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Posted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 3:25 am
[ATE: Kyla confused ?? Dream Dive]
So there it was. Louis’s final moments on earth. How his world fell down around him. It hurt to watch. Like a real physical pain inside, jabbing, prodding, it poked at the already sore wounds and tender flesh of her heart and made her feel sick.
The helplessness of not being able to do anything but watch. Oh- how she wished she had been there. No one should face this alone. Was this how Elle felt in the end? Mom? Dad? She didn’t get back to see what happened to them. Where they scared? Was Elle scared? Did he call for-
"When all that made you is taken away, can one ever remain whole?"
It was a hard question to ask, and for a while it really stumped her. Kyla may had only begun to trust that she was more capable of understanding higher spheres of thought, but she dare not encroach upon the idea she was some scholar or gifted philosopher.
Still. She couldn’t leave a question unanswered- it felt too desperate to ignore with ignorant silence.
The only answer the humbled artists felt she could offer feel was one born some pure experience.
The respondant thought mulled in her head at first-
‘- Maybe not at first. All things can become debris, but even when my heart shattered- somehow… there was always something there. Something inside me that told me that I couldn’t just give up. Even when all voices faded, all light disappeared deep down… in my broken heart something shone through it all.’
Then she spoke, her voice echoing in the space of the deep dive they seemed to share- “It’s ok to be broken.…what matters is that you don’t forget that you can become whole again someday.”
She was counting on it.
Kyla turned her gaze back to the light show, allowing the moment to sink in, the sight and sensation of this dream like moment of semi lucid reality was calming.
But it wouldn’t last.
Suddenly she felt something move through her. And a heavy weight burned inside her shoulder and out her back. Followed oddly by a sensation of warmth and reassurance, like someone pressing a cold press to a heated wound and feeling the sooth after the sting. It knocked her back, and falling forward Kyla nearly fell right into the boy again, her hand catching his. Weak, she felt tired and yet pulsing with new life, something akin to adrenalin. Someone had caught her and was lowered to the small space they occupied as the light continued to fall around them. As she stared up at the boys face who was haloed by the sight around them she could see the sight began to fade. As did she.
She wanted to say something but it was too quick! The drema was ending,a nd she was being forced awake.
Kyla wanted to tell this fragment of Louis to stay here. She would do her best to keep him safe. Whatever he was-
Till I find your other pieces! ...just keep watching the lights.
She would wake, with the lingering sensation of fingers clutched in hers unusually more prominent then the ache in her back.
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Posted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:25 pm
((Disregard the events when James and Michelle left for the forest for the time being, he will simply have returned to the castle and Michelle went to enjoy the festival.)) A Chance to Connect {James : Disney Castle : Hallways} The corsair had left Michelle to go enjoy the festival, since they were going to be at Disney for awhile, they would have their chance to catch up soon enough. She had been involved with the planning and arranging for the festival, so it was her chance to enjoy the fruits of her labor. For the time being, James had too much on his mind to really be able to enjoy it, in fact, it was the last thing on his mind. So he was doing what he often did to help gather his thoughts, take a walk in the castle. He could often lose himself for hours just wandering though some place, in this case the massively over-sized halls of the castle. He paused briefly though as he looked down one of the nearby corridors and spotted Kyla, heading towards the library and without really thinking about it he picked up his pace to catch up to her. Maybe just talking to someone else would help him wrap his mind around everything that had happened below, she could possibly even show him like she had before back on the train in Narnia. He and pictomancer hadn't really had much of a chance to talk or get to know each other either, the one time he had tried had ended... confusingly. 'Unity is what this festival is supposed to be about anyway, what have I got to lose,' he thought as he caught up to the pictomancer shortly before she reached the library. "Hey Kyla," he greeted with a small smile, trying not to feel too uncomfortable. This was only the second time he had talked to her at all outside of combat situations. "You alright? You look like you've got a lot on your mind. Care to talk about it?" He asked, motioning that if she wanted to that he could walk beside him. "I like to wander while I think, it helps... sometimes." he stated completely disregarding the fact there was a broom leading her.
