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 Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:42 pm
Dear log:
I had to go back, I went to the tree house and stood in shock it wasn’t how I’d left it. I took a deep breath before climbing up and into the house; A’Hallei was there he didn’t look well. I stood still silently; I’d done that to him, because I left… I take hesitant steps towards him and think if I could stay here with out caging myself here. I’ve had a taste of the outside world now, could I come back to solitude? Could I forget about dance and my friends? Or Orion? Orion the one who showed me it was okay to follow what I wanted? Not that A’Hallei ever held me back.
Have I been unfaithful? Was it wrong to have feelings for more then one person? I care about them both but how do I care about them? I felt myself take a small step forward my hand still holding on to the wall, I take another look around the roof is leaking and I wonder why he hasn’t fixed. I close my eyes and try to picture myself here again…and I can’t, but I don’t want to be the reason he’s like this. I’ll have to talk to Kitty and Orion…can I turn away from him? He took me to my first fair something I wouldn’t have gone too, if he cares for me he’d understand right?
I walk farther into the house and grab a blanket to cover up A’Hallei, his skin is colder then I remember and I wonder again if it’s really been that long since I was curled up against him, or maybe im just used to the heat now? There are so many unanswered questions. I watch him sleep for a moment before placing a kiss on his forehead and leaving a note saying I’ll be back. We need to talk, and it should be done sooner then later.
I remember retracing my steps down the ladder and out of the little forest, I headed home and into my room with my green walls and black sheets, could I leave all this again? Was I ready to have the shadow of the twin who hated me dangling over me? I guess I’ll have to decide that. I do know one thing, im not ready to leave Orion, even if I do move back to the tree house. I’d make some compromises but I don’t think he’ll be one of them. I just want to make everything right, even if it kills me to do it.
At home I sit in my room for the rest of the night even saying no to kitty when she asks if I want to go shopping with her, she frowns but say’s okay and that she’ll pick me up that new baby doll nighty I was looking at the other day. I just smile my thanks and turn on my radio and shut it off again when I here the song playing. Maybe it was just a coincidence that, that particular song was playing right when I switched on my radio. I think about the first few lyrics.
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
I turn the radio back on listening to the rest of the song, it just seems so fitting to how im feeling right now.
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
By now im singing along who knew that I’d be able to sing along to a song done by Rihanna?
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
I never thought I would but they play her in clubs and I like going clubbing dancing and feeling the others dance around me, it’s exciting and relaxing all at once, but im not thinking about dancing. I’m thinking about what im going to do.
I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
But you see there’s a problem I know I can’t have them both, and I don’t want to pick. Maybe I’ll let them both go, they’d understand…but then I don’t think I could do that either, why do I care for them both? I know im not in love but my feelings are strong. A’Hallei was there for me in the beginning, but there was always the feeling that I wasn’t enough. With Orion he’s here now and I know that I’m enough now…but what about later?
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore (anymore)
I’ll have to talk to them both and then decide, I just might end up on my own. Could I do that? I’ve never been truly alone and the thought kind of scary. But I cant and wont continue to hurt anyone, fear is something that I can get over, but causing them pain is something I cant.
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer (a murderer)
No no no no
Yeah yeah yeah
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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 2:14 pm
I’m home, if you didn’t know Kitty took the family on a little trip, we went to her cousins. Her cousin lives in the middle of nowhere and there’s not much to do…but it makes Kitty happy and the fresh air was kind of nice. We got to see horses and other farm animals…but I didn’t like walking around at night, in the dark…did you know they don’t have streetlights? So when we went for a walk at night we had to bring a flashlight.
And then Kitty’s friend had to talk about a bear he’d seen not a week ago! Then they talked about MAN EATTING COONS! Yes that’s right raccoons that eat people…I’m sure they don’t actually eat people but you could hear them and it was kinda scary. While I was there I did some thinking, there isn’t much else to do there and I realized that I don’t have to pick who I want to be with. Im going to let my heart decide for me.
