The Looking Glass Book Store

[Bartleby Farnum]

In the swirling mists of a crystal ball, two malevolent figures watched the breakfast scene.

"This is not good," The man muttered. "This is not good at all. If they seal off the Forbidden Tome section, our entire plan will be ruined."

"Pffft. That old hack, Merlin?!" The cackling witch replied. "He can barely cast a tying-your-shoes hex!"

The man tented his fingers. "This means we will have to speed up our timetable. Our plan of getting multiple....builders here may be compromised. We may just have to make do with the gremlin."

The witch cast a doubting eye at him.

"Are you sure a gremlin is the beast idea in the first place? I mean, I know, he has that robot..."

"AUTOMATON, my dear. That gremlin built an entire moving automaton! I've seen it in his garage. With that kind of construction genius working for us, the plan is ensured victory!"

The witch grumbled. "But still....gremlins...there's a reputation there."

"My lady, you yourself have a bit of a reputation, don't you? And yet, you and I work together just fine."

"I suppose you're right."

"Of course I'm right." He replied. "Now, we will just have to enact the first part of our plan....today."

His eyes glaring sinisterly, the two of them huddled back over the crystal ball to continue watching.  

[Draconia St George]

It was still mid-morning when Draconia turned the sign on the shoppe and opened the doors. A few different monsters Draconia recognized from school milled in, book lists in hand. She helped an elderly vampire lady find the cooking section, and then sat down near the register hoping to devour the newest Fangio groanmance novel.

*ding! ding!*

The bell above the door jingled. Draconia sighed. She hadn't even gotten through the intro to the forward to the dedication. She looked up and saw a rather stooped gentleman hobble in on a skull-topped cane.

His peachy skin and slightly clammy demeanor informed her that he was a normie, but surprisingly, the orange-hued old woman who hobbled in after him struck Draconia as probably a witch. They both seemed to be utterly ancient, with long...almost wig-like white hair, thick cokebottle glasses, and on the gentleman, a very long, white curly beard.

Goodness, Draconia thought. They look like they're both about to keel over dead right on the floor! A bit concerned for them, as well as how it would look for the store if people were dying to get inside, she left her place at the register to greet them.

"Hello, and welcome to the Looking Glass! Is there anything I can help you with?"  

[Bartleby Farnum]

"HUH?" The old man replied, holding up an old-timey horn to his ear. "WAZZAT?"

"SHE SAID WELCOME TO THE COOKING CLASS! WE'RE IN THE WRONG STORE!" The old, trembling witch shouted at her companion.

"BOOKING PASS?" He warbled.

"COOKING CLASS!" She shrieked in reply.

"HOOKING FLASK?"

"COOK. ING. CLASS." The old witch whacked him with her own knotty-pine stick. She turned to Draconia. "LITTLE LADY. WHICH WAY TO THE LOOKING GLASS?"  

[Draconia St George]

Draconia raised an eyebrow.

"Er." Hm...she touched her clawtips together, trying to think of the best way to respond to the elderly couple. "You see...this IS the Looking Glass. You see? Books!"

She pointed upward at the expanse of shelves of books towering over all of them.  

[Bartleby Farnum]

"Hey, lookit all those books!" The wizened old man whacked the old witch with his cane. "I think this IS the Looking Glass!"

"HUH?" The old witch responded, cupping a pointed ear.

"I SAID, I THINK THIS IS THE LOOKING GLASS!" He screamed into her cupped hand. She nearly spun around double from the sound.

"Oooh. Well, why didn't she say so in the first place?!" The old witch responded, waving her cane at Draconia. "What ARE they teaching kids these days, that they don't even know what a book store looks like?!"  

[Draconia St George]

Draconia wavered a bit. She knew that Uncle Wocky subscribed to the policy of 'The Ghostomer is Always Fright,' but she wasn't quite sure how to respond to this odd couple. She decided to simply try fresh.

"Is there anything I can help you find today? Books about travel? Fiction? Magorezines? Groanmance?"

Goodness, this couple seemed old. Dragons lived for a long time, Draconia herself being 16 in Dragon years but 163 in human years, but she was positive that these two beings were so old that any sudden moves might turn them into dust.  

[Bartleby Farnum]

The old man looked at the old woman. He jerked his head once or twice towards the back section of the store.

"Er, yes, my, uh....husb....frien.....colleague here and I are looking for a part-eek-ular book. It's quite old, you probably haven't heard of it."

The old man cleared his throat a couple times and gave her a dirty look. She scowled at him and continued on.

"It's...say, what are those books up on the very, very top shelf right there?" The old witch waved a claw at the opposite corner of the store from where the old man was motioning.  

[Draconia St George]

"Oh....those books?" Draconia was pleased that she finally seemed to be helping the old couple, even if they were pointing at the dustiest, cobwebbiest, highest part of the store. "Those are all of the autodie-ographies of celebrities that...er, aren't so celebritous any more. Like, Scream Simmons or Scarah Palin."

It really was a clawful section. Most of the books in it, Uncle Wocky couldn't give away. They basically remained on the shelves to serve as ballast for the walls.  

[Bartleby Farnum]

"Oh! How fortunate!" The ancient witch grinned, revealing one giant snaggletooth. "That's EXACTLY the book that we are here for. The auto-dieography of Scarah Failin."

"But as you can see..." The old man picked up. "What we need is a nice, strong young monster who can climb up there and get it for us. You wouldn't want us to try to get it ourselves and wind up in a broken pile of limbs on your floor, would you, young whippersnapper?"

