging me that day.
He's a lot less optimistic about the whole thing than I am, though. I'm not sure if it's because he thinks I won't be able to handle it (like, I'll come crying to him every weekend, complaining about how tough my week was and how I need him to make me feel better) or if he's afraid that he'll continue to put pressure onto himself, even if I'm not putting any on him. I'm just really grateful for the fact that he's at least giving this a chance, and I hope that in a little while, he'll feel better about the whole thing. Now I just have to keep up my end of the bargain by not bugging him during the week or pressuring him to make the weekends like OMFGTHISISTHEBESTDAYOFMYLIFE every time. I even told him that since Friday is coming up so soon, he should feel free to wait and talk to me NEXT weekend (his birthday weekend >.<), since I could tell he really needs some time alone right now. Just knowing that he hasn't left me yet is enough to keep me going for the time being. I just hope that he's feeling better by the next time we talk and isn't wishing he had stood firm with his idea of breaking up D=
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:17 pm
I veer away from the computer when I feel bad because I don't want to feel like an attention whore.
People spamming my comments with "WE LOVE YOU" does not help that.
I don't like Feb. 24th, it's a terrible day for me... that and Mothers Day.
I'd much rather be left alone, kthnxbai.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:38 pm
I've never failed a class in my life. I don't think I've ever even failed a test. But I definitely failed my programming midterm today--and not just because I was emotionally distraught.
Now I don't know what to do. Do I stick it out and just try to pass even though it'll ******** up my GPA? Or do I drop the class, even though I won't get my money back and I think I'll lose my scholarship?
I'm so screwed. Why is my whole life falling apart all at once? crying
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:15 pm
Pirate Captain Sushi I veer away from the computer when I feel bad because I don't want to feel like an attention whore.
People spamming my comments with "WE LOVE YOU" does not help that.
I don't like Feb. 24th, it's a terrible day for me... that and Mothers Day.
I'd much rather be left alone, kthnxbai.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:03 pm
x.x effing damnit. stupid essay, stupid wrists making me stress and stupid stupid stupid unnecessary stress. Why must you tole on my weak emotions and make me feel like s**t?
though crying helped a lot.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:06 pm
Shori- Earrings? Scratched by accident?
KamKam- Now I know why you kept telling me not to worry. >>;; Alone, my KamKam... D8 Be careful please! May I smell you?
Fortune- *hugs* Just talking to him makes you happy, yus? I guess, you gave him an option and now all you can do is to hope he takes the right path. Stay strong Fortune! heart Also, as for your class, are there any classmates that would be willing to help you? Or find tutors or just someone you can call for help?
Soosh- *hug* I'm sorry today is bad, but you're never an attention hoar. D:< She had good intentions though. )=
Mizu- LET THOSE TEARS POUR. YOUR EMOTIONS LONGS TO BREAK FREE AND LET LOOOSE!!1!one!!eleventtyone!!@11lim x->0 sin(x)/x
sorry. *hugs*
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:08 pm
Mickeymoot Mizu- LET THOSE TEARS POUR. YOUR EMOTIONS LONGS TO BREAK FREE AND LET LOOOSE!!1!one!!eleventtyone!!@11lim x->0 sin(x)/x
sorry. *hugs*
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:55 pm
Totally trying to write and is most definitely not procrastinating. STOP TELLING ME I HAVE SENTENCE FRAGMENTS!!!! You just think it's a fragment because the narwhal is doing the talking.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:01 pm
I'm not talking about death this time, I swear!
...
Anywho, so my counselor had to reschedule. AGAIN. This time it's because her cousin died in a car wreck yesterday and she's going to be in Oklahoma through the weekend for the funeral. Damn.
I'm glad I have this depression workbook, but I don't really have anything to do with it until she starts assigning me stuff. And I won't get to do that until I see her again. And I'm gonna have to wait until next Tuesday for that...
Well, at least the Baha'i equivalent of Christmas is this weekend! I hope I get something shiny.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:16 pm
Getting better at actually doing my homework at home. I've been doing good the past few weeks of school. After having so many spares to do my homework at school in semester 1, it was tough getting used to doing homework at home again. Not doing as much as I should, but I'm getting better nonetheless...
Got a busy weekend full of homework. :/
And my best friend is going to Germany for 3 months. I won't be able to really talk to her much during that time, unless we talk on Facebook which I hardly use. She did say she's going to be writing me letters from Germany, like a pen pal. I'll be so happy if/when I receive them.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:16 pm
I grabbed and just walked one of the gangster peoples to hospital today heh
I was soo fuming I just asked him "if he'd seen any thing and so on so forth"
and he proceeded to threaten and insult me, and I hurt him, heh
I exerted myself abit to much again hh
whats worse is
I cant stop crying on the inside over my friend
and Im worried about another friend
and the three guys have been going after one of my friends for telling the police and harrassed his gf today, I know Im sick
I know I cant do much big juju
because of my visa but like hell am I going to stand by and let them think they can do that, tomorrow Im going to face them all three at once if I have to
and make them vanish peacefully if I can ;;
I m sick soo sick of this s**t
Im tired
I just want peace
I want my battles m
My wars
I want it to end I just want some god damn happy jjuju
and to be able to relax for once but it may never happen,
there may never be a peaceful or good day
I cant lay down my arms
or rest
No matter how sick
or hurt I am
I have to keep going
I cant deal by myself
I had a persons blood all over my hands
Im scared
I had no choice he hit me ;;, I dont know anymore
I cant let this go I have to do something
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:26 pm
-Mizu teh Artsi- x.x effing damnit. stupid essay, stupid wrists making me stress and stupid stupid stupid unnecessary stress. Why must you tole on my weak emotions and make me feel like s**t?
though crying helped a lot.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:44 pm
Kam: Geez, you sure have been putting up with a lot lately, huh... I wish I could endure all of that.
As for the thugs, why are they not in jail yet? I would assume that there have been multiple police reports so far, so one would think that the police would take extra measures to get them off the streets.
I don't know how physically capable you are, but seeing as how your current health is apparently... less than stellar, I'm not sure it would be wise to take on three at once. After all, they might have weapons or something.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:48 pm
Mickeymoot Fortune- *hugs* Just talking to him makes you happy, yus? I guess, you gave him an option and now all you can do is to hope he takes the right path. Stay strong Fortune! heart Also, as for your class, are there any classmates that would be willing to help you? Or find tutors or just someone you can call for help?
Yeah... It's just hard waiting right now because I'm not sure what he's thinking, and it might be a while before I really get to talk to him again. I wish I could have some kind of reassurance instead of feeling like it could still be all over at any time... Giving him space is so hard T___T
And I honestly don't think a tutor or anything would help. I mean, I was doing my best already... I never missed a class, I took notes, I did all my homework, I read all the chapters... The test was even open note and open book. But it was just SO MUCH HARDER than anything we did in class. It was one of those "Combine all of the knowledge you have so far and figure out a way to do this" kind of things, rather than an "Oh, we did one like this in class!" kind of thing. And without a strong background in the stuff, it's just way too hard for me. I can't really think outside the box without first being able to think inside the box, you know?
And my mom thinks dropping the class would be best and says I shouldn't worry about the money. She and my dad offered to help me pay for stuff so I wouldn't let money be a factor. And dropping this class would mean I'd have Tuesdays and Thursdays free, which would be REALLY nice... Because as of right now, I either work or have school (or both) every single day of the week, and that's probably a big part of why I'm so stressed out. I could really use the break... x__X
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