On another note Kitty has a new boy in her care his name is Macyn, and he’s around my age and is pretty cool if I do say so. We seem to get along rather well, I’ve even taken him to a couple clubs Orion showed me, we even share cloth’s though he’s a bit taller them me…damn me and my shortness. Well I just wanted to write down what’s been happening as of lately…so I’ll write more later.
Toodles.
Kenna
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Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 1:06 am
I love music and how it goes through my body and the when the lyrics stick in my head all day. You’ve probably noticed that when I write in my journal I write down lyrics to songs that seem to influence me like Unfaithful and songs by Cascada well I have another song to add to my journal today, Does it apply? I’m still not sure but maybe I’ll be able to read back someday and realize that the song was right and that it helped me make the right choice.
his time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That’s why I write the lyrics down, so I remember what made me right this journal and remember how it made me feel at the time. Like right now im confused and there are unanswered questions floating around my mind, I want the answered but they always seem just out of my grasp. I can’t give up though no I mean I could but I wont. No giving up isn’t an option because one day everything will be worked out and I’ll be truly happy with the right person.
At least that’s what I want to believe even if it’s a bit naïve for someone my age to still believe in happily ever after but it’s better then the alternative. I don’t want to wined up alone because I was stupid and couldn’t decide what my heart wanted, I know now that even if someone get’s hurt I have to follow my heart. I just don’t know if im willing to hurt someone that isn’t myself.
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I would rather hurt myself a thousand times over then see someone else suffer. When I went to school and I got beaten up I thought it was the worst but I suffered, when I stopped eating and continued on with my daily tasks I thought I was doing what was right, but it wasn’t they were just ways to hurt myself. I still to this day do things like that. Wanting to be perfect, not to others but to myself. When I dance I dance for hours not stopping to eat or drink, not even stopping when my body is so tired that it want’s to collapse where I stand, no I push and I push till I have what ever I was doing perfect.
I’m not even sure why I do this maybe it’s to chase away all those self doubts and fears that I have just under the surface of myself. They’re just waiting to get out and announce that im not all what I appear to be no im alittle bit broken and alittle bit jaded. That part of my mind that was blank has returned the memories back were they were supposed to be but now that they are I wish I hadn’t wanted them back so bad, there not good. They should have stayed forgotten. Why would anyone want someone who refuses to accept themselves for who they are, I don’t want to show that I’m broken and hurt.
Wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
One day everything will be solved and all I’ll have to remember it by is the thin paper that I write on and the song lyrics that will remind of that time. That’s all I can ask for, other then maybe some help making the right choices.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:27 pm
It’s done, over between A’Hallei and me and I have no one else to blame but myself. Not that I would push the blame on anyone. I hurt him so bad, but I wasn’t going to lie to him. I shouldn’t have done what I did but you can’t turn back time and fix it. But I can’t regret it either regrets take to much time, you need to live with the things you do. Not pretend like they never happened. I know everyone will hate me know and I’m willing to except that, it’s not like I had a pile of friends anyway.
After leaving the tree house I went home, I don’t remember if it was straight away or not but I got home at some time, going to the basement and turning on music, I danced and let my mind go blank, I know this wont solve my problems but it’ll give me time to think. I don’t know what time it was when Kitty came down to the base ment but I was still dancing and I guess I was crying cause she handed me a tissue and I noticed my cheeks were wet.
I remember her taking me in her arms and telling me working my self to the bone wouldn’t make this better. And neither would anything else I could think of. She brought me up to my room and rubbed cream on my knee, which was swollen and red from using it too much.
“ What happened?” She asked in that soothing voice I remember from the day she brought me home, hell she still smells like vanilla it’s comforting. Sitting on my bed I look at her sadly. “ I screwed up big time.” She nodded and sat beside me.
“ Tell me about it, maybe we can figure out what we can do.” She was always looking on the bright side, but there was no bright side to this.