"WAIT!" The ancient witch cried, a legitimately panicked look in her eyes. "Er, I mean...there are no other monsters on duty right now, are there? I mean...just to be sure the shop is attended while you help us, dearie..."  

[Draconia St George]

"Oh, don't worry!" Draconia replied cheerfully. "It is only me, but it's early yet and there aren't many monsters in here. I'd love to help you get ahold of the book you're looking for."

Draconia led them over to the corner of the store where the old witch had pointed. The books towered above. She licked her claw and held it up in the air. Hm....no cross-breeze...no breeze at all. Which probably made sense since they were inside. It wouldn't be possible for her to fly up and fetch the book. Which meant she'd have to use the ladder.

"Hang on a tick. I have to grab the ladder. All right?" After the two elders had nodded agreement, Draconia headed over to the Class-icks section to grab the ladder.  

[Bartleby Farnum]

As Draconia walked away, the 'old' man grabbed the 'old' witch by the arm and yanked her near.

"What are you doing?!" Bartleby Farnum muttered at her. "The plan was for us to come in, you to fake a fainting spell, and for me to go grab Mezmer's autobiography while she tended to you! You're ruining the plan!"

"Hssssss!" Hagetha Mistie gnashed her teeth at him behind her magically-induced disguise. "Look at how the store is laid out! If I fainted, she'd head to the back for the sink, or the last aid kit. And those are right next to the Forbidden Tome section!"

"Yes, but..." But there was no more time to argue, as Draconia was coming back with the ladder. Relying on his sterling improvisational skills, Bartleby turned his leaning into Hagetha into a big, steamy embrace....much to her disgust!

"MMMwah! Oh, sorry about that rather public display of affection, young whippersnapper. Sometimes you just have to let a lady know how much you appreciate-OW!" Farnum jumped up and down as Hagetha's heel dug hard into the top of his foot. "And...ow...sometimes...eee....it just makes you....eugh...want to dance...."  

[Draconia St George]

If Draconia's eyebrows could raise any higher, they'd be four inches above her head. But Uncle Wocky's words rang in her ears...The Ghostomer is Always Fright. Draconia set up the ladder...slightly rickety as it was...and began climbing up to the veeeeery top of the store to retrieve the couple's book.

"It'll only be a mo!" She informed them cheerfully, taking baby steps up the ladder. Really, this would be so much easier if she could fly up, but that just wasn't an option here. "Perfectly fine! Quick as a wink! You'll see!"

Blimey...this was much higher when you were climbing up than when you were gliding...Draconia's claws gripped the ladder as hard as she could.  

[Bartleby Farnum]

"Now!" Hagetha hissed at Bartleby. He didn't hesitate, taking off at an amazing sprint for a man who looked to be over a hundred years old. He dashed over to the cooking section, jogged through the groanmance novels, and hopped through the children's books. Finally, he saw his destination...dark and foreboding, between two long-unlit candelabras....the Forbidden Tome section. "Yes, yes, yes...." He grinned, stalking towards his goal.

Meanwhile, back near the front of the store, Hagetha Mistie cheered on Draconia as she climbed up the ladder, swaying gently left and right as she ascended.

"That's right, dearie....you're nearly there....take your time, no need to rush....oops, looks like that rung's a bit missing, isn't it?...."  

[Draconia St George]

"How high IS this, actually?" Draconia wondered to herself as she passed a scargoyle nest on one of the bookshelves as she continued to climb. She could have almost sworn that the oxygen was getting a bit thin. Nonetheless, she had to persevere. Helping others was one of the most important things to her...friends, other monsters, even normies! If someone needed a claw, Draconia prided herself on always being the first to offer.

But goodness...Draconia's claws gripped tight as the ladder took a particularily deep sway...was Scarah Palin's auto-dieography REALLY worth this? The book was only worth thirty-six cents!

"Ah!" Draconia smiled as her ascent finally came to a stop. She'd reached it! Nestled among such titles as 'Scaris Chilton-Confessions of a Scaress' and 'Spooki: A Shore It' was the Scarah Palin auto-dieography. She pulled it out, pushing back a copy of "Larger Than Unlife: the Hagetha Mistie Story" without giving it a second glance.

She really couldn't, because the ladder was really starting to swing now.

"Ooooh, dear..." Draconia gripped on for dear un-life as the ladder seemed to take on a mind of its own.  

[Bartleby Farnum]

Farnum stepped tentatively into the Forbidden section. He paused. No alarms...so it was true that normies couldn't trip them! Those idiot monsters! He chuckled to himself as he eased inside, looking at the many mysterious books. It was a good thing Hagetha had coached him on what to look for, he admitted to himself (although he would never admit it to her). To his normie eyes, all of the titles were complete nonsense. He paused at a book that seemed to be titled 'Rainbow Unicorn Sparklefarts Galaxy' and scoffed.

"Let's see now....where are you, my precious key to neverending fame and fortune...ah!"

At last, he'd found it! A book that was titled, to his eyes, 'Tax Code Revisions and Calculating Tables for 1964.' But as he knew it...Mezmer the Magician's auto-dieography. The book that contained the spell he and Hagetha Mistie had prepared their entire plan f-

"SCAREFUL!" He heard Hagetha shout. He glanced up just in time to see that Draconia was thoroughly distracted from him thanks to the wildly swinging ladder she was on. She swayed far to the left...then far to the right...then backwards...

Grabbing the book and stuffing it into his beard, Farnum dashed at full speed back to the front of the store, arriving just in time for-