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Silly. I already said I'd do the planning, though I'm obviously going to need some help. ><

EDIT: ZOMG GIFTBOX!!!

Blue. 3nodding There was an Arrow in my Head inside.

I don't think it's any secret at this point that my recently ended relationship was, well... explosive. We went out with a bang, etc. Anyway, that being said, and now that I'm calm enough to type (re: paste) it all, ponder this:

Let's say the woman you thought was your soulmate cheated on you, and then let's say, oh, I dunno, she wound up pregnant and told you about it three months later. Obviously you think the child is yours if you have a sexual relationship, but then you find out it might not be. Now let's say she loses the child during a fight, and you'll never know if it's your child or not. Let's say you've been together off-and-on for almost ten years, and then let's say (after you boot her a** out), you send her a letter about some of the problems you've developed over the years, that you've cheated on her a few times. Now let's say she writes you back, and the opening paragraph of the letter is about you not even taking her virginity. Now let's say immediately after that, she mentions in the letter that she not only kept it a secret, but told your ex, who you've managed to stay quite close to despite a particularly nasty break up. Let's say this was over a year ago, LONG before the initial event that caused you two to break up. Keeping all this in mind, let's consider that you two were engaged, were quite happy together, sleeping in the same bed, trying to calm her on stormy nights, and even having discussions on your family. All of this happens and you're feeling lower than dirt for ever trusting the b***h.

How pissed off would YOU be?

Man, yesterday was a blur. I don't remember anything that happened, sans from me crying blood. Amanda cuddled me from most of the night (poor girl couldn't sleep), and she said she heard me whimpering and groaning in my sleep. She also said I muttered a few choice phrases in reference to a certain whore, and when I woke up she was coiled up tightly against me like she wasn't holding me all night.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I can't seem to find a girl who won't lie to me, who won't go against my wishes (as sparingly as they are), who won't even try to hear me out, and who just doesn't care about anyone but themselves. I'm hoping Amanda turns out differently, because if she doesn't I'm swearing off women forever.

Yesterday really ******** me up (as though those of you who weren't helping me didn't already know). To the point that I was crying blood and stabbing things through doors.. like a screwdriver. I'm debating on something, though. Y'see, I know where the guy--who she initially cheated on me with--lives, and I've had a... friendly rivalry, I guess you could say, with this guy since fourth grade. I've always wanted to kick his a**, but the opportunity never really arose... until now.

So, heh, I'll be paying him a visit today. If you guys don't hear from me for a few days (or years, depending on how much anger I have bottled up to release (which... is a lot, but not NEAR as much as I was experiencing yesterday)), don't worry. I'm in jail.