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Posted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:50 pm
A Chance to Connect
[Kyla: Disney Castle: Hallway]
It was funny being led around by something half her size, but she couldn't help but smile as the melody from the Sorcerer’s apprentice continued to play in her mind as she watched the animated objected continue moving on ahead with that funny sweeping waddle it had. It seemed they were getting close when someone called out to her and both she and the animated broom stopped to turn to him. Again, though it had no eyes the entity seemed to have some orient of direction. “James?” She recalled the corsair was with them and like a few others had wandered off- with Michelle last time she checked. Now he was back?
As James closed the distance and voiced what his intentions were there was a slight slump in her shoulders and her eyes dropped to the floor a moment. “ Well ..I uh- s-sure.” Turning to the broom she patted it’s hand gently-
“Thank you for your help, I think we can find our way there for now. Could you excuse us please?” The broom didn't seem to mind and released her hand before bowing with an elegant sweep and going off in the other direction they came from.
“You know..” she mused looking after where it went-“ This whole thing is still so surreal. Everything about it is like a dream. It’s nice to enjoy the small things once and a while.” Turing back to James she gestured onward with a shrug of her shoulder.
“S…so you wanted to talk? I was headed to the Library- guess we can dawdle a little.. I couldn't sleep.”” She mumbled, explaining why against all logic this girl wasn't going to bed, and seeking out literature instead.
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Posted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 9:02 pm
A Chance to Connect : 3 {James : Disney Castle : Hallway} James couldn't help but note the slight apprehension in her reaction to his intentions, but didn't pay it much mind as she accepted anyway. He didn't really blame her for it considering they hadn't really talked much before. He smiled as she excused the broom that had apparently been leading her. He nodded his head in understanding as she mused to herself as they continued down the hallway. Her apprehension was then explained as she said she had been going to the library since she couldn't sleep. She did indeed look tired. "Yeah I know the feeling, it's still hard to wrap my head around everything that has happened, being Ajora's pawn for a day really messed things up for me," he stated with a sigh, clearly still very unhappy about that whole ordeal and what happened afterwards. "Everyone seems different since after Atlantis, so much harder, or at least that's the way that it feels. I've been told what happened down there, but it's nothing like being there for myself. I wish I could have been. I wish I could have helped."
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Posted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 9:20 pm
A Chance to Connect : 4
[Kyla: Disney Castle: Hallway]
“Ah- yes Merlin I think mentioned something about that... I’m sorry you had to go through it. Being a prisoner in your own body= waking up and finding what happened through you must be hard. What matters is that your comrades d know that’s not the real you though- they can still trust you.”
They hadn't passed anyone else so far and so their paired foot stepped created a soft patterned tapping echoing off the walks. Kyla looked above them, it seemed she enjoyed how high the ceiling was.
“ I’m glad you weren't there.” She said- and before it could be taken the wrong way she explained herself.
“Please- ..please don’t get me wrong-“ she said emphatically, “I’m sure you would have been a great help. I know sticking together now makes these sort of things easier but-…” she paused looking ahead with her eyes somehow so far away- “What we saw down there… That thing. It was.. everything your childish nightmares imagined darkness incarnate could be- and then some. Such things I only read about in things like HP Lovecraft… I wish I could unsee it. If it weren't for this place- this atmosphere, I don’t think I’d ever sleep again.”
She had to take medicine in order to sleep before. It may be a requirement for the days ahead.
“Just thinking about it.. knowing something like it is out there…” It was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.
She said nothing else, her arms hugging her shoulders as they walked- realizing she had fallen into silence Kyla shook her head and looked up at James with a nervous chuckle. "So -uh... w-where were you from again? Back on earth I mean."
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Posted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 10:28 pm
A Chance to Connect : 5 {James : Disney Castle : Hallway} “ I’m glad you weren't there.”That seemed to be the unspoken reaction of everyone who he had spoken to in regards to the events of this morning. Was it truly so terrifying? The corsair couldn't know unless he had seen it with his own eyes. Part of him really wanted to actually, he had faced the darkness in his nightmares, his own darkness, his own demon, whom his replica was now making him face in reality. "If you don't want to relive it, I understand, but I'd like to see it with my own eyes if you can. I find it is better to face these things head on, I know what this evil is, the darkness, but I want to see it for myself," he stated. He hadn't taken his eyes off of Kyla this entire time, looking at her as they walked side by side. He could see it all to clearly in the way that she hugged her shoulders, she was afraid and then with a slight chuckle tried to change the topic, a diversion which the corsair wasn't going to fall for. "Kyla please tell me, what are you so afraid of? It's better to talk about these things instead of just letting them lie dormant," he stated.
