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 Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:52 pm
May you all know just how important you are to me. This week is ALMOST over and I can sit and read. I have taken the time to read up on the stories of each person who has joined HSLS. I so wish there was more time in the day so I could address each of you but, for now, I wish to thank you for being so open with all of us and inviting us into your lives. Oglolo - I noticed the quote you put in your signature, I am humbled. Thank you.
I must go, but know that each of you is important to me. Ailsa, my darling angel, you are so very important not only to this group but to the world. Only God knows why each of us is here on this planet, you must believe you have purpose. Hang on to the rope we are all holding for you and pull girl, pull! You your psychologist, tell your parents EVERYTHING! Fight for your life! and always remember....
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:53 pm
thank you yes i takes lots of pain pills and others too but i am in the middle of changing it so having a very hard time thanks for asking
soft hugs
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 4:17 pm
Godsbabybear agent orange was a chemical that the americans used against the vietnam people and it spread and hurt a lot of the american people too it is very sad for both sides then they said it never hurt anyone but they are wrong sorry it took so long to answer you sorry i forgot to say it was used in war times it was not a very good thing most of my family was hurt by it my sister passed away at age 40 way to young my mother just passed last year my middle brother is not doing very well and my dad is getting worse soft hugs yeah it also hurt the Americans - there have been a lot of things pop up over the years from it not just for the GIs that were there but also for their families. It is the cause of my daughter's disability. And we have no idea if it will pass on even farther in her line so she plans on not having children unless she adopts. OgLolo I am so glad you decided to share. I am at a loss for words for all of you that are going thru so much - I feel like my troubles are a pinpoint in space compared to what you are going thru. Know though that I am a good listener and am around if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on. gentle hugs all around.
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:46 pm
boldie64 How does your brother and sister treat you?
We're close when they're young, now.. they got their own lives 2 maintain.
Knowing that you've had this basically your whole life, how do you view life?
I would b lying if I say "its great, nothing's wrong w/ life or me." Life really bites 4 me - I've no mobility, no freedom, no choices - zilch. My views - Life is too short, ppl shouldn't take it 4 granted... share, love, laugh, live - stop stressing the small things n live fully - cos I won't ever get that chance. EVER pirate
Do you accept your conditions, or do you try and fight it?
Err... fight it? How? I'm completely paralyzed - w/ exception to partial arms, shoulders, n head movements - that's it. No choice, whatsoever.
How does that affect you after being in "poor" countries?
I was there jus briefly - I don't recall much of my country anymore, so it doesn't have an affect on me.... but it does affect my parents
If you've had this all your life, then you know no difference, right?
I'm not quite sure what u mean by that - know no diff? U gonna hafta clarify that 4 me abit.... unless u meant the next question, idk.
In other words, what goes on in your head?
I try not 2 over-think on the matter... Thinking brings sadden, depression, headache, gray hairs, n wrinkles - I zoned it all out, lol. Tho easier said than done I tell ya.
Your thoughts, your judgements, and your wishes and dreams?
I think about the future - the uncertainty scares me. I'm afraid 4 my life n my mom's - bcos my parents r aging... no1 can take care of me properly like my mom does. Now she 2 is aching n hurting everywhere w/ arthritis n joints n back pains. I wish 2 live out the rest of my days peacefully, I guess. But that 2 is not an option 4 me 2 chose.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:11 pm
Godsbabybear agent orange was a chemical that the americans used against the vietnam people and it spread and hurt a lot of the american people too it is very sad for both sides then they said it never hurt anyone but they are wrong sorry it took so long to answer you sorry i forgot to say it was used in war times it was not a very good thing most of my family was hurt by it my sister passed away at age 40 way to young my mother just passed last year my middle brother is not doing very well and my dad is getting worse soft hugs
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:21 pm
OG LoLo boldie64 How does your brother and sister treat you?
We're close when they're young, now.. they got their own lives 2 maintain.
Knowing that you've had this basically your whole life, how do you view life?
I would b lying if I say "its great, nothing's wrong w/ life or me." Life really bites 4 me - I've no mobility, no freedom, no choices - zilch. My views - Life is too short, ppl shouldn't take it 4 granted... share, love, laugh, live - stop stressing the small things n live fully - cos I won't ever get that chance. EVER pirate
Do you accept your conditions, or do you try and fight it?
Err... fight it? How? I'm completely paralyzed - w/ exception to partial arms, shoulders, n head movements - that's it. No choice, whatsoever.
How does that affect you after being in "poor" countries?
I was there jus briefly - I don't recall much of my country anymore, so it doesn't have an affect on me.... but it does affect my parents
If you've had this all your life, then you know no difference, right?
I'm not quite sure what u mean by that - know no diff? U gonna hafta clarify that 4 me abit.... unless u meant the next question, idk.
In other words, what goes on in your head?
I try not 2 over-think on the matter... Thinking brings sadden, depression, headache, gray hairs, n wrinkles - I zoned it all out, lol. Tho easier said than done I tell ya.
Your thoughts, your judgements, and your wishes and dreams?
