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 Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:28 am
I... I don't know what to say. I have a feeling most if not all of you have it much worse than I do, which is why I feel stupid for even posting in this thread, but I really feel like I need to get my emotions out.
I've only ever said this to one person before. You know what it is? I think I'm... scared. I'm scared of life. I'm scared of having to find a career, having to make my own life. Because I know that no matter what I do, the complexity of it will probably kill me.
I see how people live nowadays and it just makes me feel like there's no point to it all. People working their asses off, making their lives a living hell just to get the money to live and do... What, exactly? What makes life so worth living?
It might be love, but that idea doesn't hold any weight to me because I know nobody is going to love me. So what is it? What makes life worth living?
I know I can't end my life now, because that would be horrible for everyone that knows me and cares about me. But... I don't know. I feel like there's no point to me even trying.
EDIT: If you read this, can you please respond? You don't need to give advice or whatever, I just want to know that somebody out there is actually reading this.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:54 am
My results be off to England!!!! For further analysis huzzah!
I m soo tired and full of god knows what they all gave me ;;
I feel like a guinea pig
also supper dizzy but my mums been really nice to me since I bailed her out
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 11:03 am
Kamastr0 My results be off to England!!!! For further analysis huzzah!
I m soo tired and full of god knows what they all gave me ;;
I feel like a guinea pig
also supper dizzy but my mums been really nice to me since I bailed her out
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:10 pm
I feel like such a dork. I only got about an hour of sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And then the first thing I thought of this morning was 'dear god, I love her'. I'm so happy, I can't even really explain it. I've been getting weird looks from people all day because I can't stop smiling.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 12:14 pm
Vinicius Fernagon I feel like such a dork. I only got about an hour of sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And then the first thing I thought of this morning was 'dear god, I love her'. I'm so happy, I can't even really explain it. I've been getting weird looks from people all day because I can't stop smiling.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:31 pm
Jedi Sasquatch I... I don't know what to say. I have a feeling most if not all of you have it much worse than I do, which is why I feel stupid for even posting in this thread, but I really feel like I need to get my emotions out.
I've only ever said this to one person before. You know what it is? I think I'm... scared. I'm scared of life. I'm scared of having to find a career, having to make my own life. Because I know that no matter what I do, the complexity of it will probably kill me.
I see how people live nowadays and it just makes me feel like there's no point to it all. People working their asses off, making their lives a living hell just to get the money to live and do... What, exactly? What makes life so worth living?
It might be love, but that idea doesn't hold any weight to me because I know nobody is going to love me. So what is it? What makes life worth living?
I know I can't end my life now, because that would be horrible for everyone that knows me and cares about me. But... I don't know. I feel like there's no point to me even trying.
EDIT: If you read this, can you please respond? You don't need to give advice or whatever, I just want to know that somebody out there is actually reading this.
You're not alone in being scared of life and career. Hell, I grow more and more pessimistic about my prospects as I continue. I know most people think I'm set in life, etc, because I've known my path since I was a senior in high school, but even I get insecure. The real world is rough and you need to not only just get a diploma, but have connections and the right sort of attitude for jobs and the like.
Why is life worth living? That's a good question and I can't answer for you personally, but I can tell you why I like life so much: I like it because it always throws obstacles at me and is never predictable. I like the good a lot, but I also like the bad. Humanity to me is fascinating and never ceases to either surprise or disappoint me. I'm a fiction writer myself, so I enjoy sitting back, listening/reading/watching people and their behaviours. I also enjoy what isn't practical in life and the fact that we are able to enjoy what might seem as illogical or inefficient--I don't ever want humans or life to be orderly and logical. That would be dull.
That being said, does that mean I enjoy life all the time? No. I have days where I am almost suicidal or want to give up, but I always know that no matter what happens, something good will come if I remain stubborn with my hold on life or with the pursuit of my projects. The results may not be instantaneous, but they will come eventually.
Wow, I sound like an optimist. Funny that...gotta love contradictions!
Now back to you...from what little I know about you and from reading your blog, I'd like to point out that you might have a possible future in writing for gaming magazines and the like. Believe it or not, I do enjoy your blog posts when you show them, despite the fact that I'm not a gamer myself; they are well-written and it doesn't hurt that you have pictures. XD
As for the idea that no one will ever love you, I assume you mean romantically? Well, I don't know about that, the future is unpredictable that way. I once thought the same and then got landed in a relationship when I least expected/wanted it. *shrugs* Don't let the lack of romance upset you, there is more to life than that.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:45 pm
I read what you had to say, Jedi.
And I think people continue to live, even under the most dire of circumstances, because we're curious. What's the next step? Where will that lead us? And we are hardwired to prevail and survive.
And you do not need a romantic relationship to live a rewarding life.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:49 pm
electropoisonwaves I read what you had to say, Jedi. And I think people continue to live, even under the most dire of circumstances, because we're curious. What's the next step? Where will that lead us? And we are hardwired to prevail and survive. And you do not need a romantic relationship to live a rewarding life.
And I know you don't need a romantic relationship, but it's kind of depressing for me to know I'm not going to have one.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:03 pm
Jedi Sasquatch
It might be love, but that idea doesn't hold any weight to me because I know nobody is going to love me. So what is it? What makes life worth living?
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:51 pm
-Mizu teh Artsi- Vinicius Fernagon I feel like such a dork. I only got about an hour of sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And then the first thing I thought of this morning was 'dear god, I love her'. I'm so happy, I can't even really explain it. I've been getting weird looks from people all day because I can't stop smiling.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:54 pm
Shiori Miko Jedi Sasquatch It might be love, but that idea doesn't hold any weight to me because I know nobody is going to love me. So what is it? What makes life worth living?
@Kestin, if you're reading this: Don't read the post directly below mine <.<
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:56 pm
Venting below. Nothing to worry about.
Damn retarded car! I spent two extra hours at school because it refused to start even though there is nothing that seems to be wrong with it. Well, except for a theftlock system that is trigger-happy and should not come on when you're using a valid key, but does. And that takes 10 minutes a pop to reset. I hate that car.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:12 pm
I'm still having trouble pointing out positive qualities about myself. I was hoping I could reassure myself, but... It's not working out too well. I'm actually trying something new for when I over think. I'm trying to write poems. Trying to, anyway. It's kinda hard to formulate the correct words, but hopefully, I'll have fun with it. On another note, I'm very anxious. The one person whom I can almost completely confide in hasn't been online in about two days. I sent her a PM on a whim, and I can't do anything but wait for her to sign in. > > I was hoping to get her advice before I do something I'll regret.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:55 pm
I read too, Jedi.
I can't really beat Tasn's answer, because she pretty much hit the nail on the head, but...
I agree with you when you question careers and working.
You work your a** off in high school, just so you can work your a** off in a good college, just so you can work your a** off at a full-time job until you retire. And once you retire, you're too old to do most of the stuff you wanted to in life.
I guess it's the spaces in between working that makes life worth living?
To me, personal happiness is paramount. I'd rather be penniless and happy than pay off my fancy house by working in a cubicle from nine to five for 40 years.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:59 pm
I watched the Valentine's episode for Glee, where people got mono from making out.
I apparently tested positive for mono.
I am asexual as hell and have never so much as hugged people of my own accord, let alone kissed anyone.
"Sharing pillows, straws, toothbrushes, or food from the same plate can also spread mono." <- I have not done any of that either.
Going to school next week is going to be horrible because of that Glee episode.
/headdesks repeatedly.
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