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 12:29 pm
A Chance to Connect : 6
[Kyla: Disney Castle: Hallway]
Cue: Hope Drowns
His question caught her off guard for a moment. They walked still, but there was an obviously pause in her expression. It was wide eyed, like she couldn’t computer he had just flat out asked her- what was wrong. She was usually probed for information about what happened, or what she was thinking about something that she and inquisitor both knew-
Never something this... ambiguous. It was a simple question with no easy answer to. They hardly knew each other too so it seemed strange to just- jump the shark and pour out all her dirty secrets, doubts and fears. But James was genuinely trying to get to know her- how could she be rude and just ignore that? Besides. He had shown her earlier that he cared enough to give her the benefit of a doubt.
At first Kyla didn’t know where to begin- but figured starting from his request... that would be a good start.
Finally, stopping in place Kyla released her own arms, and summoned her book to her hands. With a slowness- like the covers were suddenly as heavy as lead, she cracked open the spine and flipped to the latest chapter in her pictorial chronicles.
It was funny how she seemed to naturally adopt the role of their groups own Jiminy Cricket without asking-
When she found a clean page Kyla looked around and spotted an opening that lead to a balcony walk. It deterred form the path to the library, but she didn’t feel right just standing there in the hall drawing something like this- she needed to sit down. Cue: Foggy Memories Walking through the doorway to the outside balcony walkway, they could see they were able to see the garden below. Walking to the ledge there was a bench for someone to oversee the view and she sat down. The air was filled with distant music. Somewhere, people’s minds were on happier things. They didn’t need the cornerstone of light to feel better.
She looked up at James knowing he’d follow, and her shoulders slouched- she looked very reluctant to do this-
“..It feel like.. just making it’s likeness. Will somehow beckon it closer to us. It can be anywhere, or everywhere-” except here right? The barrier? If it, or something like it was still out there then, it couldn’t get through.
But would drawing it allow some fragment of itself to get in? It was a silly idea, but weirder things happened in this world.
'I don't want to...' she thought. It's better to talk about these things instead of just letting them lie dormant,"
Sighing heavily the artist finally pressed her quill to the paper and let her mind slip back into deeper darker memories. She went back to that place.
Kyla hated the darkness, it was the thing she feared the most. It tainted her dreams and let the more dire manifestations be born in it’s depths. The most decrepit and macabre creatures lurked in her imagination there and this thing- was scarier, bigger and more dangerous than any of them. It was her nightmares realized- And she didn’t as much draw it- then just allow the ink to bleed, obey her subconscious thought and power, and take shape into the image she isolated in her minds eye.
There was so much ink, so much black at first it didn’t seem like there would be anything to see! But then Kyla’s hand began moving, almost violently. Bold, scratching clawing strokes that blossomed faint streaks of dark colors, which against the black background looked like beams of light, but it wasn’t light.. It was the shape and outlines of a monstrous creature. Soon he could see the platform they had stood on in the blackness. Kyla had recreated the level of carnage, he could see the shapes and figures of his teammates, some fighting, others fallen and crumpled or suffering in some way. All their faces were transfixed on the entity she brought further and further into focus on the page for him. It was massive, and it was an extreme close up on its face. The more James would stare into it, the more it would seem the outside world began to fade out of focus. If he let it- the picture in the page would leek into his mind through the connection fo the charms. He would slowly start to see Kyla’s figure fade away- Cue: Devoid of Life Till what she drew, that point of view- filled his vision. And suddenly he was there.
IN the picture! It was what he saw all around him! The towering monster of evil darkness incarnate. He stood where Kyla had been standing at the very back of the platform before she launched her last attack, before the tables turned in their favor. Kyla froze that moment for him- everything was silent. She refused to conjure up any sound.
In reality, they hadn’t gone anywhere; Kyla and James would just be there, her sitting, him standing or whatever last position he had taken. But Kyla’s face was transfixed, her eyes half open. An eerie glow pooled in in her eyes and it matched the glow of magic coursing through the liens on her page. She was holding onto that moment for as long as James needed to see. Her face was calm, serene almost- the only hint her emotions were anything but was the continuing violent fervent scratching movements of her hand as it continues to trace and retrace the image of the illustration.
