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 Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 2:37 pm
Kinda a funny secret.
I have a scar on the right side of my forehead. It looks like a bump because they glued it rather than stitching. I got it because my friend and I were jumping on her bed. We ended up slamming into each other, her mouth hit my head. I got a bad headache and nasty gash, she chipped her tooth in half. We were laughing all the way to the ER. Whenever someone asks about the bump I just say it's a scar. When they ask how I got it I never answer because not many people believe it when I say my friend chipped her tooth on my head. XD
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:02 pm
Vinicius Fernagon Job interview went great. I should be getting a call back for a second interview either Wednesday or Thursday. I was way nervous in the beginning though so the guy gave me some kind of minty tea to calm me down. He was really nice. I was laughing at him so hard though because in the middle of the interview his phone went off and his ringtone is Dancing Queen by Abba. It was great. @Nim: Mentally hyper? Oooh tea. And that is an awesome ringtone. xD Btw, I never did ask--what job? o: And yes, mentally. My face is pretty...emotionless, almost all the time. And people usually don't notice any body difference, like hands/legs shaking, tapping fingers, twitching, etc. I notice my most hyper moments are when I'm keeping the hyperness self-contained. >0>;
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:09 pm
Foam-Dome MewWhite Sometimes, I wonder why I'm working so hard. I know I should work hard for myself, but why do I think that my efforts are never good enough? ...Good enough for whom? Maybe I'm looking for acceptance somewhere. To not be disliked by those around me. Maybe that's all I'm looking for. But everyone loves you! ;3; You're the nicest person I know!
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:15 pm
MewWhite Foam-Dome MewWhite Sometimes, I wonder why I'm working so hard. I know I should work hard for myself, but why do I think that my efforts are never good enough? ...Good enough for whom? Maybe I'm looking for acceptance somewhere. To not be disliked by those around me. Maybe that's all I'm looking for. But everyone loves you! ;3; You're the nicest person I know! If it is an act, then you're damn good at it. D: Besides, if you act nice all the time like you do, then is it even really an act anymore at that point?
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:39 pm
I cried last night. I turned off my computer at 4:30am, watched tv till 5am, but when I tried to go to sleep I couldn't. I was overwhelmed by this deep rage and hatred for myself and I started crying. I clung to one of my teddy bears as I cried for 30 minutes straight. At that moment I wanted to grab my chef's knife and just hollow out my arms. My heart felt like it was being torn apart, by this unyielding hatred I have for myself. After those first 30 minutes, I cried on and off for another 45 minutes till my mother woke up around 6:30. For that part of the night, I sat on my bed, in the dark clinging to my plushies. They were the only consolation I had as I listed everything that was wrong with me outloud till I fell asleep. My heart hurts right now and my head is pounding. I feel sick and it's all my fault. Everything is my fault.
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:39 pm
Jennivieve ✿
Tea bag bucket?
And why am I looking up mixtures for fresh teas in the middle of winter?
✿ Its small emm bucket like tin thing you throw used or old tea sacks in XP something to do with recycling and all that jazz i forgot ;; heh
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:42 pm
Foam-Dome If it is an act, then you're damn good at it. D: Besides, if you act nice all the time like you do, then is it even really an act anymore at that point? XD I was just thinking about that, actually. At this point, I guess you could call it a forced behavior. I've done it for so long that I don't know how else to act. ...To be honest, apart from my aunt, I don't think that there's anybody who truly understands me. XD I don't know if it's the depression talking, but not being understood by those closest feels pretty lonely.