“ It’s finished between A’Hallei and me, he hate’s me almost as much as I hate myself.” I said softly. Not looking at Kitty I knew there’s be a frown on her lips, I didn’t like when she frowned. “ He knows about Orion and me or what there was there and I couldn’t regret what I did. Is that bad?”
I heard Kitty sigh I knew she knew, I also knew why she hadn’t said anything. “ It is but it isn’t if we let every mistake we make, leave us feeling like crap we’d be in that state for a very long time. But he’s hurt, he loved you and well you cheated on him.” She was right and I knew it but it was too late now.
“ I know you figured you didn’t have a real relationship with him but to him you did.” I nodded my head and wiped my face. “ A’Hallei always made sure you had what you needed, I know he didn’t come for you when you left, so you figured he didn’t want you but it wasn’t true.” I know she’s right but I couldn’t help what I thought, what I think. “ Do you want him back?” I didn’t know, I love him but after seeing the hate in his eyes could I go back to him and not see it? I wasn’t sure. “ I love him but I think it’s too late for that.”
I watched Kitty shake her head. “ It’s never to late for love, if he loves you and im sure he does, he’ll forgive you sooner or later. But right now I think we need to get you some help.”
Help what did she mean help there was nothing wrong with me… “ I know you think your fine but you have a problem Kenna and were going to make it better, I’ll give you a couple of days to talk to Orion and A’Hallei if you chose to do that but then were going to get you help.”
I don’t know if I should be worried or not I never thought that I had a problem, I don’t do there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to be liked right? Or the need to be perfect. “ Okay, were am I going?” I asked looking at Kitty.
“ Your going to treatment center you’ll be there for a week or until they decide what is wrong and what treatment is necessary, I know you might be mad at me now, but one day you’ll thank me.” I nodded my head I guess if she had a reason to think I needed help then I needed help. “ Okay.”
Maybe this treatment thing will help me sort things out. Maybe.
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Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:56 pm
So here I am in this place, I don’t even remember the name though im sure I’ll be told it again. I haven’t been here long but they’ve already begun testing me for all these kinds of disorders. Kitty said I was only here for month long program but they could chose to keep me here longer. I don’t mind they say they can help me but we’ll see. Im old enough to just walk out they even said that the door would be open if I wanted to leave.
My nurse Anna something or other is pretty nice if not alittle annoying. She’s a flirt and im not interested, im not interested in anything anymore. I never got to talk to Orion before I left, but it’s my own fault. I have successfully screwed myself over, I committed to wrongs and I doubt I can make them right at least not anytime soon. Anna said I can have a visitor but so far it’s just been me. I haven’t even tired to make friends with the others hear, not even the person I room with. I think his name is Thomas; he’s nice when he talks to me and he’s trying to be my friend I just…cant put the effort into it yet.
I don’t like mealtime even though the food is pretty good. But there are to many people and there’s no where to sit and be alone so I often don’t eat everything on my try before going back to my room be my evening session with Dr. Evans. She’s pretty nice but doesn’t say much just writes on her blue note book thing. We or I talk till time is up and them im sent back to my room. I hate to say it but im lonely and I wish I had something to remind me of home other then my clothes and pillow. I brought my cd walk man but the batteries have died and no one has come to see me yet.
I’m not expecting them to show up, Kitty is busy and I doubt that Orion even knows were I am. And well I’m nothing to A’Hallei, worse then the mold that grows on the forest’s ground. I don’t care anymore, I cant there’s no point. I have time to grow and maybe being here will help. After all I have 21 days if not more till I can go home and sleep in my own bed again.
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Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:08 pm
Dear Orion,
I’m not sure were to start other then to get right to the point. I told you I was going to talk to A’Hallei well talking didn’t last long, we did it, and I regret it. I wish I could take it back but I can’t and I know you may hate me and never talk to me again, but I have to tell you.