In this way James felt like he could almost explore this sight, look around, and focus on specific things. More and more details of the abhorrent figure were now crystal clear to him. It spoke volumes of what it was like to have a photographic memory- what sort of visions and nightmares would forever stay with you- THIS would forever stay within Kyla’s memory with crystal clear perfection. Its hellish visage etched into her just like this- her words would come back to him, perhaps echoed through the charms as she shared what her power and mind wrought for him. The Evil Darkness (( remove the slash between Abbadon and the 's- the link keep insterting that so it wont work- then it should workXD STUPID gaia HTML)) ‘ I’m glad you weren’t there..’
‘I didn’t want you to see this.’
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 5:02 pm
A Chance to Connect : 7 After he had asked his question, they had continued on for a bit in silence, clearly he had given her something to think about, such a simple question had a very deep answer it seemed, deeper than the corsair had expected. Eventually she stopped and summoned her sketchbook, making him believe that she was going to show him a picture, much as she had done the last time to recap. Then she made her way out onto a nearby balcony and sat down on a bench that overlooked the courtyard. He was tempted to sit next to her, but decided not to for the time being. He nodded his head in silent understanding at her words regarding the monster she was going to draw, he had often felt similar in regards to simply saying the name, Kuro Oni. She was reluctant to do this, and based upon what she had said thus far, he couldn't blame her. He had already stated though that if she didn't want to, she didn't have to. Still though she persisted, something that the corsair was glad for. With a heavy sigh she began seemingly lost in her memories and thoughts as she simply allowed the ink to flow from her pen in a fury or strokes the likes of which the corsair had never seen as black ink filled the page, strokes that were so hard and intent if the book was not magical, surely the page would have been torn into as well as probably the pages after it too. James stared intently at the picture as lines of color filled in the void starting to create the image of the creature, the destruction it wrought, their comrades, everything in so vivid of detail that it felt like he was there, and then much to utter shock and awe, he was! Cue: Birth of CubiaHis vision was filled with the void of darkness as he stood on the cross-shaped platform that his allies had fought this abomination on. He stood in awe and horror, his eyes locked on the massive creature. It's seven eyes, carapace covered tendrils. There was too much detail to fully take in, but were becoming more and more clear as Kyla continued her horrific drawing, her pen scratching on the paper the only thing the corsair could still hear until he heard the echo of her thoughts. ' I'm glad you weren't there...'
'I didn't want you to see this.'He understood all too well why now, he was having a hard enough time looking at in this way, he could not imagine having to fight it, to feel it's fury firsthand. The corsair hadn't blinked, his eyes staring into the seven crimson slits that made up the monster's eyes. This vision would be burned into his memory, even though he wasn't there. He now wasn't likely to forget it. The face of evil, the face of their true enemy. He hadn't taken a breath either, his lungs seemingly paralyzed by the sheer sight of it. "Stop! That is enough," the corsair called out and just like that the illusionary pictomancy would end and the corsair would find himself back at the castle. When he had regained his sense of direction he basically collapsed on the bench next to Kyla, hyperventilating. He turned his focus to the pictomancer and noted that she was still drawing furiously, her eyes staring distantly at her picture. The page at this point was more than completely full of ink, so much so that the ink was now running freely off of the page and covering her hands. He quickly grabbed at her wrist to stop her from drawing. After a moment she finally stopped and turned to the corsair, blinking slightly as she came to her senses. She apparently hadn't realized that she had continued drawing. The corsair let out a sigh and looked up at the sky, graciously filling his vision with bright blue instead of the black abyss, as his left hand removed his tricorne and his right hand ran through his hair. He was glad to see colors other than the black that still permeated his memories and covered her hands. "Su'um arhk morah, Su'um arhk morah...," The corsair began, reciting the same mantra Kyla might have heard back in the hangar. Saying it each time he slowly let his breath out to steady himself. It took him a few moments to steady his breathing and compose himself before suddenly he started laughing, possibly in hysterics he wasn't sure, but it only lasted for a moment. "Wow, that was intense," he stated with a slight shake of his head, he then turned his focus back to Kyla. "Your powers never cease to amaze. I really don't know what to think about that, except if that is what the darkness has up it's sleeve, I am curious to see what powers the light must hold. I am sorry for asking you to show me that, but I prefer to know my enemy. It would be so much worse to encounter something like that in the future and not be aware of the darkness' potential. I'm aware you guys didn't have that luxury, I'm sorry for that."