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:45 pm
I need a breather, I dislike being yelled at and having massive loads being dumped on me, Im sorry Im not perfect or helpful nor am I a good or kind person, its rather difficult to be kind and to treat everyone<3 at times because you yourself are being bombarded with bad juju by a psychopath daily
today I came up with a great comparison
My mum is donkey kong and I am mario
Kong throws barrels at mario and I have to keep hopping and not let those barrels go whoooooosh
Anywho Im really horrible
My dad spent ages yelling at me so I found some old equine lax in the cupboard and made him some coffee
since hes not allowed in the house and such I think I went overboard
but He did leave the property and I have properly dispensed the mug in the bin
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:52 pm
Silent Sympathy I cried last night. I turned off my computer at 4:30am, watched tv till 5am, but when I tried to go to sleep I couldn't. I was overwhelmed by this deep rage and hatred for myself and I started crying. I clung to one of my teddy bears as I cried for 30 minutes straight. At that moment I wanted to grab my chef's knife and just hollow out my arms. My heart felt like it was being torn apart, by this unyielding hatred I have for myself. After those first 30 minutes, I cried on and off for another 45 minutes till my mother woke up around 6:30. For that part of the night, I sat on my bed, in the dark clinging to my plushies. They were the only consolation I had as I listed everything that was wrong with me outloud till I fell asleep. My heart hurts right now and my head is pounding. I feel sick and it's all my fault. Everything is my fault. ;3; *huuuuuuuuuuggg* I was about to post this anyway, but my night was pretty similar. Whenever I go to bed, my mind wanders toward the touchier subjects, and I realize just how alone I am. emo No one calls me and invites me to do anything anymore. My friends hardly ever sign into AIM. The only place that is consistently active is the zCB, and when it has its inactive moments, I'm left to begin with the sucky feelings, which then make me feel even suckier, and soon it starts descending into this downward spiral of suck. Everyone around me is maturing and moving on to other things, and yet here I sit, being the same stubborn, lazy waste of space.
I've never really shared my innermost feelings with anyone, because the sappiness just drives them away. D:MewWhite Foam-Dome If it is an act, then you're damn good at it. D: Besides, if you act nice all the time like you do, then is it even really an act anymore at that point? XD I was just thinking about that, actually. At this point, I guess you could call it a forced behavior. I've done it for so long that I don't know how else to act. ...To be honest, apart from my aunt, I don't think that there's anybody who truly understands me. XD I don't know if it's the depression talking, but not being understood by those closest feels pretty lonely. I believe that you're a truly nice person. ;3; Being understood involves a great deal of letting people into your personal bubble, though.
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:57 pm
Foam-Dome ;3; *huuuuuuuuuuggg* I was about to post this anyway, but my night was pretty similar. Whenever I go to bed, my mind wanders toward the touchier subjects, and I realize just how alone I am. emo No one calls me and invites me to do anything anymore. My friends hardly ever sign into AIM. The only place that is consistently active is the zCB, and when it has its inactive moments, I'm left to begin with the sucky feelings, which then make me feel even suckier, and soon it starts descending into this downward spiral of suck. Everyone around me is maturing and moving on to other things, and yet here I sit, being the same stubborn, lazy waste of space.
I've never really shared my innermost feelings with anyone, because the sappiness just drives them away. D:*Hugs back tight* You can always feel free to talk to me on AIM <3 I'll listen and take my word for it when I say your sappiness won't drive me away <333
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:01 pm
Silent Sympathy Foam-Dome ;3; *huuuuuuuuuuggg* I was about to post this anyway, but my night was pretty similar. Whenever I go to bed, my mind wanders toward the touchier subjects, and I realize just how alone I am. emo No one calls me and invites me to do anything anymore. My friends hardly ever sign into AIM. The only place that is consistently active is the zCB, and when it has its inactive moments, I'm left to begin with the sucky feelings, which then make me feel even suckier, and soon it starts descending into this downward spiral of suck. Everyone around me is maturing and moving on to other things, and yet here I sit, being the same stubborn, lazy waste of space.
I've never really shared my innermost feelings with anyone, because the sappiness just drives them away. D:*Hugs back tight* You can always feel free to talk to me on AIM <3 I'll listen and take my word for it when I say your sappiness won't drive me away <333 ;3; Thanks... And likewise. <3
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:06 pm
Foam-Dome ;3; Thanks... And likewise. <3 <333 I always feel awkward IMing people. I always feel like I'm bothering them.
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:07 pm
Silent Sympathy Foam-Dome ;3; Thanks... And likewise. <3 <333 I always feel awkward IMing people. I always feel like I'm bothering them. Same here. XD That's why I've only IMed you once so far.
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:14 pm
Foam-Dome Silent Sympathy Foam-Dome ;3; Thanks... And likewise. <3 <333 I always feel awkward IMing people. I always feel like I'm bothering them. Same here. XD That's why I've only IMed you once so far. Really? xD I thought it was because I was lame.
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:19 pm
Silent Sympathy Foam-Dome Silent Sympathy Foam-Dome ;3; Thanks... And likewise. <3 <333 I always feel awkward IMing people. I always feel like I'm bothering them. Same here. XD That's why I've only IMed you once so far. Really? xD I thought it was because I was lame. Naw, of course you're not lame! XD Hnnngh, feeling ronery sucks. ;3;
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