I hope you can forgive me and know that when we talked that night on your couch I ment what I said I was falling in love with you. I’m not at home, but you can come visit me if you forgive me if not I understand and I wont bother you when I get home.
Love
Makenna.
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 2:02 pm
I’ve been here for almost two weeks now and the only person who has come to visit me is Kitty, even though she didn’t stay long. She brought me batteries and a bag of chips that have to be left with the head nurse. I don’t mind cause I only like to eat a small bowl while watching a movie or something. The days feel like there getting longer and longer but maybe im just bored. My sessions with the doctor aren’t as long now, and she has me going to these classes in the center, there supposed to make me see that being perfect isn’t actually being perfect to everyone else but to you…bunch of bull s**t if you ask me.
Mealtime isn’t so bad anymore; I have someone to sit with even when I want to be alone. Tom my roommate who I didn’t want to have anything to do with finally got me to talk to him, he’s nice. He told me why he’s here and about things at home, he used to play sports at school and admitted that at one point in time he would have beat kids like me up. But it all changed when he met Vikki his girlfriend. She’s nice too, even come’s to visit when she isn’t working. She has long blond hair and hazel eyes, very pretty for a girl.
One of my least favorite thing’s here is our private sessions; my doctor thinks everything will get better if you talk about it. So I did I told her all about the mess with A’Hallei and Orion, my not eating and over working myself and you know what she told me to do? Write a goddamned letter, what is that going to do? So I wrote one and then gave it to her. Only to have her send it to Orion, I mean I had planned to give it to him since it was easier to say things in a letter then out loud but come on.
She’s gotten me to draw again, but I’ve lost the skill. She say’s that when I’m ready it will come free again that dancing isn’t my only talent. I have to learn to take a step into the light and know it’s okay to make mistakes, no matter what it is. As long as I learn to feel what I did and why I’ll be okay. I like the way she talks, telling me that was only human and humans were born to make mistakes, without them our lives would be dull and we would be imperfect. After all who are we to decide what perfect is?
Tomorrow is movie night, we also get to have visitors stay longer, some even stay the night depending on how well behaved we’ve been. Tom get’s to have Vikki stay the night, which will be fun for all of us because we can stay up and play a game of life or something. At least something good has come out of this; I’ve made two new friends. Hopefully they’ll be my friends when I get out of here to.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 1:04 pm
Makenna’s Journal
It seems like forever since I last saw someone I actually know like Kitty and my family or Orion. Tom has been trying to keep my mind off things by getting me to help plan his wedding. I can’t believe he actually asked Vikki to marry him; I’d never have the guts to do it. She said yes, and he walked around like he was the luckiest man alive…maybe he is?
Tom asked me if I called anyone while I was here but so far I don’t really have anyone to call. Kitty is at work most of the day and calls when she get’s home and Macyn is at Malachite’s birthday. I’d call Orion but I don’t have his number and I don’t think he want’s to talk to me, maybe he didn’t get my letter? Would it change anything if he had, I cant help but wonder about that. Anyway I’m homesick and I want to leave this place.
I was told today that I’m going to be here and extra week if my attitude doesn’t improve. How can one’s attitude improve when you’re stuck in a institute? Where the only person who talks to me other then staff is a guy who’s been here longer then half the staff, I mean I like tom but he’s been here going on four years, but then he’s being let out in two days and I’ll be all alone again.
Anna the nurse, who’s supposed to help me out, takes that a little to seriously. So far she’s tried to kiss me, grope me plus a number of other things and you know what when I tried to file a complaint she said I lead her on. Yea right I don’t even like girls that way. I cant even say that I have a boyfriend, cause I don’t think I do anymore. So I have to stick it out, just another part of me to get used and abused. Hopefully things will work out better later in the week.
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 8:53 pm
( New journal was posted where my hiatus note was.))