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 5:38 pm
A chance to Connect: 8
[Kyla Disney Castle: Hallway/Balcony level]
“Stop! That is enough-“
She could hear his voice, and he left the vision she created. But the moment still had a hold on her. It wasn’t done yet! The picture wasn’t finished. It was too big, too much, there wasn’t enough room left on the page for the size it needed. It was like trying to pour the ocean into a cup and the power kept riding her till her fingers felt numb.
She kept looking into those eyes in her own mind, and they stared back her with that menace, closer closer-
No didn’t like this! Stop! She wanted to stop! Stop!
And someone grabbed her hand. She turned to them as the memory faded away like a veil being lifted off her head. It was James. She was back and he looked winded. After running a hand through his hair the man laughed a little before chanting something.
She recognized it from before-
It wasn’t often but when Kyla received any kind of praise over her abilities it made her cheeks so warm and she opened her mouth to thank him when a stickiness made her look back at her hand.
She gasped, seeing all the ink covering them. The magical book however had cleaned itself up- the pages taking a few more moments to drink up the ink that had been over-generously poured all over it. Finally it had miraculously trapped all the pictures contents into its pages leaving the cover clean. The ink stain took up the top and 2 secondary layers but after that the pages to follow ere pristine clean and awaiting something new.
Kyla brought her hands up closer for examination, the ink staining her fingers like old blood.
“S..sok.” she replied softly before lowering them and closing her book. Craning her neck back, she looked up at the sky. She let her own eyes absorb the blue, and the white clouds. She took a few deep breathes and let her own heart beat slow down again.
“That chant- what does it mean? Where did you learn it?”
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:29 pm
A Chance to Connect: 9 {James : Disney Castle : Balcony} James watched the pictomancer in silence as she examined her book, now completely clean from the ink that had overflowed and the image now finished, everything a few pages beneath the image was now completely clean. He looked at her hands, stained with the black ink, for some reason though she didn't seem to mind it, simply stating that it was alright before looking up at the sky, letting her own breathing settle, either from the sheer exertion of her furious drawing, or possibly from reliving the fear of the battle. The corsair wasn't sure which. With a sigh, he too looked back up at the sky, unchanged, unaffected by what had just transpired, just a bright peaceful blue, the sun's rays, warm on his face. He turned his head to look at Kyla as she asked the random question he hadn't been expecting and he couldn't help but chuckle. "It's dragon tongue for breath and focus," he stated with a light laugh. "I learned it from a game called Skyrim. Kind of silly I know, but oddly enough it helps."He let out another sigh, trying to think what to say next. "We all have to face our fears sometime, or at least learn to live with them. I've always feared losing control of myself, be it my emotions, my anger... A few years ago I feared losing myself to my own darkness. No doubt that's why Kuro Oni put Ajora up to controlling me, to make that fear a reality, just like in my old night terrors." He shuddered slightly as he recalled all too well those nights, the recurring terror of himself battling the manifestation of his darkness, the being he once thought of as a demon. The more often than not inevitable outcome of the black blade in his chest and the slaughter he would go on as he lost all control of himself. It would be clear that he was still having to come to grips with what had happened, he had now truly lived his fear. He wasn't entirely sure if he ever truly would get over it, forgive himself for what had happened even though there was really nothing to forgive.
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:48 pm
A Chance to connect: 10
[Kyla: Disney Castle: Balcony]
Skyrim? Why did that sound familiar? Must’ve been pretty popular. How strange- life on Earth seemed like a long long time ago. “ I never used a mantra before like that one… I guess whatever helps.”
She stuck her fingers together over, feeling the stickiness of the ink between her fingertips. As it dried she could feel it hardening and cracking. She felt him look at her and met his gaze a moment before looking back towards the sky-
“So now that you’ve experienced your worst fear- does it get any better?” the way she asked implied his response meant a lot to her. “I mean... what if facing your fears just end sup screwing everyone else over?”
