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Nothing's really the same, no. nothing is right for me any more, and I'm just being a child about it, but i don't know what else to do.

I have to lie to dad so he doesn't worry about me, I hate that. I can't be open to anyone anymore.

And a word of advice to all, don't cry at train stations, you'll be so embarrassed you'll want to die.

Edit: and then he finds out anyway and I have to cheer up because it upset him seeing me like this. He tells me lines that sum up pretty much as "s**t happens but there's plenty more fish in the sea" which I know is true, and I know he's right. But I just wanted one thing to be perfect for me, it seems like I've had to deal with second best a lot, but that's likely in my head. I really just wanted something to stay as perfect as it was without turning to s**t once it touched me.

/end emo transmission.

Good news, that dad is sorting out his debts and stuff. I feel somewhat happy for that.

He's said he'd take me shopping so I can buy a Tab, and that'd he'd pay for part of a more expensive one if I payed him back next month.

If Sarah is about, that means I'm getting the A4 one I showed you, with hot keys and all the dodads.

I'll be able to draw better, and get my feelings out on paper more how I see them now.

That's the one, I've been wanting one for ages, because I've never been able to tone or get colour patterns I wanted with a mouse. There's a drawing I'm working on I just wont be happy unless it's perfect so I want this tab as soon as I can get it.

eek at the price.

Pretty expensive, but looks cool so that makes up for it.

Darn tootin'. domokun

i didnt get any razz