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Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:09 pm
Kenna's
I've been here for more then three weeks now and cant wait to go home, over all i've had two visiters. Orion and Kitty. Orion's visit didn't go to well, fought and didn't solve anything. I dont no what's going to happen with us. I know what I want to happen, but if there is one thing that I have learned is that I dont normally get what I want and that it's normal not too. I've also learned that it's okay not to be perfect in fact no one is.
That one took me a while to learn but im happy I did, lets see what else have I learned. Three meals a day will not make you fat, if you exercise and keep the proper protions you should be able to eat what ever you want. I still dance though not as much. I know that I cant over work myself. But the best thing i've learned is that I can make mistakes and if people dont like it well to bad.
Any way the best news and the reason why im writing this because...I get to go home tomorrow! I cant wait to sleep in my bed and in my babydolls. It'll be so nice i've missed everything about my home, plus I finally get to see my new cat kitty got me her name is Akio I named her after seeing a photo. I also hope to see Orion and work things out with him. After all if things were ment to be they will be.
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Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:28 pm
Dear Journal:
It's so good to be home, i've missed it. My room my clothes everything. Kitty picked me up alittle after noon today and i've been lazing around the house since. It's never felt so good to see my room. The first thing I did was fall into my bed. Which was the same as it was when I left. Then I went and washed everything I had with me at the instatute I know it sounds stupid but I couldn't get the smell of the that place off my, I even had a long hot shower.
Later I watched a movie with Kitty and Macyn before going down to the base ment to dace a bit, I feel so out of shape since I have danced in three weeks. But im not I guess, danceing only keep me busy for a little while, what I really wanted to do was go see Orion but I think he still hates me, if not hate dislikes a lot at the moment. I hope we can work everything out I wasn't lieing when I talked to him. But he doesn't believe it so I gave him his space. Now only time will tell what will happen.
So were going to be getting a new family member Kitty is having baby ( from SMC) were all pretty excited and have a nursary all ready for the little guy/girl. It's yellow. Anyway we all have a bets going, I say it'll be a girl but everyone else says boy. I think kitty should get a chance to raise a little girl but everyone else says it'll be a boy but then I guess we'll just have to wait and see wont we. Any way im going to lay in bed and listen to music for a little while, talk to you later, man it's great to be home.
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Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 6:46 pm
Journal.
So it wasn’t very long ago that Kitty told us that there was going to be a baby in the house, I’m really excited about there being another baby but I don’t really like the waiting part so I can’t imagine how Kitty feels. Macyn and I liked to get small things for here and the baby, we’ve also got the entire nursery set up and we have managed to keep the house clean.
I’ve also been reading about pregnancy I know I cant have my own kid and it might seem a little weird that im reading about it but I think it’s cool what Kitty’s body is going through in order to have this baby. And the different stages of the pregnancy are also pretty interesting. I like the pictures to even though the baby looks a little bit like a lizard at the beginning though it does start to look like a baby a little later, which is good cause I’d be worried if Kitty had a lizard.
So something the book doesn’t really tell you about is the craving and the hormones.
I mean Kitty can go from happy to sad in zero point six seconds, and her cravings are rather gross sometimes, like yesterday she wanted chocolate covered potato chips, it was nasty, but I don’t mind running to the store for her. Especially since Orion lives down the road from the store and I get to see him for a little while before going home again, I know it’s selfish of me but im in love.
I get to go to one of the ultra sounds with Kitty and Macyn since there is not actual father for the baby. Macyn and I have also been going to Kitty’s prenatal classes with her so we can help when its time for her to actually have the baby. Oh and we helped pick the name for the little guy too but im not aloud to say them yet.
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Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 10:26 pm
Kenna’s Journal.
So Halloween just past and it was an interesting event. I got to dress up if only to give out candy, though I admit to eating a lot of it…I dressed up as a play bunny, since I had planned to ask Orion to go clubbing with me, because Macyn said he’d give candy out but he got called into work. So that didn’t happen, all well I’ve kept my costume maybe I’ll get to wear it again.