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 7:11 pm
A Chance to Connect : 11 {James : Disney Castle : Balcony} "I'm pretty sure that it was more used as a reminder to the Dragon Born, the character you play, more than anything. It definitely wasn't a mantra in the game, but I've sort of adopted it as such. I used to sing the Hymn of the Fayth while in meditation to control myself too. It's weird sometimes the things that will help" he stated with another chuckle in reply, fully aware that his inner nerd was showing, but not really caring. He looked back up at the sky as well as he considered her question carefully, he could tell that his answer actually meant a lot to her for this one. "I'm not entirely sure really," he stated still deep in thought. "To experience it is to actually come to know it, and I strongly believe that coming to know the fear, what there is to it to actually be afraid of, is a big part of being able to face it." He turned his gaze back to her as he thought about her second question, slightly confused. Unsure of how a fear could end up making things difficult for others. "I don't understand... Facing a fear could only make you stronger, which in turn would only help everyone else. What are you afraid of that facing it would screw others over?" He asked, now truly curious as to what she was afraid of.
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:26 pm
A Chance to connect: 12
[Kyla: Disney Castle: Balcony]
“My sin.” She replied simply her gaze having returned to her hands. “It’s as dark and horrible thing that I did. What’s worse is that facing it- drawing it out- is too dangerous. I can’t find it without going into the darkness but- ” her fingers grapping her book. Her grip smudged against the cover creating a smear that soon cleaned itself off-
“ It’s obvious I’m not good enough to do that yet. But I don’t think I ever will be!”
“At least not in time, and every second I waste here Kai is using this to do so much harm. It’s my fault so I’m the one who should stop it- I can’t ask people to pay for my mistakes.” She sighed, a slight tremble in her voice- she just couldn’t stop talking. It was strange, alien, and completely uncomfortable but she couldn’t clamp her mouth shut. With a frustrated groan she slid back against the balcony wall, softly banging her head against the rock. “Riku said as long as I stay the right path- I’ll have everyone’s support. But I don’t know what’s right anymore. At least I’m not sure, and it’s that uncertainty that makes me unqualified for training. I used ot think I had a clear idea of what to do- right and wrong. But after all that’s happened, after everything I messed up… I just don’t know.”
She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip a moment.
“ I thought everything I did- was for everyone else’s sake. I wanted to become someone they could count on, to trust. But everything I did- it just made me look like a big fat selfish piece of crap. I can’t stand the way people look at me now. They hate me. Every time I look at Kyle I see just how conceited I was- I’m no good.”
Kyla’s face felt hot, she began blinking away something misty in her eyes. “I really am you know and Kai knows it. She knows she and I are very…very...very close to each other. I can feel it. I’m afraid I’ll become more and more like her. I was so desperate I scrambled around trying to do my best.” “I thought I could be everything I always wanted to be. A dependable, supportive, comrade they could trust. Whether I was with or without them, I wanted to be competent. I didn’t want to be someone they had to protect I wanted to protect them! It’s ok if I got hurt I’m expendable in the face of everything at stake- isn’t that how wars are?? It’s not about the one right?” “I thought I was that person, I-“suddenly she stopped mid rant and began to laugh bitterly, angrily.
“Would you listen to me?! I- I- I-, Me- Me- Me- Me- Jeez I really am horrible!” she leaped off the bench her book dismissing itself. She ran her darkened fingers into her hair holding her head like she had a splitting head ache-
“I’m so self-absorbed. Just Like Yen Sid was pointing out, I assumed I was the one who had to handle Kai because I knew her- she’s my replica- but- but maybe she really WILL be taken care of with or without me. Maybe no one needs me at all? I thought conceitedly I was important, like I had some God given purpose I could full fill- that’s what I wanted to test when I went to see Ajora. I knew he wouldn’t kill me if I was meant to be here- and I was right, he didn’t kill me. But it nearly killed someone else! I deserve every horrible thing he did to me down there and THEN some!”