I think about the future - the uncertainty scares me. I'm afraid 4 my life n my mom's - bcos my parents r aging... no1 can take care of me properly like my mom does. Now she 2 is aching n hurting everywhere w/ arthritis n joints n back pains. I wish 2 live out the rest of my days peacefully, I guess. But that 2 is not an option 4 me 2 chose.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:22 pm
angelbaskets Godsbabybear agent orange was a chemical that the americans used against the vietnam people and it spread and hurt a lot of the american people too it is very sad for both sides then they said it never hurt anyone but they are wrong sorry it took so long to answer you sorry i forgot to say it was used in war times it was not a very good thing most of my family was hurt by it my sister passed away at age 40 way to young my mother just passed last year my middle brother is not doing very well and my dad is getting worse soft hugs yeah it also hurt the Americans - there have been a lot of things pop up over the years from it not just for the GIs that were there but also for their families. It is the cause of my daughter's disability. And we have no idea if it will pass on even farther in her line so she plans on not having children unless she adopts. OgLolo I am so glad you decided to share. I am at a loss for words for all of you that are going thru so much - I feel like my troubles are a pinpoint in space compared to what you are going thru. Know though that I am a good listener and am around if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on. gentle hugs all around.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:44 pm
i want to thank you all so much for being there it really helps and boldie i would love you to have my family prayed for it sure can't hurt and i pray for all of you on here well and others thank you i don't know why but i read that and just started to cry thank you and about agent orange it got me my sister my brothers and my mom my sister passed a few years ago she was only 40 my mom passed just last year that was so painful and my brother and me are not doing so well thank you for asking i do not know if it has got to my kids yet i have to just sit and wait oh god please not my kids thank you all sorry i am just so down today
soft hugs
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:16 pm
Godsbabybear i want to thank you all so much for being there it really helps and boldie i would love you to have my family prayed for it sure can't hurt and i pray for all of you on here well and others thank you i don't know why but i read that and just started to cry thank you and about agent orange it got me my sister my brothers and my mom my sister passed a few years ago she was only 40 my mom passed just last year that was so painful and my brother and me are not doing so well thank you for asking i do not know if it has got to my kids yet i have to just sit and wait oh god please not my kids thank you all sorry i am just so down today soft hugs Godsbabybear, maybe something as stupid as this turkey dancing will give you alittle chuckle. It did for me.... lol 
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:56 pm
OgLoLo my husband was in Vietnam during the spraying. It settles in the soft tissues of the body and in his case the reproductive system and was thus passed on to my daughter. The Dow Chemical company refused to believe that it caused the problems that it did and thus it stayed on the market for a number of years. My husband says he remembers walking thru grass that was totally orange with the stuff and when he would get back to his bunk had to shower cause he was coated with it as well.
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bittersweet and evocative
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:54 pm
Wow, sorry for such a delay. Firstly, I have replied to your PMs, so check out in your inboxes Alicia, Kira, Boldie Og LoLo. Ok, that's all of them, I think *screws up nose* Next item of business.
Your conversations in this forum are truly inspirational at the moment. Og LoLo - your posts are heart wrenching, and it amazes me that you were inspired to post here after reading my entries. You have gone through so much and it means a lot to me, and I'm sure lots of other people here, that you have told us about your life.
Now, onto the prayers that people are giving me. Thank you so much. Alicia, I am Christian myself, so it means a lot that you have asked God to look out for me. I really do need God's help at the moment, along with all of your help (everyone here that is) because I'm just slipping slowly but surely every day. I find moments of almost lucidity when I half heartedly smile, or force out a laugh, but overall I'm just finding it harder to appreciate what's around me, and it feels as if the pain has spread internally to my heart, if that makes any sense. I don't know how to explain that feeling, but it's almost as if the pain is no longer just physical. I had my first exam today at school, and trying to concentrate through the pain is ridiculous. I finished the three essays but I don't think I'll get a scholarship from it.
Boldie, I hope you get a web cam soon because it would be awesome to be able to chat face to face. I'm hoping Madralyn and I will be able to video chat sometime soon because I just need to talk to someone face to face who I can just cry to and who understands all the pain.
I hope everyone is having a good day, and I'll try to be around a bit more >< xx love etc
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:17 am
Guys, I'm so sorry about the one post I made. I realized that my wordings were terribly wrong and I apologize. I was trying to make it sound motivating towards Ailsa, but it went wrong. Now it has affected all of Hug Soft, Love Strong negatively and I hope to have this forgotten and forgiven? I also feel that I was being careless in my text while trying to make a point. Now I know that to make a strong, fierce point, you need to do it softly and gently to make it the loudest.
Realizing this put a hole in my heart. To hurt others while trying to help is devastating! It proves that it is easiest to hurt, even when trying to provide help. All of Hug Soft, Love Strong, is it too much to ask for forgiveness? I really, truly care for and love you all!!!>.< Sorry if some parts didn't make much sense. My English and Grammar skills are fading to the back of my brain. Ailsa:: Congrats on finishing your essays! I know for sure I wouldn't be able to finish 3 essays.
To Everybody:: May you all get well, and thrive! May the Wolf's Paw look over you.
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A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
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A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:21 am
   Hope that last one made you laugh! It made me laugh!
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Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 10:37 am
L ~ I forgive you, I know it was not a post directed at me, but I feel that everyone makes mistakes, and that you are genuinely sorry and did not mean it badly.
Ailsa ~ I am glad you are on again, we missed you and were worried! heart I am also happy to hear that prayers are a good thing to you, I know that it always gives me great comfort, and I hope it comforts you too.
Angelbaskets ~ That is horrible, I will be praying for your husband and daughter, I hope they are doing okay.
Godsbabybear ~ I will be praying for you too, that is terrible for an entire family to have to suffer so tremendously because of a companies ignorance and claims. I will pray that your children will not suffer from it as well.
Boldie ~ The turkey made me laugh!!! blaugh
Og LoLo ~ You have an incredible story, and to still be so cheerful and giving towards others, I wish I had that ability. I know that most days I am swallowed in self pity. Even though I know it is wrong, it is hard not to be consumed by what is immediately in my life. But hearing everyone's stories on here really puts things in perspective.
I hope I addressed everyone! If I didn't I am so sorry!!
Hugs and love to everyone,
><> Alicia
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