So I enjoyed watching all the kids come to the door all dressed up, some of the costumes were so cute, and then there were the older kids that shouldn’t be aloud to go out, no thank you’s or anything and one kid threatened to egg my house! Can you believe it? All because I gave the little kids the better candy. Im sorry but little princess and pumpkins are a lot better the hors and pimps. Or even worse the one’s who aren’t even dressed up! It made me so made that kids could ruin Halloween like that.
So other then giving out candy I watched a movie and then went to bed, not that exciting. I didn’t even get a chance to call Orion and see how he was holding up; cause I know if I didn’t like the bigger kids Orion didn’t really like any of them. He’s not a kid person, not that I mind cause I don’t plan to have any of my own. Besides I like it being just Orion and I weird huh?
Anyway hate to cut this short but I have a job interview. Yes that’s right im getting a job.
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Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:47 pm
Kenna’s Journal.
So I normally don’t write my journals so close together but things have happened and I figured I’d drop in and write about. Firstly I got a job, it doesn’t pay a whole lot but it’s a start. I started working at the local Wal-Mart, three days a week sometimes four plus over time. I’ll probably work more closer to Christmas. Speaking of Christmas I have some gifts to buy. Anyway back to my ramblings.
So a couple of days ago Macyn and I got into a big fight, I don’t even know what it was about but he came into my room and hit me, I only shoved him one everything else he had no reason to do. My face is bruised as are my ribs and I have a large bruise on my back. I thought Kitty would be on my side but she wasn’t, no she just yelled at me and told me to get out. I would have left even if she hadn’t. It’s just weird were I ended up.
I went to the forest, to the tree house; it’s almost gone now, rotting away. I didn’t try and climb up I just stood looking at it, at one time it was my safe haven, but now it just holds memories, some good some not. I remembered the day I first went there. I can remember A’Hallei going to my school and beating kids up for touching me and I can only hope that he’s happy. After all, he did take care of me. No we took care of each other and then I just left. If I saw him again I’d apologies.
Don’t get me wrong I love Orion, with all my heart but it doesn’t mean I hate everyone else; I owe him an apology if I owe him anything. After leaving the tree house I found myself at the park where I first met Orion, he actually showed up not to long after I did, took me back to his place. We talked and I told him what happened at home and that I was going to see if I could rent the apartment above the grocery store, instead im going to be living with him. Even if it’s just till I can afford a better apartment.
In the morning Orion went out and came back with a puppy, yes that’s right he got me a puppy. We named him Maxwell, Max for short and he’s the cutes golden lab/Doberman I’ve ever seen. He fell asleep on me right away and stayed asleep while we walked to Kitty’s to gather some of my things and lock my room up until I have time to pack things.
So I guess that’s everything for now, oh wait I met Luke Orion’s room mate, I don’t think he like’s me but there’s nothing I can do about that.
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Posted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:15 pm
Dear Journal.
So I live with Orion now, and everything is going pretty good. We have our dog Max who has gotten bigger and he walks funny because he hasn’t gotten used to his legs being as long as they are. Luke has been avoiding me, when he’s home, not that I mind. I know he doesn’t really like me, but there isn’t anything I can do about that im there for Orion not him.
I’ve made the house more home like, though im not sure Orion’s really noticed but the bedroom is always neat same with the living room and I make sure we have a nice dinner every night So as we know Christmas is coming and I haven’t finished my shopping yet, I got Orion and Max done but I still need to get something for Kitty and Macyn even though im not talking to either of them at the moment. But I really don’t know what to get either of them.
On another note I met Ed, Orion’s mom, and really she isn’t that bad other then bring up the things I’ve done and the fact that Orion may just get bored with me and want someone else, and there wont be anything I can do to stop it. I pretended that it didn’t bother me. That im okay with him seeing other people even though im not. I just hope part one of his Christmas present will take away some of that boredom.
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