She seemed to get more and more upset with every line –
“I can’t hide things from people, it just back fries and they get hurt. But if I’m honest- I make everyone mad! I’m so full of s**t! I didn’t use dot care what people thought of me- but ever since I came here I found myself desperate to be what I supposedly was supposed to be- some... some chosen persons on the side of light- that’s why I have this book right?? But I’m not- I could just as easily be one of those- fiends or whatever they are! Maybe that’s what I’ll become?! My gosh what do I do now?! If I cannot live or die then what choice do I have left to me?!”
She was nearly screaming hysterically now when she suddenly stopped. She brought her hands slowly down from her head before she began to tear her own hair out-
".. I thought- for once I was doing the right thing. With Louis I mean. I thought- here's someone I could help. I know that look, that feeling he has. I know with every fiber of my being he's ultimately with us. I don't know how to explain it. I want to save him. I have to save him. I promised him I would find him. He said we were friends..."
"We were friends." she repeated softer now. When she turned around to look at James her eyes looked haunted, tired. Very very very tired. the dark circled beneath her glasses seemed more pronounced then ever. "..no one, has ever called me that before. Not anyone real that is. I saw in him, what I saw in Maggie... and even Cory. Someone who despite all things- just wanted someone else to call them that word too. I couldn't just leave them-"
Kyla opened her book, flipping between pictures form near the start of their journey.
" When I start to hate myself too much. I thought.. maybe that was how I knew I was a good person. Because I knew I cared. But what if it's just an act- some self serving self righteous act and I'm really just hollow pretending to be something of substance? Maybe the dark isn't what I fear the most after all.. maybe it's finding out I am the dark itself."
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:30 pm
A Chance to Connect : 13 {James : Disney : Balcony} James remained silent as he listened to her rant, as she began to explain about her sin and having to face it. Which meant it was something real in this world, he would try and touch on that, but before he could have gotten the chance she exploded, explaining everything. The reasons she had done everything she had done, the things he didn't know about, like her going off to face Ajora alone, to prove her point, to prove her purpose. He didn't know what to think as she continued to beat herself up over what she had done, what she had tried to do. This was a side of the pictomancer that he was fairly certain none of the group had seen. She was showing her true self, her true introspective self, and it seemed as though she hated what she thought of herself at this time. That she was a despicable, horrible person. Which wasn't what the corsair saw at all. She began to touch upon the things that he assumed she had been talking to Riku about and then about Yen Sid regarding her thoughts about Kai and then about Louis and her strong desire to help him, the same desire that James had shared with her, be it an emotional over-reaction or not, he did indeed still feel that way. There was so much running through the girls mind about herself and everything else, and she looked so so tired... so stressed. She was seemingly falling apart, borderline unstable. There was so much for him to take in, that he wasn't sure if he would be able to understand what all Kyla was thinking but he understood enough. Cue: RecollectionSlowly, hesitantly, he did the one thing that he knew worked best. He stood up and made his way over to the pictomancer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him in a comforting embrace. "Kyla, it's alright," he said simply, "If you have a hard time believing in how you feel about yourself, then believe in this... You are not a bad person, the fact that you feel this strongly about all of this is proof of that. A bad person wouldn't care about it at all. You DO care, possibly even a little too much, about everything. You are trying to control things that just cannot be controlled, that are unknowable to even Yen Sid, or anyone else," he paused between each of the things he was saying, trying to think how best to word it. "Ultimately Kyla, all you can do is your best. Do not doubt that you are here for a reason, we all are, even though we do not fully know what it is yet, All things will come to light when the time is right, have faith in that. Whatever you do, do not think you are useless, because you are not. You are one great part, of the even greater whole that is our group, we all have our place and our talents, we all have our uses, we are all needed. Don't ever forget that. As for what you do now, you live on and you fight with us by your side and with the light. That is the right path that Riku is talking about," He concluded, his now gripping her shoulders lightly as if to further drive his point and his support home.
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Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 10:27 pm
A Chance to Connect: 14
[Kyla: Disney Castle: Balcony]
Continued Song Kyla had accounted for all the times she had ever been embraced in her time here. As of now, it was 4. The first was Maggie. The Second was Joe. The third was Kyle- and James made the fourth. Each and every time it had the most profound effect on her. She reacted like someone who had never had this done to her in her whole life- which was impossible, but it didn’t take away from the importance of each and every time the gesture was given to her. Eventually he’d feel the girl relax and when he pulled away the mask was completely gone. Her eyes were wide, completely and utterly vulnerable looking. All her anxieties and fears were swimming there in the dark. It was odd how dark they were in fact- almost black.
But it was their natural color, not some eerie golden touch or accent that belayed some problem.
She didn’t speak, didn’t interrupt, and he could see each and every word he spoke was being taken in, held each in it’s worth, and put someplace safe at the forefront of her mind where they should be. She looked so small compared to him, even more so just by her posture and stance. Her shoulders trembled beneath his hands as he held her while looking at her face. Kyla looked on the verge of tears but she was doing her best to not cry. Up close, it looked like she had a few grey hairs- and at this age-stress?
“Is it... really ok? For me to be here?”
“.. I feel like I can never be friends with them now. I’m not saying… everyone in the world has to like me… Though I would be lying if I didn’t admit I want to be closer to everyone.”
She sniffled and blinked moister away from her eyes- “I felt so guilty since this whole thing started. I lost my family when Earth was erased, we all did. But deep down..” She looked around, just in case someone else was overhearing-
“Deep down. I’m ashamed of the part of me- that felt so relieved. I had finally escaped. Everyone greaves over home, family, friends but- it was a very sad place for me there. I wanted nothing more than to escape.” “ Don’t get me wrong- if I had the choice to leave, knowing it would cost a world of lives of coarse I’d say no..”
“- but I’ve never imagined I would have the chance to have friends for the first time in my whole life. To enter a place where impossible things could happen. I saw hope in that. I wanted to change my fate. Now with that chance so close, it terrifies me to fail. “
“It kills me every time. Every time I disappoint them in some way. I die every time I make a mistake. When they look at me in anger I just want to disappear. Above all I wanted them to be happy- I tried so hard- and look where it got me.”
“ I was so scared when I met Riku for the first time. Back home he was already my friend. But here- in this reality I realized he didn't know anything about me, he could care less who I was or what happened to me. I respected him so much and I felt so bad for placing such feeling on someone I truly never met- all my figments were being replaced by the real ones and I found myself without any friends again.
“I told myself I should not get my hopes up-just concentrate on my work, I’m good at work. But it just kept happening. It’s like I can’t help myself. Just one nice thing and I was hooked. Even when no one spoke to me, just sitting there on the train amongst people. I can’t tell you- how happy I was. And then when people called me by my name! MY name! When Kyle woke me that morning and he smiled at me- a perfect stranger smiling at ME. Bobbi sharing her tea. Joe when he took care of me when I was sick in the train car-you when you introduced yourself to me. Maggie and her jokes, always wanting to talk with me.”
She felt wetness slipping down her cheeks. She remembered the time she tried to tell Kyle all of this- she never knew if any of it reached him. That’s when she was shot- just the memory of it made her back ache. “I thought,” she began to hickup ”-people like you guys.. only existed in my in head. You’re all just too wonderful. Each and every one of you. I’ve never been so sad- and happy- and depressed, and hopeful at the same time in my life- It drives me crazy sometimes. I dunno if I can take it sometimes. I’m messed up. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed just telling you all of this.” Carbuncle tried to tell them all of this before, but it seemed like to her that no one seemed to get it or care. When no one even voiced an opinion about that, Kyla had never felt so ashamed. She noticed Carbuncle hadn't surfaced since. The artist was shaking like a leaf now, smiling through tears, and laughing nervously at how ridiculous she must look.
" I really did want to eat pasta with everyone else at the table." Such a silly confession but that was it- -and finally she started to cry. She was just too tired to keep all that pent up stress in anymore. It wasn't loud. It was small, sobbing, like a wounded lil animal, hiccups and big drops making her face soaking wet. She tried to wipe them away but that smeared ink on the side of her cheek. It looked completely pathetic.
It was too much. The guilt, the world, the mission, her team, the replica, her mistakes, the nameless, her home, her fears, the darkness, and that sore spot on her back which radiated a deep soreness. And that's when Carbuncle appeared again at last. Soundlessly the furry little creature seemed to phase out of her body on the crook of her neck, front paws on James hand. She said nothing , just looked at him, and then softly nuzzled pictomancers face like a small cat trying to calm it's master. It was easy to imagine now this must be something Carbuncle always had done for her behind closed doors. The scene from back in the hangar made a lot more sense now.
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